Tonight’s menu was rice, miso soup, and teriyaki chicken. It was quick and easy, and I finished preparing it in no time at all. As soon as it was done, I heard the front door open. My stepfather was home.
“I’m back,” he said. “Mm, something smells good.”
“It’s teriyaki chicken. Would you like some fresh off the stove?”
“Sounds good to me.”
“Okay.”
I set the table while my stepfather went to his room to change. Then it was time for dinner for two—just me and Dad.
There had been several occasions like this since my mother remarried—times when neither she nor Asamura were home, and it was just the two of us. I’d been terribly nervous at first, after all the things that happened with my biological father. My edginess must have been obvious.
After suddenly becoming the father of an adolescent girl, it must have been tough for him to gauge the proper distance between us. I could sense that from his clumsy attempts to communicate. It was a different kind of awkwardness from Asamura. I wondered if Mom had told him about how things were for me in the past. In the beginning, he’d been very careful not to hurt or scare me.
These days, there were no problems. I was grateful to him, just as I was to Asamura. That said, a part of me still wasn’t able to completely relax and put my full trust in an adult man. There was nothing wrong with my stepfather, it was just a reaction caused by my childhood memories.
Perhaps Halloween approaching had brought all that closer to the surface, as well. Without realizing it, I broached a topic that I wouldn’t usually bring up.
“Say, Dad, what do you dislike about my mom?”
“Huh?!” He coughed.
He probably hadn’t expected a question like that. He choked, and a piece of teriyaki chicken fell from his mouth. Luckily, it landed back on his plate.
“That came out of the blue,” he said. “Wouldn’t you normally ask me what I like about her?”
“Well, from watching the two of you, it’s obvious there’s a lot of things you like about each other,” I explained with a smile before continuing. “But I don’t think marriages last when people only look at the positives. After being together for a while, you’ll start to notice things you don’t like… We’ve all been sharing this apartment for a few months now, and I wondered if anything had come up.”
“Hmm. I see.” Dad wiped his mouth with a tissue and thought this over.
I felt a little nervous. Maybe I’d overstepped.
But I wanted my parents to have a happy life together, different from before. I didn’t want Dad to make the same mistake as my biological father, who ultimately grew frustrated with my mother. Maybe I could stop a tragedy from happening if I knew a bit more about him beforehand.
“Let’s see… I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s something I dislike about her, but I guess you could say she seems dependable, but she’s a bit careless in her everyday life.”
“You have a point there.”
“And whenever I get a little strict with Yuuta, she secretly admonishes me afterward.”
“Oh.”
I hadn’t expected that. I’d never imagined our parents talking about Yuuta’s discipline. They probably talked about mine, too.
“Other than that, I suppose her complaints about work can get pretty long.”
“What?! Mom complains about work?”
“It only happens occasionally. But once she gets started, she goes on for quite a while.”
“I didn’t know…”
I’d been living with Mom all this time, and yet she’d never complained like that in front of me. Why hadn’t she shown me that side of her?
“Well, she works at an expensive bar. Her complaints about customers can get pretty nasty, and she probably didn’t want you to hear them. Apparently, before we got married, she used to share them with her colleagues.”
Oh, so that’s why she sometimes came home pretty late.
One of the reasons for my biological father’s lack of trust in my mom was due to her coming home at all hours. He’d suspected she was cheating on him. But maybe if he’d been more receptive to her mental exhaustion, she wouldn’t have had to complain to her coworkers and could have come home on time. I wasn’t sure which problem had come first, though, and there was no way to find out now.
“Um… If you don’t like listening to her complaints, I’ll listen instead!” I said, leaning forward despite myself.
Dad’s complaints might be small now, but if there was a chance they’d lead to another disaster, I needed to step in right away.
My stepfather stared at me blankly for a moment, then smiled gently. “Ha-ha-ha—it’s okay, Saki. Don’t worry.”
“But…”
“Listen. Akiko may have her faults, but they’re nothing compared to mine.”
“What?”
“I’m way more careless than she is, and I butt in when she scolds you, too. And I complain about stuff all the time. How can I blame my wife for her faults if they’re all mutual?” As Dad spoke, his eyes were gentle like Asamura’s, and I could tell he was speaking from the heart. “Besides, I think Akiko and I are together now because we’ve both been through a lot.”
“…Okay, yeah.”
“I think that’s what marriage is all about—being able to accept the good with the bad.”
“Accepting the bad…”
It was an eye-opening thought. Maybe I really could relax and trust this man with my mother. And not only her, but…
“Let me ask you something,” I said. “Imagine if Yuuta or I became a terrible delinquent. Would you still accept us as family?”
“Of course.” His answer was immediate. “…But hey, what’s this about? Have you started thinking people like that are cool?”
“Oh no, not at all! It was just an example.”
“As long as you don’t break the law… No, that’s not true. Even if you did break the law, you’d have to be punished, of course, but I wouldn’t disown you or Yuuta. Ever.”
“You wouldn’t?”
I think I’m in love with Asamura. And not as a sister but romantically.
I wasn’t brave enough to say those words, but I had the feeling that even if I did, my stepfather would cheerfully accept them.
I recalled the day I’d embraced Asamura in my room and the time I’d imagined the two of us kissing like the couple we’d seen in Ikebukuro—not in public, of course, but maybe when we were alone. The devil was whispering in my ear, saying it might be all right to do the kind of things with him that other couples took for granted. Was it okay to give in?
…What was I thinking? My brain was jumping way too far ahead. I needed to sort out my thoughts.
Both my stepfather and I stopped talking, and our time together ended quietly. The next thing I knew, it was almost time to meet Asamura.
“I’m going out to do some shopping,” I said.
“At this hour? It’s late.”
“It’s okay. I’m meeting up with Big Brother.”
“Still, I feel a little uneasy letting a girl go out alone at this hour…”
“I’ll bypass the downtown area and avoid any dangerous streets. I’ll be fine. I often went shopping by myself when I was living alone with Mom, looking for last-minute discounts.”
“Well, if you say so.”
He didn’t sound convinced, but I managed to get his permission.
Sorry, Dad. I just really want to see him.
Talking with my stepfather had made me even more anxious to see Asamura, and I left home at eight sharp.
I checked the clock when I reached Asamura’s school and sent him a text, timing it to arrive just as his class ended.