“Nh…”
Awakened by the warbling of birds, I opened my eyes and saw the morning rays pouring in through the window. The harsh sunbeams were softened as they passed through the window’s filter.
“Oh, you’re awake.”
“Good morning, Rei. What are you up to?”
By my side on the double bed was Rei, naked and using a hologram computer.
“This? Just indulging a hobby of mine.”
“Is this that anime stuff?”
On the screen of the holo-computer was what looked like a character from one of those Japanese animes.
“Not quite. This is a game,” she said.
“A game?”
“Mm-hmm. An otome game. A relic from the days when entertainment was still common.”
According to her explanation, an otome game was a text-based game meant for a predominantly female audience. They featured multiple male love interests that the player could try to romance.
“I think I get the gist,” I said. “But I thought you didn’t like men?”
“I don’t. My romance target in this game is the villainess—this character right here.” Rei pointed to a character with highly unusual golden hair curls, standing with her arms crossed. “It’s rare, but sometimes otome games will have rival characters like her who oppose the protagonist. They always lose in the end, though.”
“What a pitiable character,” I said.
Rei seemed oddly shocked by my comment. “I’m surprised.”
“How so?”
“The villainess is a character meant to be hated. I never thought you’d call her pitiable, of all things.”
“But she is, isn’t she? Being doomed to fail from the start.”
Rei’s eyes gleamed. “Yes, yes! That’s exactly it! You understand! The villainess is actually super cute!”
“Wh-what’s gotten into you all of a sudden? You’re like a completely different person.”
The normally impassive Rei was nowhere to be seen, but I didn’t hate this new side of her.
“I’m sorry, I got a bit carried away,” Rei apologized. “At any rate, I really admire this villainess character. Whenever I hit a roadblock in my research, I pull out this otome game to relax.”
“Oh, really? Then what’s your roadblock this time?”
“I’m lost on how to design the world of the magic-based civilization. It’s not like there are any previous civilizations I can use as a reference, you know?”
“Oh, yes, that’s certainly true.”
Worlds with magic only existed in books. Some pieces of fiction had incredibly detailed settings, but I doubted many of those were detailed enough to use as a model for a whole new world.
“I was thinking that maybe I should just make a world like the one in this game,” she said.
“Please take this seriously. The fate of humanity depends on this project.”
“But this game’s world is really well made, and—”
Rei went on, rambling about the game world.
Ah, so that’s why, I thought. Rei had gone out of her way to name her technology “magic” largely due to the influence of her hobby. What would you call such a person? A geek? An otaku—wasn’t that the Japanese word?
“And that’s why we should definitely base our new civilization on this world,” she finished.
“That’s a no, Rei. The future of the human race is on the line. We can’t strive for anything less than perfection.”
“But isn’t perfection just being overly idealistic?”
“Listen, Rei. Some people might look down on those who chase ideals, but I think those people are misguided. It’s always one hundred times better to chase ideals than to use harsh reality as an excuse to never even try.”
Rei seemed to find meaning in my words; her eyes widened in understanding.
“I’ll help you as much as I can, so let’s not give up yet, okay?” I said.
“Okay.” Rei smiled weakly. “That reminds me, there’s quite the coincidental connection between this game and you.”
“Oh, yeah? What’s that then?”
Rei grinned. “The villainess is also called Claire.”
“Is that right?” I genuinely couldn’t have cared less.
“All right, that’s enough chitchatting,” she said. “I’ll go make breakfast, so go ahead and sleep in a bit more. I’ll call you over once it’s ready.”
“Please do.”
Rei gave me a peck on the cheek, slipped on a bathrobe, and left the bed.
“Oh, right. How’s your body feeling, Claire?” she asked.
“Hm? Fine, I suppose. Why?”
I’d been so busy lately that I had entirely skipped doing physical checkups, but I felt like I was in fine health. My data would still have said I was going to those checkups, though. Had she noticed that I’d tampered with it?
“No reason. All’s well if you’re well.” Without explaining further, Rei left for the kitchen. I watched her leave before burying my face in my pillow to sleep again.
More than five years had passed since my relationship with Rei began. It was initially supposed to be a purely physical relationship, but before I knew it, we were living together. Her attitude toward me had changed as well. She wasn’t bitter, like she had been at the beginning—she now treated me like a real lover.
To my surprise, I’d grown quite accustomed to sleeping with another woman. All my previous relationships had been with men, so I had never once doubted my heterosexuality, but after spending time with Rei, I realized I might actually have been bisexual all along.
But let’s put the topic of my sexuality aside for now and talk about the problem surrounding my relationship with Rei. Our affair had begun from impure intentions, but I was satisfied with the way things had evolved. Rei had, surprisingly, turned out to be the devoted type, taking care of my needs even outside of our sex life. She even diligently cooked for me every morning, as I couldn’t cook that well myself. She was cute to boot, so I really didn’t have anything to complain about. The problem was…
“Will this relationship end once the project is over?” I muttered.
My relationship with Rei was still ultimately nothing more than a means to stop her from leaving the project, and said project was now in its final stages. Was it time for me to brace for our parting? I wanted to date her for real if possible; our compatibility wasn’t terrible, after all.
But that was just how I felt. I couldn’t avert my eyes from the possibility that Rei didn’t feel the same way and that she was actually reluctantly bearing with our relationship. There was a real possibility that she secretly hated all these back-breaking displays of affection she showered upon me. What if she was desperately waiting for this project to be over, just to be rid of me? I was afraid. Too afraid to ask her how she truly felt.
And just like that, my depressive thoughts ruined an otherwise pleasant morning. I shifted in bed a bit and buried my face in the pillow Rei had used. It had her scent, and her scent calmed me.
At that moment, Rei walked in. “Breakfast is ready, Claire… Uh, what’re you doing?”
“Wha—?! N-nothing!”
Rei giggled at my foolishness. Vexed, I threw the pillow at her.
“Heh heh, there’s no need to sulk like that, Claire. C’mon, we have your favorite today: strawberries.”
“I won’t be so easily swayed by strawberries!”
“You don’t want them, then?”
“I do.”
The strawberries bore no fault here. I put on my bathrobe and slid out of bed. We ate breakfast at the dining table.
“We’ll be busy again starting tomorrow, so we better stretch our wings all we can today,” Rei said.
“Indeed.”
“Is there anything you want to do?” she asked. “Other than cooking.”
“I-I’ll learn cooking one of these days, I swear!”
Rei giggled. “I look forward to it. Let me know if there’s anything you’re up for.”
I wondered, since when had these kinds of exchanges become our norm? “Hey, Rei?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you—” I wanted to say: Are you happy right now? But the words wouldn’t come out. “Never mind.”
“Huh. You’re acting a little weird. Do you have a fever or something?” Rei put her forehead against mine.
“Ah—I-I’m fine! My vitals are normal!”
“Oh, really? Well, that’s good.” She smiled with relief.
I thought the face she made then was lovely beyond belief.
So why, even then, couldn’t I say “I love you”?