Chapter 16

2 Gunshots ring out under an alien sky. Each time my assault rifle spits out rounds, the enemies around me randomly take cover. “Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! Kneel before the Kisaragi Corporation’s Agent Six! Be sure to mention my name when they ask who sent you to hell!” “Boss! Can’t you stop using that line? It makes us sound like the bad guys!” As I cackle and eliminate the enemy, Rose, the Artificial Chimera, sighs. She keeps the enemy from closing in, kicking the ones that get too close. “Don’t be ridiculous! This is war! Winning is all that matters! They say the good guys always win, right? That means winning justifies everything else! It doesn’t matter how much villainy I’m up to on a daily basis. So long as I win, I’m still the hero!” “I may not be very smart, but I’m pretty sure you’re wrong there!” Tiger Man is leading the remaining Kisaragi operatives against the Demon Lord’s Army coming from a different direction. My squadron is taking on one of the enemy’s elite companies. Ordinarily, it’s not a force you take on with just five members, but hey, I’m known as Agent Six, Kisaragi’s oldest surviving veteran elite combat operative. Thanks to the marvels of modern technology, Alice and I use the devastating power of firearms to overpower the demons who brought swords and knives to a gun fight. Rose backs away from me a bit as I cackle and fire off random shots from my rifle. Snow comes to join me instead, looking quite pleased with herself. “Six! There’s a lot of them. Use that weird weapon to wipe them all out! I’ve gotten to do enough test cuts with my new sword! I’ll give you a full account of this wonderful blade’s edge over drinks… It slices through flesh like it’s butter…” “Hard pass on the gory stories! Hang on a sec; I’ll take out the Demon Lord’s Army for you. Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Who’s next on the chopping block? Come get som—” With a loud click, my assault rifle stops firing. “Um… Uh-oh. Gimme a sec, my gun just jammed…!” I smack my rifle, trying to remove the jammed round. Snow’s expression sours with concern. “H-hey, Six! They’ve surrounded us! H-h-hurry up! Quick!” “Don’t rush me! Shaking me will only slow me down! Where the hell is Grimm? This is why we have her, isn’t it?!” Yes, Grimm, Archbishop of the dark god Zenarith. As a follower of a dark god, she doesn’t do a whole lot during the day, but she’s useful against a large group of enemies like this one. “She’s the best one to hold off…” I get the jammed round out of my rifle and turn around to see…Grimm sitting there in her wheelchair, happily asleep and drooling from the corner of her mouth. “She fell sleep as soon as the battle started.” “Take advantage of the fact that she’s sleeping and toss her out there!” A lizard-shaped demon jumps at me while I’m barking orders at Rose. Just as the demon leaps, its flank gets pumped full of shotgun shells, and it crumples to the ground with a whimper before going still. “Thanks, Alice! I guess you can be useful from time to time!” “Yep, I’m the high-spec pretty-girl android Meowlice, after all. But pay attention, here come the next ones.” The demons in front of us advance, as though they were waiting for Alice’s go-ahead. I send the requisition I scrawled before battle, then shoot off a burst of rifle fire. As the demons cower at the gunfire, I grab the teleported object and toss it toward them. “Scared me for a second there, you bastards! Taste the power of SCIENCE!” I take cover. The high-yield explosive I tossed into the group of the demons goes off with a blast, cutting down the horde! 3 We’re greeted by an adoring crowd when we return to the city. “Good work, Man in Black!” “Man in Black, you’re so dreamy! You’re so cool!” “Welcome back, Captain Snow!” “Hey, it’s the Fly! Zip down your fly!” The phrase “Man in Black” refers to the awesome sight of me dressed in Kisaragi battle armor. With our string of victories, I’ve become a favorite among the citizens… “You goddamned brats! That’s the last damned straw! I’m going to shove some Diet Coke and Mentos up your ass!” “Gaaaaaaah! You’re acting like an overgrown child, Fly! Help! HELP!” I chase after the brat who called me the Fly, but the soldiers who came to greet us hurriedly rush up to stop me. “Sir Six! I apologize for interrupting your righteous fury, but I have a message from Princess Tillis. She requests your presence at the castle once you’ve rested. We’ll make sure to give the lad a stern talking-to… Sir Six, S-Sir Six! Please don’t do that to a child!” And so we arrive at the tavern that’s become our go-to watering hole on this planet. “Well, here’s