I don’t wanna be alone right now…
“Klifford?”
Without thinking, I called out for him, even though he had already politely bowed and was about to leave for the night. He stopped in his tracks, his face colored with confusion.
What do I do now? I didn’t think of anything to say. What’s a task I can order him to do…?
Then I spotted the teapot Sasha had left me for when I returned to my room.
“Would you care to join me for a cup of tea? Have a seat. I’ll make the tea—though I can’t guarantee it will taste any good.”
As soon as I finished saying the words, I realized something.
When I became his Sovereign—when I called Klifford into my room then—in a roundabout way, he refused to sit down and have a cup of tea.
Hmmm, what do I do…?
“Don’t worry, it’s not poisoned.”
I figured I’d at least assure him the tea wouldn’t hurt him.
“A certain amount of poison is not a problem. If you command me, I’ll drink it. A little truth serum has no effect on me, either.”
Um, please don’t drink poison!
“Er…there’s no truth serum in it, either.”
“I wouldn’t mind… I would notice anyway, if it was spiked.”
Um, Klifford! Why do you assume there’s something in the tea?!
“Listen, Klifford, you have my word that I will never add any foreign substances to your tea. This promise is valid as long as we are Sovereign and Adjutant.”
I mean, I wouldn’t spike his drink even if we weren’t Sovereign-Adjutant, I just figured Klifford would have an easier time accepting it if I worded it that way.
Since Sasha had gotten everything ready before we arrived, I was able to brew us some tea in no time at all. I set a cup in front of the spot where Klifford was to sit.
It was my tough love way of saying, I’ve poured your tea, so you’re drinking it, right? You’d better drink it!
When Klifford just stood there, still looking hesitant, I pressed him with some words: “Sit.”
“……All right.”
And Klifford sat in the chair I’d gestured to.
I win! I cheered silently, pumping my fist mentally.
Now that Klifford was seated, I had to get my own tea. Klifford took his tea straight, but I wanted milk tea.
I took a sip, then set my cup down… As it soothed my heart, the day’s fatigue pushed in on me all at once.
“Thank you…,” Klifford said, properly holding up his cup before taking a sip.
I propped my chin on my hand and watched him for a while before I blurted out, “You’d never do what Hugh did, would you?”
Silence.
“You would tell me first. No matter what your reasons were.”
If there was something about me that displeased him, I could attempt to fix it. And if I couldn’t, then I could be straight with him and say so.
Klifford stared back at me with pensive eyes, the sort of eyes that masked all emotion. Then he leaned back slightly and gave a delayed answer. “……Understood.”
“Thank you.” I tried to smile, but I could tell I failed miserably.
“Why—” Klifford suddenly began. “Why are you hurting?”
“Oh, my left hand doesn’t hurt—the doctor changed my bandage—and I wasn’t wounded in the—”
But Klifford shook his head halfway through my speech. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Huh…?”
I stopped there. Because I knew what Klifford had meant to ask: Why had Hugh’s betrayal shaken me up so much?
“If there’s ever anything you need to talk about, Your Highness…I want you to come to me.”
I looked up with a start. A pair of calm, indigo eyes was looking down at me.
Well…I can’t exactly bare my entire soul to him, but…
He was right. Hugh’s betrayal had broken me. An image of Hugh kneeling before Sirius in the dungeon flashed in my brain. Compared to my brother, my pain was nothing. But still—
“I think I feel guilty…like I was partially responsible for Hugh’s betrayal… I keep wondering if there was something I could have done.”
I mean, this is completely different from the source material. Sirius and Hugh’s relationship was shattered to pieces in real life, and no matter how hard Sirius wished it not to be true, Hugh had committed treason, his true motive never to be made public.
Only Hugh’s public confession would go down in history as the truth, even though he was just as loyal to Sirius as he ever was. I couldn’t help but wonder:
What if I had taken different actions in the past? What if I had been friendly with Hugh like Sister-dearest was in the books? What if I’d been closer to Sirius?
I always thought that I would be okay as long as I was wary of Sirius and Sil. My mind was full, trying to figure out a way to become Octavia, convenient problem-solver of the Heir Dilemma from the books… I had been thinking only of myself.
I mean, there was fighting in the books, but none of the main characters had falling-outs, and nobody died. A happy ending between the main characters—Sirius and Sil—was promised to me, so I never even considered how the fates of the side characters might change.
I thought that even in reality, while there might be some differences, every character affiliated with Sirius and Sil would be happy and prosperous forever. Hugh and Nathan were Sirius and Sil’s ride-or-die allies—I thought that was an unshakable truth.
But I was wrong…
The only thing that mysterious young man promised me was that Sirius and Sil would be together and that they would be happy. A happy ending for the happy couple.
But even if Sil and Sirius were guaranteed a happy ending in the books…there was no guarantee that the other characters in this world—a world with me in it—would have the same endings they were promised. The fates of everyone besides the two main characters were malleable, just like Hugh.
“No matter what circumstances we find ourselves in…in the end, we make our own choices. Nobody else can intervene.”
“……Hee-hee!” It was such a classically Klifford answer, I just had to laugh. “But Klifford, I still can’t get over it.”
Being Octavia had already changed things for the worse. Anyone would say Hugh made his own choices, but in the end, the actions I take or don’t take will change the fates of the other characters in this series for better or worse.
That didn’t mean I’d stand still and do nothing, but…
“So…are you going to carry that pain with you forever?”
I was about to answer, Of course not, but then a question popped into my mind. What am I supposed to do?
When I was Maki, the answer came clearly: I would vent all my frustrations to my big sister and she’d console me and hug me… I’d get all the love and pity I needed, and when I woke up the next morning, I’d feel better.
Even if my problems weren’t exactly solved, I still had a place to vent. I had people to console me.
But now that I’m Octavia…
What happens when I wake up in the morning now…? When I was a kid, I would squeeze Alec tight…then he’d look up at me innocently, ask, “Sister? Whassrong?” and give me a confused hug back. But it wasn’t the same…because I felt like I had to take care of Alec…