Chapter 5: The Snowy Mountain and White Snowberries
WINTER was already on the verge of winding down. I could sense spring approaching even when the days were still cold.
Garr’s wedding was getting closer and closer, but I learned something shocking. Garr wasn’t going to have a big wedding with lots of guests like Captain Ludtink. Instead, he and Fredrica were inviting close friends to their new house for an informal party.
Fredrica’s older sister had broken up with the man she was planning to marry last year. Their family had a custom where the younger sister was never supposed to be married first, but Garr and Fredrica had been planning their wedding for a while now. Fredrica’s parents said they didn’t mind if she had a ceremony, but Fredrica decided against it, as she didn’t want to bring shame to her older sister.
It all sounded like a disaster to me, but Garr and Fredrica weren’t bothered in the slightest. They explained that receiving so much attention during a wedding ceremony sounded embarrassing to them, so this worked out perfectly.
Well, it wasn’t as if everyone in the world actually wanted a full wedding. There were many people who didn’t care to have others fussing over them.
That’s why they decided to gather people for a lively party if they weren’t going to have a wedding ceremony.
Zara, Ulgus, and I were already planning on cooking them things with special ingredients to celebrate.
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🍜🍜🍜
ONCE again, it was time to set out on an expedition.
This time we would be exterminating a bipedal mushroom monster that kept appearing near the royal capital. According to the Monster Research Bureau, its features didn’t correspond to any known monster and was probably part of an undiscovered species. It moved alone, not in a pack, and attacked travelers and passing traders. It wasn’t a powerful fighter, but it liked to steal belongings and take off running. Reports of its thievery just kept piling up.
We were given an illustration made based off the victims’ testimony. The monster seemed to have a brown cap, white stem, and limbs sticking out of it.
“Hey, Medic Risurisu, don’t you think this monster looks tasty?” Ulgus murmured to me when he saw the drawing.
“Yes, I agree.”
Mushroom monsters were usually scarier-looking colors like red or blue. But the one invading the area around the royal capital looked exactly like the delicious, edible kind.
I had to speak up before I accidentally drooled over a monster. “Today I’ve brought some meat on the bone that I marinated in sauce! I’ll grill it up for lunch, so please do your best, everyone.”
I made sure to emphasize that today’s lunch was meat, not mushrooms. Everyone’s faces seemed to change when they heard the word “meat.” Even Ulgus looked deadly serious.
Before I could laugh, I felt someone tapping on my boot. It was Album.
“Hey, Pancake Girl, is there any meat for little ol’ Album?”
“Yes, there is.”
Album got the exact same serious look on his face. This time, I couldn’t contain my laughter.
Captain Ludtink gave us a warning before we departed. “Don’t let your guard down just because this mushroom monster can be killed with your bare hands, got it?”
The mushroom monster was said to be intelligent. It hadn’t shown itself to the other expeditionary squadron who attempted to exterminate it a few days earlier, meaning it probably selected targets based off their appearances.
That was why we would be disguising ourselves with the clothes of different occupations instead of going in our knight’s uniforms.
Captain Ludtink was wearing a worn-out top and wrinkled pants. He kept his sacred sword, Dumortierite, wrapped in cloth on his back. He looked exactly like…no, there was no need to spell it out.
The captain even had backstories picked out for us.
“I’m supposed to be a young man who grew up in the countryside but longed to see the royal capital. On his way here he got attacked by bandits, had his stuff torn away from him, and only managed to get near the capital by the skin of his teeth.”
Everyone listened to this silently until Liselotte made an unnecessary remark. “You mean that’s not a bandit costume?”
I couldn’t help it. I burst out laughing. But I wasn’t in danger, since everyone else did the same.
“Damn…you all…!”
We didn’t have much time, so Vice Captain Velrey revealed her outfit next. She wore a beret with a feather, a cute outfit with frills on her sleeves, and was holding a lyre. Her sacred twin blades, Phenakite, were packed in her bag.
“Velrey’s a traveling bard and a real lady-killer.”
A lady-killer? What kind of backstory is that?
Still, she made such an attractive bard, almost like she was a stage actress or something. The vice captain had a pained look on her face.