to our victory! Cheers!” ““Cheers!”” With our reward money in hand, we’ve come for a celebratory drink. “…Aaah! There’s nothing like a beer after a good day’s work! Hey, drinks are on me tonight! Drink up!” “Hey, Six, pay me the money you owe me before you go off buying everyone drinks.” Alice usually stays home because she doesn’t eat or drink, but she decided to tag along tonight. She starts the evening by pouring cold water on the party. “Thank you, Boss!” Rose cries. “You’re the best boss in the world when you’re paying for my food! And I look up to you, too!” “It’s so true. I can’t say I dislike how generous you can be! But your spending habits make you less than ideal as a partner!” Alice adds. “Ha-ha! You’re far too kind! Food and drinks are on me again on payday!” “Th-that sounds like praise to you…?” Snow looks at me with exasperation, taking small sips of her drink. “Huh, it’s pretty rare for you to come with us, Alice. Did Lilith give you a digestive system?” “You’ve even dropped the pretense of hiding our identities ever since Snow found out about our spying. I suppose I should’ve expected that given you’re a meathead, but still…” Currently, our position in the kingdom is a bit complicated. I’m a mercenary hired to lead a squadron and the liaison to the Kisaragi Corporation. And yet for some reason, Snow, who was promoted back to captain of the Royal Guard, is still tagging along with our group. She insists she’s been assigned to keep an eye on us, but I’m pretty sure she’s been sent here to get her out of the way. I’ve already explained to the squad members that Alice and I come from another world. At first, they stared at me like I had a few screws loose in my head, but now they’ve accepted that we’re mages from beyond the stars. “I’m here as part of my investigations into the planet. It’s possible that the stuff locals eat is poisonous to humans from Earth. Do you even know where that meat on your plate came from?” Alice’s question prompts me to stare closely at the plate in front of me… “Hey, barkeep! What do you use in the daily specials I order?” “Hmm? You’ve been eating it all this time without knowing? Today’s meat is orc. The skirmishes with the Demon Lord’s Army’s made quality orc meat nice and cheap.” Hearing that, I set my plate to the side. “What’s wrong, Boss? I’ll eat it if you don’t want it.” “You won’t eat grasshoppers, but you’re fine with orc? Aren’t orcs, well…the things on two legs we fight all the time? Pretty sure they can talk.” I’ve eaten most things over my career, but I have to admit I’m a little creeped out by the idea of eating sentient creatures I can chat with. Alice looks curiously at the contents of my plate, while Snow lets out a dismissive snort. “I didn’t realize you had such a delicate stomach,” Snow scoffs. “Our kingdom is mostly wasteland, and water is precious. That makes vegetables rare and valuable. But you can find meat everywhere you look. Picky eaters don’t last long around these parts. Here, have some supopocchi and poison spoiler.” “Stop that! Don’t put that weird crap on my plate! The second one sounds pretty dangerous!” Snow pushes a plate in front of me, which I promptly shove back in her direction. Alice chooses that moment to pipe up. “Hey, you lot. You’re off tomorrow, right? If you want to earn a little extra money, I’d like your help with a job.” “Sure, but it’ll cost you a pretty penny. Mr. Six doesn’t come cheap.” “…It’s supposed to be your job, too, but whatever…” Alice rolls her eyes at me. Rose looks over apologetically. “I’m sorry. I already promised Grimm I’d help her with something tomorrow…” “Yes, I’m afraid tomorrow is this month’s Zenarith Assembly. Would the rest of you like to come? It’s called an assembly, but so far only Rose and I are attending.” “Honestly, I kinda wanna see this,” I reply with interest, while Rose raises her face in surprise, as if hearing the news for the first time. “Wait, what? You didn’t say anything about that! You said we were going to a fun meeting to listen to stories, like a tea party!” “Sermons about Lord Zenarith are both enlightening and fun! I’ll serve tea, too, so make sure you come! I already paid you for your time by buying you dinner, so no take-backs! Besides, you’re one of the few Zenarith followers around!” “I don’t remember converting! First Boss pushed that weird badge on me, and now this. Stop trying to drag me into weird things!” Rose continues her indignant rant while Snow looks over at Alice with shining eyes. “How much are you paying? I could always use a little extra income to pay off my loans. What do you need me to do?” Snow asks enthusiastically, invading Alice’s personal space. Alice lets out what sounds like an annoyed sigh, pushing Snow’s face aside. “We’re looking into this.” Alice points at Snow’s plate. 