When you insult a girl’s pride, the best thing to do is give an honest apology. Although the girl looked out of place in a guild full of scoundrels, she had the power to separate any man’s head from his body, if she wanted. She was the guildmaster’s beloved granddaughter.
“I was just frustrated that I lost to you in arm wrestling,” I said. “And I took it out on you in a childish manner. I’m sorry. I was acting immature. Please forgive me.”
She rolled her eyes and chuckled. “Just don’t cause any trouble. Even I can’t defend you every single time.”
“Sure, sure.”
She had her grandfather’s workplace confused with a hangout spot and popped in all the time. She was too young to actually work there, so instead, she read things aloud occasionally to illiterate adventurers and sometimes transcribed letters on their behalf. She thought she was helping, but the other workers turned pale whenever she showed up. If that darling face suffered so much as a scratch, they knew their heads would fly—perhaps literally.
“You got a letter, huh? Let me read it after you’re done.”
“Hmm? Maybe I will, maybe I won’t,” she said coquettishly, glancing sidelong at me. “This letter was addressed to me, after all.”
“What’s the harm? Did they write something about me? Like, Oh, how I miss you so. Or I want to grow up to be a handsome man like Matthew.”
“Of course not!” She snorted and pulled on my ear.
“Ow! That hurt.”
“That’s what you get.”
She turned in a huff and made to move away from the counter, but I quickly called her back. I’d nearly forgotten why I was there in the first place.
“Sorry, can you get Dez for me?”
“I figured,” April muttered.
“That’s right. Dez, the tallest, longest-legged, skinniest member of the guild, with the clearest skin. That Dez. You won’t believe what’ll happen. I bet you didn’t know that when I show up, he’s so happy that he’ll fly over and give me a big smooch on the cheek.”
“Dez is in the slaughterhouse. Stop interrupting. I’m at a good part,” she said, ignoring me and pointing outside.
“Would you call him for me? I can’t stand the sight of blood.”
“If you wait long enough, he’ll show up on his own,” she said coldly, and she went around the corner to the area in the back to finish reading her letter in private. What a horrible, unfriendly girl. Must’ve gotten it from her grandfather.
“Hmph, fine.”
I’d have to go to him myself. I was just about to leave the counter area when I heard something heavy fall behind me. I turned around to see a bald Black head. It belonged to a bald Black man.
“Matthew. Strange to see you here.”
His name was Bill, if I remembered correctly. He was a bit shorter than me, but built. A thick sword hung at his waist. His black armor was scarred and dented, and the color was peeling here and there. His Adventurers Guild emblem was displayed proudly on his chest: four stars.
There were criteria for ranking up and getting another star. I’d forgotten the details, but to get four stars and up, the requirements got very strict. Most adventurers got no higher than three. After that point, you either died or retired. The fact that he had four meant this hairless fellow was quite skilled.
At his feet, there was a six-legged black bear on its back. A dark grizzly. It had to be a good two yul (about two to three meters) in size. They showed up around the eighth and ninth floors of the Millennium of Midnight Sun. Dark grizzlies were trouble; novices often got devoured on their first encounter. This one hadn’t been dead long—a dark red gash on its back was spilling on the guild’s floor. Its pelt would sell for good money.
I doubted he’d brought the enormous corpse here himself, so he’d probably hired a carrier. Adventurers weren’t the only people who went into the dungeon. Carriers brought monster corpses back out with them, and delvers were merchants who went into the dungeon to sell vital items like healing herbs and lanterns. Both were fellow members of the Adventurers Guild.
“I thought you weren’t allowed to bring pets in here.”
“Still a wisecracker, ain’t ya?” Bill said, grabbing me by the shirt. He smiled with smug satisfaction. “How dare you show your face in here, when you ain’t even an adventurer. You here to dig through the trash, maggot?”
“Be careful using foul language,” I warned him helpfully. “There’s an innocent young girl around the premises. If she picks up any untoward language, a scary old man might come and cut your tongue out.”
“Psh! I couldn’t explore the dungeon if I was afraid of some old geezer,” he said, then creepily flicked his red tongue at me right near my nose.
“Suit yourself. But you should know your breath reeks.”
He threw a punch. I would’ve dodged, but he was too close. The fist landed right on my cheek. I thought I’d moved with lightning quickness, but as it turned out, I was as slow as if stuck in quicksand. What a bother.
“Don’t give me that sass, lover boy.”
A heavy boot came down on my stomach. He placed his weight on it; I found it hard to breathe.
“If not for the princess knight, you’d be just another vermin in this town. And unfortunately for you, she’s in the dungeon right now.”
