Chapter 6

CHAPTER 3 The Right Way to Assault a Tower 1 With our new toy…er, subordinate Rose safely added to our ranks, our squadron has been sent out on a number of assignments along the front. Although they’re just minor skirmishes, we’ve managed to accumulate a number of victories, a welcome change from the constant losses. We’ve settled into a comfortable routine, and we’re currently taking the day off. Alice and I are lounging in our barracks room with nothing better to do. “Something’s not right.” Alice pauses her shotgun polishing and looks up at me. “What’s wrong? Has there been some kind of strange development with the Demon Lord’s Army?” “No, this is much more important.” Alice sets the shotgun parts down on the table and leans forward, listening intently. “…Since our arrival, we’ve been out on several missions, steadily getting results. It’s been a couple weeks now, but it doesn’t look like anyone’s falling for me.” “…What?” Alice gapes, unable to believe her ears. It’s an oddly human expression for an android. “Don’t ‘What?’ me. Listen, Alice. Except for me, our unit is all women. And then there’s Tillis, the women in the knighthood, and enemies like Heine of the Flames. I even met a pretty city guardswoman, though I guess she did mention she had a boyfriend.” “That guard nearly wrote us up. Grimm’s taken a shine to the wheelchair you gave her, by the way. She’s been zooming around the city at night, making a nuisance of herself. There’s a warrant out for her arrest. If she gets caught again, I’m pretty sure they’re going to lock her up,” Alice replies. I ignore her and raise my fist before launching into an impassioned monologue. “And yet! All these fateful encounters and no major events! We’re well past the time for Snow to wander into the baths while I happen to be in there or for a sleepy Grimm to mistake my room for hers and crawl into my bed. Maybe a hungry Rose goes looking for something to eat and finds a thick, juicy sausage. But it’s actually my… The point is, we’re long overdue for an event like that!” “…Wow, that last one was a new low, and yet, I’m not really surprised to hear you say it. Fascinating.” Alice gazes at me as though studying a particularly strange animal. I continue my monologue, not minding the scrutiny. “Before our arrival, this kingdom was on a big losing streak. Then I show up and lead the kingdom’s forces to its first real win in ages! I’ve got a pretty substantial number of victories under my belt. Mostly small skirmishes, but still. There’s plenty of reason for women to swoon over me. I’ve even been standing ready in the hallway making sure I can run into a woman and grope her by mistake.” “Oh, right. There’ve been complaints about that, actually. You’re becoming a pest.” Grousing, I grab Alice’s head and grind my knuckles against her temples. “I want to be yelled at for being oblivious, for not hearing a confession of love due to a gust of wind, or for totally missing the hints thrown my way. And then…and then a group of beautiful women can surround me and demand that I choose one of them! I want drama… Hey, where are you taking me?” “Yes, yes, confessions and hints and whatever else. Now if you’ll just follow me to the infirmary so I can check your head.” I pull my arm away from Alice’s grip. “There’s nothing wrong with me! Think about it! The majority of this kingdom’s knights are women! How have I not been able to get a taste of the ‘lucky pervert’ trope even once?!” Alice lets out a deep sigh, brushing aside the intense sincerity behind my words. There are times when I find her actions a little too human for comfort. Alice grabs my right hand and places it against her chest. I stare at her in confusion, completely unable to grasp her intent. “Ah. Ah.” Alice is stone-faced as she lets out a couple dry moans. I pull my arm away from her a second time. “Lucky you. You got to touch a pretty girl’s chest. Happy now?” “Why would I be happy about grabbing a lump of silicone on a robot’s chest? At the very least, you could put a little more emotion into it. Well, that’s not exactly the part I’m miffed about! I mean, yes, I wanna do dirty stuff, but—!” “Okay, okay, whatever. Let’s go to the infirmary, okay?” Alice does her best to talk me down and pats my hand condescendingly. My thoughts are interrupted as someone knocks on the door. “Just what were you yelling about?! I could hear you through the door! Anyway, a meeting’s been called, and you’re on the invite list, so quit the perverted ranting! Be mindful of how your actions reflect on me!” Snow’s cheeks are flushed red as she opens the door to drag me off to the meeting. “The