4 The wilderness of this world is ruthless. Much of the continent is covered in red wasteland, while the greener areas are covered with deep woodlands filled with deadly ecosystems. Snow and I are here in these dangerous woodlands… “Look, Six,” Snow whispers. “There’s a mokemoke! It’s delicious when boiled! Let’s go over and grab it!” “Mokemoke my ass! Why does something so deadly looking have such a cute name? It’s more likely to eat us than the other way around!” We’re hiding among the leaves in the heavily wooded area, watching a dangerous giant creature. Basically, it’s a crawfish the size of a storage shed. It looks to have caught a similarly gigantic snake between its pincers. “Mokemoke meat loses its gaminess and becomes tender after a nice long boil. The reason they’re called mokemokes is because of their cry…” “Thank you for the explanation, but let’s focus on staying hidden for now, ’kay?” Alice closely watches this battle of the beasts, filming it with her digital camera. “The life-forms on this planet really love ignoring the laws of physics. There’s no way crustaceans can grow that big. So which one’s the mokemoke?” “The thing with the pincers is the mokemoke. The one that’s about to be eaten is a supopocchi. They’re pretty tasty, too.” “Can we stop with the commentary and get out of here before they find us?” I plead to the pair with a look of desperation. “Ah. Look at that, Six, the supopocchi’s fighting back. It appears this planet’s snakes don’t constrict their prey. Seems they smack them with their tails instead. Fascinating.” “We’re in luck. Supopocchis don’t do that move very often.” “Could you at least stop repeating that name? It makes us sound stupid. Haven’t we seen enough here, Alice? Can we move on?” Sure, this is a Kisaragi-assigned mission, but I’m more than ready to head home. Fighting back tears, I gingerly turn my back to move away from this spot when a triumphant cry of “Mokemoke!” rings out from behind us— “—Snow, what’s with the supopocchi hanging from that tree? Is something that lives here making dried meat out of it?” “Ah, that? That’s how the Bashin tribe marks its territory.” “Let’s go home! That can’t be good! Are you two missing your sense of self-preservation or something? That looks like a creepy sacrifice!” With the mokemoke far behind us, we come across the shocking sight of a supopocchi with its head bashed in. It hangs limply from a tree. “The Bashin tribe are a very aggressive tribe of barbarians. They’re highly territorial and tough enough to survive in these woods. Their name comes from the fact that they bash in heads with blunt instruments…” “This is hardly the time for an anthropology lesson! Something’s been following us. If they’re that territorial, we should get out of here ASAP. What the hell is wrong with you two today? Usually you’re much more eager to run away!” I nudge Snow along, hoping to urge her to get out of here. “I’m a professional, Six. Sure, I’ve half assed some things given the pittance the kingdom pays me. But with how much Alice is paying? You better believe I’ll fulfill my duty. My commitment to promises secured with money is ironclad.” So she’s admitting she won’t follow through on all other commitments? Suddenly… Loud thumps ring out, as though someone is bashing a tree trunk with a hard object. The sounds are coming from nearby. In fact, I feel like someone or something has been watching me from that direction for a while now…! “That sound is happening at regular intervals. Must be some kind of signal.” “Impressive, Alice. Yes, this is how the Bashin tribe calls in reinforcements when they’ve found their prey…” Before the two finish their exchange, I take off like a shot! I lose track of how long I’ve been running. Seems I’ve managed to lose those tribesmen, but when I look around… “Dammit! I lost them…!” I ran off, assuming Alice and Snow would follow right behind me, but they’re nowhere to be seen. The bigger problem is that I have no idea where I’m going. Given that I’m on an alien planet, my watch’s compass doesn’t function properly. “Uuugh! Where the hell did they go? I bet they’re taking their sweet time. And during an emergency, to boot. I’m going to give them an earful when I find them,” I grumble, but of course nobody responds. I’m starting to get a little unnerved by the random screams and cries ringing out from the shadowy forest. “Well…maybe I shouldn’t have left them behind like that. I guess I’ll spare them the lecture. Hear that, guys? You can come out