“Master?”
“Yes?”
“Can I take Gramps’s lantern?”
“This whole house was left to you, Alto. It’s yours.”
“Then I want to bring it on our next journey.”
“Ragi mentioned wanting to get a new one. Are you sure this is the one you want?”
“Yes, I do. But I’d hate it if it broke.”
“Shall I put a spell on it, then?” I asked.
“Yes, please.”
I took the old lantern that had been sitting beside a wooden box, enchanted it to keep it from breaking, and handed it back to him.
“Thanks,” Alto said brightly, then stowed it in his bag with the same care as the sword.
“And then…” He looked around the room for something.
“What are you looking for?”
“Gramps’s bracers and greaves. He wrote in his letter that someday he wanted me to wear them.”
“Those are in my room. They were a bit dusty, so I cleaned them up.”
“Thank you, Master.”
I softly closed the door and followed Alto, who headed to my room with a quiet joy in his steps.
That night, I couldn’t bring myself to sleep. I thought I’d have a drink, so I slipped out of my room, but when I reached for the door to the living room, it struck me that there was no real reason to come here.
I could’ve stayed in my room if I was going to drink alone.
I didn’t feel like going back, though, so I sat on the sofa instead. I removed a bottle and glass from my bag and poured myself a drink, the moonlight pouring in through the window. I took a sip, but it was as flat and tasteless as water.
I didn’t want to admit why, so I decided to blame the glass. I reached for the shelf, thinking I’d use the one I always did. That was when I noticed something tucked between two bottles there.
The only thing I’d remembered being there was Ragi’s favorite alcohol, some bottles we’d chosen together, and a few glasses.
Curious, I pulled it out and found two envelopes. “To Setsuna” and “To Alto” were written on their front in Ragi’s handwriting.
I sat back on the sofa and opened the one addressed to me. When I read what was inside, I couldn’t help laughing. My voice echoed through the still room.
“I was planning to ask you myself, Ragi.”
Of course, nobody answered. I knew that. Of course I did.
But maybe somewhere deep down, I still hadn’t fully processed it. I thought I had, but it seemed like I’d only been pretending.
That’s it. I was still searching for you all this time.
I’d searched for him during morning training, waiting for the window to open. I’d waited for someone to call out “Good morning.” I’d made enough for three, even though two would’ve been enough. I hadn’t just cooked Alto’s favorites, but Rago’s, too, thinking he might say, “I’m hungry.”
Even now, sitting here in this room, part of me thought he’d say, “Can’t sleep? How about we share a drink, Setsuna?” with a smile on his face.
Even though you’re gone.
I’d dug his grave. I’d caught the thieves who targeted his house. I’d completed the quest. I knew all that. But my heart still hadn’t accepted the truth that I’d watch him pass away.
Ragi was the first person in this world to ever give me a place where I could feel at peace. He was someone who’d made me feel like I’d finally fulfilled the promise to my grandfather. Someone who gently gave guidance not just to Alto, but to me, too.
But now, he existed only in my memories. Just like my family.
You’re not here anymore.
I couldn’t hear his voice or see him smile or ever speak to him again. The last little prank he’d left behind in his letter had made my heart ache.
“Setsuna, since you enjoy cooking, I’d like you to have my kitchen knife. Please use it to teach Alto how to cook. I’m sure he’ll be able to make delicious meals someday.”
The first time we ever drank together, that’s what we’d talked about—how Ragi had let Alto hold a kitchen knife and how he’d been scared out of his mind.
When I asked if he thought he could teach Alto to cook, he’d said, “Not a chance.” And after that, he never let Alto hold a knife again.
There’s no way I can do it if you couldn’t, Ragi.
“I’m not letting him use a kitchen knife until he’s a little older, Ragi,” I said, answering the empty chair where he used to sit.
There was no reply. Of course.
“You’re really not here anymore,” I said aloud, as if to engrave the words upon my heart. There was nothing left to do but admit it and accept it. Yet all at once, I felt sorry for saying it. I leaned back against the sofa and looked up at the ceiling.
