CHAPTER 5 To Become a Hero 1 “…What did you say?” Bursting through the door, Snow clenches her hands into fists and casts her eyes downward. “A spy? Is that what you’ve been all this time?” …Oh, crap. She’s the last person in the world I needed to hear that. And it looks like she caught the whole conversation. Okay, let’s think. How the hell do I get out of this one? Should I just play dumb? I mean, I’m already supposed to have a head injury from battle. I don’t think I can keep any more of these stories straight. Oh, I know! This problem is best solved by acting pissed off myself! Of course! “Barging in without so much as a knock? What are you, an ape? What if I had been doing something private…? Were you hoping to walk in on me changing, Boobzilla?” “Really, Snow, you can’t take the words of a drunk so seriously. At this rate, you’ll end up getting conned by some random scumbag. That’s why Six is so good at…” Catching my intention, Alice starts to follow up but trails off as she notices Snow is still staring at the ground. Her whole body is trembling. “…It’s over, Six. Just give up.” Seriously? If I give up here, they’ll cut my head off for spying. I have no intention of losing my head without a struggle. I’ve gotta think of a way to convince Snow… “I won’t ask who you really are. Think of it as thanks for all you’ve done for us.” Snow clenches her jaw, tightening her grip until her knuckles go white. “I’m giving you one chance to leave quietly, so get out. I don’t want to see you ever again…” Snow speaks in a deflated whisper. She never once looks up from the floor. “Yippee, I’m first! I call this room! Whoo-hoo! This bed is huuuuuuuge!” “No fair, Six! Fine! The first- and second-floor bathrooms are mine.” Alice and I have rented a house to serve as a temporary base of operations. It’s a small house on the outskirts of town, but it’s pretty well suited to serving as a villain’s hideout. “Wh-what? You have no need for bathrooms! At least let me have the second-floor bathroom!” “I’ll consider giving you a bathroom if you hand over this room.” Alice and I explore the house, going through each room and claiming them. “This room’s right next to mine. Right, this’ll be Astaroth’s room. I’ll just go ahead and write her name on the door. If our rooms are nearby, I should be able to catch the occasional glimpse of her after a bath.” “…Right. Well, knock yourself out. Oh, Six, I almost forgot to mention. While you were off playing knight, I went ahead and completed resource and life-form surveys of the surrounding area.” Well, that explains where she’d been disappearing off to. I was wondering what she had been up to when I wasn’t watching her. Good thing, too, since I’d completely forgotten about that part of our assignment. “Huh. I guess you are pretty high spec after all.” “Thank you for that, ex-knight-captain-obvious. I should mention I’ve also made some local connections by selling a few new material and medicine recipes. All within reason, of course. I also made a little money doing commodity speculation using our funds. We’ve got a decent amount saved up.” Whoa, really? “Miss Alice, spare a coin or two for poor old Six? I went a little too far with my spending. The rent on this house cleaned me out.” “…You should have a little more shame instead of begging an android for money. Anyway, this took a little longer than expected, but we can start on the last stage of our mission.” Right, our final task on this planet. “…Yeah, good point. Is the basement a good place for the teleporter back to Earth?” “Yeah, if we spruce it up a bit, we can fit a small teleporter. Why don’t we have them start sending the pieces today?” It’s a really important task, but it feels a bit anticlimactic. Once the teleporter is assembled, we can call more Combat Agents in from Earth and start our invasion of this kingdom. Once there are enough of us, the Demon Lord’s Army won’t stand a chance. This planet will be crushed by a combination of the Kisaragi Corporation’s modern weaponry and sheer material resources. “Hey, what’s wrong, Six? You can tell me if something’s bothering you. I was designed to support you, after all. The least I can do is lend a listening ear if you need one.” Alice falls into the bed, all but her face being buried by the covers, and turns her head to face me. “…It’s nothing specific. I’m an operative for an evil organization. After everything I’ve done, it’d be weird if I had any hang-ups about this place. The moment I get back to Earth, I’m going to drink ice-cold beer until I pop. All the alcohol here is lukewarm, ugh. When I get home, I’m going to make the Supreme Leaders pay my bar tab. As for this backwater kingdom with no electricity or gas? I won’t miss it. With all the accolades I’ve earned here, I can be promoted right to the top!” As I think of the bright future waiting for me back on Earth, Alice seems to lose interest, turning to stare up at the ceiling. “…If you say so. Anyway, Six, I’m going to start on renovating the room and assembling the teleporter. Stay out of my way for the next month or so. Wander off for a bit and enjoy yourself.” …A month? “Wait, why do I have to wait that long? Surely it doesn’t take that long to put a teleporter together.” “…You really don’t listen, do you? I explained it to you when we first got here. It takes at least a month after assembly for the connection to Earth to stabilize.” Oh yeah, I vaguely remember an explanation of that sort. “…That leaves me with a lot