now. I’m not mad, honest. I mean, I understand if your legs froze up, and you couldn’t run. Not everyone can be like me and keep their wits enough to make a hasty retreat, after all.” I continue rambling, raising my voice a bit. If there is anyone around that understands a word I say, they make no reply. The only sounds I hear from around me are the monstrous cries of wild animals. The lack of cell phone towers means I can’t just call Alice on the phone. Actually, now that I think of it, does she even have a cell phone? Even if I ordered a radio, it wouldn’t do me much good if the other party didn’t have a radio of their own… “Hey, wait…!” I just need to write a note about my current situation and send it to Kisaragi headquarters. They can then send Alice to pick me up. She’s smart. She’ll definitely be able to find me once she knows where I am. I let out a sigh of relief and reach for my memo pad— “Mokemokemoke!” I hear a distinct cry from behind me. I hesitantly turn around, coming face-to-face with a one-armed mokemoke…! Hoping to intimidate it, I spread my arms widely and let out a wild cry! “MOKEMOKEMOKEMOKE!!” “Mo?!” My sudden actions drive the mokemoke backward. The mokemoke studies me, foaming from its mouth. I get closer, continuing my mokemoke cry, staying in a ready stance to avoid showing any weakness…! Just then… “Mokeke…” It lets out a soft cry, as if to show it had no aggressive intentions, and lowers its pincer. Did my desperate cries convince it I was a friend? Come to think of it, there’s so much about this planet I still don’t understand. The mokemoke, despite its appearance, might actually be a gentle creature. I suppose it’s a wishy-washy thing for an evil minion to believe, but I think I just made a friend here in this dark forest. The mokemoke gently extends its pincer toward me. I let out a soft chuckle… As I hold out my hand to shake its pincer, the mokemoke is suddenly split right down the middle. “GOTCHAAAAA!” Snow lets out a war cry as she turns my new friend into lunch. 5 We make our way home after our survey of the Cursed Forest’s wildlife. Once inside the city, we run into Rose and Grimm, who look rather tired. “Hey, Boss! Welcome back! How did your survey go? Never mind that, actually! Grimm used this weird ritual and summoned these undeammmph?!” “Welcome back, Commander! You look a little glum; is something wrong? Now, Rose, there’s plenty of delicious skewers for you! No need to go tattling. Just focus on eating.” Something about what Rose is saying catches my attention, but Grimm silences her by shoving meat skewers into her mouth. “Six almost got eaten by a mokemoke in the woods. I saved him in the nick of time, but he hasn’t been the same since. I guess he’s still recovering from getting lost and being attacked by that vicious beast.” “No, I’m still recovering from the fact that you butchered my friend in front of my eyes! And then you poured soy sauce on him and ate him, you cold-hearted bitch!” She butchered that poor mokemoke, assuming it was attacking me, then ate it as a snack. “H-how dare you! I saved you from that creature! The least you can say is thanks. And what’s wrong with eating a freshly killed mokemoke? We weren’t going to be able to drag that entire carcass home! You were pretty happy with the meal yourself, if I recall. You were crying tears of joy at how delicious it was!” “Sure, I ate him, too… I admit it, I ate him! But still!” The only reason I ate him was to put his soul to rest! Since he was dead anyway, it didn’t make a difference. I had to make sure his death wasn’t in vain by making him a part of me. “Never mind that. I heard Rose say something I can’t ignore! Grimm! You summoned undead again, didn’t you?!” “So what? I’m a follower of Lord Zenarith, god of undeath and disaster! What’s wrong with the archbishop summoning one of his follow-ow-ow-owwww!!!” Snow grabs Grimm’s face and squeezes her temples, cutting off Grimm’s rant in mid-sentence. At those words, Alice glances up sharply. “Did you just say undead? I assume you mean ghosts and zombies, yes?” Grimm smiles softly at the android’s curiosity. “Oh my, Alice, has Lord Zenarith finally drawn your attention? Yes, what I summoned earlier was a ghost. What originally drew me to Lord Zenarith was the promise of eternal youth as well as the promise of revenge preached in his teachings. How about it, Alice? Would you like to join?” “No thanks, I’m an atheist. Hey, Six, we’ve got talk of ghosts, the universal standard bearer for supernatural mumbo jumbo. It’s a blatant challenge to my existence. After all, I stand at the pinnacle of science and technology. Ghosts…Hmph! Looks like we’ve got