Chosen One and his party were badly wounded in a battle against Gil the Mighty and Rista the Clever, the demons guarding the top floor of the Tower of Duster. They are currently being treated by our top healers.” We’re currently in the castle’s conference room. After confirming that all the unit commanders are present, the kingdom’s general, some crusty old fart, launches into his status update. The news of the Chosen One’s defeat sends a murmur through the room. “Quiet! Thankfully, the Chosen One’s wounds aren’t too serious. The healers have assured me that the treatment will be rather straightforward.” The commanders let out a collective sigh of relief at the news. “However, as you’re all aware, our kingdom is currently being pushed back by the Demon Lord’s Army. We’re fortunate that the Chosen One has survived, but his defeat has shed light on a particular problem.” The room goes quiet, waiting for the old fart to continue. “We’re running out of time. I hate to admit it, but we don’t stand a chance against the Demon Lord’s Army in a full-on confrontation. The longer the war continues, the more likely our defeat. Our only hope is for the Chosen One to slay the Demon Lord before his armies lay waste to our kingdom. Speaking frankly, we need the Chosen One to pick up the pace. This latest setback comes at an incredibly inopportune time.” A shadow falls on the room. “We asked the Chosen One why he attacked the Tower of Duster. He mentioned that there is a treasure in the tower that he needs in order to bring the fight to the Demon Lord’s castle. The Chosen One will have to attack the tower again as soon as his treatment is done. Time is of the essence.” The gruff old man pounds the table in front of him as the rest of us sit in silence. “So! I plan to lay siege to the tower while the Chosen One recovers. We’ll assemble the kingdom’s forces, overwhelm their defenses with sheer numbers, and take the treasure ourselves. We can help hasten the Demon Lord’s demise!” A cheer goes up throughout the room. All the unit commanders are worked up into a frenzy. …But this is a little different from the Chosen One stories I’m familiar with… In the stories I know, the Chosen One usually gets a purse of gold—a child’s allowance, really—then gets sent off to kill the Demon Lord. They’re usually not backed up by the might of an entire kingdom. Well, I suppose it makes sense if you consider the Chosen One is this kingdom’s prince. And logically, outside of an epic, it makes sense for a kingdom to mobilize all its resources to fight off an invading Demon Lord. Unlike everyone else, I’m not actually that pumped about this mission, and I slump back in my chair. If the mission is for the entire army to raid the tower, there probably won’t be that much for our squad to do. “I beg your pardon, my lord…but if we’re to successfully lay siege to a tower that repelled the Chosen One, we’ll need more than just numbers.” A balding man with a scar over one eye splashes a bit of cold water on the gathering. From what I understand, he’s the army’s chief of staff. He’s one of the VIPs I brought to the verge of tears when taunting the elite knight with my squad’s (admittedly inflated) battle results. “The Tower of Duster is hollow, with a narrow staircase twisting up along its walls. So we’ll have to engage the defending demons in a single file along a narrow staircase. The soldiers at the front will fall back as they’re wounded, with fresh forces pushing forward. We’ll have to grind through it step by step. It might even take longer than a full day to fight our way through… Perhaps you have a better plan?” The staff officer looks caught off guard by the question, glancing side to side in panic. Looks like he didn’t have a plan of his own. “I…I’m afraid not, my lord.” Hang in there, Pops… Wait, why is he looking my way? I don’t have any magic schemes up my sleeve, and even if I did, I’m certainly not going to be putting myself on the spot. “I cannot think of a better plan, my lord…however, Sir Six has been gaining renown as the commander able to defeat the demons. Not only that, but he hails from a foreign kingdom, possessing insight that we lack. No doubt he has some wonderful tactics to make up for our shortcomings, as he is always so eager to point them out…” …Well, I guess he kind of took all that criticism personally. I can feel the rest of the eyes in the room turn to me at the suggestion. Dammit, old man, of course you’d turn to me. You couldn’t save your hairline, much less a whole kingdom… The old fart fixes me with a steely gaze. “Well, Sir Six, have you any suggestions?” …I do have