of free time…” “Right. Which is why I want you to spend it somewhere else so you’re out of my way… That reminds me. It looks like the Demon Lord’s Army has been making some odd moves lately. The Chosen One or whatever has driven one of the Elite Four into a cavern. The other Elite Four are taking advantage of the Chosen One’s absence from the capital, and they’re gathering their forces. They’re probably plotting to take out the kingdom of Grace while the Chosen One’s busy elsewhere.” Where the hell does she get her information…? Hmm… The Demon Lord’s Army, huh…? “That’s what they get! Time for that bitch to regret driving me away! I mean, sure, the whole spying thing is entirely my fault, but given all the results we produced, the least she could do was hear me out!” “You do realize espionage is usually a capital offense, right? The fact that she didn’t bother asking any questions and simply kicked us out was probably her way of saying thanks. Anyway, if by chance, the Chosen One loses again, this kingdom’s coffers will take a serious hit… Are you okay with that?” Alice’s expression is flat, but I feel like she sees right through me. “…Wh-what are you talking about? I’m no Hero. I’m not bailing them out.” That’s right, I’m a Combat Agent for an evil organization. It’s completely against our philosophy to put myself at risk to help others with nothing to gain for myself. I suppose I might consider it if that bitch comes to me and begs for help. Putting aside that insolent brat, Rose and Grimm were my subordinates, too. But that’s not really enough reason to help them. I go silent for a while as I struggle with conflicting emotions. “Hey, Six…,” my partner, the high-spec evil android, says, turning to me. “The thought of a competitor getting in the way of your invasion target pisses you off, doesn’t it?” The supposedly emotionless android looks over at me with an impish grin. 2 “Odd movements from the Demon Lord’s Army?” “Yes, Boss. From a scouting report. Scouts say there’s a good chance the enemy will invade within the next few days.” “…I see. Thank you, Rose… Oh, also, you don’t have to refer to me as ‘Boss.’ You can go on calling me Miss Snow.” Rose breaks out in a happy grin. “…Understood, Miss Snow!” …If I were as straightforward as she is… If I could deal with things more flexibly, could I have at least listened to what he had to say instead of just driving him away? I shelve that bit of self-doubt and address my knights. “Split into two groups for a training exercise. We’ll fight with the assumption that we’re facing the Demon Lord’s Elite Four.” My loyal subordinates roar their enthusiasm and quickly begin organizing. …This wasn’t how I wanted to come back to this unit… I think back to the events that led to my reinstatement and can’t help but frown. Once Six left, the chief of staff, convinced that it was my doing, happily signed the reinstatement papers putting me back in charge of the Royal Guard. That’s not why I drove him off. I know I’m particularly attached to money and prestige, but I can’t feel happy about being reinstated this way. …Not that this is a new revelation, but times like these are when I want to curse my own personality. I guess my irritation is showing itself on my face again. Rose hesitates before she approaches me to speak. “…Um, Miss Snow, there’s another report…” “What is it? Good news? Bad news?” I’m not certain I can stomach more bad news. “I-I’m not actually sure… It’s um… Well, lately, it seems a pervert has been spotted creeping around at night.” “…Oh, is that all? That’s a job for the town guard, isn’t it?” I reply. Rose looks decidedly uneasy. “The witnesses say the pervert wears a spiky suit of black armor…” 3 “Well, hellooo there, little lady! Wanna see a magic trick? Keep your eyes on my pants now! Behold! The zipper goes down without me lifting a finger!” “Ahhhhhh! You pervert! S-someone heeeeeellllllp!!” A girl out alone this late at night. What are her parents thinking? I watch the girl run off, listening to the familiar announcement of my Evil Points racking up as I zip up my fly. “Hmph. How irresponsible. Makes you worry about the future of this kingdom… Whew, that makes six for the evening. Who’s next? Ah, how about that girl wandering near the alley?” It’s long past nightfall and nearing midnight. I follow a girl who appears to be walking alone down a dark alleyway for some reason. There isn’t a single other person around. Now’s my chance. “Hee-heeeeeeee! Look at meeeeee!!” “Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!” I spread my arms and position myself in front of the girl. “Now, little lady, can you work up the courage to unzip my fly?” “Ahhhhhhhhhhh! It’s a rapist!!” Terrified by my sudden appearance, the girl curls up into a ball on the ground. “Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh, don’t worry, I don’t plan to touch you. All you need to do is scream and run away! No time to waste! If you don’t run now, my fly will come down even without your help!” “Ahhhhhhhhhhh! You’re lying! You plan to do way more than touch, don’t you?! You’ll use sweet words to lower my guard, then drag me off into the shadows. Then you’ll violate me and make me into your sex slave!!” This reaction is a little more extreme than I was expecting, so I try to calm the screaming young woman. “Relax, there are reasons why I can’t touch you! Now, get up and run away, or I’ll show you something that’ll really make you scream!” I let out the creepiest chuckle