some ghost busting to do!” Alice says all this without a hint of irony despite the fact that as an android, she’s pretty close to supernatural herself. “I don’t know what you have against ghosts, but you’re taking this awfully personally. I mean, this planet has magic. Why is this the hill you choose to die on? You’ve seen stuff like Heine’s flame magic, right?” “Magic or whatever is fine. Well, it’s not fine, but Kisaragi’s done plenty of research into ESP and similar abilities. Heine of the Flames is just your typical pyrokinesis wielder. Basically, magic is just an elevated form of psychic ability,” Alice explains in a straightforward manner, speaking in a hushed tone only I can hear. “Could you use smaller words? Kinky wielders? Physical abilities? Are we talking about some sort of fetish?” “…I’m saying the flame stone that Heine was using works under the same principles as fire starters on Earth. We can use Kisaragi brain-modification surgery to give that ability to anyone. However, ghosts are another story. I won’t accept this superstitious nonsense.” “You’re a pretty nonsensical presence yourself, you know? Why not just accept that ghosts are real?” It appears Grimm could hear our conversation, as she interrupts with a huff. “Now, Alice! What do you have against my lovely little ghosts? Doubting Lord Zenarith’s power is never a good idea.” “Grimm, your so-called curses are just a form of auto-suggestion and hypnosis. Zenarith doesn’t exist.” Grimm starts smacking Alice for blaspheming against her dark god, but Alice doesn’t seem to care. “Then there’s the problems with magical monsters like we saw on today’s survey. Griffins ignoring the laws of aerodynamics, crustaceans like mokemokes growing to absurd sizes. It’s all very fascinating, but I’m sure there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for all of them. I’ll get to the bottom of it eventually.” “So you’re going to try to debunk the existence of a fantasy world entirely, is that it? Grimm died once and came back to life… You saw her head come off.” “Hrmph! Lizards can regrow tails. We can’t be sure Grimm is actually human. She may just be an unknown life-form masquerading as a human.” “Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!” At being called nonhuman, Grimm begins strangling Alice. She appears to lose patience as Alice doesn’t so much as blink in response… “Fine! If you’re going to go that far, I’ll show you some necromancy! I can’t back down when you’ve claimed Lord Zenarith doesn’t exist! But I’m out of magic for tonight. You can wait until tomorrow, can’t you?” “Ha! Did you hear that, Six? Common scammer’s MO. Can’t do what you request right then and there, but only after taking time to prepare. That gives her time to set up her various tricks.” “Grrrrrrrrrrr!” Snow looks at the two fighting like children and sighs. “So Alice is a magic denier, mm? I’ve seen them from time to time, but never one so dedicated. I mean, my swords are magical, too…” “Ah yes, your magic swords. I’d love to crack them open and see how they work. Invite me over to your house sometime. I’ll take a few apart for analysis.” “Absolutely not!” Ignoring the trio getting worked up over nonsense, Rose approaches me and tugs on my sleeve. “Hey, Boss, I heard you beat a mokemoke. Did you bring any of it back? Maybe some of the meat…?” As Rose asks in a needy whine, a question occurs to me. “…Alice did bring some back. You’re not going to start saying ‘mokemoke’ once you eat some, right?” “…I don’t think it’ll be…a problem…maybe…” There’s no end to the mysteries of this planet’s life-forms. I think I’ll hold off on giving Rose any mokemoke meat for now. 6 The day after our survey of the Cursed Forest. “All right, Alice! I hope you’re ready! You’re going to regret blaspheming against Lord Zenarith!” “Sure! I’ll pick apart your superstitious garbage so badly you’ll beg for mercy.” Why does this always happen? “Hey, uh, why do I have to go, too? Can’t you do this test without me…?” “Don’t be absurd, Commander! This is a challenge against Lord Zenarith himself! We need as many people as possible to witness a miracle by the gods to prevent more children like Alice coming into this world!” “That’s right, Six. This sort of thing requires irrefutable evidence. Otherwise they try to muddy the waters afterward.” …… “The nerve! You impudent little brat! You’re going straight to hell after you die!” “An android going to hell? That’s a new one.” Ugh, seriously? I should’ve taken a page out of Rose and Snow’s book and ditched. “Let’s be off! Luckily the moon is full tonight. I’ll conduct the ritual on the ridge. It’ll give us that much more magic