Right then, however, April’s dream was too far removed from the reality of the situation. But it wasn’t as absurd as, say, a bird trying to give birth to a horse. It might not happen at first, but depending on the methods, it could come true over time.
It was certainly much more realistic than a princess knight trying to rebuild her homeland. April wiped away tears with the back of her hand. She was about to say something when she was interrupted.
“Say, is that you, Matthew?”
“What?”
I looked up and clicked my tongue. It was the last person I wanted to see: Natalie.
In wonderment, Arwin asked, “Miss Natalie, what are you wearing?”
It looked just like a nun’s habit.
“The church over there was empty, so I helped myself to some of the clothes inside.”
“I thought you followed a more localized faith.”
“Well, I was thinking of how to make money without any money to start with, and I think this is the best way. I mean, who makes money better than priests?”
“I can’t fathom the idea of actually listening to you give a sermon. About the only things you say are insults.”
“Have you ever looked in a mirror?” she asked.
“Every single day. It’s how I know I’m the finest man in all the land.”
“Does anyone else mind if I murder him right now?” Natalie said, drawing a blade.
I quickly backed away. April looked quite curious, so I stood in front of her to block her view. Natalie’s very existence was bad for a child’s education. But Natalie just pushed me aside and crouched down, her eyes shining.
“Oh, what an adorable young lady. What do you say? Care to donate to my church?”
“I’ll beat you black and blue,” I swore.
April tugged on my wrist. “Who is this?”
“Someone I used to know. She came to this town to get a regular job, she claims. Well, seems like she’s still looking for that one.”
“That’s about right,” Natalie said. I’d instructed her not to mention she was from the Million Blades. If she did, I would send her to see her god.
“Were you Matthew’s old flame?” April asked.
“Don’t ever say that,” I responded with disgust.
“I would never,” Natalie said at the same time.
“I’d rather impregnate an orc than sleep with this woman.”
“And I have better taste than to fall in love with a man who doesn’t even have the slightest shred of tact.”
I pretended not to notice Arwin’s sudden coughing fit.
“…Well, you’re clearly friends,” April concluded. She seemed to think the way we freely traded insults suggested a certain closeness, but she couldn’t be more wrong about that. Unlike Dez, Natalie wouldn’t beat me up, but the nagging and sarcasm and insults were over the top. If we had both been men, one of us would have killed the other by that point.
“By the way, young lady, for the low, low price of a single silver coin, I’ll give you this good-luck charm,” Natalie said, pulling out a grimy necklace. There was some kind of monster fang on it. An amulet, then.
“All you need is this to be guaranteed success in business, a safe home, good money fortunes, good luck at work, safe birthing, and…uh…what else is there?”
Don’t ask me.
“Anyway, what do you say?”
Despite being asked to buy a worthless item for a preposterous price, April looked pitying rather than insulted.
“Um, right now, the people of this town seem to hate religion, so I don’t know if dressing like that is such a good idea.”
Thanks to the cuckold sun god, holy workers in Gray Neighbor were feeling the sting of public disapproval. Even the priests of unrelated religions were being persecuted. That was why April was concerned for her.
“Oh, that would explain it,” Natalie said, patting her fist with her other palm. The hem of her robe was already dirty, suggesting she’d been accosted before this. It wasn’t hard to imagine she’d gotten the better of them.
“Thank you for your concern,” she continued, beaming until she squinted, and patted April on the head. “But I’ll be fine. I’ll probably be a shepherd by the morrow.”
“There are no sheep in this town.”
But plenty of stray sheep, if you catch my drift.
“What if I were a dentist, then? I bet I’m pretty good at pulling out teeth.”
“You’d stick your fingers in someone else’s mouth?”
“…On the other hand, maybe I won’t. I don’t think I’d be that good at it,” she decided.
That was the right choice. She’d probably get so bored and annoyed with the job that she’d start yanking out healthy teeth, too.
“If you’re done here, then move along. Trouble always follows you,” I said.
“Of course. I shall do as you command, my lord,” Natalie fumed sarcastically before leaving.
“Um, wait,” said April, trotting after her. “May I have that after all?”
She pointed at the amulet and held out a silver coin she’d pulled from her purse.
“Don’t do it,” I warned. “She’s not a nun. This thing isn’t going to do anything for you.”
“But she needs money, and you know her personally. Nobody you know this well could be a bad person, right?”
Before I could point out just how wrong she was, Natalie took the silver and handed her the amulet.
“May God be with you,” she said, grinning, and added a little made-up blessing of some kind before running off as quickly as if she’d grown wings. “Woo-hoo! I can pay my bar tab now!”
“Wait a second,” I snapped, but she had already vanished into a crowd of people. I turned back to April. “Have you gone crazy? You can’t be that generous.”
“…I think it’ll all work out,” April said, smiling as she gazed at the necklace. “She didn’t seem that bad to me.”
There was a crowd outside the house when we got back. We pushed our way through it to find three unsavory men tied up with ropes and held at spearpoint by the Paladins.
They’d been spotted trying to sneak inside. Even under arrest, they just glared sullenly at everyone around them. April clung to my sleeve and trembled, so I patted her on the head to reassure her.
Not again. The greedy bastards. Things turned out all right this time, but what will the next attack look like?
“So you’re back,” said a deep voice. “I was passing by when I heard some noise and rushed over to find all this.”
I turned to see a familiar and stony face.
“They don’t seem like typical burglars to me,” said Vincent, eyeing the would-be thieves. “Let’s hear some more out of you.”