in my arsenal before placing my hand on my fly and inching ever closer. “Lies, all lies! You’re going to kidnap me and use me as an outlet for your raging libido, day after day! Oh no! I twisted my ankle trying to run from you, and now I can’t get up! Nooooooooooo!!” “Um, when exactly did you try to run? Much less twist your ankle? …Listen, I’m not going to kidnap you, and I don’t actually touch civilians. I just wanted to creep you out…” “Nooooooooo! Lies! There’s no way you can resist touching such a beautiful girl like me! I bet you’re going to drag me off to a beautiful white house by the sea miles away from anyone else, keeping me as your sex slave and forcing me to have at least three of your children! The first will of course be a boy! Then we’ll have a girl! What would you want for the third?!” Who the hell is this girl?! Is this really happening?! “No, no, listen… Wait, this is weird. I’m not getting any Evil Points… Hey, you. You’re not actually resisting, are you? I only need you to look, honest.” I try my best to get through to her, but the girl has absolutely no intention of listening to me. She just keeps violently shaking her head from side to side. “Noooooooooo! Just looking? Noooooooooo!” “Looooooooooooooooook!!” “…Well, if you insist.” While struggling to figure out what to do with the girl in front of me, I relax as I hear a new voice behind me, and I turn around. “Oh? You actually want to see? In that case, feast your eyes upon my—” Sure enough, Snow is standing right there. “Feast my eyes upon your what…? Go on, then. What were you going to show me?” Having helped up the girl I had been trying to frighten, Rose joins Snow and looks at me pityingly. Snow, meanwhile, stands with her arms crossed. She’s glaring at me with such cold contempt that I have to suppress the shiver up my spine. “…I’m very sorry, ma’am,” I say in a voice so tiny that it sounds like the buzzing of a mosquito. “No reason to apologize. You’re going to show me something, right? I’m telling you I’ll look. Rose, go to that tavern and gather up a crowd for me. He’s about to put on a show of some kind. Now, go ahead and show me! I’ll take a long, hard look at that pathetic little thing.” “I’m sorry! Please, please forgive me! But take back what you said about it being pathetic!” “…So? I’m well aware that you’re a disgrace to humanity, an idiot, a pervert, and utterly beyond saving. So tell me how you ended up here. You can explain, right?” In the back alley, without another soul around, I’m sitting on my knees with head bowed in front of Snow. “U-um… This is all part of making preparations against the Demon Lord’s Army…” “…Do you really think I’m that stupid? What sort of harebrained excuse is that?!” Snow reaches for the sword on her hip… “It’s true! I’m not lying; I swear it’s true! I need to do this! You can ask Alice if you want!” “Are you out of your mind? How in the hell does your perversion tie into the Demon Lord’s Army?!” Goddammit! She’s actually using logic! Is there really no way out of this…? “I’m telling the truth! I swear! I’m not lying!” “Quiet! I’ve heard enough. The serious parting, all that second-guessing, and this is what I catch you doing?! I feel like an idiot for actually being depressed!” “P-please calm down, Boss, Miss Snow. U-um…wh-why did you quit anyway, Boss? Miss Snow wouldn’t tell me…” Rose hurriedly restrains Snow from drawing her sword. Huh, that’s kind of a surprise. I figured Snow would’ve told everyone why we’d left. “I couldn’t stand Snow’s constant sexual harassment. It was getting worse by the day. She kept grabbing my butt every time I passed her in the hallway. Let the rest of the castle know that’s why I left.” “Just who do you think I am anyway? Don’t try to spread idiotic rumors! Enough! I can feel myself growing stupider just by talking to you. I’ll let you go this time, but if I hear more rumors of your perversion, you’re dead!” With that, Snow turns on her heel… I shout at her back. “I hear the Demon Lord’s Army is invading soon! If you want my ultrapowerful assistance, then apologize for your shitty attitude and beg for it!” “Like hell I’m going to do that! I see your talent for enraging people hasn’t gone anywhere. Do you want to die that badly?” In a fit of anger, Snow twists back around, hand on the hilt of her sword. “You know, I thought I told you I never wanted to see you again, and yet here you are! Fool!” “Y-you’re the one who came looking for me, you idiot!” “Miss Snow! Boss! Will you two calm down? You sound like children!” Rose tries desperately to stop our argument. “Rose, he’s not in command anymore. Stop calling him Boss. We’re done here!” Snow spits out the words like she just took a bite of something nasty before turning away from me again. “I hope you get so angry you have an aneurysm!” “You son of a—!” “If you two don’t stop, I’m going to take a bite out of both of you!!” 4 A few days later. “Hey look, it’s the Fly!” “Hey, Fly! Unzip your fly!” Children follow me, chanting taunts as they fling rocks at my back. “Oh, look… That’s the guy everyone’s talking about…” “…Want to talk to him? He might unzip his fly for us!” I hear some young women, students probably, exchange whispers a little distance away. “U-um… I’ll take this one and that one…” I do my best to ignore all the hushed gossip and order my food from the lady at the skewer shop. “A chargrilled lizard skewer and a rat skewer, right? That’ll be six copper.” I count out the coins and hold my hand out