to work with.” “Ah, I see. So you went and set up your props on that ridge last night? Interesting.” “Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!” The sooner this is over, the better. I need a drink! We arrive at a ridge a short distance from the city. If nothing else, the view from here is pretty sweet. Grimm stands barefoot on the ground, spreading a sheet with a magic circle written on it. A creepy smile plays on her lips as she places a basket atop the magic circle. The basket’s covered with a cloth, obscuring the contents. “Ah, tonight will be a special night indeed! I’ll make your shriveled little heart quake with fear! Ordinarily, the offering is food, but tonight, we’ll be using a live sacrifice! Behold! Within the basket is the poor, defenseless sacrifice I bought at the butcher’s shop…!” Grimm calls out grandly, drawing back the cloth and revealing the basket’s contents…! “…That’s adorable.” “So fuzzy! Hey, Grimm, are you actually going to sacrifice this rabbit?” Inside the basket is a single rabbit. Its ears are a little bigger than the ones on Earth have. Apparently, she ordered a critter from the butcher, but forgot to check exactly what she bought until now. “Kyuu…” The rabbit has its legs tied together inside the basket. It looks up at Grimm and me and squeaks softly. Seeing it, Grimm swallows, then softly puts down the club in her hand… “…C-Commander, tonight is a special night indeed! You’ll be assisting this ritual! When I give the signal, send that bunny to Lord Zenarith…” “What?! No way! You’re the archbishop of a dark god! You can handle this yourself!” I have no shortage of blood on my hands, but killing this adorable bunny over such a ridiculous spat is a bit further than I’m willing to go. “Coward! Was all that boasting about belonging to an evil organization just empty bravado? Also, for your information, Lord Zenarith is not a dark god!” “Sh-shut up! Don’t mock Kisaragi! Evil minions have a conscience, too! Besides, if I could be that ruthless, I’d have been promoted ages ago!” Just as Grimm and I are busily trying to shove responsibility for the rabbit onto each other… “Kyu!” With a small cry, the bunny collapses, lying there limply. Alice holds the murder weapon in her hand, the club that Grimm had set down earlier… “There, happy? Let’s get on with it.” “You heartless…” “Have you no conscience?!” Grimm and I lecture Alice, who stands there coolly resting the club against her shoulder. “Nope, not equipped with that. I’m an android, remember? Come on. Let’s get started.” “S-stop! I’ll do it! Just don’t shove that into my face!” Although tears well up in her eyes, Grimm takes the rabbit Alice pushes toward her, softly setting it on the ground. Then she places a candle in front of the magic circle and lights it. “I’ve had enough mockery from this brat. It’s time to show what an archbishop can really do…” Grimm begins chanting. The magic circle begins to glow, and Grimm’s expression lights up with joy. “Hey, Alice? Are you sure this isn’t a problem? Um, I’m actually pretty superstitious, and I have a bad feeling about this!” “Calm down; it’s just a glowing circle. She’s probably just got LEDs embedded into the sheet.” Alice seems unfazed by all this, and she even tries to pick up the sheet to look for any lighting underneath. Meanwhile the magic circle’s light grows in intensity— “O Lord Zenarith, God of Undeath and Disaster! Upon thy name bring forth thy servant!” With Grimm’s elated cry, the magic circle shines even brighter… Standing there is a monster that looks a lot like Gadalkand, one of the Demon Lord’s Elite Four… No, not a monster. A demon. A single, giant demon. 7 “You are quite the summoner, girl, summoning me to this world. It’s been centuries since I’ve tasted this air…” The demon standing on the magic circle appears to waver like a mirage. I guess that means it’s only here in spirit at the moment. “Wow, I’m impressed! You actually summoned something! And he looks pretty powerful!” I can’t help but praise her work. Grimm stares at the summoned demon, tilting her head to the side. “Who are you…?” “Hey!” I grab Grimm by the arm and whisper into her ear, “Just so we’re clear, you are the one that summoned that thing, right?” “Well, I’m not entirely sure. I was just trying to summon the undead. Ghosts, basically. I thought I’d summon an ancient evil spirit of some sort, but, well, this thing showed up instead…” I try to ignore the fact that Grimm wanted to summon an ancient evil spirit and instead focus my concern on the demon standing in front of me. Somehow, I get the feeling it won’t be amused if we tell it, “Sorry, we summoned you by accident.” Just