CHAPTER 3 Carnivorous Chimera 1 The audience chamber, kingdom of Grace. “Snow, raise your head,” Tillis orders a trembling Snow. “…Yes, Your Highness.” Seems they haven’t found the king yet since Tillis is sitting on the throne. Having successfully escaped…that is, returned, from Toris, we’re here to report on our mission. As a result of our report, Snow is bowed flat against the floor, head pressed down in supplication and avoiding eye contact with the calmly smiling Tillis. She fearfully raises her head, trying to gauge the mood in the room. “Snow, what’s done is done,” I tell her. “Stop moping and move on.” “You bastard! You bastard! YOU BASTAAAARD!” Snow jumps up and snarls at me at my attempt to comfort her. My ultimate party trick froze time in the banquet hall, then caused the knights to go berserk. Alice got us out of the situation with her quick thinking, taking Engel hostage and buying us the space to get out of the castle… “I did not expect to receive a declaration of war for sending Snow on a mission of friendship.” What comes out of Tillis’s mouth sounds like a half chuckle. Her tone is mild, but her eyes show no sign of amusement. “Your Highness! It’s truly not my fault. I was a step away from successfully seducing Prince Engel! If I, Snow, wound up unable to ride a unicorn, Toris would owe our kingdom, and I could indulge in a life of luxury. Hence I put myself out there with the intent to seduce him…” “I—I see. I had hoped you would use some of your wiles, but I did not expect that level of commitment from you…” Tillis seems a little repulsed by the explanation, but Snow points her finger at me. “But this fool ruined it all! Six, what possessed you to do something so stupid?! Just how badly diseased is your soul that you could place such a thing atop the prince’s head?!” “How dare you call it stupid! It’s a legendary party trick in my country! Each country has its own culture and its own standards. It’s a big world. Don’t judge everything by your narrow standards.” Still, I do feel a little bad about it, and I’m sitting on the floor with my legs under me in penitence. “A-and why did you, Sir Six, perform such a party trick…?” “I was pissed off. I guess I regret it now, though.” “Put more sincerity behind your apology, dammit!” I mean, what’s done is done. I wish we could move on already. “In addition to the crime against the prince…the declaration of war notes that there were attempts at intimidation…” Tillis looks over the declaration, then casts her gaze to Snow. “Oh! That’s all her!” I said. “She was throwing in little threats here and there. She even requested bribes from their diplomrrrph…!” “Damn you! It’s a misunderstanding, Your Highness. I wasn’t trying to intimidate them. I was only trying to secure an advantage in negotiations by showing we had the teeth to back up our words… As for a bribe? Why, that was also a diplomatic tactic! I was only trying to see how they’d react to a straight-up demand!” Snow covers my mouth with her hand, flinging outlandish excuses to see if they’ll stick. Tillis calmly gazes down at Snow from the throne. “Snow, Captain of the Royal Guard. You are hereby stripped of your command. You are to remain in your current role and continue serving as second in command of the squadron.” “Noooooo… Just as I finally recover my position, I’m demoted again…” Tears stream down Snow’s face, but Tillis simply sighs. “Well, it appears I have to add this mess to the list of issues to deal with… Sir Six, what do you intend to do? Unfortunately, blame for this incident rests squarely upon our shoulders. Even if we engage in open warfare, it’s likely our neighboring countries will side with Toris…” “Alice says we should go around loudly advertising the fact that Toris has signed a nonaggression pact with the Demon Lord. Declare them enemies of humanity. If they bring up this incident, we deny it ever happened and claim it’s a lie they’ve made up to distract from the fact they’ve betrayed everybody else.” Tillis goes motionless for a moment, then raises her brow. “…I’m well aware I’m no saint, but her personality is something else. Still, let us go with that tactic for the neighboring countries. The nonaggression pact is real, after all…” Even as she seems a little put off by the sheer audacity of the tactic, Tillis nods her assent to the proposal. Alice figures so long as we stick to our story, the other countries won’t consider us the only bad guy in this fight. “No doubt Toris will require time to prepare for war, so I doubt they