toward the lady… “Eeep!” ………… As I stand there with the coins in my outstretched hand, the lady looks contritely toward me, then lets out a soft giggle. “S-sorry. Um, I thought you were going to unzip your fly and take the money out from there.” “Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Alice! Listen! Everyone in the city is being so mean to me!” I rush into Alice’s room crying. “Hmm? What’s wrong, Fly? Did it get caught in your fly?” “Stop calling me Fly!” Thanks to a wanted poster put up by Snow, I’d become famous as the neighborhood pervert. I hear a voice from outside the window. “Hey, Fly! Come on out! Show me your magic trick!” “You damned brat! I’ll pants you in front of everyone and reveal you as Captain Commando!!” I prepare to jump out the window after the kid, but Alice grabs my arm as she continues writing on a sheet of paper on her desk. “Stop that, Fly. If you get in trouble now, you’ll actually be arrested.” “Don’t call me the Fly! Dammit, and to think I was doing this to prepare for the fight against the invading army!” Yes, that’s right. The flashing was something I was doing to earn Evil Points. “I mean, yes, I told you to go earn some Evil Points, but I didn’t expect you to earn them that way, Fly.” “Stop it with the Fly!! And as for the bastards in this city, once the battle is over, I’ll show them that I’m not just a pervert!” “I didn’t think you’d actually admit that you’re a pervert… All right, I’m just about done.” Alice sets down a map and some forms on the desk and turns to me. Chewing on the meat skewers I bought, I take the seat across from her. “For starters, we’ll need a lot of anti-personnel mines. We should also get a few anti-tank mines for the really big demons.” I let Alice figure out how to spend the Evil Points acquired over the past few days. I could have done it myself, but I figured I can trust the high-spec android. “We’ve got a little over five hundred points right now. I’d like to keep around two hundred points in reserve. So we can spend three hundred. Let’s have them send three anti-tank mines, with the rest of the points going to anti-personnel mines.” “Never thought I’d see the day when I spent Evil Points on land mines. What a waste…” Ordinarily, Evil Points are used to get powerful weapons that can’t be bought with money. Anti-personnel mines are cheap. Depending on the type, you can buy multiple without breaking the bank. “Think they’ll send us mines if we offer our gold coins?” “Probably not. The Supreme Leaders don’t care about money as much as they care about having you rack up evil deeds. The plan probably goes something like this: You commit a steady stream of evil deeds, then something really atrocious, and ta-daa! You’re a villainous Supreme Leader.” Eh, I suppose that’s been the case since I was still on Earth. “Do they really think I’m capable of heinous evil deeds?” I let out a soft sigh, thinking about the three top Supreme Leaders. “Hey, however bad you are at it, you’d actually managed to rack up a pretty decent amount of points. Of course, now that everyone recognizes you as a pervert, and Snow’s put you on notice, you won’t be able to earn more this way… Still, you did really well given how petty your deeds were and how little time you had to do it.” “Um…are you praising me or insulting me? I can’t tell.” Alice starts writing down the equipment to be teleported over. “All right. Let’s go over the rest of our plan. If the Demon Army invades while the Chosen One is away, the Demon Army’s going to win. That’s the worst outcome for us. We’ll have to abandon this base, and this kingdom is the largest in the area. Once it goes down, no one will be able to stop the demons. If they keep going and invade neighboring countries, it doesn’t matter where we go. We won’t have any breathing room to put our teleporter together.” Where the hell is the Chosen One anyway? “It takes a month to assemble the teleporter and stabilize the connection, right?” “Right. If we rush it, we might manage three weeks, but we want to avoid that if possible. I never want to deal with an unstable teleport again. So a month to be sure.” Wait…? “‘Again’? Wait, was your first unstable teleport the time you were sent here with me? What was our actual chance of success on that trip anyway?” “At any rate, we need the kingdom to repel the upcoming invasion and then maintain a safe environment for us to assemble the teleporter. But as it stands, the kingdom will lose if we don’t intervene in some fashion. We’ll still probably end up relying on the Chosen One, but we need to buy enough time for him to get here. Therefore, we’ll be installing mines and traps and using guerrilla tactics to slow the advance of the Demon Lord’s Army.” “Don’t change the subject. Just how risky was that first teleport? Come on… Guerrilla warfare, huh? That brings back memories. We set a lot of traps back then, too. I wonder how the tiger man and chameleon man are doing these days? They saved my neck more than once in those jungles.” If those two were here, this fight would be a cakewalk… “Ideally, we could have Kisaragi send us some reinforcements. Unfortunately, the Supreme Leaders dislike throwing employees away on one-way missions, so they probably won’t authorize reinforcements unless there’s a way to get them back to Earth.” “Uh, they sent me here without any guarantee I’d get back safely…” Alice spreads out the map, pretending not to hear me. “All right, let’s figure out the enemy’s invasion route. I mean, it’s pretty obvious based on this area’s geography and the size of the enemy army…” “…Hey, Alice. Do you think the Supreme Leaders secretly hate me? They don’t, right? I’m a Supreme Leader candidate after all…” Alice completely ignores me and stands up. “Right. Let’s bury the mines around here, where human hunters aren’t likely to go. There’s only so much we can do, but let’s go and thin out the advance units of the Demon Army while we wait for the Chosen One to get back.” “C’mon, Alice! Tell me I’m right! Please? Please?! Pretty please??!” 