Rindo’s last words sounded a little like a sob. Like he had finally gotten what he wanted to say out of him.
Kikka similarly said everything he had in mind.
Finally, they realized they had gotten too emotional and raised their voices, and they kept the volume down after that.
I know you’re worried about me.
I know I went too far. Just take care, okay?
You too. Stop making Mom worry.
Nadeshiko could only hear their whispers in waves.
“…Woof.”
The only one worried about present Nadeshiko was Hanakiri.
He’d sneaked under the sheets and swum through the darkness toward Nadeshiko. After bumping into her soft body, he sniffed out where her face was.
“Hanakiri…”
He pushed his own face into hers.
His fluffy fur wiped away some of the tears, but more tears welled up to replace them. There was no umbrella to stop this rain.
Rindo.
Nadeshiko wasn’t hungry anymore. Her stomach was quiet now.
Maybe she hadn’t only killed a person. She’d also killed her hunger.
“…!”
The shock nearly made her cry for her mom and dad, but she stopped herself.
They would not help her.
Nadeshiko didn’t know what to do, so she just sobbed in silence.
Rindo didn’t want to be with me.
He didn’t want to be the Guard of Autumn.
Everyone is scared of me.
Maybe even Sanekazura and Shirahagi.
What should I do?
She had to think of a way out, but her mind was cloudy.
What was there to do?
Someone.
Who could she ask for help?
Ms. Sanekazura.
She would tell Rindo.
Mr. Shirahagi?
He would tell Rindo, too.
Summer?
The problem would be blown out of proportion.
Spring?
The kind pair was far away in Yamato.
Winter?
They would also tell Rindo.
Nadeshiko reached to hug Hanakiri as she thought. The tears ran down her cheeks, and she held in the sobbing while she thought. What to do? What to do?
“…”
For starters, she shouldn’t tell Rindo she overheard his conversation. That much was for certain.
That would leave him confused and sad, and she could even see it destroying his relationship with his family.
Even in this state, Nadeshiko didn’t hold anything against Kikka. It was complicated, but she knew he held no ill will toward her and was only worried for his son’s future.
So people like that exist.
She was shocked by how different he was from her own parents.
That’s why someone like Rindo came to my side.
It made sense. He seemed to shine so bright because he was raised with so much love.
Nadeshiko didn’t understand what it felt like to be loved by her parents, but she loved Rindo in a different way. She knew the pain of watching someone you loved suffer.
Kikka’s anxiety must be unimaginable.
What does he mean, the Gods of Autumn take them away?
She didn’t quite understand, but she could see how the unconscious pouring of Autumn’s love could extend the other’s life.
Nadeshiko’s Life Putrefaction was still developing. Maybe she would be able to do something like that naturally as she grew up and mastered it.
Think. Think.
Nadeshiko’s mind searched for a survival strategy.
She had to understand her current position and choose the best path of action.
She knew that her actions could completely change how the adults treated her. She’d learned that from her parents.
How can I make up for my sin?
She understood the situation now, but everyone around her was scared of her. The problem of her wrongdoings remained. What could she do about it?
“…”
After much thought, she reached a conclusion.
I have to grow up as fast as possible.
She had to become an adult, become independent.
She would distance herself from everybody—that was the best way to not scare them.
If she grew up, kept a proper distance from Rindo, and avoided contact with everyone else, maybe Kikka wouldn’t tell him to quit anymore.
Nadeshiko just didn’t want to lose Rindo.
Grow up.
Then she wouldn’t cause trouble for anyone.
Could she make up for killing someone by isolating herself?
There was nothing else she could give. Maybe her life, but she wanted to put that off until the insurgents took it from her eventually. She wanted to stay alive a little longer.
Please, God. I’ll live alone.
Nadeshiko prayed to Autumn itself and asked for forgiveness.
Yes—if she was going to get killed eventually either way, she at least wanted to be forgiven.
I’ll be alone from tomorrow onward…
She couldn’t live by herself all of a sudden, but at least she could show Kikka she was trying to stay away from Rindo.
Maybe he would think better of her that way.
And then he wouldn’t take Rindo away from her. He wouldn’t put down Rindo’s hard work.
And then…and then…
Rindo would be with her until she grew up, at least?
She didn’t want to control his life and torment his family, either.
Ah.
No, Rindo never wanted to be a Guard to begin with.
Nadeshiko had forgotten that.
Then…then…
That meant she had to let him go.
I don’t want to.
But if Kikka was right, Rindo would inevitably pull away from her.
Even her parents didn’t want to deal with her, and Rindo wasn’t her family. He would inevitably leave her the same way.
I don’t want him to quit, but…
If quitting would protect Rindo’s life, then…
Should she even be going back and forth about it?
She already took one person’s life; was she going to take the life of the man she loved, too?
“…”
As painful as it was, this was the best way not to lose him. Nadeshiko wanted to know her place and remain loved, rather than letting their relationship continue until he hated her.
If he ever told her he hated her to her face…
I’d want to die.
“Rindo…”
Then Nadeshiko’s consciousness shut down.
The adults came periodically to check on her as she slept, but nobody had any way to know what had happened in between their visits. Including Rindo.
And so her childhood ended.