I had Auld’s child one year later. He stopped returning to the main house altogether and stayed by my side the whole time, supporting me. He was with me during the morning sickness, with me when my bulging stomach made it difficult to move. The moments picking out baby clothes with him were some of the happiest of my life.
Our baby girl was born with white hair and bright blue eyes. She looked just like me and not very much like Auld. It was a bit disappointing. At first, I thought we might trade babies with his wife. Auld seemed very happy, though, so I thought ours would probably suffice. Both infants were his anyway, so both were precious. The fact that ours looked like me, yet held Auld’s genes, was itself deeply moving to me.
We named our daughter Maryjune. Since I was only Auld’s mistress, Maryjune was illegitimate and couldn’t join high society. Therefore, we raised her as a commoner.
She would never set foot in high society, but that was the only disadvantage. His wife and eldest daughter would take on that burden. Auld wanted to bring Maryjune and me into high society with him, but there was no room for his mistress and bastard when he had a proper wife and legitimate eldest daughter. That upset him, but so long as I had him and Maryjune, I felt you could call my life ideal. My beloved man and our beautiful daughter lived happily and wanted for nothing. I thought such bliss would last forever.
Then Auld’s wife died.
✦ ✦ ✦
I heard the news several days after she passed. There had already been a funeral, and Auld’s eldest daughter now lived alone in that big mansion.
“Oh my… Oh dear. What a tragedy.”
“Elfa…”
It was the saddest thing I’d ever experienced. The pain weighed far more heavily on my chest than when I’d suddenly lost both my own parents. My tears flowed unceasingly. Auld held me close in his arms as I wailed my head off like a little child.
Oh, how sad… Oh, how painful… Oh, how tragic. A piece of Auld is gone. The one who spent so much time with him, bore his child, helped form him—she has died. I’ve lost her. Oh, how I longed to know what my darling was like when he was with you. If only I’d asked before you died.
As I drowned in my own tears, Auld whispered in my ear.
“Elfa…I want to make you my legitimate wife.”
To him, that was proof of his love for me. I knew that he wanted Mary and I to be his legitimate family. I also knew how it frustrated him that that wish was ungranted.
Of course I still grieved the part of him that was lost. But no amount of grieving would bring her back, so it would be healthiest to get over it and turn over a new leaf. After all, she’d left behind such a fantastic treasure for me.
“Auld… Of course I’ll marry you. I’ll support you as your wife and as your children’s mother.”
Now, at long last…I’ll be the mother to Violette.
✦ ✦ ✦
When I first met Violette face-to-face, she indeed looked just like Auld. She had light-gray hair and eyes, a sharp gaze, and a beauty and allure that captivated you without warning. She was the spitting image of the daughter of Auld’s that I’d envisioned.
I was elated. I felt caution, surrender, and a little terror.
Violette wore a complicated expression, but that was only natural. She and I had both spent all this time sharing one man, and this was our first time meeting. Auld hadn’t wanted us to meet, for one thing, and I wasn’t one to object to any decision he made. Still, I couldn’t help feeling a twinge of bitterness that I hadn’t exchanged Maryjune for her.
There was no need to work myself up, though. We were family now, and I was Violette’s mother. At this point, I could love the daughter of my dreams without worry… Oh, I was so excited about the prospect.
But Auld dared stand between us.
It seemed that Auld disliked his daughter just as much as the wife who’d borne her, even though she resembled him so closely. Or perhaps he disliked her because of that. What a shame. She was so beautifully made, I would’ve spent an entire day gazing upon her face if I could.
Oh… What a waste.
✦ ✦ ✦
Auld’s father-in-law had summoned him to visit for the first time in a while. Perhaps I should say former father-in-law; Auld has already succeeded him as head of the Vahan house. As for what Auld’s relationship with his ever-authoritative father-in-law was—I couldn’t grasp that, as somebody removed from the political sphere. It wasn’t my business anyway. The fact that Mary carried Auld’s genes notwithstanding, I could never be accepted into high society.
The house was awfully lonesome without Auld, but Violette was there. She didn’t hold a candle to the real thing, naturally, yet just the sight of her filled my heart with ceaseless love. The tea party I asked her to under the pretense of Auld’s absence was truly a meaningful affair. The more I looked at her, the more ideal her appearance was. The girl—Auld’s daughter—resembled him so closely.
I can’t deny it… I want her.
✦ ✦ ✦
When Auld came home ahead of schedule, a huge upheaval took place in our home. Mary avoided Auld now, and he seemed exhausted and had no appetite. The most significant change of all was that Violette left and didn’t return.
Why? How? I suggested we search for her, but Auld put a stop to that. Exploding with anger I’d never before seen in him, he began destroying the things in Violette’s room until our cook stopped him. Come to think of it, Violette’s maid isn’t here either. I asked what happened to her, but nobody would answer me. Mary and Auld both remained in a depressed stupor.
My paradise’s colors changed entirely overnight. I’d lived in my house of dreams, surrounded by blooming blossoms under the shining sun—yet now, the house contained the withered debris from a storm. Dried flowers scattered beneath the moon under the midnight sky; my heart was a parched wilderness at just the sight of it.
What should I do? I wanted to comfort and support Auld, but I couldn’t speak carelessly to him when I didn’t know what ailed him so. I wanted to assure him that he’d done nothing wrong. If Mary was the source of his grief, though, that would backfire. Auld truly loved Mary, and of course, she was my beloved daughter as well.
But if I could choose…I’d rather have Violette.
✦ ✦ ✦
Mary just couldn’t cut it, but Violette got engaged and left the family.
It pained me deeply to let my perfect daughter go, but if I needed to, I needed to. I still had Mary, after all, and my beloved Auld was by my side as well. Auld preferred Mary, so perhaps this was for the best. I hated to lose Violette, but Auld’s feelings mattered most.
“Auld, is something the matter?”
“Er, no…”
We were now a family of three, and our life reminded me of our days at the villa. It would soon be twenty years since the day I’d first spotted Auld. My feelings hadn’t changed one bit. If anything, my love for him only grew every day. He surely felt the same way.
Mary would soon wed too. Then it would just be Auld and me again. Come to think of it, we’d had Mary quite quickly, so we’d never spent much time alone. The most important thing was that this would be our first time living together just as husband and wife.
However long you lived with a person, you never saw everything there was to see. I realized that when dealing with Auld’s first wife, and when Auld snapped into a rage over Violette. I witnessed him fighting with Mary for the first time too. I’d never seen my darling burn with such fiery fury before. I was sure there were still many new sides to Auld that I’d get to see. I’d seen another one already just now.
My darling, you’re still beautiful, even red in the face.