In her dream, Nadeshiko was standing in front of Rindo.
They were in the Autumn villa, which should have been destroyed.
The villa was full of water and fish, like an aquarium.
Nadeshiko and Rindo were inside it, but they could breathe and see normally.
The world at the bottom of the sea was beautiful, but not very well lit.
If the mansion itself was at the bottom of the sea, they could swim out and up to the surface to escape the loneliness, but both of them remained in the villa.
“How can I become an adult?”
This world was fantastical and ever so slightly eerie, which let her know it was a dream.
“…How old are you when you become an adult?”
Again.
Nadeshiko noticed then.
I’m an adult again.
Her body had grown up. She didn’t know how old she was, but she was clearly not eight.
The Nadeshiko in the middle of the undersea villa came up to Rindo’s chest. A height she might reach in the future. She’d dreamed about this many times before.
She found it strange, but she accepted it right away. It was a dream, after all. It didn’t matter what she looked like. This wasn’t reality.
And Rindo also didn’t seem to mind the change.
Rindo won’t be by my side when I’m that age.
At least he was with her here.
It doesn’t matter if this doesn’t make sense, as long as you’re here.
“…It depends on what you define as being an adult.”
Rindo spoke as gently as ever.
“Like, old enough to smoke like you?”
“That would be twenty in Yamato. Some countries let you start when you’re eighteen, though.”
“Will I be an adult when I turn twenty?”
“If you want to be an adult who smokes, then yes. I would rather you didn’t, though. Do you want to smoke?”
Nadeshiko pursed her lips. She hadn’t ever thought about it.
“No… I—I think… I want to be someone who can be by herself and get food on my own. I’ll be even more of an adult if I can go shopping alone.”
“As long as you’re a goddess, you will never miss a meal. As for shopping…someone should go with you.”
“Then I want to be an adult who can live without you.”
Rindo blinked, at a loss for words.
“…You want me to go away?”
This was a dream, so there was no need to hesitate. Nadeshiko nodded.
“Yes. That would be for the best for both of us.”
“Who said that?”
“Your father.”
“…”
“I heard you talking. He said you shouldn’t let me depend on you, because I’m a very dangerous goddess.”
“…”
“And depending on you means being with you and being happy that you’re nice to me, right?”
“Nadeshiko, what year is it?” Rindo asked, seeming desperate.
Nadeshiko was confused. She wasn’t good at remembering years.
“Umm… Last year was Reimei 20, I think, so, Reimei 21?”
“Reimei 21…”
Rindo covered his eyes with one hand so as not to look at Nadeshiko.
Silence fell, and she waited.
She waited like he waited for her. Rindo always listened to Nadeshiko’s clumsy words.
“So you’ve been trying to become an adult by staying away from me…,” he whispered sadly, and she felt sorry.
“Yes…”
He was a good man. She had expected it to hurt him.
But this is a dream.
It’s not real, so it’s fine.
“You don’t have to do that.”
“Yes, I do.”
“No, you don’t.”
“I do. If I don’t let you go, your future will be lonely and painful, so no matter how hard it is, I have to do it.”
“…Because my dad said so…?”
“Y-your dad isn’t that important. It’s because I love you.”
“You love me, but you’re still leaving me?”
“…”
That wasn’t what she meant, but it was a valid perspective. Nadeshiko got confused as the topic became too difficult for her.
“I just have to be a good girl,” she desperately explained. “Letting go of you is what a good girl would do.
But Rindo’s face warped in pain. “…You think everything in the world will go right so long as you’re a good girl?”
“Y-yes.”
“And misfortune will come if you’re a bad girl?”
“Yes.”
“Is that the way the world works?”
Nadeshiko tilted her head. She didn’t understand what he meant about the world.
She believed that, at the very least, her life worked that way.
It had always been that way.
Her parents got tired of her because she was a bad girl.
Her parents left her in the mountains because she was a bad girl.
She became the Goddess of Autumn because she was a bad girl.
But because she tried to be good, fate gifted her Rindo.
And because she was bad in the end, it was taking Rindo away from her.
He was too good for her to begin with.
This wasn’t unfair in her mind. And she was in a far better place now. There was kindness around her.
She wasn’t losing him or being forsaken.
I’m only distancing myself. If you can be happy far away, what else could I wish for?
Nadeshiko felt a similar love for her parents, too.
No matter how much you hate me, I wish you happiness.
“…Nadeshiko, the world doesn’t work that way. Misfortune comes even when you’re good. Don’t leave me. No matter what happens, I… I’m the only one…”
Rindo desperately tried to convince her, but she said:
“Don’t worry, Rindo. I’ve always been alone.”
The dream ended there.