5 The next day. “That should do it. The camouflage is perfect. Hey, Six, I’m all done here. Hurry up and dig the next hole.” Alice hums a song to herself as she sets the mines. “…Hahhh… Hahhh… Hahhh…” Exhausted from the work, I can’t even manage a coherent reply. I toss my shovel aside and slump onto the ground. “Y-you…you need to remember…that I’m still human… There are limits to how much work I can do… L-lemme rest for a sec.” We started a little past dawn, and now it’s currently around noon. I’ve been digging nonstop since we got here. “We’re already in enemy territory. Given that it’s broad daylight, it’s only a matter of time before they see us. Suck it up. We’re almost done,” Alice says. I drag my heavy limbs, pick up my shovel, and resume digging. “C-come to think of it…since you can’t get tired…why don’t we have you dig the holes…and I bury the mines…? It’d be…way more efficient.” Alice sits with her knees to her chest, watching me gasping for breath as I dig. “It’s a precaution. There are a lot of demons with sharp noses. If you touch the mines, you might leave your scent on them. So long as you’re just digging, even if they detect you, they won’t detect the mines. And if they want to make it to the kingdom, they have to come through here. There’s no way around it. Furthermore, can you remember where every mine is buried? Mine removal after a war is basic etiquette.” “…This is slave labor…” An idea occurs to me, and I call out to Alice. “Hey, Alice, save a mine for me. I have an idea.” As Alice looks over at me curiously, I take an object from my pocket and hold it out. It’s the sorcerer stone we took from Heine of the Flames. “Let’s put this on top of the mine trigger. I figured we’d have to sell or destroy it, but this is way too good an opportunity to pass up.” “Oh, come on. Surely she won’t fall for something so obvious. She’ll just send an underling to go fetch it. I mean, the probability that Heine’s the first one to find it is pretty low anyway. Considering the possibility the sorcerer stone ends up back in enemy hands, we’re probably better off destroying it right now.” Alice looks closely at the stone, as if considering our options. “It’s fine. If some other demon picks it up, that’s at least one less demon to worry about. And the blast should take out the stone, too. Besides, just imagine the look on Heine’s face when it blows up in her grasp. I get chills just thinking about it!” “…You’ve definitely got the right personality for this line of work.” By the time we finish our work and get back to the city, the mood of the place has changed completely. The people walking by all look a little pale, and everyone is gloomy. A good number of people walk with eyes downcast, avoiding eye contact. “Something’s wrong. They weren’t this gloomy even when there was a mysterious pervert on the loose.” “Hey, can you do me a favor and forget that ever happened…?” Alice’s callback aside, there’s something wrong with the city’s mood. I approach a nearby woman. “Um, excuse me, do you mind if I ask you something?” “Yes… What is—? Eeep! Th-the Fly…” ……… The woman clams up and backs away as soon as she recognizes me. “I’m sorry about the pervert accompanying me, ma’am. Also, everyone here looks really sad. Is something wrong?” The woman is still staring at me and twitching in fear, but she eventually lowers her guard thanks to Alice’s innocent little girl act. “Y-yes… There’s been an unsettling rumor surrounding the Chosen One… It seems he’s been missing in action ever since his encounter with Faustless of the Wind, one of the Demon Lord’s Elite Four… On top of that, the demons are taking advantage of the Chosen One’s absence and gathering their forces. And this town is their next target…” 6 “According to the information I’ve gathered, the Chosen One fought one of the Elite Four and was close to beating him. However, this new enemy, Faustless of the Wind, used a spell called Random Teleport and took the Chosen One with him. As you might guess from the name, the spell teleports the targets to a random destination.” Back at our hideout, Alice and I hold an emergency meeting. “This teleport spell has the ability to transport you pretty much anywhere. The destination remains unknown. Think of our first teleport on to this planet. It could be somewhere in the sky, out at sea, or even the middle of the Darkwood. The probability of survival is close to zero.” “I’ve never even seen this Chosen One in person, but I feel for him. I could’ve been in his shoes if something fudged my teleportation. Well, in my case, I was probably guaranteed a pretty high success rate, right?” Sure, it’s not directly related to me, but if I consider that the very same thing could’ve happened to me, I can’t help but feel sympathy for the Chosen One. “…………Right.” “Why did it take you so long to agree?” Okay, so it seems my situation was a lot closer to his than I thought. “Anyway, isn’t the