“The Demon Queen?!” I exclaimed.
“Ugh. You’re here. Oh, Miss Claire, good morning. I see you’re as dazzling today as ever,” said the Demon Queen—also known as Rei Ohashi. “Good grief… Why do I have to tag along with this charade?”
“Oh, don’t be like that, Rei!” Lilly said.
“And what’s with you, Miss Lilly? The one you love is Rae Taylor, not—”
“What’s it matter? You and Rae are basically the same person! My love isn’t so weak as to falter at such a small difference!”
“Is that so? Fine. Do as you please.” The Demon Queen sighed, sitting down with a look of resignation.
Curious about her strange attire, the children surrounded her, climbing onto her lap and tugging at her black robes. She looked greatly troubled, unsure of what to do.
“Humph, yet another pair claims to be more lovey-dovey than Philine and I? We’d best make it clear who’s truly the most lovey-dovey here with a contest,” Dorothea said.
“Hey, hey! Let us join too!” an energetic voice called.
“Lene! And Lambert as well!” Claire exclaimed.
“It’s been a while, Miss Claire,” said Lambert, Lene’s spouse.
By this point, our calm, relaxing picnic had become as boisterous as any festival.
“There’s more of you? Fine. Any other participants?” Dorothea asked.
“Me, me! Me and Aleah!” May said.
“Yes, let us participate!” Aleah said.
“Very well, you may. But don’t expect me to hold back against my own disciple,” Dorothea said.
“I wouldn’t wish you to, Master!” Aleah said.
May and Aleah joined in as well. This random lovey-dovey contest that had sprung out from nowhere was beginning to get out of hand.
“Very well, then, let us each compete by recounting stories that express our lovey-doveyness,” said Dorothea. “I’ll start. This is a story from when Philine was only two years old.”
“But that’s illegal?!” everyone exclaimed.
“What do you mean? Her age matters not. Anyway, my official duties had me busy then, and I wasn’t able to spend time with Philine for two days. As soon as I had finished my work, I opened the door to my office, fully intent on going to visit her, when instead I found her right outside my door.”
“W-wait, Mother, not this story!” Philine exclaimed.
“She had been waiting outside my door the whole time. I picked her up and saw she was courageously holding in her tears. She then said: ‘Mother, don’t go anywhere without me anymore’—how about that?!” Dorothea said with a smug look.
“How about what…?” I said, a bit irritated by her smugness.
“Is that all?” Riche said. “The lovey-doveyness between Yu and Misha is miles higher than that. Why, just the other day, I had to leave the house for a bit on some business. I finished faster than expected and came home early, but when I opened the door I could tell something was in the air. Indeed, indeed. So I read the room and killed time outside before returning at my originally planned hour. Now how about that?!”
Was Riche always this kind of person? I thought. I then looked over and saw Yu and Misha doubling over with their heads in their hands, likely embarrassed out of their minds.
“R-Rei and I have been super lovey-dovey too!” Lilly said.
“Humph, then I’m sure you have a story you can share,” Dorothea said.
“Go on, then, tell us,” Riche said.
“Just the other day, Rei and I…held hands!”
“That’s it?!” everyone exclaimed.
“Wh-what do you mean, ‘that’s it’?! Rei doesn’t take initiative on her own, so hand-holding is huge progress for us!”
Oh, Lilly… You poor, poor thing.
“You’re all too green. Much, much, too green,” Lene said.
“Oh? You’re that Frater proprietress. I hope you have a story to back your words up,” Dorothea said.
“I have plenty, Your Imperial Majesty. But such heartwarming stories only demonstrate the very basics of a relationship. They’re for beginners, merely the first step.”
“Oh, is that so? Then what, in your opinion, is the mark of an experienced relationship?” Riche asked.
“The mark of an experienced relationship, Lady Riche, is when a couple lives as though already spouses. Working, earning, and eking out a living together—in other words, starting a household together—is the real hallmark of an experienced couple.”
“Humph.”
“Guh…”
Dorothea and Riche faltered, unable to refute Lene’s point. I had to wonder, though…was that really correct?
“That makes me and Aleah super lovey-dovey, then!” May said.
“Yeah!” Aleah continued. “May and I do everything together! Before we met our mothers, we used to use our blood to make magic stones, and—”
“Okay, Aleah, that’s enough.” I hurriedly covered her mouth before she could divulge too much. I was fine with her getting competitive, but some things were a bit much to share.
“Ooooho ho ho! You all still have much to learn!” Claire said.
“Oh? You seem quite confident, Claire François,” Dorothea said.
“Surely you’d have a story or two you could share to prove your bond with Rae Taylor?” Riche said.
“But of course. My Rae is perfect when it comes to adorableness, lovemaking, displays of affection, and maintaining a household alongside me as a spouse. Why, she was quite heated just the other night, in fact, as we—”
“Okaaaay, Miss Claire, that’s far enough.”
First Aleah was divulging too much, and now it was Claire. How odd. Weren’t our roles usually the other way around?
“Humph, it seems we have no clear winner,” Dorothea said. “We’ll have to test everyone’s lovey-dovey levels directly then. Philine, Rae Taylor, Demon Queen, Pope—swap your clothes.”
“Why?!” the four of us exclaimed.
“Isn’t it obvious? To determine who can still tell who is who.”
“W-wait, Mother, why must I swap clothes as well?!” Philine asked.
“I’m forcing a shameful act on these three, so I need to put a piece of myself out there to make it fair. Now hurry up and strip. Right here.”
“Right here?!” the four of us exclaimed again.
“Claire François, Lilly Lilium, turn around together with the children,” Dorothea said.
“Nonsense, I have a duty to see this through,” Claire said.
“Me too… For ulterior motives,” Lilly said.
“For what motives?!” the four of us exclaimed, yet again.
Dorothea seemed in a rather good mood—
But for the love of everything holy, somebody please stop her!
“Hold on, Your Highness.”
“Hm? What do you want, proprietress girl?”
Of all people, Lene came to our aid.
“Merely swapping clothes won’t be a good enough challenge to test everyone’s bond,” she said.
“Is that so?” Dorothea asked.
“Thank you, Lene! The voice of reason! I knew you would save us, my fellow former maid!” I cried.