But when we actually started talking, I realized how friendly, considerate, and incredibly down-to-earth she is… And I was just like, “Dang. How can any one person be blessed with such good looks and have a perfect personality to match?” Everyone in our class loved her to pieces, and she totally deserved every last bit of the attention. And yet, looking back on it now…I can’t help but wonder if maybe we were all putting too much pressure on her to be who we wanted her to be, and I actually feel kinda bad about that.
Because, see, everyone’s always placed a ton of faith in Ushio-chan. There’s almost this unspoken vibe in the classroom, like, “Oh, if she says it, then it must be true!” And I worry sometimes if maybe we’re placing too much of a burden on her with those unrealistic expectations, since I can tell she works really hard to try to live up to them. I’ve definitely fallen into the trap of propping her up like that myself in the past—which I guess isn’t a bad thing all the time, but it feels like there have been times when we’ve treated her like some godlike entity who can do no wrong rather than, y’know…an ordinary person like us. I kinda wonder if her appearance might have something to do with it, honestly—what with her being mixed, having slightly different facial features than the rest of us and this beautiful silver hair… It’s a little hard sometimes to believe she’s just as human and flawed as we are when she seems so perfect in every way.
I guess that’s probably a type of discrimination too, though, huh? It’s not right to make assumptions about someone’s character based solely on their looks, is it? Well, not that there aren’t more deliberate things like makeup and fashion that can tell you a little bit about a person, but like…Ushio-chan can’t help the way she looks, y’know? She was just born that way. Oof, yeah. Think I should probably reflect on that.
Wait, really? She said that about me? In her interview, you mean?
What?! That’s so sweet of her… I don’t think I deserve that much credit, if I’m being honest, but I’ll give it a read as soon as it comes out.
Sorry? What made me reach out to her that day?
Mmm… Yeah, I dunno. I’m not sure I even had a specific reason for it, to be totally frank. I guess the biggest thing is that I’d always really, really looked up to her, which made it really hard to see her in such a low spot. Maybe that had a lot to do with it. And I think there was also a little bit of… Oh yeah! I remember now.
So this is gonna be a bit of a personal aside, but there was a period of time back when I started junior high that I took violin lessons for a little while, right? I’ve never really talked to anyone about it, funnily enough, because I quit after only one month, and I was afraid people might think I was some snooty rich girl or something, but yeah.
As for why I quit, though… It wasn’t because the lessons were too hard or anything like that. It was actually because literally all of the other kids in the class were boys. Oh, and the teacher was a man too. And they were all really nice to me, to be clear! Like, they definitely didn’t do anything to make me feel weird or left out or whatever… But it still felt extremely awkward and uncomfortable for me. It started really stressing me out after a while, actually—which is why I ended up quitting after only the first month.
And when I looked over at Ushio-chan after she came out to the class that day…I couldn’t help but be reminded of that whole experience. The thought that she’d probably been feeling like a fish out of water for years and years, when I couldn’t even handle it for more than a month… It just made me feel awful for her. And unlike me, she couldn’t get up and walk out of the classroom once she’d finally had enough; she had to stay and deal with the consequences of sharing her true self too. And boy, lemme tell ya—some of our classmates were not very nice to her in the immediate aftermath. Like, how could I not want to reach out and offer a hand of friendship to someone in need like that?
But anyway, yeah—that’s all ancient history by now, thankfully. These days, Ushio-chan definitely seems to be managing just fine without any assistance from me. Though as her friend, I really hope that her brightest days are still ahead of her.
Oh yeah, have you talked to Kamiki-kun, by the way?
Ah, gotcha. Not yet, okay.
Yeah, Sakuma Kamiki. He and Ushio-chan go way back.
They’ve been friends ever since they were little kids. I’m sure he could tell you all sorts of interesting stories about her, if you asked. Pretty sure there’s not a single person in the whole wide world who knows her better than he does.
Sakuma Kamiki
…And yeah, I think that just about covers it for our first two years of high school.
Sorry, could I get some water? My throat’s getting kinda dry from all this talking…
Yeah, no, I’ll be fine. We can keep going.
Oh, you want me to talk about this year now? Honestly, our sophomore year was so crazy and full of drama that our senior year’s felt kinda run-of-the-mill by comparison. Both Ushio and I have been so busy with our schoolwork and part-time jobs that I’m kind of having a hard time even thinking of anything interesting that’s happened… Well, aside from a few lame attempts to mess with us by this one student in particular.
Nah, nothing serious. I wouldn’t even call it genuine harassment, necessarily. It’s just this guy who seems to get a real kick out of pitting people against each other. And it’s mostly targeted at me, not Ushio, so I’d rather not even talk about it. Don’t wanna dignify that guy with an acknowledgment. It’d just be a waste of paper.
You wanna know more about my relationship with Ushio?
Well, we’ve known each other for pretty much our entire childhood and been really close for most of that time, aside from a couple years in junior high when we were kinda estranged for a little while… Sorry, did I not mention this stuff already?
Yeah, we’re still doing just fine overall. Going out and doing stuff on the weekends, hanging out and studying for exams together… Well, not that we don’t still have fights and disagreements from time to time, of course.
Really? You find that surprising? Sorry, maybe I’m making it sound worse than it actually is. Nine times out of ten, it’ll be about something that’s super unimportant in the grand scheme of things. Like her getting mad at me because I accidentally spoiled the twist of a book she was planning to read or something like that. It’s nothing major, typically.
Although I will say…that on very, very rare occasions, there will be something that happens between us that makes me start to wonder if we’ve finally hit a dead end in our relationship—one that there’s no turning back from. But it’s never the sort of thing where, like, one of us is clearly in the wrong and that person just needs to apologize. It’s more like…we don’t see eye to eye on a certain issue or we want different things. And we each recognize that there’s no easy, clear-cut solution that’ll make us both happy, which makes it really easy to fall into the trap of not even addressing the problem and just letting those feelings fester until we start resenting each other over whatever it is.
I guess the important thing to remember in those situations—or at least what always seems to help us make it through them, anyway—is that we’re on the same team. So no matter what might come between us, we’re still fighting toward the same end goal, which is for us to find a way to be happy together. And as long as that continues to hold true for the both of us, I don’t think there’s anything in the world that can tear us apart.
Wow, sorry. Got a little carried away there, didn’t I? Almost sounded like a preachy shonen manga protagonist for a second… That’s kind of embarrassing.
To be clear, I’m not trying to say that it’s all about “the power of friendship” for us, or that “our faith in each other conquers all,” or anything trite like that. Our situation is…a lot more complicated than that. But I don’t mean that as a bad thing.
Phew. Dang, my voice is starting to get kinda hoarse, isn’t it?
Anyway, yeah—I think that should give you a pretty good picture.
Do I have anything I’d like to tell her? I mean, not really… We already see each other almost every day. But I guess I might as well say something, just for the heck of it. Maybe even something a little bit cheesy that’d be too embarrassing to say in person, heh.
Okay, yeah. I think I’ve got it. You ready? Ahem…
Ushio… Here’s hoping we’ll be together forever.