Chosen One supposed to beat the Demon Lord according to the prophecy or whatever? I’m not really one to believe in something so unscientific, but I’d heard that things were proceeding as expected, more or less. I wonder what happened.” “Hey, don’t change the subject… But you do have a point. It’s basically unheard of for the Chosen One to just disappear in the middle of the story. The Demon Lord showed up, and the Chosen One was identified by a mark on the hand. Sounds like that shady prophecy’s been right up till now.” Alice goes quiet and appears to be lost in thought. “…Hey, Six, you like games and novels where there’s a Chosen One, right? I don’t have any entertainment-related data in my memory, so can you tell me how those sorts of stories usually go? Does the Chosen One appear out of nowhere, display superhuman abilities, and defeat everything in his path?” “Hmm? Nah, they usually suffer at least one defeat. Something along the lines of losing to a powerful opponent, engaging in self-reflection over their weakness, training to overcome their weakness, and getting their revenge on that opponent. The whole ‘hero’s journey’ thing actually requires a failure here and there. Are you saying this Random Teleport is one of those necessary failures? Like, the Chosen One will undergo intense training wherever he ended up and come back stronger when the kingdom truly needs him?” I guess that could happen. Maybe he’ll encounter a mysterious old man at his destination and learn a new finishing move. Ignoring the part about being teleported into the middle of nowhere, losing and getting stronger is a key part of the narrative, no matter the medium. “…No, probably not. The Chosen One’s already suffered defeat once, remember? He got beaten by those two boss demons at the Tower of Duster. If things had gone according to plan, the Chosen One would’ve trained to beat those two and eventually defeated them and Whatever-His-Name-Is of the Wind with his new ultimate techniques. Thinking back to the tower assault, if we hadn’t gotten involved, I’m not sure the kingdom’s knights would have been able to win. The Chosen One was probably supposed to defeat an enemy that the entire royal army couldn’t, thus inspiring the masses. However…” “…Wait, are you saying that we screwed up the narrative by clearing the tower ourselves? That makes it sound like it’s my fault. I mean, fate is tougher than that, right? Right?! …Hey, you’re supposed to be a genius, right?! Well, use that big brain of yours and find a way to fix this!” I’m nearly overwhelmed by the feeling that I may have just caused the mother of all plot derailments. I grab Alice, shaking her by the shoulders in the hopes that a solution might fall out. “There are multiple potential fixes. How we fix this depends on what methods you’re willing to employ.” “Let’s hear them.” Alice raises her index finger. “You go commit some unspeakable act of evil that earns you an enormous number of Evil Points. In the meantime, I’ll request access to the restricted stock of biological and chemical weapons. We then use your newly acquired points to obtain them.” …… “Any other ideas?” Alice’s middle finger extends to join her index finger. “I attack the Demon Lord’s fortress on my own, then taunt the nearest enemy. They attack me. The ever-so-slightly dangerous reactor core embedded within me goes off. The Demon Lord’s fortress, the Demon Lord himself, and everything within a few miles of it are vaporized.” “Plan rejected, you dumbass! Is there absolutely no way for us to solve this peacefully?” I wait for Alice to raise another finger and present option number three, which she doesn’t do. “Nope. Let’s say through some miracle we stop the invasion currently underway. That doesn’t change the fundamental math. Our ace in the hole, the Chosen One, is gone. Which means even repelling multiple attacks will be futile in the long run. Any resistance we tried to put up would be a drop in the bucket.” “……Which means our remaining option is……” Alice and I exchange nods. ““Let’s ditch.”” Time to cut our losses and close the book on this place. 7 “Wait? Why are you leaving my favorite pillow? What’s with all your luggage anyway? Leave that behind and pack my pillow.” “Don’t be absurd. All my items have enormous value. Each of them could be traded for a mountain of ratty pillows like that one.” Alice and I pack our belongings and make preparations to leave the city. This kingdom is done for. Sure, I’d be lying if I said I had no regrets, but I gotta look out for number one. Besides, everyone I know here is strong. I’m sure they’ll all be fine. “Hey, Alice, what are we going to do with the assembled teleporter? We can’t use it yet, right?” “Technically, it’s already connected to Earth, but the teleport space is still unstable. Considering the distance between this planet and Earth, even the smallest misalignment could have catastrophic consequences. We were lucky to appear in the air. There’s no surviving being teleported to the bottom of the ocean, for example.” You know, the more I learn about the risks of teleportation, the more it seems like a miracle that I made it to this planet at all. “……Don’t worry. This planet’s teleport coordinates were calculated, then double- and triple-checked by the finest minds at Kisaragi. That’s why I was carrying a parachute. Typically, the hard part is the first teleport. So as long as I make it through in one piece, everything that comes afterward is merely a formality. It’s