You probably would’ve wanted me to smile, huh?
I slipped the letter back into the envelope and set it on the table, then poured Ragi’s favorite drink into his glass.
“Thank you for coming into my life. It was truly a joy. But this time, it really is good-bye.”
I downed my drink in one go and set it back in its place. His smile was gone.
I looked out through the window at the moonlight, the words coming unbidden to my lips.
“I can’t stay here anymore, because you’re gone.”
When I was at the castle, I’d had the vague thought that I’d stay there for a while and keep working as an adventurer. I hadn’t abandoned the idea of traveling again someday, but I thought maybe I could spend a peaceful winter here until the weather improved.
Lypaed had come to mean so much to me because of the bonds I’d formed here.
When I was at the castle, I’d believed that my relationships with the people I met would continue. But Ragi was one of those people. And now I finally understood that he was gone.
Yet now that I’d recognized that, the sense of loss had begun to eat away at me. I knew without a doubt that if I stayed in this house filled with so many memories, my heart would crumble and fall like a ball rolling down a slope.
I was sure Ragi had wished for me to live here, and part of me wanted the same. But I also knew that if I did that now, my heart would break.
One day, I might give up traveling and fulfill Ragi’s wish to make this place my home. But that would have to wait. Because if I did it now, I wouldn’t last.
Thankfully, Ragi had left behind a purpose for me to leave. Maybe he hadn’t really thought I would use that reason to walk away from this house. Maybe that wasn’t what he’d intended at all, but now that my heart had reached this point, Ragi’s request felt like a lifeline I could cling to.
Still…
I let out a long sigh and forced myself to stop thinking. I knew that I’d be ignoring Alto’s feelings if I decided everything on my own right then.
Alto might not feel the same pain I did. He might find comfort in the memories here and decide he wanted to stay. And if that was what he chose, then I’d have to resolve myself to stay here with him.
I sighed again, tidied away the bottle and glass, and returned to my room.
The next day, I gave Alto the letter from Ragi.
He tilted his head, then took out the sheets of paper and the wilted sprig of canib grass from the envelope.
Canib grass was a plant used to play a game similar to what we used to call “grass sumo” back in Japan. Alto had learned the game on the day of the Founding Festival and started playing it often with Ragi, but he’d never once managed to beat him.
“Is there something inside the grass?” Alto carefully pulled out a thin string that had been hidden inside the stem. He stared at it for a moment, thinking, and then when the realization struck him, he stomped his foot angrily.
“Gramps! You were cheating!”
“…”
“All that stuff about ‘Alto, I would never do something so underhanded’—that was all a lie! You really were cheating!”
Alto had suspected Ragi all along and tried everything to figure out the trick but never managed to. Ragi had always feigned innocence, and now that Alto had finally uncovered the truth, it was no wonder that his face had turned red with indignation.
After venting his anger, Alto’s shoulders slumped. He turned his attention to the letter, but as soon as he finished reading it, he threw back his head and yelled, “Unforgivable!”
The letter had said, Gramps got away with victory.
I was sure Alto could practically hear Ragi’s triumphant laughter.
Although I did my best to calm Alto’s outrage, I brought up what I’d been thinking about the night before.
“Alto, I think it’s about time we start deciding when we’ll set out again. What do you think?”
“You mean, to fulfill Gramps’s request?”
“That’s part of it, yes. But remember, we were already on a journey of our own.”
“Yeah.”
“We’ve saved enough money, so I’d like to start traveling again.”
“I think that’s a good idea.”
“And before we pick where and when to go, I want you to decide something first. About whether you’re really ready to leave.”
“What do you mean?”
“Once we leave here, we might never come back to this house. I want you to think about that before you decide.”
“Why not?”
“You remember why I travel, Alto? I told you that I want to see the world. That’s the reason why I can’t promise we’ll ever return here.”
“Oh.”
“If you don’t want that or if you’d rather stay here, that’s okay. I won’t stop you. And if you want to stay, I will, too, as your master.”
“Okay.”
“And if you decide you want to come back after all, once we leave, we’ll turn around and come back together.”