then… Ignoring our hushed conversation, Alice stands in front of the demon, glancing a bit dismissively at its hideous face. “Seriously, Grimm? This hologram is pretty sad.” …… “Hologram? What is a hologram, little one? I am a servant of the dark god Zenarith, the great demon— Hey! S-stop that!” Just as the demon is about to introduce itself, Alice grabs the sheet with the magic circle, rustling it up and down. Each time she waves the sheet, the demon wavers and lets out a loud cry, but Alice doesn’t seem the least bit perturbed by it. “What are you doing, little one?! Such insolence after summoning me! This will not stand!” “Oh, shut up, you holographic nobody. Where are you actually hiding?” the fearless android says breezily. This appears to impress the demon. “Ah, so you’ve realized this form is only temporary. For me to fully manifest in this world, the rabbit is much too small a sacrifice.” The demon’s form ripples in the air as Alice continues to maintain her hold on the sheet— “If you wish to see my true form, provide more sacrifices! Then provide your soul as payment and cry out your heart’s desire! Now, little one… Hey! Stop that! What are you doing? Why do you interrupt me?!” The demon appears to panic as Alice tries to roll up the sheet for storage. “I asked for a ghost. I don’t need an imitation Gadalkand.” “Imitation?! You dare call me an imitation?!” Even as Alice continues to taunt the demon, an idea comes to me. “Hey, if you’re a demon, does that mean you can grant three wishes?” “Commander! I know it sounds odd coming from me, given I have a contract with Lord Zenarith, but you really don’t want to sign a contract with a demon!” At my question, the demon finally appears to notice our presence. “That’s correct, little one. I will grant any wish you ask in exchange for your soul. Now, do you desir— Stop it already! I can’t leave until we close the deal!” Alice turns over the sheet, as if hoping to find something installed on the other side. “You, the child that keeps doing these odd things. I’ll grant your wishes first. I’ll take a suitable payment, but I’ll grant anything you wish.” “All right, then, make a couple of habitable planets around Earth’s star. Same amount of resources as Earth. But use the atmosphere from about fifty years ago, back before all the pollution.” “Your wish will be gra— Um… What? Earth? Planet?” The demon goes silent for a moment when it realizes the scope of the android’s demands. “P-planets? Are you mad?! You just asked me to create two or three worlds! Just how greedy are you?!” The demon practically screams the words. “You’re the one who said ‘anything.’ It’s not like I’m trying to take advantage of a loophole by asking for more wishes. Fine. Then solve our energy crisis at least. Give us an infinite energy source that’s clean and compact.” “Ener— Wh-what? Could you explain it in simpler terms? Can’t you just wish for money or gems? Maybe ask for power or a curse on someone you hate…” It appears the demon doesn’t understand what energy is and proposes some alternatives. “I’ve got plenty of money and power. All right, how about you wipe out all hostile life on this planet. The Demon Lord, the barbarians, also the mokemokes and giant monsters…” “That’s a massacre of untold proportions! N-no, I can’t grant a wish that could bring about global disaster all for a single soul!” The demon appears to be at a loss, unsure how to handle the android’s extreme wishes. Feeling a little sympathy for it, I turn to Alice. “Hey, just let that thing go home…” “He’s the one who said he can’t leave without granting wishes. Still, thinking about wishes this thing might grant… Oh, the hideout’s toilet was backed up. Maybe we can get it to fix that.” The demon realizes Alice isn’t kidding about the plumbing and some panic creeps into its expression. But then it suddenly looks up, as if realizing something. “…I—I know. Youth! How about eternal youth, like any woman would desire…?!” “Androids don’t age. Version upgrades can deal with age-related degradation. This is a waste of time. Just get out of here.” “……” The demon, now completely deflated and looking down, disappears without a word. Compared to its flashy entrance and attitude, it’s a bit anticlimactic. The silence that remains afterward is deafening. To try to break up this weird tension, I mutter, “…I wanted to wish for debauchery.” “Once you become a Supreme Leader you can secure that on your own. Don’t get sucked into a shady cult like that.” …Guess I need to try harder, starting tomorrow. At Alice’s words, I swear to myself I’ll redouble my efforts here on this planet—! “So, Alice. Do you believe me now?” “………”