fine if we leave the teleporter here. Once we establish a new base of operations, we can just have Kisaragi send the parts for a new one.” “Don’t try to read my mind. I won’t be taken in by your pretty words! If you were telling the truth, then that means we could’ve been teleported much closer to the ground!” As we’re in the midst of preparing our escape, I hear knocking on the door accompanied by several voices. But we don’t have friends or acquaintances who would visit us at this house. Which means… “Damned kids! We don’t have time for this! I’m going to strip them and toss them in the girls’ bathroom!” I loudly stomp my way down the stairs and forcefully throw open the door—! “It’s been a while, Sir Six. I was hoping we might have a word.” Standing there, smiling and surrounded by a large retinue of soldiers, is my former employer, Princess Tillis. In Tillis’s personal chambers atop the royal castle… “I refuse.” After being dragged to the castle against my will, I only had one answer for Tillis. “…But…I haven’t even asked you anything yet…” Tillis looks up at me, thinning her lips in distress. Save it, princess. Nothing, not even those doe eyes, could sway me. I already heard from Snow. Just like Alice had already guessed, Tillis was, in fact, the de facto ruler of this kingdom. “I already know what you’re gonna ask me to do. You either want me to fight the Demon Lord’s Army, hold off the Demon Lord’s Army, or become your lover. Sorry, princess, but you’ll have to look elsewhere. I’ve already got my hands full.” “Um…perhaps your last example was a bit…” The soldiers had dispersed the moment we arrived at the castle. Which meant that the only occupants of this room were me, Alice, and Tillis. I remain alert. There’s no guarantee that Tillis isn’t preparing a trap at this very moment. “Sir Six, tell me, are you familiar with this object?” Tillis places a backpack on the table in front of me. Wait… “A parachute?” “Quiet, you idiot.” “So this object is called a parachute? Fascinating.” Tillis politely lets on that she noticed my slip of the tongue with a knowing smile and faint nod. Alice’s face contorts into a scowl as I stare blankly at the parachute. How the heck did it end up here? It was heavy as hell, and we didn’t have much use for it after we landed, so Alice just left it at the landing site. “On the day that a mysterious object was seen falling from the sky, our knights found this near the spot the object would have landed. I could not, for the life of me, figure out what it was for, but it appears you, Sir Six, even know what it is called.” Tillis says these words with a smile, but there’s a definite edge lurking beneath her tranquil expression. I do my best to suppress a shudder as the temperature in the room feels as though it’s dropped a few degrees. What’s she getting at? “Allow me to be blunt, Sir Six. You are a spy, an operative sent from another nation, are you not?” Straight to the point! A point aimed straight at my throat, no less! “I don’t really know what you’re talking about.” “I see. Then I’m afraid we have no choice but to torture you until you do.” “I’m sorry—I lied. I admit I’m a spy. Please forgive me.” “Well, that was fast! Tell me, Six, what was it like growing up without a spine?!” Alice snaps after I reveal my complete inability to offer any resistance. For whatever reason, Tillis doesn’t reprimand me and instead chuckles with faint amusement. “…Um, are you not going to arrest us?” I ask, suddenly worried at the mildness of Tillis’s reaction. “I wasn’t planning on it, no. I did, however, have one request for you.” Tillis then gazes intently at us, expression turning somber. “You mentioned that the two of you came from beyond the Darkwood, yes?” Technically, we came from beyond this planet, but she’s not wrong, so I nod. “You two appeared in this kingdom soon after the mysterious flying object was sighted. That means you two have some method of flying. Your story about coming from beyond the Darkwood gains credibility in that case.” Tillis looks at us with a faint look of triumph at her observation, and I don’t have the heart to tell her the hypothesis is wrong. Oblivious to my thoughts, Tillis gazes at us with a serious, somber expression. “This kingdom…in all likelihood will fall tomorrow. Once we’re gone, there will be nothing left to stop the Demon Army from digging their claws into the neighboring kingdoms. So I have a request for the two of you.” “I’m listening.” She meets my gaze directly. “The kingdom’s knights and soldiers… Their lives, their battles, their ends… Will you stand and bear witness to it all until the final countryman breathes his last? Then tell the people of your nation that there was once a kingdom called Grace. That the people of this kingdom stood and fought the Demon Lord’s Army until the bitter end. Then please use their example, their sacrifice, to call the other nations together to resist the Demon Lord… I have no great powers or magics of my own, Sir Six. With all my influence, the only thing I can do is ask that future generations remember my people.” Tillis pauses, catching her breath and straightening in her seat. “Please, I beg of you.” Before me, a nobody from who knows where, Princess Cristoseles Tillis Grace sets aside her royal status and bows her head deeply. 