“As I’m aware.” I pinched my nose. “But what I wasn’t aware of, until just now, is that your feet smell like an unwashed mutt.”
He lifted his boot, then drove it into my solar plexus. The breath caught in my throat.
There were many adventurers milling around, but no one bothered to stop him.
Fighting was par for the course with these hotheaded types. If someone happened to die, they’d just toss the body into the Millennium of Midnight Sun. The guild had no desire to mediate disputes between adventurers. If one or two died, there would always be more to replace them. On the other hand, they were very sensitive about adventurers causing trouble in town. The Adventurers Guild took on jobs like monster vanquishing and bodyguard requests, and they served as a middleman between the adventurers and their clients. The infuriating thing was that they got rich by charging both, between the clients’ fees and the members’ dues. Which was why they were so careful about their reputation with ordinary civilians. If an adventurer got into a fight with a weapon shop worker, or ran naked out of a brothel to avoid paying his bill, the guild ensured the fool was punished severely. If it was bad enough, heads would roll, and that’s not an exaggeration.
So while in town, adventurers were careful not to get into violent disputes or argue too much with civilians.
But I was an exception.
The Adventurers Guild absolutely hated my guts.
The reason was simple. They believed that when their shining star, Her Highness the princess knight, was called a slut or a whore, that it was my fault.
So when adventurers picked a fight with me, I could only laugh it off, nothing more. I glanced sideways at the counter.
I certainly wasn’t a simple civilian, and I didn’t have a rich or powerful backer behind me. They couldn’t attack me in the presence of the princess knight, but they wouldn’t help me, either. What a compassionate bunch of gentlemen they were.
“C’mon, get up. Is your mouth the only thing on you that works?” Bill demanded. He lifted my head with his hand, and with a little extra spittle just for fun. It hit just above my eye and slowly settled onto my eyelid.
“What are you doing?” asked April, who came trotting up to the counter from the back. Aside from her guild activities, she also helped out children at the orphanage and taught them school lessons. She was a very sweet girl. “Grandfather told you not to fight in here. And I’m disgusted that you’d pick on the weak. You call yourself an adventurer?”
Bill hesitated. He at least had enough intelligence to know what would happen if he crossed the line now.
“Stop that! It’s dangerous.”
“How many times have we told you not to interact with Matthew?”
“Come to the back with us.”
A trio of guild employees rushed up to escort April into the back, deciding the last thing they wanted right now was for her to get involved in trouble.
“No, wait! Matthew needs…”
April’s voice faded as they took her away. My reinforcements had retreated. The Matthew Army was alone on an island.
“Ah, what a shame,” said Bill, grinning. “Now beg for your life. Maybe I’ll let you lick the bottom of my boot.” His leer got wider. “And let me have a round with that princess knight, too.”
It was obvious that he was not talking about a round of darts or dancing.
“How does she squeal? How many times have you fucked her?”
“Not that many,” I said. “The same number of times you’ve fucked your mother.”
The impact arrived, this time on the bridge of my nose. Pain welled up deep inside. No sooner had the sensation arrived than he slammed my head into the guild floor. My skull bounced like a ball. I was starting to get dizzy. Then Bill stepped on my face.
“You better watch your tongue, boy!” he roared, putting his full weight on me. “Why don’t you say that again? Huh?!”
“No, no,” I protested, waving my hands. “You’ve got it wrong. I didn’t finish. I’m sorry. Forgive me, I beg of you.”
A wave of laughter rippled through the guild building. Bill’s leg hovered over me. I sat up and brushed the dirt off my face.
“What I really wanted to say,” I added, staring him in the eyes, “was that your mother’s having an orgy with orcs and goblins right now. She’s deepthroating and bouncing up and down on their shafts as we speak. You’d better hurry back home to join the fun. You’ll have a little brother or sister with horns soon, Big Brother.”
The room was suddenly silent. Apparently, my joke did not land. Behind the counter, April was wide-eyed with shock. A female guild staffer was holding her hands over the girl’s ears. Good work there.
The only person to understand my joke was Bill. His face flushed dark and red. Sputtering, he reached for the sword at his side.
Abruptly, Bill’s body rose into the air. His head stuck through the ceiling with a tremendous crash. The guild building was silent again.
The man who had appeared brushed away the bits of ceiling that fell on his head and said grumpily, “Don’t bring a beast in here if you haven’t properly bled it yet.”
He was short-legged and stood barely up to my stomach. He wore a sleeveless shirt, a leather vest, and brown trousers. Half his face was covered by long black whiskers. Every feature of him screamed dwarf.
“You again?” Dez the dwarf grunted with great displeasure. “I warned you not to come here. Every visit, you start more shit.”