will invade any time soon. At this point, there’s nothing we can do but reinforce our defenses and prepare for attacks from both the Demon Lord’s Army and Toris.” Tillis appears to have settled that particular issue to her satisfaction, her expression softening into something less stern. “Still, the primary issue remains… How shall we secure the water we need…?” She frowns with concern… As though waiting for that opening, Snow raises her head and pipes up. “Your Highness, I believe I have a solution! This man can requisition items from his country. Why not have him request a large supply of water? And once that solves our water problems, perhaps I can be restored to my old rank…” “Hold up, just how many points do you think I have? It’d cost way too much to get enough water to fill the needs for an entire country! Besides, this is your fault for taking so long to seduce that old man! That body of is yours is your only real asset, and you can’t even use it properly!” Snow raises her brows in anger…! “That’s enough out of you! It’s your damned fault I got demoted!” “Yeah? You wanna go? Want a piece of this?! I’ll kick your sorry ass!” As we start grappling, Tillis lets out a sigh of exasperation. While locked in a test of arm strength with me, Snow appears to have a realization of some sort. “Wait! Your Highness, the rain-making artifact is still usable! With His Majesty nowhere to be found, if Your Highness can take it upon yourself…!” “Still, the primary issue remains… How shall we secure the water we need…?” Tillis completely ignores Snow, repeating her line from earlier. Still grappling with Snow, I lower my voice and start whispering. “Hey, Snow, I’ll grab Tillis. You go gather up enough people for the ritual. We aren’t betraying her; it’s for the good of the country. Gather a crowd in the courtyard and tell them Tillis is going to activate the artifact…” “Of course, we can make it impossible for her to back down! You’re right. This isn’t a betrayal; it’s to save the country. No doubt in the end, Her Highness will understand…” “Ah, I’ve got it!” Tillis interrupts our whispered conversation with an overly cheerful note. Is it my imagination, or does she seem a little panicked? “Knight Snow, I hereby task you with an assignment.” Noticing my gaze, Tillis hardens her expression, turning a solemn look toward the kneeling Snow. “The Tezan Desert, the desolate domain of the Sand King. You are aware of tales that the center of this desert is lush with vegetation, yes? And what the fruits that grow on these trees can do?” “Yes, Your Highness! The water fruits, despite being only the size of a fingertip, produce a pool’s worth of water when squeezed… Um… Your Highness? I’m sure I’m mistaken but…” Tillis orders flatly to a pale and trembling Snow. “Go get those fruits.” 2 “I’m not going! You can’t make me! The Sand King is one of those giant monsters that even the Demon Lord runs away from! Wandering into its territory is suicide!” Rose is throwing a tantrum, clinging to the city gate and refusing to budge. “It’s all right, Rose, we’re not actually going to fight the Sand King! Besides, I’m told the Sand King’s only active during the day. We’re going to sneak in and out at night, all right? I’ll buy you lots of delicious meat when we return!” “Stop fighting! If I’m getting dragged into it, so are you! Snow’ll buy you delicious meats, and I’ll prepare some rare sweets! You ever had candy? Besides, we’re all responsible for screwing up that last mission! You can’t just sit this one out!” Snow and I try our hand at persuasion, but Rose digs her nails into the city gate and refuses to budge. “You can’t get me to listen to you just by offering me tasty food! As for the last mission being everyone’s fault, I didn’t even do anything! Though I am interested in that ‘candy’ you mentioned! What’s it like?” Despite the tears welling up in her eyes, Rose appears to be less panicked than she lets on, and Alice takes out something, offering it to Rose. “Well, if the two of them are offering you treats, I’ll offer a power-up item. Do you know what this is?” It appears this draws Rose’s curiosity, and she stops crying. “…What is it?” “This is a battery. It’s concentrated electric energy. Try eating it. You’ll be able to breathe lightning breath…” “I’m not eating that! That’s clearly not food!” Rose turns her face away, but Snow and I exchange glances. “Now, now. It’s not good to be a picky eater. Here, let me feed it to you. If you eat this and get stronger, you won’t have to worry about the