* * * Several hours later, we’re wandering around the shore of the lake using the map in Alice’s head as a guide. “…Hey, Vi, are you sure these things are harmless? Honestly, it’s a bit creepy to have so many of them around me.” “H-how odd… I’ve never heard of anything like this happening…” I’m being so swarmed by various types of spirits, I can’t see a thing in front of me. “I mean, these things are clearly dangerous. I can’t see where I’m walking. There’s no way for me to know if there’s an enemy nearby, and that means I can’t run away, either.” The spirits circle around my head, shimmering and ringing like little bells. It’d be one thing if they looked like cute fairies, but there’s nothing nice about having bright balls of light fluttering near my eyes. “Hey, Vi, it sounds like being liked by spirits can be a pretty powerful ability, but is it really?” Often the main character in a novel, for example, is loved by spirits, fairies, and various demihumans. “Let me see. Well, there’s a type of magic called spirit magic. Spirits are said to be the servants of various goddesses. Spirit magic works by beseeching the goddess to bring forth a miracle. One can also ask to borrow their spirit servants for the purpose of wielding magic, but…I’m told that people who are friendly with spirits can borrow their power directly. Doing it that way evidently lets them use magic with less cost than using their own magic or offering a sacrifice to the goddess.” I had completely lost interest in magic since it seemed that earthlings couldn’t use it, but I feel a glimmer of hope at hearing the description of spirit magic from Viper. If spirits like me so much, why can’t I be a spirit magic user? “So basically the goddesses are skimming magic off the top, huh? I guess that makes them spirit interpreters or something. Then if I can speak directly to the spirits in their own language, I can cut out the middleman goddesses, right?” “You’re not wrong, but you’re inviting some divine punishment with that sort of thinking…” I mean, I guess, but if they’re that easily offended… “…Then isn’t Alice more likely to get punished? I mean, look at her. She’s spraying the spirits with pesticide.” “Don’t do that, Ms. Alice! Spirits are sacred… Oh, but I’m a leader in an evil organization…” Ignoring Viper’s struggles with her own inner contradictions, Alice shoos away the spirits. I don’t think the pesticides will kill them, but they clearly don’t like being sprayed with random chemicals. “So physical attacks do work on spirits. Maybe I should order some bug spray as well.” “Please don’t! Spirits really are sacred!” 5 The sun sets by the time we finish testing the purity levels of the lake water and the surrounding soil. Having decided to make camp by the lake, we start setting up our stuff. Since I want to show off to Viper, who, although superior to me, is a less-experienced survivalist, I go to gather firewood. After I gather some small, dry twigs so that I can lecture them on how regular wood smokes a lot, I return to the campsite to find… …Viper summoning parts for a cargo container at Alice’s instruction. “…Hey, Vi, how were you able to order that? Are you sure they’re not giving you special treatment because you’re a leader?” Once assembled, the container is designed to be more durable than the temporary shelters used for disaster relief. This is probably the ideal living space for a forest infested with monsters. Viper glances at the teleporter on her wrist. “Well, I have a lot of Evil Points…” She looks at me apologetically. …Seriously? Just what sort of evil did the cherubic former Demon Lord Viper end up committing? She is such a pure and innocent girl. It’s hard to think she’s been corrupted by Kisaragi already… “Vi, y’know… Sure, Kisaragi’s an evil corporation, but there’s no need for you to do anything you don’t want to do. I know you’re serious about your work, but that sort of thing can wait until you’re more used to working here…” I can’t help but voice my concern, but I shouldn’t have done that. Viper has made up her mind and steeled her resolve in joining Kisaragi, so as her elder in the ways of evil, I should be praising her…! “Oh, I’m not angry or anything, Vi. Can I ask just what sort of evil deeds you committed to be able to summon a container like this…?” As I ask this with a troubled look, Viper’s expression clouds. “I accidentally deleted the save data for your video games…” “What the hell, Vi?! Wait, I mean, yeah that’s pretty awful, but how did that get you so many Evil Points?! Like, yeah, that really sucks for me, but…!” Alice chimes in as I seesaw between praise and anger. “Evil Points are calculated by the amount of guilt felt by the person in question, the amount of psychological damage to the victim, and how severe the offense was. Basically, in Viper’s eyes, erasing your save data was unforgiveable.” …I see. For example, let’s say Viper and Lilith are dying of thirst after being stranded in a desert for days on end. Then they suddenly run into a vending machine full of drinks. In Viper’s case, she’d probably take out her wallet, look for some money, then if she doesn’t find any, she’d struggle to figure out a way to get a drink from the machine without breaking it. But unable to come to a solution, she’d be racked with guilt as she does what needs to be done… In Lilith’s case, she wouldn’t even bother taking out her wallet; she’d happily destroy the machine, take all the drinks inside, and then probably take any money inside as a bonus. So while Lilith would have committed the greater crime, there probably wouldn’t be much difference in the number of Evil Points they gained. Which reminds me, when the eggs that I scattered around the city of Grace went off in a wave of explosions, I got a load of Evil Points even though there hadn’t actually been much damage. “Meaning, if I struggle with my conscience, I can easily get points?” “That’s right. But in your case, your conscience wouldn’t be bothered unless you did something really heinous.” Just who does she think I am? “I’ll forgive you for erasing my save data, Vi, since I get to stay in this container instead of a tent. But don’t ever do that again. And even though I’m forgiving you, you still have to play that shitty game with me until we make it back to my save point, okay?” “Yes, of course. I’ll help you to the very end.” Even though I am clearly scolding her, Viper seems faintly happy for some reason. How can she not show a hint of remorse for this unforgivable act? I guess that’s just what happens to