Garr was wearing pointy cat ears and a tattered cloak. Sly had transformed into the shape of a rope from which Staurolite was dangling. He was supposed to be a relaxed cat beastfolk who traveled from place to place to go fishing. His dog-like face didn’t look like any sort of cat to me, but maybe it wasn’t an issue, as he only needed to trick a monster, after all. It was his overall presence that mattered most.
“Garr’s a fickle, lazy cat who does as he pleases. It’s the exact opposite of a hardworkin’ guy like Garr, but he’ll just have to put on a good performance.”
Zara was cross-dressing when he appeared. He wore a long skirt and a wig tied up into a ponytail. His messy hair and the sad look in his downcast eyes made him look strangely sensual.
“Zara’s playin’ a widow. It’s weird how well it fits him, even though he’s a man!” Captain Ludtink sounded strangely boastful. Well, it did look shockingly good on him.
Even Zara was excited about his own disguise. His sacred ax, Rhodochrosite, was too large and would be spotted by any monster, so he didn’t keep it on him. Instead, he stashed a knife inside the handkerchief he was holding. Surely, most widows weren’t nearly as frightening.
Ulgus wore short sleeves, shorts, and a straw hat. He was holding both a butterfly net and an insect cage. Garr was keeping Ulgus’s sacred bow, Serpentine, in his knapsack.
“Ulgus’ backstory is that he’s a kid.”
“Why’s mine the only bad one, Captain?”
“Dontcha worry, Ulgus. They’re all just as bad.”
“I-I guess you’re right.” Ulgus looked at all of us like we were pitiful creatures.
Liselotte was clad in a dress—the only member whose eyes were full of light. For some reason, she was also holding a whip. When I looked closer, I realized her sacred staff, Orpiment, had the whip tied around it.
I was shocked to see a sacred weapon being used as an accessory for a disguise. What would Sir Aiskoletta say if he witnessed such a thing?
Actually…knowing him, he’d probably just say, “I never thought of using it like that!”
As for my sacred pole, Petalite, it was determined the weapon would be unnecessary on this mission. Instead, it was spending another day as a towel-drying rack at the barracks.
I’d been forced to wear a tattered dress and a collar with chains attached. I wanted to scream and ask why it had to come to this.
“Risurisu’s an elf slave again, and Lichtenberger’s the new money noblewoman who bought her!”
“This is horrible.”
“What a rude backstory you’ve given me.”
“Kreh, kreh?”
Amelia volunteered to play the mythical beast who was also purchased by the new money noblewoman, but there was no need for anyone other than Liselotte and I to get the worst roles. She would have to wait until next time… Not that I want to be an elf slave for a third time.
Album had also been tied up with rope. He was dangling from Liselotte’s belt.
“What’s Album’s disguise, Captain Ludtink?”
I wasn’t even sure if “disguise” was the right word for it.
“Album’s a trained weasel that was given to her as a bonus for winnin’ the elf.”
Album had silently accepted his fate. It was probably because I said we were having meat for lunch.
Honestly, all of this was terrible. We’d gone in disguises before, but this was the worst batch of them all.
“There really weren’t any other options?”
“I didn’t come up with this stuff. It’s from the Covert Squadron, so go and complain to those guys, not me. C’mon, we’re wastin’ time! Let’s get a move on!”
Amelia would stay home with Charlotte this time so that the monster wasn’t scared of her.
We took to our mission in our various disguises. The looks from the other knights were piercing as we exited out the back, but we had to carry ourselves unashamedly. We weren’t doing this because we wanted to, after all. It was all for the mission.
The Second Expeditionary Squadron headed to the scene on foot.
I was instructed to only use feeble and extreme language—not that it was going to be very easy for me.
“I-I’m hungry…!”
Captain Ludtink encouraged Album by telling him to just keep going.
Liselotte’s face suddenly changed. She looked at me with cold eyes and shouted. “Hey! Quit walking so fast!”
“Huh?!”
“Don’t ‘huh’ me, slave!”
I finally realized that this was just a realistic performance. Liselotte had become immersed in her role.
I had no choice but to say a line too.
“W-Waaah, waaah, I wanna go hooome…!”