“You know the desk drawer? We talked about it.”
“Oh, right.”
“I thought I’d look through it tomorrow. What do you think?”
“Yeah, I wanna look, too.”
“Then we’ll do it together,” I said.
“Okay.”
That was all we decided for now. It still felt too soon to talk about what came after. When I mentioned future plans, Alto didn’t react at all, probably without even realizing it himself.
Once we’d finished eating and cleaned everything up, there was nothing left to do but sleep.
Alto took the letter out of its envelope and started reading while I watched over him.
Trying to suppress his voice as he began to cry in the quiet room, he curled up into a little ball. I reached out to stroke his back, and he clung to me.
“I’m so sad. So, so, so, so sad… I miss Gramps. I miss him so much.”
Even though his voice was quiet, it was heavy with loneliness. I kept gently stroking his head, unable to say anything at all.
At the castle, Alto had managed to stay upbeat, but being back in this house must’ve brought the grief of losing Ragi crashing over him again. He cried and cried until he shifted into his baby wolf form.
I couldn’t bear to leave him alone as he sniffled and shivered, so I carried him to my room. I lay him on the bed, placed the letter above his head, and sat beside him. Before long, the sobs turned into quiet breathing. After he’d fallen asleep, I stood up and moved to the desk.
It was too lonely a night to sit still, so I let my thoughts drift toward the days ahead.
In the middle of that, I remembered something a certain man had once told me: “I don’t want you to hesitate to rely on me. I promise I’ll help you.” What I was going to ask of him and what he’d originally meant by those words were two different things, but I knew he wouldn’t mind.
The next morning, I left Alto asleep and stepped out into the backyard to train.
A cool autumn wind was blowing. When I reached the usual spot, my gaze drifted without thinking to the window of Ragi’s room.
…
On days when Alto and I trained together, Ragi happily watched us from that window.
Alto would run over to him whenever we finished.
For a moment, I half expected to see the window swing open, but I forced my eyes away. Still, the feelings of grief for Ragi that welled inside me were too strong to push aside, and I started with hand-to-hand training instead of sword practice to clear my head.
It struck me as I moved that I’d never wondered why Kyle had devoted himself so wholeheartedly to hand-to-hand combat.
Maybe he’d known some beastfolk himself. That thought came out of nowhere.
But as I kept moving, all those distractions faded, and I was left only with the resolve to honor Ragi.
I cooked breakfast at the usual time and made a little too much out of habit.
Alto finally came shuffling downstairs, and the first thing he did was scold me. “Why didn’t you wake me up?!”
I thought it wasn’t my fault he hadn’t woken up on his own, but I gently told him it was important to rest.
As we ate, I watched him carefully. He didn’t seem as sad as he had been the previous day. Still, I decided it was best to steer the conversation away from Ragi.
“Alto, let’s talk about our team.”
“Okay.”
“They gave me identification cards when I registered it, so I’ll give you yours now.”
When you registered a team with the guild, they gave you a card marked with your name and the team name.
“This proves you’re part of a team, so keep it somewhere safe.”
“I’ll put it in my bag.”
“There are some quests only teams are allowed to take on, so now we can try those together. Let’s do our best, okay?”
“All right.”
After that, I went over the rules again. We’d read them together when we filled out the paperwork, but I wanted to be thorough, just in case.
Alto listened and answered with a steady voice, much to my relief. He seemed more composed than I’d expected.
Satisfied, I decided it was time to suggest we check Ragi’s desk drawer.
“Okay,” he said, standing up firmly.
When I opened the door, the room felt exactly the same as it had. Ragi’s presence still hung in the air.
We stepped in together and began to look through the drawers, eventually finding a bundle of envelopes tied with a string.
As we examined them one by one, we found letters for the people who had come to visit him, one for Alto and me, and one addressed to someone whose name I didn’t recognize.
“Who’s Roshna?” I didn’t know the name, so I set that one aside for the moment and opened the letter to me and Alto.
It was two sheets of paper.
On the first, Ragi had written that we could do as we liked with the things on the shelves, and that he wanted us to deliver the other letters. Also, if we ever went to Sagana, he’d like us to bring that letter and a sword to someone named Roshna.
The sword was special, made just for Ragi.
“Since the sword bears the emblem of Sagana, I wish to leave it with someone I trust—you, Setsuna, and Alto. But if certain circumstances make it impossible for you to deliver it, please ask the Adventurers Guild to take care of it instead.
“It’s difficult for humans to enter the inner regions of Sagana, so don’t force yourselves unnecessarily.”
This sword must’ve meant a lot to him to entrust it to us.
“Master?”
“Hmm?”
“What does the other page say?” Alto asked, and I began reading it again.
The second page was filled top to bottom with places Ragi recommended we visit, including a meadow where rare flowers bloomed, a hill with beautiful sunsets, a secret spot to catch giant fish, and a drop steep enough to break your legs if you leapt from it. There were also directions to a meadow where pleasant winds always blew, a small lake whose surface mirrored a sky full of stars, and a tree so enormous you could see it from miles away.
The words practically danced off the page with joy, each line telling us how wonderful Sagana was.
I could sense how much Ragi had longed for his homeland in every line. This letter represented his homesickness and love for the country and his pride at having been born there. There wasn’t a shadow of sadness in it, only affection.
At the end of the page, there was one last line: “It would make me so happy if you and Alto could come to know the Sagana I loved.”
I thought I understood now why there were two letters.
The first had been to cover his final unfinished business. When I thought of Ragi now, though, I felt sure that he hadn’t passed on with any regrets. Writing that letter must’ve been what let him find peace.
In the second letter, I felt nothing but Ragi’s deep love for Sagana. There wasn’t even a trace of longing to return. It was the same as when, at the end, he’d prayed in the beastfolk tongue for rebirth rather than homecoming.
That feeling was something different from my own longing for home.
Even now, I still wished I could go back to the place where my father, mother, and Kyoka were. That would never change, regardless of the ties I formed here.
But Ragi felt differently. He’d filled the first letter with his regrets and longing to return home, then simply fallen asleep in Lypaed with love in his heart for his homeland.
I realized why the letter had been written in two parts. It was to show that nostalgia was made up of two things: the people you leave behind and the land itself. One sheet entrusted us with his unfinished feelings toward those he knew, while the other passed on his love for the land.
That was why, at the end, he’d had no regrets. Only love.
I don’t know if I can ever feel that way, but maybe Kyle would’ve understood.
Now that I thought about it, Kyle hadn’t seemed to have any regrets when he’d given me this body. He said he’d die if he couldn’t hand it over. Part of that was surely meant to persuade me, but I think he also truly meant it.
Even after living for so long, I still believed feelings like that never really changed. Maybe that was only true for me, though. Even when I searched Kyle’s memories for the answer, I never found it. Those feelings were still locked away behind a door I couldn’t open.
“Master.”
“Hm?”
“I want to grant Gramps’s wish. And I want to see all the places he wrote about.”
“I feel the same way.”
“Okay!”
I reached underneath the bed like the letter instructed and found a bundle wrapped in cloth. When I unwrapped it, it revealed a sword with the crest of Sagana engraved in the hilt.
“Alto, would you mind carrying Ragi’s sword for us?” I asked.
“Can I?”
“I’d like you to.”
“Okay!”
Alto took it as if it were something precious, whispering under his breath, “Gramps, I’ll make sure it gets there.”
He wrapped it carefully in the cloth again and put it in his bag.