Sand King. Please, Rose, just say ‘ah’…” “Wh-whoa, I’m actually kind of impressed. She’s resisting my power armor…! But give it up! Starting today, you’re going to be the Electric Chimera…!” “I’ll go! I’ll go already! I’ll go; just don’t make me eat that!” Piling into the buggy, we speed along the dark roads with the night vision–equipped Alice at the wheel. “Sniff, sniff… When we get home you owe me delicious meat and candy… I won’t forget…” “I won’t forgive them… I absolutely won’t forgive them… That Harmel, who whispered sweet words to me despite being engaged… Gilbert, who showed me kindness despite having a wife and children… Isaac, who offered me a hand, telling me I would ruin my dress, then turned out to be gay… All the men of that kingdom, all of them, toying with my feelings…!” Grimm mutters darkly. She had gotten into the buggy early, keeping to herself while we struggled to convince Rose. Seems she’s still smarting from her failures in Toris. It’s not like any of the men did her wrong. It was Grimm who was getting the wrong idea, but it doesn’t seem that logic is going to work on this walking time bomb. Oh, speaking of which. “Hey, Grimm, I wanted to ask you something.” Something had been bothering me since that evening. “What is it, Commander? I’m in a bad mood. I’m fouler than the Demon Lord’s Army and pointier than Blood the Hedgehog! Watch yourself. I’ll curse you if you ask a stupid question!” “I just wanted to ask about your curses, Miss Dumpsalot… Okay, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean that! Don’t glare at me while clutching a doll! It’s creepy as hell!” Yeah, what I wanted to ask about was her curses. When we were in Toris the other day, the prince was acting pretty oddly. Or, more precisely, he was the complete opposite of his reputation. And something about that bothered me. “What is it? Do you want to curse someone? What a coincidence! I’m in a mood to curse someone tonight. How about it, Commander? Once we’re done with this mission, shall we go on a curse-spreading date?” “Hell no. And what the hell is a curse-spreading date anyway? Do you go around cursing random people every time you’re dumped?” Grimm hugs her knees to her chest, looking at me with her head tilted to one side. “So you tossed a curse at me when we were in the castle in Toris, right? The impotence one. What happens if the target dodges the curse? I noticed the ring you offered as a sacrifice vanished.” “Ordinarily, you can’t actually dodge a curse. But, well, let’s take Heine for example. When I was trying to curse her, the bitch hid behind a golem. Basically, unless you hide behind a wall that’s been animated using magic, the curse keeps going until it hits a living creature and triggers…” Grimm trails off mid-explanation, the color swiftly draining from her face. “So where did that curse go?” “I bet it went out to play.” I grab Grimm’s head as she tries to look away. “Are you familiar with the prince of Toris’s reputation and all the rumors surrounding him?” “Nope, not at all. Rose is my only friend, after all. I have no one to trade gossip with!” I ignore Grimm’s casually depressing statement. “The prince had quite a reputation as a handsy old fart. He couldn’t keep his hands to himself when he saw a beautiful young woman. Snow was all excited hearing about that reputation, but he basically ignored her efforts…” Grimm curls her lips into a slight smile, then presses her index finger to my lips to quiet me. “Say, Commander? Isn’t the idea of sharing a secret kind of romantic?” I swat her hand out of the way. “Nope! Not at all! Hey, listen up, everyone! Looks like Grimm really stepped in it this time!” “Wait, Commander! We can’t be sure that it’s my curse’s fault! There might be other reasons! Like he might just have been sick that day! Or maybe Snow just wasn’t very attractive!” “What did you just say, Grimm? Something about me being unattractive?” Ah-ha! So that old man got hit by Grimm’s curse and became impotent! “Damn! That’s a whole new type of scary! I mean, there are times when I’m repelled by Snow’s greed and occasional shortcomings, but you’re on a completely different level of awful!” “H-how about if we think of it this way? I protected Snow’s virtue! I—I mean Snow was about to sell herself for way below market value! A girl should be pickier about who she lets touch her!” Grimm starts laying out an unconvincing string of excuses. “Uh, didn’t you show me your underwear when we first met?” “W-well that…! At the time I thought you were a good