one, but to be honest, I’m not sure if this is the right audience for it. The knights in this kingdom are all about honor and chivalry. That’s cute and all, but it doesn’t really mesh well with tactics employed by evil megacorporations. “Light it up.” At this point, I’ve been using my arms as a pillow while I rest my head on the table, just barely looking at the other commanders around me. Everyone seems nonplussed, with several heads tilting to the side. “You mean to propose setting the tower on fire? It was built with brick and mortar. It’s likely impervious to fire.” The question comes from a nearby knight captain, a woman maybe in her midtwenties, who had turned her chair to face me. “No, not the tower itself. You mentioned that the tower was hollow, right? So what we do is take over the first floor, open up all the entrances, and light a huge bonfire in the middle. It’d be like one of those smoking racks they hang meat in. Eventually, we can cook everything in that tower, from the boss demons on down. It’ll be fun!” ………… “Wh-what say you all…? It sounds as though it would be quite an…effective strategy. Yes, quite effective indeed…” It appears the plan has unnerved the old man, as the confident expression on his face falters. “It seems a little extreme, don’t you think? Even if we’re talking about demons here…” “Still, it would keep our losses at a minimum…” “I can’t help but feel this would be crossing a line, not just as knights but as human beings…” The commanders begin talking among themselves, and the room fills with conflicted murmuring. I sit back and watch the debates unfold, stifling a yawn and folding my arms across my chest. …A whole ten minutes later. “Sir Six, we’re very grateful for your proposal, but we’ve decided to go with the frontal assault!” All the other heads in the room nodded along with the old man’s proposal. 2 The tower sits in the middle of a large wasteland, the only building visible for miles around. It’s about the same size as a skyscraper, and it kinda looks like it’s made out of chalk. A large number of knights have already been sent inside. Taking advantage of numbers and plenty of floor space, they’ve already secured the first floor. Alice approaches the tower, patting the outer wall curiously. “So here’s the deal. We’re just going to chill right here until evening.” ““…What?”” Snow and Rose look at me like I’ve grown a second head and blink in confusion. Grimm sits by my side, napping away in her new wheelchair, blissfully unaware of everything as usual. “Have you lost your mind? The siege is already underway. Not to mention that tower’s got demons that beat the Chosen One himself! Imagine the rewards if we were to kill one of them!” Snow raises her fist toward the tower, convinced she can change my mind with enough enthusiasm. “Listen, Snow… The Chosen One’s supposed to be strong enough to beat any of the Demon Lord’s Elite Four one-on-one, right? You’re just going to waltz in there and challenge the ones who beat that same Chosen One? Sorry, not interested. There’s way too much risk and not enough reward. I’m just gonna take a nap instead.” I yawn, setting my pack down and flopping on top of it. Then, I gesture vaguely toward the tower. “I mean, look at how many of us are here. One of the units will end this eventually. If the battle drags on until the evening when Grimm’s awake, well, we can weigh our options again, then.” I leave one eye open to watch Snow’s reaction. A vein bulges in her forehead, and her face rapidly turns a bright scarlet. She really needs to do something about that temper. It’s bad for her blood pressure. “Y-you lazy piece of… I can’t believe I ever thought I could count on you! You’re just useless to the core! Whatever! I’ll go by myself, and I’m sure as hell not sharing any of the reward with you!” Snow gives me an earful and then storms off toward the tower. “Um, Boss…? Are you really okay with this? You’re not actually going to let Snow go by herself, right?” Rose casts a worried glance at Snow as she shrinks in the distance. She seems to be wavering between following her and staying with the rest of us. “It’ll be fine. She’s plenty strong, and she’ll have more than enough backup. I doubt she’ll be in any danger, so she’ll probably just make her way back here once she’s worn herself out.” A few hours later. “…Hahhh… Hahhh…” Snow comes back looking like she’d just run a marathon. “Hahhh… Hahhh… It’s…it’s just about evening, Six… I-is Grimm still asleep?” “She’ll probably wake up soon, but she’s been saying some interesting things in her sleep. We figured we’d let her keep going for a bit.” Grimm, still