Ajisai-san smiled at her. “We all know your mom’s a great person. Even if she does something wrong, you trust that it’ll turn out okay in the end. Right?”
“…Yes, I suppose. Thank you, Ajisai.”
“Don’t mention it.” Ajisai-san shook her head.
Kaho-chan’s hand shot up. “Uh-huh! I’m just sayin’ it for Mokeko’s sake.”
Satsuki-san hesitated, then joined in. “I only chastise my mother because I’m tired of her making the same mistakes over and over.”
Ajisai-san gave her an Oh, you! look of fond exasperation. But Satsuki-san seemed frustrated, so she must have really meant it.
“Anyway,” Ajisai-san said, “it’s not a matter of you being right or wrong. So long as you’re looking out for Haruna, that’s all that matters.”
Yeah, but what exactly did that entail?
“Like how you do for me and Mai-chan,” she added.
“Oh!”
I did a double take and looked over at Ajisai-san, then Mai—the two people I was dating. Sure enough, society would probably question my ability to judge right or wrong after choosing to date both at the same time. Well, “question” was a charitable way to look at it. Go after me with a butcher knife for it, maybe. But that ship had sailed.
And maybe I already was looking out for the ones I loved. It felt to me like some kind of cheat code you could only use once. But maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t. Maybe Ajisai-san was right. Maybe I didn’t have to think in terms of right or wrong answers. I still couldn’t picture a scenario that’d necessitate hitting someone, but whatever. You could say the same about two-timing. Maybe it was only a problem of me being too narrow-minded.
“Thanks, guys,” I said. “I’ll give this a little more thought.”
I bowed, grateful for their support. I guess this gave me a game plan. Of sorts. Maybe. I guess.
I just finished dawdling my way through the process of getting my stuff together and pulling my backpack on when I heard someone behind me singsong, “Oh, Renako-kun!”
I turned, and there she was: the perpetually cheerful and adorable protagonist of Class B.
“Youko-chan!” I said. I felt myself automatically tense up. This was the very same girl who (perish the thought!) tried to hook me up with boys!
“Don’t look so nervous,” she said. “It’s all chill. I’m alone today, see?” She knew exactly what I was thinking. She spread her arms with a grin.
“You promise?” I said.
“Gosh, you really are on your guard.” She beamed at me, but I didn’t know what there was to be so happy about.
“It’s, uh, not like that,” I said. “I just. Um. I had some important stuff to do. I’m sorry I couldn’t hang out with you! I really appreciated the invite! Promise!”
Youko-chan giggled. “You’re a peach, Renako-kun.”
I weakly laughed back. Argh. I always laughed whenever I felt guilty. But laughter was good, right? Yeah, I needed to laugh more. Wasn’t I a popular girl? I needed to laugh like Kaho-chan!
“Aww, nooo way!” I said. “You’re too sweet. Anyway, what’s poppin’, bestie?”
“Huh? Where did that come from? Are you okay? …Wait, why do you look depressed?”
It was no use. Kaho-chan was the only person who could get away with saying “what’s poppin’?” Trying to copy her obliterated my MP. Ah, I could already see the Sanzu River! Take me away, O river that borders the afterlife!
“Never mind,” I said. “Just forget it. Anyway, what’s up?”
“Oh, yeah! I wanted to ask you a quick thing.”
“Shoot.”
Youko-chan tugged on my sleeve and led me to the end of the hallway. Then she leaned in real close and whispered in my ear, “So, there’s something you need to know.”
“Y-yeah?”
I flashed back to the moment when she crammed us both into a locker. My cheeks grew red, although I couldn’t have told you why. Ever heard of the term personal space, Youko-chan? If she tried to repeat the same move here and now, people would totally get the wrong idea.
However, when Youko-chan continued, the name out of her mouth was the last thing I ever expected.
“Do you know a girl by the name of Nashiji Komachi?”
For a minute, I doubted my own ears. “Who?” I said. I stared back at her. “Why are you asking?”
“Good question. Why do you think?” She linked her arms behind her back and grinned at me, but there was something about that smile I couldn’t quite put my finger on.
“Uh, I dunno.”
Youko-chan giggled. “Okay. It’s no biggie. I just heard through the grapevine that you guys might know each other. So I was kinda curious if you’re friends, but that’s all.”
“Oh, okay,” I managed to stutter out. I felt horribly shaken.
Youko-chan, meanwhile, just gave me a sunny smile. That was how she rolled—sunny all the way. I must have just imagined that inscrutable smile earlier.