catch! Young and already a squadron commander! I didn’t know you were a spendthrift, perennial lackey who was a complete failure as a man…” …… “As for ‘girls’ being pickier about who they get close to, are you even at an age where you can call yourself a girl?” “O Great Lord Zenarith, I beseech thee! Deliver disaster unto this man! Become unable to masturbate…!” “Stop! If you trigger that curse I’m gonna make you pay for it with your body!” I hurriedly hold down Grimm to stop her curse, when I hear soft laughter coming from next to me. This is hardly the time to be laughing; not when we’re about to go strolling through the Sand King’s domain. I look over to see which fool is laughing and see Rose happily giggling away. “Boss. I’m still afraid of the Sand King, but I don’t mind going out on trips with everyone like this. It’s like a picnic!” The innocent laughter drains the malice from Grimm and me. We just exchange glances and let out a tired laugh. 3 “Say, Rose. You said something about it being like a picnic earlier,” Grimm comments. “Are you sure? Can you look at this and say the same thing? Whose mouth was going on about picnics? Was it this one?” “Ow, ow! I’m thowwy! I’m thowwy!” Our buggy is currently stuck in the jaws of a giant antlion. “Can you two stop playing around and do something? What the hell is that thing?!” Flashing a light out into the night reveals a giant grotesque bug. Grabbing the seat in front of me as the buggy tilts to the side, I call out to Grimm, who is busily pinching Rose’s cheeks. “That’s a huge antlion! It’s a deadly magical monster that makes its nests in the Tezan Desert, devouring passing animals! This is definitely the wrong kind of opponent for a delicate and frail Miss Grimm! In fact, I really can’t handle bugs at all!” “Owfh! Ow!” Grimm’s hands tighten their grip on Rose’s cheeks. “S-so what are we going to do, Six?” Snow asks. “Kill it? That thing’s a pretty strong opponent! It’s true that given my recent demotion, I’d like to have some wins under my belt, but…” “I’m pretty fond of resting on my laurels myself, but not enough to take on that thing…! I know! Bug spray! Let’s have Kisaragi send us enough of the powerful bug spray, Zap’em, to take out this bug…” I reach for my wrist teleporter in a panic. Alice, who had been randomly shifting gears, turns to me and snaps me out of it. “Do you have any idea how much bug spray we’d need to kill something that big? Hold on, I’m going to floor it. Kisaragi Corporation vehicles have excellent performance. No mere bug is going to defeat one.” As a fellow Kisaragi-manufactured machine, Alice apparently doesn’t want our buggy to lose. She revs up the buggy’s engine and accelerates. The rapidly spinning tires eat away at the giant creature’s body. Unable to bear it for long, the antlion opens its jaws, letting us go. As the buggy lands on the soft sand below and escapes, everyone inside lets out a sigh of relief. “<Hey, Alice, don’t you think this planet’s got too much in the way of dangerous fauna? I mean, first the forest and now this. Are you sure our bosses want land crawling with these things? Why don’t we just abandon this place and head back to Earth?>” “<However inhospitable it might seem, land is still land. If the population keeps growing at the current rate, we’ll run out of habitable land on Earth sometime in the next ten years. Dangerous life-forms can be exterminated. Desolate lands can be improved. There’s nothing we can’t do. Kisaragi’s technology is amazing. After all, it created me.>” Alice replies to my remark in Japanese. Evidently, she’s got a lot of confidence and pride in the Kisaragi technology that created her. She’s not usually so assertive. “<…Well, I suppose. Yeah, you’re right. I don’t know what this Sand King actually is, but for Kisaragi, it’s just another target. Besides, if we can get rid of it, our rivals will calm down a bit, right? In that case, killing it now is a pretty viable option. Kill it and force the demons to hand over some of their territory.>” “<Good thinking, Six. I’m glad you haven’t forgotten our assignment. Let’s increase Kisaragi’s territory by the end of the month. All we’ve got right now is that tiny hideout. We need to fulfill our quota before Astaroth loses her patience.