asleep in her wheelchair, mumbles something every now and then. “Ohhh… Snow… So bold of you…to beg the commander…to do what he pleases… Grope you, ravage you, anything he wants… Such lewd requests…” “Wake the hell up, Grimm! Why are you having such weird, totally fabricated dreams?! If you don’t wake up right now, I’m gonna give you a five-finger wake-up call to the face!” Snow starts shaking Grimm back and forth, and Grimm’s eyes snap open. “Ah! But I was having such a lovely, prophetic dream…” “On second thought, go back to sleep. I’ll lop off your head and bury it so you can enjoy your slumber.” “It took long enough for her to wake up! Don’t coax her back to sleep! Anyway, Alice, how’s it looking? We good to go?” After I talk Snow down from her murderous rage, I turn to Alice, who has completed her evaluation of the tower’s outer surface. “Looks like the tower’s built entirely of stone. Opening a few holes in the walls won’t do anything to the tower’s structure. Just remember that the wind will pick up as you get higher up. Also, make sure of your handholds—it’s easy to misplace your hold in this gloom. Finally, everyone take off your armor, keep your weight down to a bare minimum.” Snow narrows her eyes at Alice in suspicion. “What are you talking about? What are you plotting?” “Plotting? How rude. We’re about to head off and topple this tower.” Snow furrows her brows further. “Wait… You were going on earlier about how you didn’t want to risk it. What changed?” “I said I didn’t want to go after the bosses from the front. And while I’m not quite as ambitious as you are, I do want a share of the glory. Especially if I can get them without a lot of effort or danger. As far as I can tell, a few units have managed to reach the top floor and challenge the bosses. Have they been able to land a few blows on the demons? Maybe weaken them a little?” Snow lets out a derisive snort and shakes her head. “…You’re almost refreshingly treacherous, you know that? …A few have managed to get to the top, but the bosses have had time to prepare. Our forces got wiped out the moment they showed their faces. The enemy is a pair of demons who complement each other rather well. We’re still in the process of looking for weaknesses.” Snow is interrupted by the crunch of a metallic object being driven into stone. A glance at the tower reveals Alice using a small device to drive iron stakes into the tower’s outer wall. “Oh, not bad at all. They go in nice and smooth. Here, take this, Six.” The device Alice hands me is a compact pile driver. It can drive stakes into even the toughest bedrock. “…What is that thing? …Wait, don’t tell me you plan to…” Snow starts sweating bullets as she realizes our intentions. “All right, let’s go. The frontal assault or whatever is taking way too long. Right now, the demons are busy fighting the soldiers on the staircase, and the darkness will make it hard to notice anyone climbing the outer walls. Scaling the tower is probably the last thing they thought anyone would try.” 3 “Close ranks to the right! Take out the caster first! Minimize the damage!” “Push! Use your numbers and push!” I can hear the din of battle through the stone as I continue driving more iron stakes into the tower, leading my squad slowly up the side. The battle raging inside the tower has done a good job of masking our noise. “This…this is just wrong. This can’t be the proper way to besiege a tower…surely…” Right below me, Snow mutters to herself as she follows behind. She’s shed her armor and strapped her sword to her back. The other members of the squad have removed their heavy equipment and join the climb with a light payload. “Hey, Snow, they probably can’t hear you over all the fighting, but try to talk as little as possible. If the enemy finds us here, we’re sitting ducks. You can complain to Alice later.” Without my power armor, there’s no way I’d survive a fall from this height. Now that I’m a good distance up the tower wall, I take my time in driving in the stakes, making sure that each is secure before moving on to the next one. The climb feels endless, with only the steadily increasing wind indicating any progress. Eventually, though, I climb up high enough that I catch a glimpse of the top. “Psst! Six! Hey, Six!” I hear Snow’s urgent whisper from below me. “What is it? And why do you sound so desperate? Wait, don’t tell me… Do you need to go to the little knight’s room…?” “No! I-it’s not that.” Yeah? I wait impatiently for her to explain. “…I got carried away when swinging my sword earlier… My arms can’t take much more of this. They’re starting to tremble…” “You moron! If you