No one was supposed to know about Nashiji Komachi-san. After all, she was the ringleader of my classmates who iced me out back in junior high.
“B-by the way,” I said, “who told you that rumor?”
“Hmm. I don’t remember.” She laughed. “Sorry, it’s totally escaping me.”
“Oh. All right.”
This was bad, bad news. My extroverted facade was crumbling.
I half grinned, half forced myself to grin, and said, “Th-the name kinda rings a bell. I think we went to the same junior high.”
“Really? You guys weren’t close, though?”
“Nah.”
Yeah, understatement of the century. She loathed me, obviously. That wasn’t up for debate.
“Hmm.” Youko-chan squinted, which made her look like a predator sizing up its dinner. “That makes a lot of sense.”
“What does?”
“Nothin’! Just thinking out loud. Sorry for weirding you out.” Youko-chan took a step back. “I’m still not the best at reading between the lines, y’know? I’m guessing I shouldn’t have brought up the topic. Sorry! Next time, I’ll have something way more fun for us to chat about.”
Back when were in the locker, Youko-chan had confessed to me how her lack of filter made finding friends a struggle. So I said, “No, don’t worry. It’s chill.” I could feel my smile dangling by a thread, but I made sure to wave my hands in a big “no” gesture. “I’m just glad you reached out to chat with me. You don’t need to worry about boundaries with me, I promise.”
“You’re so sweet, Renako-kun!”
She gave my arm a friendly squeeze, and I went “Ah ha” like the faker I was.
“Okay, then I’ll catch you later!” she said.
“Sure. See you later.”
Youko-chan spun on her heel and was gone. Leaving just me and my elevated heart rate.
Okay. Guys. What the hell was that all about? I felt an icy rain in my heart, even now, and it’d been a whole year since I’d heard that name. There was no way. But was there? Was Youko-chan actually one of Nashiji-san’s friends?
I went home with a ball of anxiety still lurking in my stomach. Oh, I was no stranger to this sensation. It brought me back to the days when I dreaded going to school every single morning. Well. Before long, that morphed into me actually skipping school. Ah ha. Ha. Haaah.
“I’m home,” I called as I stepped through the front door.
For the time being, I decided to put the Nashiji-san issue under mental lock and key. It wasn’t like this was going to blow up in my face tomorrow or anything. Naturally, I wished the whole issue could have just vanished at some point in my high school career, but you couldn’t have everything in life.
As I trudged to my bedroom, I noticed my sister’s door was open just a crack. I peeked in. She was sitting on the ground hugging a pillow to her chest, playing one of the games I’d lent her. Right where I left her, then. It was like time had stopped in this one room of the house.
But you know…she didn’t look happy. She looked like the way I used to be. I didn’t only play games because I enjoyed them, you know? They just served as ways to kill time. I held on to that controller just so the calendar pages would tear off and flutter past me.
I opened the door quietly, so as not to disturb her. “Haruna?” I said.
“Hmm?” She looked over her shoulder at me. “Hey there.”
“Hey there yourself.”
I squeezed my fists behind my back so she wouldn’t see. I tried to talk, but the words wouldn’t come out.
“What’s the matter?” she said. I mean, I was just standing there. She cocked her head in confusion, and in that expression and the look in her eye, I saw the much younger version of Haruna who chased me, bawling, in my dream.
Right. I knew what I had to do.
“I remember,” I said.
“Huh?”
I thought I had run off after the crepe van and ditched my sis. But I hadn’t. Because she kept clinging to my sleeve the whole time.
I heard her howling even now, her words too indistinct to make out through the sobs. Try as I might, I couldn’t shake her free. So I turned around and spoke to her. What I said, I couldn’t recall. And I likewise didn’t remember what she said back. But I knew I turned. I knew I came back to my sister as she stood there in the middle of the road, crying her eyes out. And I knew I gave her the tightest hug of her life. I must have apologized a million times for leaving her behind until she eventually stopped crying.
By then, we were so far away from home we were thoroughly lost. It was getting late, so we set off back the way we had come. It felt longer than the way there. We kept walking, but it seemed like we were never going to make it back. I almost gave up all hope, but I couldn’t break down and cry in front of my sister. That became the glue that, somehow, kept me from falling to pieces.
We ended up not getting home until almost dusk. I couldn’t blame myself for wanting to forget this memory—it sure didn’t paint me in a good light. But you know what? I came back for my sister. Yeah. YEAH. I did. And thank god. When it all came down to it, I did do the right thing.