>” Alice and I share a malicious grin. A moon larger than the one seen from Earth quietly illuminates the desert sky. Thanks to the abundant light, we easily find the trees we’re looking for. Dismounting from the buggy, we take a few steps to check the ground underfoot. I stomp hard enough that my footfalls ring out with audible thumps, but perhaps because of the root systems, the ground is as firm as stone. “Huh, there’s actually trees growing in the middle of the desert. They don’t seem to have leaves. I wonder if they’re a type of cactus.” “Could be there’s an aquifer below us. You guys start gathering the fruits. I’ll search underground.” Leaving Alice to her surveying, I take a glance around. “It’s not just the animals on this planet that are weird. The plant life’s odd, too. Is there really water in this tiny fruit?” I pick a piece of fruit growing on one of the trees and stare intently at it. “I’m told those fruits are sealed with magic, compressing the water inside. If you use dispelling magic and squeeze it, it’ll produce an enormous amount of water. If we grab all the fruit we see, it should be enough of an accomplishment to undo my demotion!” At Snow’s excited talk, Alice twitches. “Again with the magic. Every time I hear that ridiculous word, it’s like a direct insult to my very existence.” “Does this brat still not believe magic is real?! I mean, you’ve seen me curse people. How do you explain the fact that my dolls and rings disappear as payment?” These two can’t seem to let this subject drop. Every time magic comes up they get into an argument. Alice raises her head slowly, as if not wanting to deal with the subject, and starts manipulating her teleporter. A few moments later, underground surveying equipment appears near her hands. “See? I just produced tools out of thin air. This isn’t magic. Since I can do the same thing, Grimm’s sacrifices aren’t evidence of magic.” “Wait a minute. That thing you two are always doing—it’s not magic?! How do you explain the fact that I can’t wear shoes as a price for one of my curses?” I get that science and superstition are like oil and water, but given the fact there might be monsters nearby, I wish they’d argue a little more quietly. “I keep telling you. Curses are just a form of hypnosis. As for these ‘costs’ when you fail. It’s just self-suggestion to strengthen the hypnotic effect.” “What a stubborn little brat! Fine! If you’re going to insist, I’ll cast a curse on you! If you want to keep claiming it’s hypnosis then be my guest!” Grimm clutches at a doll, glaring sharply at Alice— “Hey, Six, go ahead and restrain Grimm for a bit. I’ll have Kisaragi send us some shoes, and we can force her to wear them. I’m tired of moving her around on a wheelchair. I’ll prove to her once and for all that there’s no such thing as curses or costs.” “All right, leave it to me.” “Noooooo! Stop! Don’t you dare! If you put shoes on me, my body will explode into a million pieces! You don’t want to see something that gory, do you?! You won’t be able to eat for at least three days!” Seriously? She explodes if she ignores the cost of a curse? “Self-destructing is the dream of every villain. If Grimm explodes, we’ll go ahead and promote her into a full Kisaragi operative. I’ll leave a Kisaragi badge on your grave.” “Commander! Stop this child! Snow! Rose! Stop gathering fruit and help me!” As Grimm struggles against my restraining hold, Alice begins working with her device— Just then… “Wh-whoa?! A-an earthquake?!” At the sudden shaking under my feet, I can’t help but let go of Grimm. The others lose their footing from the shaking and crouch down, while the newly released Grimm opens some distance between us. “Now see! This is Lord Zenarith’s anger! Your disrespect toward me caused the ground to shake!” She puffs out her chest and points her finger at Alice… But Alice ignores both Grimm and the earthquake, starting her survey of the ground below. “You little brat. You’ve been getting away with far too much blasphemy! Go on, apologize to Miss Grimm…” But before Grimm can finish speaking, the ground shakes again, as if reacting to the yelling. Everyone in the area goes quiet. “…Guys, get in the buggy. Not another word. Just get in quietly. We’re leaving.” Alice looks up from her survey and issues the instructions. I can’t shake the bad feeling in the pit of my stomach, but I follow the instructions without complaint. The others, feeling something is amiss, climb into the buggy without a sound. Once Alice confirms everyone’s here, she silently revs the engine—! “Hey, Alice, I’m tired of this planet. Can we go home yet?” “Don’t say things like that, partner. This planet’s got so many interesting things going for it!” The ground shakes much more violently as the buggy darts ahead. “The ground’s starting to