As I walked down an Academy hallway, someone slammed into me from behind. I almost fell but caught myself just in time.
“Oh, I beg your pardon? You were standing there staring off into space, so I thought you were a statue.”
I turned to find my beloved Claire. She was a picture-perfect villainess as she stood there with one hand on her mouth, all smug giggles. This was going to be my new normal.
“Miss Claire…”
“What? Don’t bother asking for an apology. Like I would ever apologize to a daydreaming peasant.”
“You’re great!”
“Huh?” Claire looked like a pigeon nailed by a BB gun.
“You have minions that could do your bidding, but you do your own dirty work and don’t rely on others! I would expect nothing less from you, Miss Claire.”
“Huh…? Huh?”
“Just as I thought, you’re no ordinary bully. I love you so much, Miss Claire!”
“Wh-what are you…?” Claire abruptly fled the scene, muttering something about being creeped out.
“Oh, there she goes.”
“Why do you look so disappointed?” Misha asked, looking dumbfounded.
“Hmm? Because Miss Claire didn’t stay to taunt me, obviously.” I sighed. “Don’t you think Miss Claire is especially radiant when she’s insulting me?”
“At least you’re aware you’re being bullied…” Misha sighed too, apparently somewhat relieved. “C’mon, we need to hurry to the lecture hall. Class is about to start.”
“Ohhh, beg your pardon. I thought you were an insect.”
Such went the time Claire stepped on my foot.
“Please…”
“Huh? I can’t hear you, peasant. If you have something to say, speak up!”
“If you must step on me, then please stomp harder!”
“Eh?!”
Claire was so precious when she was caught off guard.
Another time, Claire hid my textbook.
“What’s wrong with you? Is the peasant too poor to even buy books?”
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize how you felt, Miss Claire.”
“Huh?”
“You want to be with me all the time in class, right?! Yes, let’s share your book! We’ll be stuck to each other like glue!”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about!”
And another, we needed to find partners for an assignment.
“Oh, you don’t have a partner? That’s what happens when you’re a pathetic peasant.”
“It looks like Miss Claire will be my partner, Teacher.”
“I will not!”
“Hm?”
“Don’t play dumb with me!”
She ran away from me that time. Ahhh, she was killing me!
One day, she doused me with a bucket of water.
“Oh dear. You’re just so dirty that I thought you were mud.”
“It’s cold…”
“Oh ho ho. You poor thing!”
“Please warm me up!”
“Hey, don’t cling to me! Get off of me!”
She was so warm, so adorable. “Oh ho ho. This feels so good!”
And once, a flower vase was placed on my desk.
“A gift from Miss Claire!”
“No, it’s not!”
“I will press the flower and carry it with me always!”
“Why would I ever give you a flower?!”
“Did that hit on the head make you an idiot?!”
“Huh? What do you mean?”
It was after class. Claire stomped her foot as if she were having a temper tantrum; she was obviously displeased all her bullying seemed to be in vain, but I was just being genuine about my feelings.
Tangentially, I had noticed that even in this fantasy world, Claire’s tactics were of the variety you’d see in a typical Japanese school…probably because Revolution was made by a Japanese company.
“How are you so calm when I’m so mean to you?!”
“Mean? Isn’t this just your way of telling me you love me?”
“It is not!”
“So then what is it?”
“Why are you so weird with me?!” Claire’s shoulders shook, her breathing heavy. She reacted to absolutely everything, which was what made it too fun to tease her! “If you still don’t get it after everything I’ve done, let me give it to you straight.”
Claire fixed me with her sharp eyes as if I were a bug and she were the pin.
“This Academy is no haven for upstart peasants like you. Know your place and return to your life of menial labor!”
“My only job is to love you, Miss Claire… No, I am at your service.”
“Ugh. I’ve had enough…” Tears started to form in her eyes.
“Miss Claire, don’t lose heart. Slow and steady wins the race.”
“Seriously, what in the world are you thinking?!” Claire wailed and then left with her entourage at her heels.
“Hmph. She’s so childish.”
“I must agree with Miss Claire on this.” Even Misha was siding with her now!
“Ah ha ha. Don’t be silly, Misha.”
“What do you mean?”
“You don’t think this is all I’ve got, do you?”
“Would you be serious for one second? Aren’t you getting tired of this weird game of yours?”
“Nope, not at all.”
“Does this have anything to do with your bizarre notions of love?”
“A bit. I have my reasons.”
Claire was the villainess; there was no denying that. But I loved the way she went about her villainy. She did all her bullying herself, never calling on her minions to do it for her. That couldn’t be typical for an aristocrat. She was careful never to go too far. When she pushed me in the hallway, it was never by any dangerous stairs or corners, but in places where I’d be safe if I fell. Even with my textbook, she didn’t throw it away or tear it—she just hid it.
Of course, this was probably modern Japanese sensibilities at work, but I was in a world those sensibilities had made, and I was indeed being bullied. I wasn’t trying to make excuses for my perpetrator—it just really, truly, made me happy to be Claire’s target.
“How do you think she’ll come at me tomorrow?”
“I have no idea.”
I was thoroughly enjoying my life in this new world.