At the time, Spinoza didn’t really understand what “pride” was. When she had seen the expression on Amethyst’s face, though, she knew it was something important.
Spinoza knew nothing about her parents, since they had abandoned her when she had been too young to remember. Even when she had gotten older, though, she still had no interest in learning who they were—because she considered the bandit gang her family.
Someday I wanna get stronger, so I can beat Amethyst at arm wrestling, and be useful to the gang too.
However, one day, when Spinoza was fifteen years old, the bandit gang was completely wiped out by a group of knights who had been sent out by a frontier nobleman. The bandits had attacked the noble in the past and stolen his valuables, so he had sent out his knights in revenge.
The bandits only went after people who were committing wrongdoings. That particular noble had placed excessive taxes on the people and abused his authority to do all kinds of outrageous things. His villainy far outshone that of the bandits.
Under the fierce assault of the knights, the bandits were felled one after the other, while Amethyst used her tremendous strength to fight back desperately against the assailants. However—when the knights went after Spinoza, Amethyst moved in to defend her and suffered a lethal blow.
Spinoza couldn’t believe what she had done. Amethyst had always told the gang that they’d need to defend themselves—that if they got backed into a corner, she wasn’t going to save them. That the only types of people in the world were predators and prey; that weak people couldn’t help but be overrun by strong ones. That it was the law of nature, after all.
“Why did you do that...?” Spinoza asked. “You always said we’d have to defend ourselves.”
“Yeah, I guess I did.” Amethyst smiled bitterly. “That was the plan too, but my body just started movin’ on its own. Heh. Guess I’m more sentimental than I realized.”
The only types of people in the world were predators and prey. Weak people couldn’t help but be overrun by strong ones. Spinoza had known that to be an unquestionable fact. Faced with the sight in front of her, however, it had suddenly become much more difficult to accept.
“Gutter trash,” spat one of the knights, looking down at the bandits he had slain. “You only have yourselves to blame. You should have put more effort into leading respectable lives.”
When Spinoza heard those words, she instantly began burning with anger. Heavy taxes had been levied in the territory of the noble who had sent the knights, and more and more of the population could no longer make ends meet because of that. Some members of the bandits had originally come from that noble’s territory as well; it had become too hard to live their lives or find decent jobs, so they had ended up in the gang instead. Meanwhile, the nobles and knights were living in luxury by using the taxes they had extorted from the people.
“‘Put more effort into leading respectable lives?’ The only reason we ended up like this is ’cause you assholes bled us dry. People born and raised at the bottom of the ladder have to do whatever it takes to survive. Don’t give me your bullshit platitudes—!”
Spinoza’s eyes shot open. Looking around, she found herself on her inn room bed.
“A dream, huh...”
My head hurts... Guess I’m still sorta drunk. There’s an awful pain welling up inside my head—like gears grinding against each other.
She grabbed her waterskin from nearby and gulped down some water. Gradually, the pain started to subside.
Man, that dream really took me back.
After that, Amethyst had summoned the last of her energy and helped Spinoza escape. That was how Spinoza had ended up becoming the last surviving member of the bandit gang. Everyone else had been killed by the knights. Even after so long, images from that day were still burned into her retinas.
What the knight had said back then had stuck with her, as well—
“You only have yourselves to blame. You should have put more effort into leading respectable lives.”
The image of the knight from her old memories started to morph into Leobolt.
The words Leobolt had said in his office flashed back into her mind:
“If she so desperately wanted to change her situation, there were plenty of other options available.”
“Nobody can change the environment they were born into—they can only change themselves. If they put forth their utmost effort, they can carve out new paths. Had Fam made a serious effort, she could have changed the circumstances she found herself in.”
“People make a conscious decision when they choose not to lead respectable lives. That being so, we cannot afford them sympathy.”
She had never wanted any sympathy. Considering everything she had done up to that point, she’d figured it was inevitable for it to come back and bite her in the ass. But she wasn’t about to let him preach to her with that smug, know-it-all look on his face.
Some people, born and raised in the worst conditions, don’t even get the chance to put in any kind of “honest effort.” But they still live with a sense of pride, pathetically tiny as it might be. Privileged people who have zero concept of what it’s like to be forced to do something to survive have no right to spout shit like that, as if they know a damn thing about it.
Right as she had been about to flee from the knights, Spinoza had pleaded with Amethyst, who had decided to stay behind to hold them off.
“How am I supposed to live on my own? Without you...without our gang...I’ve got no reason to live...”
“Don’t worry. You’ll manage,” Amethyst had responded firmly as she held off the knights. “Someday, you’ll run into some other people who need ya. You’ll have your own gang of comrades who’ve got each other’s backs, just like us.”
With that, Amethyst had given a toothy grin. “You’re my daughter. Take pride in that, hold your head high, and keep on livin’.”
Those were the last words the two of them exchanged.
After that, Spinoza had escaped, eventually disappearing into a distant city. She had no education and no identity; all she had was brute strength. That meant about the only thing she could do was let off steam through violence.
Soon enough, she was a wanted woman and had people coming after her. Unable to find any decent jobs, she had kept running from place to place until she eventually ended up at the royal capital, Astaroth.
Once Bolton had found her having a fistfight in the middle of town, brought her in, and assigned her to the Fifth Squadron, things had gotten pretty fun. She had finally found new comrades—Sieg, Seira, and Fam.
“End of an era, huh...”
Spinoza gave a self-deprecating smile. There was no way she could get back into the Guard Corps after being expelled for punching Commander Leobolt in the face. Not that she wanted to get back in, anyway. She could put up with the guard work when she had been under Commander Bolton, but she refused to ever work under Leobolt again.
“Guess it’s back to the thug life for me...”
She figured it was time to start drinking again. She didn’t have to think about things too much when she got drunk; nothing really mattered at all. All she had to worry about was feeling good.
Despite how much time had passed, the unpleasant feeling in Spinoza’s head lingered. She decided to blame it on the alcohol.