fall from here, that’s instant death! And you’ll take the rest of the squad with you!” “I—I know that! I already admitted I got carried away! So what should I do?! I’m seriously freaking out right now!” Snow looks up at me with tears in her eyes. It’s actually kind of a nice change of pace from her usual expression, and I’m pretty tempted to leave her hanging, both literally and figuratively, but Snow’s not the sort to beg unless it’s an actual emergency. I need to take this seriously. “Ugh, fine! Give me your hand!” I bite down and grasp the compact pile driver with my teeth, taking hold of a stake with one hand and reaching down to grab Snow’s hand with the other. “Wh-what are you doing?! Eeep!! Don’t just dangle me with one arm! Gyah!” I ignore Snow’s panic and pull her up to my shoulders. In all honesty, this is actually pretty hard on my arms, considering I’m not in my power armor. Sure, I’ve got cybernetic enhancements, but my physical abilities are basically at the limits of what the human frame can handle. Carrying Snow and her sword one-handed isn’t something I can sustain for long. Mumbling with the pile driver in my mouth, I try to communicate to Snow with my eyes and chin to grab hold of my shoulders. “Gh… S-sorry.” She might be too tired to continue climbing on her own, but she should still be able to cling to me using her arms and legs. I confirm that Snow’s got her arms wrapped securely around my neck, then resume my climb toward the top floor. …Hey, wait a second. This is… “Hey! Tighten your grip a bit. Flatten yourself against me to reduce the effects of the wind!” “G-got it… Like this?” A soft, supple warmth presses against my back. The intimate event I was looking for, at long last. I couldn’t be happier. “This is the first time you’ve been useful today. Hey, if you’re going to be dead weight, the least you can do is press your chest against me a bit more.” “Y-you son of a—! At a time like this?! You really are scum, aren’t you?!” “Sh-shut it! Your huge boobs are pretty much your best asset! I’m letting you make good use of them! You should be thanking me!” “You ass! The moment this mission is done, meet me behind the barracks!” As we continue our whispered argument, we get to a height where we can climb onto the rooftop. A quick downward glance confirms that the others have climbed up without any problems. I expected Rose to be fine, given her physical strength, but even Grimm, ordinarily confined to a wheelchair, has no problems with the pesky sun out of the way. Alice, being an android, had no concerns about fatigue, and taking advantage of her near infinite energy, she took the occasional peek through the tower’s windows on her way up. I address the others in a whisper. “I’ll climb up and scout ahead. Join me when I call on you.” Everyone, except for Snow, who is still on my back, nods in understanding. I drive in the final stake, then poke my head above the edge and sneak a peek. The sun had set a long time ago, leaving the top floor lit only by moon and starlight. In the gloom, I catch sight of two demons. Standing in front of the staircase is a giant bull-headed humanoid carrying an ax. Standing a fair distance away is a ram-headed demon carrying a staff. The invading knights were forced to come up the stairs in a single file but faced attacks from both the front and the side. I gotta give credit where it’s due. The enemy set up in a good location. “Now’s our chance. Let’s call up the others and face them before they notice us,” Snow whispers to me from my back… The two demons, oblivious to our presence, start talking to each other. “Fu-ha-ha-ha! Hey, brother, how many groups does that make it? I haven’t suffered a single scratch yet!” “Hee-hee, I’ve lost count, brother. There have been too many. Besides, we already beat the Chosen One. Mere knights and soldiers don’t stand a chance against us, no matter how many of them there are.” Still carrying Snow on my back, I stealthily climb up onto the top floor. The demons remain ignorant of our arrival, continuing their cheerful conversation. “That’s true. Since we’ve beat the Chosen One, I bet we’ll get promoted to Elite Four status. I’m sure the Demon Lord’s drafting up the orders as we speak.” “Indeed! Come to think of it, we beat the Chosen One when the Elite Four couldn’t. We may not have been able to finish him off, but we got him real good. It’s not a stretch to say we’ve probably surpassed the Elite Four!” “All right, let’s gather the others… Um, Six?” Ignoring Snow, I crawl along the floor, approaching the ram-headed demon. “Fu-ha-ha-ha! The world is ours for the taking, brother! With the