Chapter 41

“Celes?! I-it’s not! No! Aaaaah—!” Arian returned to her senses, totally startled at finding herself in a very compromising situation. She darted from the room, hiding her beet-red face. “I believe this would make three times?” Celes let out a small sigh. She was unfortunately used to this sight by now. She brusquely walked over to Shinichi as he lay in a heap on the floor. “You saved me, Celes. Actually—” “You can hold your excuses,” she quipped, offering a hand to him as he wiped cold sweat from his brow. Just as he was about to get up, Celes stamped his balls. “—gh?!” “You reap what you sow, right? I know who’s to blame.” “Gah… That… might be true, but… Why are you ang—? Aaaaaagh—?!” No mercy. Celes’s foot came down again, leaving him bug-eyed and on the brink of fainting from the pain. She tossed him aside, pivoting sharply on her heels to leave the room. “…You idiot,” she whispered, leaving him with those words as he foamed from the mouth, twitching and convulsing. There was one other person left in this room— “Yes, yes, yes! Moan to me, charcoal! Dance with me, parchment! My gayest piece yet is ready to implode—!” —the dvergr. With a flame burning in her eyes, she scribbled furiously, finishing off her sketches for a manga about boys with a dramatic flourish. As he recalled these events, Shinichi’s balls shrunk back into his body. But he managed to flash a villainous smirk in Vermeita’s direction. “Heh-heh-heh. I risked it all to act out the plot for this gem of a story arc. I bet it’s your first time seeing something like this. One look, and it’s enough to get you off, isn’t it?” “Th-this is—?!” gasped Vermeita, unable to form a full sentence. An errant trail of blood trickled down her nose as she took in the drawings in all their glory. They depicted a tall, dashing young man with black hair cornered and straddled by an adorable redhead. “You’ll be able to read more BL manga in the future if you make a secret alliance with the demons. Not a bad deal, right?” “You think I’d betray the church for these immodest materials? Try again!” “Hmm… What exactly isn’t to your liking?” “For starters, the characters need to be younger; it would be so much better if they were young and pure with no clue about sexuality, you know, until they notice how good it feels to touch and prod each other; and then they become increasingly more sexual without knowing that it’s wrong before slowly— Ack?!” “Heh-heh-heh. Just as I would expect from a cardinal idolized by that flaming lesbian, Sanctina. You’re into little gay boys? Kinky.” “Shall we rename her the Dirty Mother Cardinal?” Celes exhaled sharply, disappointed by her true identity. Shinichi immediately began to pressure Vermeita. “So I wonder what’ll happen if the world finds out about your wonderful little tastes?” “If you do, I’ll—” “Hmm, if you activate these magic circles now, you’ll eliminate us—along with the only existing copy of that manga.” “What?! I couldn’t destroy such a beautiful story…!” “Should I even bother to comment…?” Celes asked. Shinichi gently laid his hand on Vermeita’s shoulder; she was trembling lightly under his touch. “It’ll be all right. It’s fine if you want to cooperate with us in exchange for these steamy tales. It’s a win-win situation.” “But I’m the cardinal. I’m supposed to be a role model. I can’t betray the Goddess’s teachings for such indecency…” A single tear rolled down her cheek as she battled with her inner shame. In all honesty, she wasn’t that worried about turning her back on the church. It would be much worse for her children to discover her secret desires and grow to resent her—or be disgusted by her tastes. This type of shame wasn’t exclusive to lovers of BL. There were lots of people with hidden preferences and desires, afraid that the world would look down on them for harboring lewd thoughts. Shinichi faced her uncertainties and fears head-on. “Fine. There may be a few people who’d label you a creep. But consider this: Have you ever hurt anyone with your desires? Have you murdered anyone or stolen money?” “Of course not! But…” “I know: They’ll look down on you even if it’s not a crime. Listen, I hear ya. But let’s put aside morals for now. We all have different perspectives, and we can’t stop anyone from forming their opinions of us. That’s why people tend to hide their innermost desires.” Shinichi locked eyes with Vermeita. “But it doesn’t matter if you’re into little girls or boys! As long as it doesn’t get out, it’s totally okay!” “It’s totally okay?!” “It doesn’t matter how much you fantasize! As long as it’s just a fantasy, it’s not a crime!” “It’s not a crime?!” “You’re throwing out excuses like a red-handed criminal,” Celes interrupted. But Vermeita couldn’t hear her and continued to quiver with uncertainty. “Does that mean I can look at two boys sharing a bed and fantasize about their conversations? ‘You were a little rough, yesterday.’ ‘Shut up, you’re embarrassing me.’ Are you telling me this is all okay?” “Not guilty,” Shinichi decreed. “What if my dream is to become pope, make a school for boys, a choir of boys, and an entire church full of boys? What if I have ulterior motives to make a haven just for boys? To make more opportunities for them to fall in love with each other?” “You didn’t touch them. You didn’t force them to fall in love. You’re just creating an environment, which means you’re… Not. Guilty.” “Ah…!” Vermeita fell to her knees, offering her prayers to Shinichi, as if he were a merciful deity, accepting all of her—including her sexual fantasies—gently in his arms. “I give up. I will make an alliance with the demons.” “Thank you. Love is our common language.” He shot Celes a sweet smile, as if to tell her to back him up. “This is too lewd for love,” Celes commented, sighing for the umpteenth time. And that marked the creation of a secret alliance between the demons and one of the cardinals—the Holy Mother Cardinal, Vermeita. For a brief moment, Shinichi and Celes flew back to the castle of the Demon King to report back on this new development, teleporting back to the Holy City just as day broke. But something in the city had changed overnight. The townspeople were uneasy and collectively heading closer to the center of the city. “Excuse me. What’s going on?” Shinichi asked a young boy walking by. He offered a weak explanation, equally bewildered. “There’s gonna be a big announcement at the Archbasilica. They asked everyone to come…” “A big announcement?” “I don’t really know what it’s for. We’re not even close to the Advent Festival. It could be that His Holiness has…” It would be irreverent to say any more. He cut himself off short and wandered off. “How should we proceed?” Celes asked. “Erm, could you put Vermeita on the line with Telepathy?” “I don’t think that’s wise. I do not know her very well, nor do I know her current whereabouts.” “Right. I imagine she’s left the orphanage to go straight to the Archbasilica, but…” It would certainly be fastest to ask her directly. But if that wasn’t possible, he needed to come up with another plan. After a while, he started to move with the flow of the crowd, following their lead. “Let’s go see what’s happening. I can’t imagine Vermeita has already betrayed us. She’d never use such a huge event to trap us, I think.” “Understood.” The two headed to the heart of the Holy City, right to the front of the Archbasilica—a large, empty square to host ceremonies and festivals. Tens of thousands of people were crowded in the space, milling around, heads dipping and ducking like bobbing potatoes in a sink. Shinichi didn’t like the thought of being caught up in a wave of people. That could be potentially hazardous, since his reaction time would be significantly delayed. Instead, the pair stood in the shadows of a distant building, where he asked Celes to cast Telescope to observe the entire ordeal. “Huh. I wonder what’s gonna happen,” he muttered. The clamorous crowd of spectators hushed, and a series of figures began to appear on the balcony of the Archbasilica. There were only three of the four cardinals: the Agreeable Cardinal, the Materialistic Cardinal, and the Holy Mother Cardinal. For no apparent reason, the Elderly Cardinal was nowhere to be found. This riled up the audience, as their voices rose up in surprise and suspicion. In the midst of their chaos, Vermeita stepped forward to speak on behalf of the rest. “I would like to share some unfortunate news. Our longtime spiritual guide, Cardinal Cronklum, retired from his position yesterday, choosing to return to a simpler life.” “““…Huuuh?!””” It took the crowd a full beat to make sense of her announcement. They started to blubber and burst out in confusion. In the past, members of the church stepped down when they became too old to perform their duties. This was true for those chosen as undying heroes, too. The pope was the only exception to this rule. But everyone knew that Cronklum was in good health. It was true that he was in his seventies and jeeringly called the Elderly Cardinal, but he was still lively enough to surround himself with multiple lovers. He’d been so close to becoming the next pope. It was way too sudden for him to abandon his position and go back to the simple life, or whatever. Shinichi wasn’t quite as surprised as the rest of the onlookers, but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t confused. “Do you think he was forced to resign over the whole Sanctina thing? I feel like it’s too early for that…” But there wasn’t enough time for him to form his thoughts. Vermeita spoke again. “And in Cronklum’s stead, we’d like to welcome a new cardinal to the church.” She gestured to the side, and a man took his time to step forward onto the balcony. When they saw his full figure, Shinichi and Celes’s eyes nearly popped out of their heads. “Why the hell is he…?!” It was a man in his early thirties, smiling serenely without a hint of a dark or turbulent personality. In the robes of a cardinal, his dress was more opulent than in the past, but he was unmistakable. There was no way they’d confuse him with anyone else. This was the man who’d bullied the king of Boar Kingdom into dispatching the troops upon demonkind without so much as an attempt to investigate or reconcile their differences. It wouldn’t be a stretch to label him as the person responsible for lighting the fires of war. “Please give your warmest welcomes to Cardinal Hube.” There was a short pause where Vermeita seemed to tense her jaw. It was followed by a smattering of applause. The crowd was in a state of shock. Shinichi and Celes were unable to process what was happening before their eyes, frozen in place as if they were statues carved from stone.