a person after they join up with the bad guys… “Why are you smiling, Vi? In Japan, it’s a serious crime to erase other people’s save data, y’know? If you’d erased someone else’s data and not mine, I bet you’d be in deeeep trouble right now.” I make sure to hammer home the point as I try to start a fire with the branches I gathered. “Yes, I understand, Mr. Six. I’ll make sure to only do bad things to you.” “You don’t understand at all! Not one bit, Vi!” Viper seems amused by my reaction as she huddles near the campfire. I guess her former Demon Lord status is still skewing her sense of right and wrong. Looks like it’s time for me to counterattack Viper, denizen of this backward planet, with the power of science. “Vi, watch carefully, I’m going to start a fire without using magic. This is called a Zippo. Not a zipper, a Zippo.” “I see; a Zippo… It’s similar in shape to a magical lighter. How does it work?” … “Hey, Alice, what the hell is a magical lighter?! Vi just mentioned something that sounds like an item from a magical girls show!” “I keep telling you not to underestimate this planet’s tech level. When we were living in the castle, there were TVs and lights that ran on a mysterious power, remember? Sure, your average peon digs latrines and uses them instead of toilets, but the upper crust live perfectly comfortable lives replete with indoor plumbing.” Oh, right, now that she mentioned it… “Um, Mr. Six. The fire’s started…” While I am arguing with Alice, Viper already started the fire. “…So that’s a magical lighter, huh? Wanna trade for my Zippo?” “I don’t mind trading, but people without magic can’t use this…” Damn you, magic… “Ah well, it’s gonna be a long night. Why don’t we sit around the fire and chat? Though you did start the fire without my help, you can leave any camping-related survival stuff to me from here on out. I have enhancements and stuff, so I can see in the dark. As your senior in the Kisaragi Corporation, I’ll find you something to eat…” “Oh, about that… I’ve already caught a three-eyed eel! I put it in a container with fresh water so it will spit out all the mud. We can have it for dinner.” Oh, come on, Vi… 6 After skillfully cleaning and gutting the mysterious three-eyed eel and grilling it over the fire with a pinch of salt, Viper gives me a curious glance. “So, Mr. Six, what shall we talk about?” “Um, I’m just going to stop trying to impress you with my experience. Well done, Vi, you’re a full-fledged member of Kisaragi.” “Th-thank you…?” Viper thanks me even as her expression reveals she doesn’t understand what I am saying. “I’ve been watching this whole charade, but you do know there’s a reason why Viper was promoted to leader so soon after joining Kisaragi, right? Leaders need fighting prowess, but they also need the leadership skills to command Combat Agents, and sound judgment besides. Comparing her to a defective product like you is totally asinine.” “Who are you calling defective, dammit?! And all the leaders I know were problematic in some way. I mean, Tiger Man’s not any smarter than me, for example.” Yes, Tiger Man—one of the longest-surviving leaders in our organization and pedo extraordinaire—is a good example. He is out on a journey looking for the planet’s most powerful sorcerer stone in the faint hope that Viper can make him a child again. I mean, isn’t that a little too self-centered, even for a feline mutant? But Alice shakes her head in exasperation. “Tiger Man got a degree from a good university. He’s even got a teaching certification. Apparently, he joined Kisaragi because he couldn’t get a job as a teacher. His face was too scary.” “Wait… That teaching certification isn’t for the elementary-school level, is it…? If that’s the case, I’m pretty sure there’s another reason why he couldn’t land a job…” …Viper watches us and smiles as though she is watching a particularly close pair of siblings squabbling. “You really are good friends, Mr. Six and Ms. Alice. You two are partners…right?” “Yeah, she’s my partner, but she’s been so mean to me lately…” “Why in the world would you expect an android to be all warm and mushy? Your brain’s already mushy enough.” I can’t believe this bully is supposed to be my partner in crime. Just then… “…Oh? Hey look, Alice. The spirits are coming back. While I doubt a ruthless android made by an evil corporation like you could understand, critters like these can sense that I’m pure of heart, so they wanna be my friend.” As the spirits gather around me like they had during the day, Alice pokes at them curiously. “Oh, hey, Vi. You mentioned earlier that I might be able to use magic if I figure out how to communicate with the spirits, right? Alice, can you translate what I’m saying into spirit language?” “These things are made of plasma. That or they’re some type of firefly.” This is the problem with science-worshipping robot kids. “Mr. Six, I happen to know a little spirit language. Would you like me to interpret?” “Oh? Sure, give it a go, Vi. Let’s see… Try saying, ‘I come in peace. Let’s be friends,’ and see how they respond.” As I flash a winning smile at the floating spirits, Viper begins to whisper something to them. The spirit lights then begin to blink as if in response. “U-um…they say, ‘Begone, filthy invaders from a foreign world. Stop being stupid and leave immediately. If not, we’ll curse you until your dying breath…’” “Vi! They’re not friendly at all! They really, really hate me!” As I try to chase off the spirits with pesticides, Alice, who has gotten down on her hands and knees, regards the spirits with newfound curiosity. “What? Now you like these spirits? That’s pretty odd, given how much you hate the supernatural.” “…No, I was wondering how these things knew we came from another world. I can’t imagine Viper telling them random drivel, so do they have microcomputers in them that can predict the future? They’re just mysterious floating objects, though…” As we let Alice ramble about complicated sciencey stuff, Viper gently reaches out her finger to the spirits, and one of them comes to rest on her finger. She’s currently dressed as Snake Woman, so watching her stand by the moonlight lake with a spirit resting on her finger is one hell of a sight. “All right, I’m gonna get you this time.” “Ms. Alice?!” Evidently Alice put her vacuum cleaner in the container, waiting for a moment like this, and she’s using it to capture spirits. “Yep, this is the surefire way to deal with things like ghosts and spirits.” “You just like ghostbusting them with that vacuum.”
Chapter 72
12 min read