Lady Sophia and Elly stood in front of Ragi’s house, looking dejected and lonely as they read the letter. Georges and Norris were gently trying to comfort the two of them, but they seemed inconsolable.
“He promised…”
“It’s awful, isn’t it?”
The letter was an apology for leaving in secret the day before. It explained that seeing everyone in person again would have made it too painful to say good-bye.
“I know we were a little pushy, but this is still so awful! I really wanted to see them one last time…,” Elly said and began to cry.
“…” Norris didn’t say anything, but I figured he probably felt the same way.
“Do you think we’ll ever see them again?” Lady Sophia asked as she and Elly lowered their heads.
“I’m sure…they’ll come back,” Georges said, but he didn’t sound very convincing. More like he was forcing out the words for his fiancée’s sake. All four of them probably felt just as sad about not getting to say good-bye.
But it had stirred up a different emotion inside me.
I knew this would happen.
I looked away from Georges and found myself remembering that day when I was keeping Ragi company while Alto went out to get him some water from the well.
“Cyrus, would you mind listening to me for a moment?” Ragi had asked weakly.
“What is it? Do you need something?”
“No, it’s nothing like that. You know that I don’t have much time left, don’t you?”
I hadn’t tried to deny it. His expression looked much too serious for that.
“Yes.”
“I’m sorry for causing you so much worry. But if it’s not too much trouble, could I ask you a favor?”
“Of course. Anything you like.”
“Please make sure that when I die, this house passes on to Alto. That’s partly because I want it to feel like a base for Alto and Setsuna, and partly because I’d like them to remember me, even just a little.”
“I think that’s a great idea,” I said.
I hadn’t had any objections, so I’d told him what I honestly thought.
“But…I don’t think they’ll stay here very long. Because this isn’t where Setsuna’s journey ends. Perhaps someday it will be, but that could be years. Maybe decades. Maybe never.”
“Yes, I know that Setsuna still wants to keep traveling. It’ll be sad if it comes to that, but I understand if it does.”
Honestly, I would have liked for them to stay in Lypaed forever and forget about weighing up the pros or cons of it. I assumed Ragi was trying to prepare me for them leaving. But I’d misunderstood.
“I left my own home behind when I drifted here to Lypaed. My reasons for leaving were different from Setsuna’s, of course, but still…”
I’d wanted to ask why Ragi had abandoned his home, but he’d seemed to have something urgent to tell me and kept the conversation going.
“I had two close friends. When I told them I was leaving the kingdom, we argued. I said we’d talk it out the next day, but I never intended to. Maybe I’d planned on deceiving them and leaving them while we were still arguing all along.”
“…”
“Setsuna and I are alike in that way, when someone tries to change our minds. I can easily imagine how that would eat away at him. That’s why I know that Setsuna is going to leave Lypaed without telling anyone, just like I left my homeland.”
“That’s…” I paused and considered whether that would really happen, and how I would feel if it did. I reached the conclusion that I’d be disappointed, sad, and angry. I’d think, Is this all our friendship meant to you?
“But Cyrus, when that day comes, I hope you’ll be able to forgive Setsuna,” Ragi had said.
For a moment, I hadn’t understood why he was telling me all this. But when I looked into Ragi’s eyes, it all became clear.
“Do you regret it, Ragi?”
“It was selfish of me. I lost everything. My family’s warmth, my sense of purpose as a warrior… Yet Alto and Setsuna filled those voids for me. That alone was enough to save me.”
“…”
“I know it’s presumptuous to want anything more. But even if I was the one who lied to them and left them behind in anger, I still can’t help but wish that somehow, my friends and family have forgiven me for it. That’s the truth.”
“Why didn’t you ask them to forgive you? They were your friends, right?” I asked.
“Well, I was afraid. My hands were shaking so much I couldn’t even hold a pen to write. So I decided to pretend. I told myself that they’d already forgiven me. But of course, there I was, someone who’d betrayed his own friends. So I couldn’t really believe it myself. In the end, all I could do was hope that I’d eventually forget.”
“But you never could, could you?” I said.
“No. Even when I was living happily with Alto and Setsuna, every time I closed my eyes to go to sleep, those memories would come back to me. Even when I tried to forget everything else, that feeling was the one thing that remained.”
“…”
“That’s why I felt a spark of hope when I saw you now, Cyrus. You came here to apologize to Setsuna. You looked after both of them with such care, and you’ve stood by my side as well. So if anyone could speak for my friends in my place, I thought it might be you.”
The longing in Ragi’s voice and his need for his friend’s forgiveness had been so strong it left a deep impression on me.
I hadn’t been able to answer him right away, though. If he was all I had to consider, I knew I should’ve just told him, “They forgive you,” even if it was a lie. But he never would have been satisfied with such a shallow excuse.
It felt like there hadn’t been enough time to gather my thoughts. The fact that he’d chosen to speak to me when Setsuna and Alto weren’t here meant he didn’t want either of them to hear it on purpose.
Because of what Setsuna overheard, it would only weigh on him and affect his future choices. And if Alto heard, he’d realize how little time Ragi had left.
And Alto will be back any minute now with that water. I have to find an answer before then.
I had so many thoughts swirling inside of me. Honestly, part of me still felt like I wouldn’t really know until the moment came. But I forced myself to replay that moment in my mind and accept whatever feelings welled up so I could sort through and try to embrace them.
I doubted whether it was enough, but when I’d finally managed to give my reply, Ragi nodded.
A heavy silence had followed, perhaps because Norris noticed the small smile on my face. All four of them were looking at me.
✦ ✦ ✦
“Of course you’ll see them again,” I said, pointing to the house. “That’s their home, right? Of course they’re gonna come back.”
The moment I said that, Sophia and Elly both looked relieved and smiled.
“I promised Alto I’d teach him how to ride. He’ll definitely come back,” Georges agreed.
“That’s right. And I’ll keep tending to the garden until Setsuna comes home so it doesn’t get overgrown,” Elly said.
They all turned to look at the house Setsuna and Alto had left behind.
I still haven’t given you your payment. You’d better come back for it, Setsuna.
A breeze drifted slowly past me, and for some reason, it felt like my words had reached him.