After drinking some tea, Sagara and I left the doctor’s room and walked on the road to the parking lot. As the parking lot was appearing in sight, she grabbed my arm and pulled me into the space behind the building.
“There is someone in the parking lot.” She whispered. “Can you take a look at it and tell me what is going on? You have better eyesight than I do.”
I peeked out of the corner of the building and looked at the direction. Then I pulled back my face quickly.
“There are two men. They are watching your car from a distance.”
“Turn back and go to the end of the crosswalk of the building that we just left. There is a gate leading to the back street. Get out of there and walk to the west on that road. I’ll drive around this area to get to you. All right?”
“Okay.” I took sunglasses out of my pocket and put them on.
“If I don’t show up in half an hour, go back to the doctor.”
“Got it.”
She patted my shoulder once and went out. I quickly turned back the way I had come. I walked straight ahead, without looking back, without hurrying. There was no one nearby. I saw a worker pushing a dolly to carry the load and a middle-aged woman on a bicycle. I passed by the bike, but the woman did not even bother to pay any attention to me. I looked behind me for a moment, pretending to follow the bicycle with my eyes. No one was within sight.
I looked up at the sky. That’s right. Enemies would not come from above me on the ground, I recalled.
Somehow I had a feeling that the danger was imminent. Someone must be pursuing me, because I escaped from the hospital. Who would be disadvantaged by what I did? That is, of course, our company or, in other words, our military. I wonder if they’re worried about some kind of security breach pertaining to confidential information. Maybe there was some critical information that I have forgotten. It was not that they could analyze my head to see if I had forgotten about it or not. While I was in the hospital, they were watching me close enough to keep it secret. Now, they probably have no choice but to kill me. That’s quite an orderly thing to think about.
That was evident in Sagara’s demeanor. She was so frightened. She was even more scared than I was. What is she so afraid of? Is it my death or hers? It does not seem to me that she would be afraid of something to that degree. Will something greater be lost? If that’s the case, what is it?
I crossed the hallway and went out into the parking lot. Two men with tennis rackets were standing near a hatchback car with its rear door open. One of them saw me, and the other turned toward me. I kept on walking. It looked like a dead-end, but there was a gate located a bit to the right. To the left, a substation-like facility could be seen surrounded by the wire fence.
I walked straight through the gate and got out of the premises. It was a road of about 10 meters wide. I saw a factory-like building across the street. A concrete fence stretched laterally. I walked to the left. That’s the west.
The fence on the side of the hospital was made of steel, more than two meters tall. I could see inside the parking lot that I had been at a moment ago. The two men were still there. They seemed to be watching me. Does it mean that I am being so conspicuous?
After a short walk, a few shops appeared on the other side of the road. On my side of the street, the hospital fence was still extended. The parking lot was now hidden behind the building. If I walked for too long, then I would end up being too far away from the hospital to turn back. I have to go back inside the hospital if something happens, so I should be in the more sensibly appropriate place.
I stopped and took a cigarette pack out of my pocket. I have not smoked a single cigarette since this morning. Although I was wearing Sagara’s coat, I put some money, the cigarette pack, a lighter, and an ID card in the pocket. These were all of my possessions. Still, they were more than I got to carry on a sortie.
I lit a cigarette. Smoking one cigarette will allow me to lighten my weight by that much, I always thought. I want to burn each piece of the firmly fixated memory in my head one by one, and let it go up in smoke. I wondered if that doctor could do that. He mentioned hypnosis, or something. If it were like a cigarette, the bitterness would disappear completely, and then I would feel lighter.
On the other side of the road, a young woman walked toward me with her dog. She was wearing a short skirt and white boots. She was straightening her back and was looking like a pair of compasses. While I was looking at her, she crossed the street to my side. She was getting very close to me.
She stopped in front of me. The dog was small and had long hair. The dog was putting its nose on my shoe to sniff it.
The woman was Suito Kusanagi.
I was startled. But, I quickly pretended that I did not know her. I was wearing a pair of sunglasses, and she did not see my face. There was no way that she could notice who I was.
My heartbeat sped up.
“You are Kannami, aren’t you?” She asked.
My heart painfully jolted once.
Still, I remained silent.
Why? Because I really did not know who I was.
Kannami?
“I am afraid that I had already been discarded. So, I have nothing to do with you.”
“Umm, I’m not sure ...” I replied so anyway.
“Do you carry a gun?” She asked.
“Gun?”
“If you are carrying it now, shoot me and run away now.”
“Why?”
“By doing that, you can be truly free.”
As Kusanagi said so, she relaxed her lips. Her eyes were not smiling at all. Her eyes were piercingly focused on me. She could have shot me down already.
Silence.
My body was slightly vibrating. I was quivering.
Gun?
Where is the gun?
I always carry it. I don’t remember where I left it.
Oh, when I am not on an aircraft, I can do nothing. Really, nothing ... It’s over. I closed my eyes once. Then, when I opened my eyes, the woman in front of me had already disappeared.
I looked around my feet. The dog had also vanished.
They were moving on the other side of the street. I saw the back of the woman in the miniskirt walking away. I crossed the road hastily and followed her. The dog stopped first and barked toward me. The woman looked back, too. The face with the black hair. She was not Suito Kusanagi.
I put on the brake on myself. In a pocket of the coat, a finger of my right hand was touching the trigger of the control stick. Wrong target.
Don’t shoot.
Sigh.
What about my left hand?
I looked at it. My left hand was holding a cigarette.
The smoke was rising from it.
I see ... This is a hallucination.
It was a dream.
Although I was not asleep, I was having a dream.
That’s okay.
It was just a dream.
That’s okay.
I was still alive.
I was not shot.
My heartbeat finally slowed down a bit.
I crossed the road again and got back to the position I had been at.
I smoked a cigarette, and calmed myself down. It was a bit hot. My body temperature might have risen. Why was I having that hallucination? Maybe, is that what I want?
I don’t think I was asleep. I’m sure I had a clear consciousness. If I had a gun in a pocket, I might have shot that woman.
It was the drug withdrawal that Sagara was talking about.
However.
Maybe this is what reality is all about in the first place.
I was sure.
It would be like that.
I wouldn’t be surprised at all if my whole life is an illusion. That’s how tenuous my memories are. I might still be sleeping in the hospital bed. I mean, I might be in the middle of dreaming as of now.
I had a dream that had lasted for too long.
I exhaled the smoke.
Oh ... what shall I do?
Should we break this imperfect chain of events now?
Yeah, it is like Kusanagi said earlier.
She might have implied that she wanted me to commit suicide.
It might as well be me. It might as well be anyone. Shoot anyone. If I do that, people around me will not leave me alone. I will be confined, bound, and drugged. Then, after that, there will probably be infinite freedom. The flat time will be waiting for me. Will I not be free, just by killing someone?
I looked up at the sky.
Blue.
Beautiful.
That’s right. It is freedom.
I had calmed down a bit.
Freedom.
Angelic freedom.
Anyone will just do.
I have to destroy them.
To get the freedom.
A vehicle was approaching me from the front. The car was looking familiar to me.
It stopped beside me.
I threw away the cigarette, pulled the door, and got into the passenger’s seat.
The car started suddenly.
The woman in the driver’s seat was checking the rearview mirror frequently.
“Are you okay?” She asked.
“Yes.”
“I have also managed to be all right.” She smiled. “But we should be careful. Going back to my home may turn out to be dangerous. There is a chance that they are attempting to ambush us somewhere in the middle of the way home.”
“So, what’s next?”
“Let’s take a quick detour.”
-4-