two of us together, we can’t lose!” “Hee-hee-hee! That’s right! With the two of us together, we can beat the Chosen One or even the Elite Four! We could probably even give the Demon Lord a run for his money!” The ram-headed one merrily continues his conversation, still blissfully unaware of our presence. He’s standing away from the staircase, glancing down at the battle unfolding in the tower from the ledge near the empty center. I get a bit closer to Ram Head… “H-hey, Six! We’re close enough! Let’s hurry and get the others, and then…” “Fu-ha-ha-ha-ha! Once we beat these fools, we’ll gain even greater fame and glory!” The bull-headed demon lets out a joyful belly laugh. “S…Six?” I stand up behind the ram-headed demon, still carrying Snow on my back. “Hee-hee-hee-hee! Indeed! Our names will echo throughout the world! Just the two of us, Gil the Mighty and Ri—!” I shove Rista the Windbag off the top of the tower. “WHOOOOA! HEY! S-Six! Wh-what the hell?!” “All right, you guys, the coast is clear! Let’s get to work!” I call on the others and wait for them to join us. Snow climbs off my back, drawing her sword and dropping into her fighting stance. She looks at me, her expression torn. I guess she has something to say. “Hey, Six, don’t you think that was a little messed up?! I almost felt sorry for him! I’ve never heard of anyone kicking a boss off a tower before the actual fight!” “Wha—?! Where the hell did you all come from?! Cheeky bastards! C’mon, Rista, let’s get ’em! We’ll use our…” As the other squad members climb up from behind Snow and me to join us on the top floor, Gil glances from side to side, trying to find his companion. “…Rista? Hey, Rista, where’d you run off to?” For understandable reasons, Gil turns his gaze toward Snow and me. Meanwhile, the two of us were looking in the direction that I’d shoved Rista. In a panic, Gil abandons his post in front of the staircase, rushing toward the ledge where Rista fell… “R-Rista?! Rista!” “G-Gil! Heeelp!” I glance down and notice that the ram-headed Rista had managed to grab hold of part of the spiral staircase, hanging off its edge. It’s hard to read expressions on animal-headed demons, but if I had to describe what Rista was feeling right then, I’d say it was desperation. “Damn, I thought he was dead already. Hey, Alice, can you shoot the one clinging to the stairs?” “Wouldn’t be a problem, but why waste the precious ammunition? I bet if you just toss some rocks at him, he’ll slip and fall on his own.” I bend down and grab a rock. “H-hey, stop! Stop, dammit! I won’t let you attack Rista!” Gil announces rather dramatically, throwing himself into my line of sight and blocking me from throwing rocks at Rista. “I won’t let you lay a finger on him! I don’t know where you came from or how we got into this situation, but I’ll see to it that no harm comes to him!” “…Ugh, now I feel bad… Why is he making this difficult?” Rose lets out a soft whimper, cringing as she looks at Gil bravely putting himself between us and the vulnerable Rista. I don’t know why she’s saying that. I’d say this situation is actually pretty cut-and-dried. “All right, we’re going to surround him. The moment he moves to attack one of us, the rest of us will throw rocks at the one hanging on to the stairs.” “Impressive, Six, a wonderful plan. The very model of a Kisaragi employee. Letting him hear his companion’s cries of distress so that he can’t actually attack anyone was a nice touch.” Glad someone appreciates when a beautiful plan comes together. “Hey, Gil, was it? Heh-heh-heh, you can move if you want, but I think you can guess what will happen to your precious partner if you do… All right. Snow and I will be on standby with rocks. The rest of you, use ranged attacks to hit him from outside his reach!” “““Y-yikes…””” The three squadron members aside from me and Alice cringe and look a bit apologetic as they carry out their orders. Gil the Mighty lets out a cry of despair as he does his best to block the attacks with his ax. “DAMN IT AAAAALL!” “—Gil! Gil, are you all right?” Rista the Clever shouts out as he scrambles up the stairs. “He’s alive…but I wouldn’t say he’s all right.” Gil actually put up a decent amount of resistance. More, if I’m honest, than I expected. By the time he collapsed onto the floor, Rista had managed to pull himself back up to safety. He then gathered his underlings as reinforcements to help the beleaguered Gil…… “You bastards…! You not only shove me off the ledge when my guard is down but then use me as a hostage to beat up on Gil?! Don’t think any of you will get out of this alive! You’re all dead!” Rista snarls in