Also—sorry, this is a totally unrelated personal anecdote—there was this friend of mine back in junior high who had to change her last name after her mother got remarried, you see. Her new last name didn’t exactly roll off the tongue. But most of all, it just didn’t really fit my impression of her as a person. And since I knew it wasn’t a name she’d chosen of her own volition or anything, this was another case where I simply kept referring to her the same way that I always had.
Then, on graduation day, she actually came up to me, and do you know what she said? She said, “You know, you’re the only one who still calls me by my old last name, Shiina-chan. That always made me really happy.” This took me by surprise, of course, but it felt nice to know that she’d genuinely appreciated me continuing to address her that way. And I suppose that positive reinforcement might be part of the reason why, at least subconsciously, I don’t feel like I should necessarily change how I refer to Tsukinoki-kun either.
Sorry, I feel like I’ve made this whole interview more about me than her.
What’s that? Why don’t I just ask her what she’d like me to call her?
I mean, I could… But I also feel like it’d be kind of awkward to make a last-minute change at this point, now that graduation’s less than a month away.
Rin Mashima
Who, me?! You’re kidding, right?!
Nah, c’mon. There’s gotta be someone better you could ask. Go talk to Kamiki or Nakki or somebody. Oh, you already have? Mmm… Well, okay. I guess if Ushio asked for me herself, it’s fine—though I really don’t know why. Like, who the heck am I, y’know? I’m no more deserving than any of her other classmates… I’m, like, a C-tier friend to her at best.
Wait, really? She said all that?
Dang. I didn’t know she thought so highly of me… Though I totally disagree, for the record. I’m just your average boring, innocent little high school girl. I’m definitely not some “impenetrable enigma” or whatever like she seems to think I am. Like, I’m flattered, but seriously—I’m just not that deep, sorry! My thoughts are shallower than a toddler in a kiddie pool! All I care about is having a good time with my friends. That’s literally it!
Yeah, I did kinda think that there was something a little strange about Ushio at first. I mean, how many guys do you know who have that many girls fawning over them but show no interest in dating them whatsoever? That’s, like, sacrilege for a teenage boy—which I guess is part of the reason why I wasn’t all that surprised when she finally came out, even though everybody else was. I was just like, “Yeah, okay, that makes sense.”
Sorry?
Oh, no—I’m not saying I expected it or anything like that.
I guess for me, I was less surprised about her being trans than I was shocked by how bold and unapologetic she was being about it, y’know? Like, this is a pretty closed-minded, backwater community we got out here. You start going around saying “Hey, everyone! I’m changing my gender identity!” in a place like this, you’re pretty much asking for unwanted attention.
I’m sure Ushio realized that—it just must not have been as important to her as being able to express who she really is. And I totally get it. I wouldn’t want to feel like I have to hide my true self for my entire high school career either. So I can definitely respect her decision… Just sucks that she had to deal with a fair amount of backlash.
Have you talked to Arisa yet?
Oh, you’re doing her next, okay. Well, let me know when the article’s done because I’m very curious to read what she has to say about all this. But yeah, no—she’s the one who gave Ushio the most backlash for her transition, by far. Or I guess maybe “backlash” isn’t the right word, since that makes it sound like Ushio did something to deserve it. It was more just Arisa giving her grief about it for completely selfish reasons.
How did I feel about that situation? Like, as a mutual friend, you mean?
Man, you’re really busting out the hardball questions now, huh?
Mmm… I’d say it was pretty hard to watch, yeah. And I know this’ll probably sound kinda hollow, since it’s too late to change the past, but I do feel like I should’ve tried to do something about it sooner, in hindsight. I mean, I knew everyone else was too afraid of Arisa to step in. So was I, at first. But I feel like if anyone could’ve found a way to help the two of them bury the hatchet back before things really got ugly, it would have been me… And looking back on it now, I do kind of regret standing idly by, yeah.
Oh, sorry. No, we don’t have to keep talking about Arisa.
Yes! Kamiki!
Jeez, it’s pretty crazy how perfect he and Ushio seem for each other despite being so different, huh? But I guess they complement each other, in a weird way? Maybe it’s one of those “opposites attract” things, I dunno. All I can say for sure is that Ushio definitely seems real comfortable and at home whenever he’s around. I know they’ve had their fair share of hard times together too, obviously…
Oh yeaaah… The class trip, ha ha…
That might’ve been the single most shocking Ushio-related happenstance for me, personally. I also kinda couldn’t help but laugh when I first heard about it. Like, dang, you two just kinda went for it, huh? But I think that was a pretty big turning point for them because they sure seemed to get a heck of a lot closer after that. Ushio prolly felt like she didn’t need to hide a lot of the things she’d been feeling anymore.
Actually, she changed a lot just over the course of our sophomore year, now that I think about it. That transformation must’ve been a pretty miserable, grueling experience for her at times—but I think she also grew and gained a lot in the process, so props to her for sticking it out. I know I wouldn’t be strong enough to make it through what she did; I’m way too quick to cave to peer pressure and fall back to maintaining the status quo. So yeah—if there’s any one thing I can say that I genuinely look up to her for, it’d probably be that sheer perseverance.
Although I will say…and this is just my personal opinion, to be clear…
There could’ve totally been an alternate timeline where Ushio stayed in the closet and still had a perfectly good, wholly enjoyable high school career. I mean, people like to say that your teenage years are all about “finding yourself” or having these big, transformative character-building experiences, but like…you don’t necessarily have to share your true self with the whole world either, if you don’t feel like it. Especially since, let’s be real—you’re not gonna stay in touch with 99 percent of these people after you graduate anyway, right? And I think there’s something to be said for knowing who you are deep down but still choosing to put on the mask and play the role of a more unassuming character… Because that takes a whole lot of work too, lemme tell ya. Though I’m not trying to say one way is better than the other, or anything like that, obviously.
Wow, I’m being pretty unfiltered here, aren’t I? Not that I think I’ve said anything super offensive or anything, but I’m starting to wonder if maybe I’m being a little too honest with some of these answers, ha ha… Feeling kinda nervous now, actually.
Are you gonna send me a review copy of this before it goes out for publication? Definitely let me go over it again once you get everything written up, okay?!
Arisa Nishizono
Look, I already told you, I don’t have anything to say about Ushio. And I wouldn’t have the right to talk about her, even if I did. I mean, do you know what I did to her?
Wait, you do?
She told you all about it herself?
And you still wanna interview me despite that? Are you crazy or just pulling my leg? Ugh, that makes literally zero sense… Did she put you up to this? Is this her way of getting back at me or something? By forcing me to recount all of the horrible stuff I did to her?
Okay, whatever. I’ll talk, I guess. But don’t get mad at me if people put you on blast for including me. This is gonna get posted online, right?
Yeah, no, it’s fine. Appreciate the thought, but you don’t have to worry about me. And yes, you can use my real name. Not gonna try to hide from the things I’ve done. Plus, it sounds like Ushio asked you to come get my side of the story, right? If that’s really what she wants, then I guess I have no choice but to go along with it.