8 It’s currently a little past 2200 hours. The world outside is already dark, and the air is alive with the sound of chirping insects. “Well, damn… How the hell am I supposed to say no to that? …Should we just make a run for it now? Nah, I guess it’d be best to wait until the Demon Lord’s Army is here and then slip away during the chaos…” After soaking in the barracks bath, I mutter to myself as I head to Tillis’s room. “Well…in the worst-case scenario, Tillis said she’d find a way to get us out of here…” Tillis has requested that Alice and I escape by air once the Demon Lord’s Army breaches the city walls and begins invading the city. Unfortunately, with my current point total, there’s no way I could requisition something like an airplane. …And at that exact moment… “Hey! It’s the boss!” Rose’s sharp eyes catch a glimpse of me just as I’m exiting the bath, and she cheerfully calls out to me from across the hall. She politely nods in my direction as she wheels Grimm toward me. Grimm’s eyes twinkle with amusement. “Commander! I heard you left because you couldn’t stand Snow’s sexual harassment any longer, so what are you doing here?” “Grimm! I told you not to believe those rumors! They’re vicious lies he’s been spreading!” Snow makes her presence known, barking angrily as she stalks up next to the other two. “Tillis asked that I stay in the castle until tomorrow. But she did give me permission to run away if things get too hairy.” “That’s great! Boss, if you’re defending Princess Tillis, we’ll have nothing to worry about.” I see they’ve convinced themselves that I’ve been hired on to protect the princess. Given Rose’s high-spirited giggles, I can’t bring myself to tell her the truth about Tillis’s request. Instead, I just smile. “…If Her Highness requested your presence herself, it’s not for me to question it…but this adds a new type of concern. Six, you better not spread any of your ludicrous lies to the princess, or worse, sexually harass her! Got it?” “When you put it that way, I can’t say I’m not tempted.” “Don’t even think about it! I’m serious this time, understand? You better not try it!!” I smile as I look over the three of them and ask the question that’s been bugging me all evening. “Where are you lot going to be stationed tomorrow?” Based on how our squad was treated in the past, I’m worried they’re going to be positioned right on the front lines. “Hmph! Not to worry. Grimm and Rose are members of the Royal Guard. And just as the name implies, the Royal Guard is going to be guarding royals like the king and princess. Tomorrow we’ll be the last line of defense, positioned by the front gate.” I admit I feel a bit of relief at knowing my acquaintances won’t immediately be in harm’s way. “Don’t you dare die on me tomorrow. If things get desperate, forget about the kingdom and run, all right?” In response to those words… “Don’t be ridiculous!” Snow cries. “We’re the Royal Guard! We’d sooner choose an honorable death than a disgraceful retreat! Isn’t that right?!” ““Uh.”” ………… “We’ll do our best tomorrow!” says Rose. “And, Boss, if things get too dangerous, take Princess Tillis and get out safely, okay?” “I’ll be awake tomorrow, so don’t worry about me! I refuse to die single! I’ll definitely survive and find myself a wonderful groom!” Grimm adds. “You two! What do you mean, ‘Uh’? Y-you’ll stay, right? You’ll be here with me until the very end, right?” Well, if this scene is any indication, I think they’ll manage somehow. “…What are you smiling about? Quit it, it’s disturbing. And just so there’s no confusion, I’m only tolerating you because the princess wants you here. I still haven’t forgiven you.” All I was doing was enjoying a moment of pride over how tough my subordinates have become, and she’s calling my smile disturbing? “What’s your problem? How do you even walk from place to place with your butthole puckered so tightly all the time? That’s why Heine of the Flames won’t take you seriously.” “Y-you son of a…! Do you know how much these two worried when I ran you out of the castle?” I pretend to pick some wax out of my ear with my pinkie instead of paying attention, letting out a sigh at the predictably short-tempered Snow. “Yeah, yeah. I repent, or whatever.” “…………” Snow draws her sword without a word, and I drop into a defensive crouch and start backing slowly away. “Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha! You never change, Boss. Even when we can’t be sure we’ll live to see tomorrow, you’re still butting heads with Miss Snow… I think I finally get it now. You’re like an old married couple! I’ll try not to get in your way from now on.” Rose claps her hands together happily, laughing in delight. “You know…your flirting is kind of obnoxious…so obnoxious, in fact, I’m tempted to curse you. I mean, Snow, you were so dark and depressed after the commander left, and now look at you! You’re practically giddy.” “Now that you mention it…Miss Snow is much more animated.” “Fine, if that’s how it’s going to be, I’ll take on all three of you! It’ll be a warm-up for tomorrow. All three of you need some discipline!” And then, as if signaling the start of her discipline regime, Snow slashes at me with her sword. Rose doesn’t bother to stop Snow and instead watches with a smile. “You know, I think I like our squad best when Boss is in command. It’s just…comforting.” “I can’t say I dislike it, either. The commander may be a hopeless pervert, but he’s generous with the tabs.” I dodge another slash as these two happily make comments next to me. “Whatever! One of you stop her! What’ll you do if I die before the battle?!” The peaceful night wears on.
Chapter 8
40 min read