rage, glaring daggers at us. I rather casually hold out my palm toward him to stop him from making any rash moves. “Easy now, didn’t you hear what I said? He’s alive, but I wouldn’t say he’s all right. Do you understand what that means?” As each side prepares to attack the other, and the tension in the room is rising rapidly, I smile disarmingly at Rista. Despite my attempt at putting Rista at ease, the ram-headed demon backs away at my expression. “…Your precious partner is barely clinging to life. He might make it if you can get him immediate medical attention. So here’s my question.” The color appears to drain from Rista’s face, and he swallows, tensing. “How highly do you value your partner’s life?” In response to my question, a familiar voice echoes in my head. <Evil Points acquired.> 4 Someone’s at the door again. “Six, you there?” Ah, Snow again. …Whatever she wants, it’s probably not a big deal. “The gentle and purehearted Mr. Six is off picking up trash by the river.” “Cut the crap! I knew you were here!” Snow bursts into the room, huffing angrily. It’s already well past 2200 hours. It’s a bit late for a social call. “What do you want, Boobzilla? Coming to a man’s room at this late hour… Is this a booty call?” “Stop with that dumb name! What if the others start calling me that?” “Hey, Boobzilla. Do you want me to give you two some private time?” “Alice! You too?!” Snow struggles to get her breathing under control, taking a few moments to rein in her anger. She then thrusts a large leather bag in my direction. “…And this is?” I take the bag and peer inside…and I freeze up. “This is your pay. Base pay plus reward money from your recent victories… I still can’t believe it. Climbing the outside of a tower, tossing a boss off the ledge—such ludicrous tactics!” Noting that I’ve gone completely still since peering inside the bag, Alice comes to take a look herself. “…Wow.” “…And the worst part has to be cutting a deal with a demon! Sure, that got us the tower treasure with minimal losses, but taking hostages like that! It’s dishonorable! …Hey, why are you frozen like that?” Snow’s suspicious tone helps me snap back to reality, and I confirm the contents of the bag. Gold coins…a mountain of gold coins. “Um, so Snow. Just how much are these gold coins worth in this kingdom?” “Worth? Oh, right, I’d almost forgotten you don’t remember basics like the value of money. Well, that amount would be enough for a household to enjoy a full year of luxury.” “…Seriously?” I’m trying to be sarcastic as I numbly grasp the bag, but Snow appears to have mistaken my incredulity for disappointment. “Mm… I suppose you feel it’s not enough. I understand. I’ve always been prickly about my reward money, too. Still, you have to understand in spite of all your achievements, you’re still just a squadron commander. Don’t worry, though. Once you’ve gained some rank, they’ll reward you with enough money to make that amount seem like pocket cha—” Before Snow could finish, I turn to Alice and tell her in Japanese: “<Alice, I think I’m gonna quit this spy business. I’m going native.>” “<Hold it. Since you’re saying this in Japanese, I’m assuming you’re serious.>” Alice looks at me seriously. The dry wit is gone from her voice. “<Listen, all right? There was this one time where I’d spent over a month fighting in the Sahara Desert, and when I finally get home, do I get so much as a ‘Welcome back’? Nope. Instead, my superior makes me run out and fetch her potato chips. And you know how much I got paid for that month’s work? After tax withholding and insurance premiums, I was left with a measly 180,000 yen.>” “<I’m honestly surprised you didn’t quit a long time ago.>” Snow furrows her brow in suspicion at our Japanese conversation. “What is it, you two? You’re speaking in that odd tongue again.” “Don’t worry about it. Six was just excited and started babbling in his native language. It was more money than he was expecting.” Snow doesn’t look convinced and tilts her head as she listens to Alice. “R-really? Well, I suppose that’s fine, then… Oh, Alice, this is your cut.” “Oh, I appreciate it. It’s the first time I’ve gotten anything since Six gave me my shotgun.” I mean, sure, I suppose she described the shotgun as a present, but she’s the one who actually sent the request, using my points as payment. It’s not that big of a deal, is it? Still, despite all that, Alice does carry that shotgun everywhere, almost like a favorite toy. And she seems pretty pleased about receiving her own sack of money. …Well, if she does consider her favorite thing in the world to be a gift from me, I’ve got no problems with that.