When Aul didn’t listen, I repeated myself until she did. I did that as many times as was necessary. It was a simple thing, but Aul had never experienced anything like it before.
“Maybe none of the others will admit it, but they’re all exactly the same,” Aul said, pausing for a moment before looking at me with a resolve in her gaze. “They think the same as I do: you’re the only one who can lead us.”
I sighed.
“Was that a sigh?!” Aul cried.
“I’m allowed to sigh, aren’t I?” I shot back.
To be trusted was a good thing. It made me happy. However, it was wrong for Aul to think that only I was capable of leading our unit. I stood up and walked slowly over to Aul. She looked up at me cautiously. I flicked her lightly between the eyes.
“Ouch!” she cried, clutching her forehead.
“You’re soft,” I said. “In the end, you’re just a kid throwing a tantrum because you don’t want to leave your parents. But you’ve got to grow up. You’ve gotta be independent.”
“I opened my heart to you, prepared for shame, and this is how you respond,” Aul muttered. “I knew it.”
I’m the only one who can lead you? That’s just what you think. Wake up. You can’t make that kind of a statement if you’ve never even tried another way.
“I choose the person who leads you,” I said. “I know you all better than anyone else. You think I’d choose someone who’s not up to the job?”
“No, but . . .”
“It’s no different to when you asked me about why I chose you for second-in-command. It’s not about abilities, and it’s not about raw strength. I chose you because you were suitable for the job. I knew I could trust you with that duty.”
My exact reasons were vague, but it wasn’t like I just picked her name out of a hat. I chose Aul because I was certain of her, and I trusted her.
“You might think that the others don’t trust you, that they don’t believe in you, but you’re wrong.”
“Wrong? If you ask me, they’re always pushing and kicking me around. That’s one heck of a beating for a superior officer to have to take.”
“Think about it. Every one of you is rude, no matter who you talk to, superior or otherwise. Name one person they’ll obey politely.”
“That’s a horrible thing to say about us! Even though it’s true!”
“Then tell me this: if I made someone else second-in-command, would you not push and kick them around?”
“Are you out of your mind? If somebody starts bossing me around, then of course I’m going to push back. And kick, too.”
“I bet that’s what all the others would say too.”
“Huh?!”
“Oh, now you get it? You really are as slow as they come.”
I flicked Aul in the head a second time.
“Ouch!”
She’s been training so hard her brain’s turned into hard muscle.
I put a hand to Aul’s head. I had to imbue her with a little confidence.
“Aul,” I said. “You’re bright and energetic all the time, and it’s stupid, but at the same time, your spirit never breaks, no matter the circumstances. To others it might look like you’re reckless and carefree, and some would probably even call you flippant.”
“Are you trying to make me cry here?!”
“Will you let me finish? That said, those who know you well also know that you’ll never yield. So they’ll lean on you for support. They’ll trust you with everything they have.”
When I’d first met Aul, I hadn’t seen anything special in her. She’d gone off to train on her own with a carefree smile. I hadn’t noticed anything out of the ordinary. But when I’d learned more about what made her tick, I discovered that she was a problem child right down to her very core. She didn’t see herself as any different from the other knights, but that was her most extraordinary quality. It gave her the mental fortitude to stay resolute in any situation.
When Aul made up her mind to do something, she didn’t hesitate. Put simply, she was stubborn. She refused to lose. While this was a dangerous character trait, it also had its uses. No matter how dire the situation became, she stood steadfast. It didn’t matter if everything was falling into ruin around her, she remained resolute. She never let despair even touch her. This mental strength buoyed those around her. It was an extremely rare talent. When people knew there was someone to lead the way, this provided a certain security. All of Aul’s teammates knew this. That was why none of the other knights complained when she was promoted to second-in-command.
The only person yet to realize this, unfortunately, was Aul herself.
“What I’m saying is it’s not like you to worry about something like this,” I said. “As long as you stay true to who you are, the others will follow your lead.”
“Stay true,” muttered Aul, mulling over my words.
I wondered if I’d said too much. Still, the girl required so much extra work.
“Why don’t you just get it? Why do I have to spell it out for you?” I said, sighing.
“How am I supposed to know if you don’t tell me?”
“Yeah, but what’s with that grin on your face? Need another flick to the forehead?”
That smile creeping over her face irked me a little, so I readied my finger.
“N-no! I-I’m fine!” cried Aul, her face going pale as she shook her head.
I went back to my own place by the fire, now thoroughly exasperated.
“Nothing in this world is permanent,” I said. “Everything has to change. If you can’t accept that change, you’ll never be able to move forward.”
“Captain,” said Aul.
“But even if there is change, I’ll still be leading you guys. So you don’t need to let things bother you so much.”
Aul nodded.
“Okay.”
Well, that’s sorted.
“It’s time for a change in guard duty. I’m hitting the hay.”
“Oh, okay,” said Aul. “I guess that means I’m up.”
“Yep. The rest of you get some sleep already, would you?”
“Huh? The rest?” asked Aul.
She tilted her head to the side, puzzled, but I ignored her and laid down. Then she turned around and saw her fellow knights, all of them with cheeky grins on their faces. I knew they’d been awake from the moment she started confiding in me, but I let it go because I thought it would be a nice little wake up call for the girl. At first, she went deathly pale, but then her face turned bright red.
“Y-y-you guys . . . You w-were all a-awake?”
“We believe in you, oh glorious second-in-command!”
“And I don’t hate you, Vice-Captain.”
“I had no idea you were so worried, Boss. You’re surprisingly sensitive.”
“I can see you all practically bursting at the seams trying to hold in your laughter! Get out of here right now, all of you! I’ll give you a good beating before we head out to crush those demons!”
I listened as Aul had her tantrum and the other knights cackled with laughter. Seeing them all rowdy and smiling like that, I couldn’t help but let out the hint of a chuckle myself. It didn’t matter how many medals they earned or what they achieved on the battlefield, our unit would always be a mishmash of kids in adult bodies. There was nothing to be done about it. All of us, in our own ways, were a bit twisted, and we couldn’t take things too seriously.
But each and every one of us was growing and maturing, all the same.
One day.
One day when they were adults in the true sense of the word, I wanted them to be able to laugh about their pasts, their hopes, and their dreams. All of them had once been outcasts, avoided by their peers and not considered real knights. Maybe it would still be some time before they’d find what made them truly happy, but it was my job to make sure that they did.
That’s why I let myself laugh a little. Their hopes and their dreams were probably a far cry from what I imagined, but that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing at all.