I reached up to grab his outstretched hand and used it to pull myself up.
“You’ve got it backward. The shit happens to me. It follows me around like a dog in heat.”
“Shut up. What do you want?”
“I had a question for you, actually. Do you have a little time?”
Dez eyed the dark grizzly corpse stretched out on the floor. “Wait upstairs. I’ll be there once I’ve dressed this thing.”
He approached the monster, which was three times his height, rolled it up like a pill bug, and hoisted it over his shoulder. The watching adventurers gasped. It was a reminder that the little dwarf had enough physical strength to kill them with no more than his pinkie finger.
At each branch of the Adventurers Guild, they hired their own adventurers as staff.
Violent measures were necessary to monitor rough-and-tumble adventurers and keep them in line. There were fools who broke the rules and refused to follow orders everywhere—especially those who were confident in their own strength. To be the staff member who enforced the rules on them, you had to be very tough indeed.
That was why they hired Dez. Outwardly, he was treated as a guild staffer, but when needed, he could apprehend and punish members and travel into the dungeon to look for missing adventurers.
Dez was particularly skilled in this regard. There was no end to the stories of his heroism—slaying a fire dragon alone or fighting a zombie army through the night. He was a living legend. If not for Dez, I’d have traveled to the underworld long ago.
I followed him out of the building.
“You there,” Dez snapped just as he was about to walk out the door. He was speaking to Bill’s pals.
“Y-yes?” the men responded, straightening up.
“I’ll dress the animal. Come back around later to get your money.”
“Yes, sir!”
“And wipe that floor.”
They immediately sprawled out on the floor, using their cloaks and tunic hems to wipe up the bloodstains left by the dark grizzly.
“Oh, and I’ve got a message for Bill, too,” I said, staring up at the unfortunate man with his head stuck through the ceiling. “Tell him there’s some unfortunate news: ‘Your mother is no longer satisfied with your paltry excuse for a pecker. Sorry to break it to you.’”
“Get the hell over here,” Dez snapped, kicking me in the shin.
“So what did you want to ask?” Dez said with his usual scowl.
We were in the guild’s staff room. The stone chamber had some simple chairs and tables, an out-of-season hearth, and a skylight, but it was otherwise very plain. When he didn’t have anything to do, Dez hung out in here. Of course, given his brusque and awkward manner, he didn’t have any friends, so I was nice enough to talk to him every now and then.
His home was a little two-story building on Hammer Lane, south of the guild building, where he lived with his wife and child.
“I was the victim of some trouble yesterday.”
I told him about the two attacks on me, which caused Dez’s brow to furrow.
“I thought you might know something about it. They were adventurers.”
“Where’s the evidence?”
“I searched my memory, but I’m sure I’d never met them before. Yet they weren’t assassins, either. They tried to ambush me, running loud as you please—total amateurs. But they also weren’t your average crooks. They knew how to use their weapons, and they were smart enough to lay an ambush. Men used to getting down and dirty.”
And they had likely killed before. I suspected they had plenty of experience in combat.
“Also, they were pale. Despite being well built, they had no tans at all. Around here, when you see men who stay out of the sun but are capable of violence, it means adventurers, doesn’t it? At least, that would be the first assumption.”
“So someone’s doing backsheet work.”
Though the Adventurers Guild was a collection of scoundrels, they were, at least on paper, a legitimate, noncriminal business. They took no requests for thievery or assassination. At the same time, many of the members were ready to undertake shady work if the money was right. When adventurers took on illegal jobs outside the guild’s purview, it was called backsheet work. In the guild, requests were written on the front side of a sheet of paper and pinned to the board. This would be the opposite, therefore. If caught doing backsheet work, you’d be punished, of course. Possibly even sentenced to expulsion.
“I was wondering if my descriptions match anyone you know of who’d get involved in nasty business like that. Since you know everyone.”
“If what you say is true, it’s nothin’ for you to get involved in. Report it to the higher-ups, and I’ll handle it.”
If Dez wanted to find the idiots working backsheet and ensure they never did anything like that again, he could easily do it.
“I had a feeling you’d say that. That’s why I came straight to you,” I said. “I want you to let me handle it.”
“What?” Dez’s eyes bulged. “What for?”
“I don’t want word getting out.”
If my intuition was correct, this was going to affect Arwin’s honor.
“And how’s a man who can’t fight going to settle the matter? Huh?” Dez asked. He was aware of my…situation. He knew I was useless as an adventurer and as a fighter.
“I have an idea. I can make it work even without using a sword.”
“Stay out of it.”
