“I love you, Claire.”
“I love you too, Rei.”
Not wanting to repeat the mistake I’d made in the past, I whispered words of love to Claire, and Claire whispered them back. We argued occasionally, but overall, our relationship was wonderful. She didn’t fall ill from any unknown disease this time and lived out her natural life span, making up for our late start and then some.
“I…lived a happy life.”
“Me too.”
“Thank you, Rei…my dear Rei…farewell…”
“This is only goodbye for now. We’ll meet again.”
I cared for Claire on her deathbed. Her last moments were peaceful. After she passed, I continued on to my next life.
I repeated this process over and over countless times. I had succeeded in my original goal: I had made my love for Claire eternal.
The loops weren’t always exactly the same. Whether in the science-based civilizations or the magic-based civilizations, our love birthed slightly different developments each time. The only constant was the fact that we got together and stayed together until the end. I always looked forward to the different shapes our love would take.
I believed things were going well. Humanity was able to continue indefinitely, and I could love Claire for all eternity. I had done my job perfectly.
It wasn’t until some more time passed that things began to go awry.
“It’s vexing.”
“What is?”
It happened during a science-based civilization, around the tenth loop. Claire and I had just kissed for the first time in this life.
“You’re so experienced at kissing. Just how many women’s hearts have you broken before now?”
Claire said it jokingly, but I felt a shock like I had been hit upside the head. This should have been my special, one-and-only first kiss during this loop. Yet after all the lives I’d led, I had grown accustomed to kissing. I quickly said something to smooth things over, but from then on, Claire saw me as a woman with a long history of romantic experience.
There were no other problems in that loop, but a sense of unease followed me thereafter. I had always thought of Claire as new and inexperienced in love, but as time passed, I began to see that part of her as childish. Of course, she hadn’t changed one bit.
I was the one who had changed. I had aged.
With each loop, my relationships with Claire grew more and more strained. Each time, the love in my heart lost some of its spark. Her sweet nothings, the kisses we exchanged, our nights of pleasure—everything gradually lost its flavor.
Then, on the hundredth loop, it finally happened.
“You don’t enjoy being with me, do you, Rei? I don’t think we should force this anymore. Let’s break up.”
It was the first loop where we didn’t stay together until the end of our lives. I was shocked. But I accepted the breakup all the same. I knew full well that my love was running dry.
I had lived too many lives.
At some point, I stopped trying to live with Claire, whether it be as Rei Ohashi or as Rae Taylor, and put some distance between us.
I was fine with that. I still loved Claire, deep down. I could endure anything, even her hate, as long as I could avoid the worst-case scenario. But what if that worst-case scenario came to pass? What if a day came when I stopped feeling anything at all for Claire? The possibility terrified me.
“Should I erase a part of your memories of Claire, Rei?” TAIM proposed, having noticed my irregularity.
In hindsight, perhaps that would have been best. Unfortunately, at that point, TAIM’s voice no longer registered as anything other than background noise to me.
I began thinking about ending the loops once and for all. It wasn’t an easy thing to consider, as it meant bringing an end to all of mankind. This late in the game, I finally understood that Claire’s worries all those years ago were justified.
But after much consideration, I decided I still loved Claire, and I didn’t want to live in a world where my love for her had faded. So, I made my choice.
I would end the loops.
But I had a problem. No matter what, I absolutely couldn’t bring myself to lay a finger on Claire. I wanted to end the world, but I didn’t want to bring an end to her. I had a paradox on my hands.
That was when I had an idea: If I couldn’t end her myself, I’d just have someone else end her for me.
I created a being known as the Demon Queen in the magic-based civilization and made her ruler of the demons. Demons and monsters had originally existed in the world as part of its background setting, as well as to replenish the fossil fuels that would be used in the mid-stages of the science-based civilization.
I gave the demons the authority to override the soul quantization process. Once the magic-based civilization began and Claire was killed by a demon, I would make my move to end human civilization.
But strangely enough, in the magic-based civilization where I became the Demon Queen, there was a Rae other than me. What’s more, she acted exactly as I once had. I observed her, careful to not divert history from the moment Claire would be slain by a demon, as the other Rae enjoyed a youthful, spirited love with Claire. Over time, I came to despise that other Rae. But that didn’t change what had to be done. I only needed to think about ending Claire’s life—and then ending humanity. Nothing more and nothing less.
I knew this decision of mine was selfish. To end humanity was a graver sin than any sin before it. But I had to do it. My feelings for Claire were fading even now. I had to end it all before they faded completely.
I had become the Demon Queen. The true enemy of humanity.