bulge. What’s going on?!” “Looks like we’re currently on the Sand King’s back. After checking the results of my scan, it seems this entire area registers as a life-form.” Even as Alice explains, the trees receding in the distance begin to bulge upward. With it flows a torrent of sand. The moonlight reveals a giant mole with trees growing on its back. Roughly the size of a school gymnasium, this is the giant monster known as the Sand King. “Wow, that’s the first time I’ve seen the Sand King. I heard it was big, but I had no idea it was that big…” Rose observes rather casually as Snow gazes intently at the gathered fruit. “Say, Six. Does that mean this fruit is the Sand King’s…?” “It’s probably an organ for storing water, yeah. Not sure running off with them was a good idea.” As if in response, the Sand King finishes its leisurely process of standing and glances at our buggy. To be honest, it’s kinda cute, and it twitches its nose just before— “Six! The Sand King’s following us! Wh-wh-what do we do? It’s really fast for its size! It’s going to catch us!” Despite its enormous size, it races after the buggy. “Alice! Can’t this thing go any faster?! You said Kisaragi’s technology is awesome! Didn’t you say there’s nothing we couldn’t do?!” “Calm down, Six. Kisaragi’s save and load technology is peerless. I’ll do better next time.” “You’re the only one who can make use of it! Screw it! Let’s play whack-a-mole!” With a body that big, I doubt even a rifle will do much to it. But if I can get close enough to slash a vital organ with my R-Buzzsaw…! “Hold on, Six. When I give the signal, jump out of the car. Don’t make a sound. Also, no movement of any kind, no matter what happens.” After issuing some odd instructions, Alice unlocks the doors, then suddenly turns the wheel, sending the buggy skidding into a wide arc. “Now!” I jump out of the buggy at Alice’s command, rolling onto the desert sands. Instead of attacking me, the Sand King chases after the buggy heading off in the opposite direction. The buggy and Sand King recede into the distance. I guess the Sand King eventually caught up to the buggy and attacked it, given the distant sounds of an explosion… “We should be far enough away now.” With the buggy destroyed by the Sand King, we’ve started our walk back to town. Lit by the shimmering moon’s glow, Alice leads the way without so much as stumbling on the sand. “Doesn’t seem it’s nearby for the time being. Moles have poor eyesight, but they can find their prey through sound and vibrations.” “Dammit! Trudging across the desert on foot?! This is torture! And of course we lost the buggy. All those points down the drain…” It’s been several hours since the Sand King started chasing us. We’ve been walking the whole time. “Hey, Six, what’s your point count?” “I’ve only got ten right now. Having them send us a tent will clean me out. I was still in the negatives until last month. Yet, I managed to save up a pretty impressive amount by diligently doing acts of villainy…” “J-just what are d-diligent acts of villainy…?” It costs about three hundred points to secure a buggy, and I spent most of my points ordering a buggy for our trip to Toris and buying equipment to fight the past few skirmishes. I want to get some sort of vehicle to cross this damn desert, but I can’t do that with the points on hand. “So, Rose… You’re gonna get a lot of meat and sweets when we get back to town, right? I’ll buy you lots of veggies if you carry me on your back. The cold sands at night are pretty harsh on bare feet. And I left my wheels at my room.” “Why did you try a curse that would make it impossible to wear shoes? Wasn’t there a better curse to try?” Behind us, Grimm is begging for Rose to carry her. “That’s a long story. A very long story… The story begins…years ago…” “Wait, how many years ago…? I think I missed a word…” It’s a peaceful conversation. Makes it pretty hard to believe we were being chased by the Sand King a few hours ago. Snow furrows her brow, smiling ruefully. “I dropped most of the fruits while running away and only kept one, but…” She holds up the small fruit. “Look, Six. We took water from the Sand King and got away without losing anyone. That’s plenty to be proud of… You agree, right?” Illuminated by the glow of the incredibly large moon, she smiles happily. Snow’s smile is infectious as the others all relax with the realization we’ve escaped the Sand King’s wrath. Far from Earth on this moonlit desert… “…Yeah, agreed.” …I couldn’t help but smile as well.
Chapter 18
25 min read