“Please, I’m begging you,” I said, leaning forward to twirl my finger around Dez’s beard. “Are you really gonna risk your neck for the cheap salary they pay you? C’mon, you owe me this much.”
“Knock it off!” Dez slapped my hand, then stuck a stubby finger right under my nose. “Listen to me. There are two things I’ve got to say to you. The first thing is: Don’t touch my beard. And the second thing is: Don’t touch my beard, asshole!”
“All right, I’m sorry,” I said, raising my hands. “I’ll admit, I’m just jealous of you. No matter how hard I try to grow a beard, it never looks like yours.”
This did not quell Dez’s anger. His shoulders stayed tense as he clenched his fists. This was the last thing I wanted. If he punched me now, as hard as he could, I was a dead man.
“Please, Dez.” I changed tactics. “Who made it possible for you to live with your lovely wife and child? To share a kiss before you go to work in the morning? To have a warm piece of bread for breakfast? To hug your adorable child when you get back home?”
While Dez had always been brave and mighty, he was a wreck around women. He could hardly say a word around the woman he fancied. Instead, he would go the metalworking shop where she worked and find a reason to buy pots and knives and sickles, even though he would never use them. That was the kind of clumsy fool he was.
Seeing that he’d never make any progress in a hundred years, I had taken it upon myself to play matchmaker for him.
Dez’s forehead flushed red. He wasn’t angry, but feeling bashful. Unable to bring himself to hit me, he unclenched his fists and rested his chin on his hand.
“You just had to bring up the past.”
“It’s not the past until you break up with her.” And that was never going to happen.
Dez clicked his tongue and sat on the chair. His legs didn’t reach the ground, so his feet dangled like a child’s.
“The Aston brothers.”
It took me a few moments to understand his meaning.
“The guys who attacked me?”
“If your story is accurate.” He stroked his beard, a gesture meant to calm his unsettled mood. “They’re always working together. The short one is Nathan, the eldest, while the taller one with the stubble is Neil.”
So the little one was the big brother.
“They’ve got a bad rep within the guild. Always getting into trouble with other adventurers. Accusations of stealing targets, or having a bad attitude, and so on. They’ve cut some rookies short. They’re miserable sons of bitches, but they’re good at what they do. Both three-stars.”
Having three stars meant they were full-fledged adventurers.
“They haven’t been in the dungeon lately, but they’re not having money trouble. People say they’ve got criminal connections, so they’re probably involved with all sorts of mischief beyond trying to kill you.”
“You know all that, but you haven’t caught them?”
“Got no evidence.” Dez shook his head. “There’s been no trouble with burglaries lately, and I’ve been to the usual fences, but they haven’t seen anyone like them. Which means they’re probably doing wet work, but people disappear in this town all the time, whether they run off in the night to escape their debts or get cut to pieces and dumped in the dungeon. They could say they’ve saved up a lot of money, and we’d be none the wiser.”
So Beardo had done his work on this one. And what a lot of work it was, schlepping himself around on those tiny legs, for the shit pay they offered. A truly diligent chap.
“Got it. Thanks for the report.” I stood up. “Where are they staying?”
“The Twin Golden Sheep.”
That was a cheap inn for adventurers, filthy and drafty. From the main road the guild was on, you needed to turn onto a side street, and it was another two hundred winding steps after that.
“Thanks.” I pulled a silver coin from my purse and flicked it. Once I’d seen it land in the palm of his hand, I added, “And if you don’t mind, if you do see them, pick one of them to hold back for a while. Any reason’ll do. Just buy me a little time. So long.”
“Hey, I didn’t agree to—”
But I had already left the room. I knew he would agree to it. Dez always did.
The Twin Golden Sheep’s first floor was a tavern and pub, while the six rooms upstairs were for let. The owner was over seventy by now, with bone-white hair and a back as round and hunched as a cow’s ass. His hearing was bad, too, so he hardly reacted to noises. He just sat at the counter, nodding off. It made it nice and easy to sneak a peek at the ledger.
Neil and Nathan’s room was at the end of the second floor. Conveniently for me, they were staying together. The place was empty during the day. By night, it would be full of adventurers returning from the Millennium of Midnight Sun. That was probably why the owner had gone hard of hearing.
The room was locked. I pulled out two needles and stuck them into the lock. A thief I’d known years ago had taught me the trick to lock picking. I was far from an expert, but I was good enough to break open the locks at a cheap inn.
Inside the room was a pair of beds, a wooden table, and two chairs. A large wooden beam was exposed on the ceiling.