I had to tell her what our meeting meant to me. It seemed to me like the most important thing I could do before we went our separate ways.
“I’m…so glad I met you, too. Thanks to you…I know myself a little better.”
Ever since I met Sayu, I’d been in one confusing situation after another.
I’d learned that the conventional notions of right and wrong I’d always believed in weren’t all there was to life. I’d also discovered how truly little you can do for another person and…how valuable it is to put real effort into communicating with them.
“…Oh, I see.”
Sayu sounded a little embarrassed, but her lips turned up, and she nodded.
Once again, silence fell between us. Sayu kept looking up at me and then down again, as if there was something she wanted to say.
Eventually, she made up her mind, nodded once, and began to speak.
“Mr. Yoshida.”
“What is it?”
She faced me head-on and fixed me with her gaze.
“I love you, Mr. Yoshida.”
For a brief moment, it felt like all the other sounds around us faded, and her words were all I could hear.
I felt goose bumps rise on my skin as I turned what she’d said over and over in my mind.
I’d heard her clearly. We were looking right at each other, and I could see how serious her expression was.
Judging by what I saw, I hadn’t misunderstood her. And yet, somehow, it didn’t feel real.
A high school girl had just admitted she had feelings for me.
I was silent for a few seconds before I finally managed to ask, “…Are you crazy?”
I said this in the same playfully dismissive tone I’d used so often in the past. But Sayu’s expression didn’t change, and she simply shook her head.
“I’m being serious.”
“……”
I felt bad for teasing her at such a vulnerable moment, but I didn’t know what else to do.
Sayu had just told me she loved me. And she’d meant it in a romantic way.
Thinking back on it, I realized Sayu’s behavior the night before had been strange. Suggesting that we have sex because it was our last night together…was a step too far, no matter how lonely she might feel without me.
If her actions had been motivated by these feelings, on the other hand, then everything would make much more sense.
I thought back on what Issa had said earlier.
“You really have fallen for Sayu, haven’t you?”
…If that were really the case, things might have ended in a much simpler, happier way.
“…I’m not into kids.”
I turned her down the same way I had all those months ago.
Our relationship had changed so much since then, but I still couldn’t imagine us together like that.
She may have been serious about me, but for better or worse, I couldn’t reciprocate her feelings.
“You’re a cute girl. You really are. But…I just can’t see you like that,” I said bluntly.
She smiled quietly, like she’d known exactly what I would say.
Her next line sounded preprepared, too.
“Then does that mean…I’ll have a chance when I’m older?” she asked with a spirited grin.
I laughed despite myself, nodding a few times.
“Once you’re a full-grown adult, maybe.”
In all honesty, I couldn’t begin to imagine what Sayu might look like when she was older. But I also didn’t see the point in brushing her off entirely, considering the situation.
As soon as she heard my indecisive reply, Sayu wiped the smile off her face and once again put on a serious expression.
Staring into my eyes, she said, “All right, then… Wait for me, okay?”
She was serious, and I could tell from her expression that she wanted a reply. I suddenly regretted everything I’d thought and said just a few seconds earlier.
Either way, my response would be a definite “no.” I knew I wouldn’t change my mind, but for some reason, I’d interpreted Sayu’s feelings as a little kid’s cute crush and tried to dismiss them gently.
Sayu, however, was serious.
There was only one way to answer such a heartfelt confession. I had to be sincere and straightforward.
“…I’m not gonna wait for you,” I said. “By the time you’re a proper adult, I won’t just be an old geezer anymore—I’ll have one foot in the grave.”
It was only a few years until Sayu would be considered a legal adult, but that wasn’t what either of us was talking about.
Assuming adulthood began not when she graduated high school but when she achieved independence and the ability to take care of herself, it was still a long way off, regardless of whether she decided to go to college.
By that time, I’d be even older—well into my thirties, with my forties just around the corner.
I was sure Sayu would find someone else in the meantime. If I carelessly told her that I would wait for her, that promise might hang over her life like a curse.
I gently placed a hand on top of her head and stroked her hair.
“…You’ve still got a long life ahead of you. You should wait until you’re an adult before you decide what you want to do. So…” I looked straight into her eyes—I could see them shimmering with emotion. “So tuck away your memories of me…and start a new life.”
Now she was even more worked up, and the corners of her eyes grew moist. Despite this, she frowned and shook her head, fighting back the tears.
“That’s not going to happen.”
“Huh?”
“I can’t. I won’t.”
She took a step toward me and grabbed my hand.
“Ms. Gotou told me that high school is a really special, once-in-a-lifetime experience.”
I listened, wondering why she was bringing this up all of a sudden.
“And I’ve spent a sixth of that time with you, Mr. Yoshida.” She smiled again. “With memories this important, you can’t just pack them up and put them behind you. That’s why…”
She squeezed my hand tightly before continuing.
“…even if you don’t wait for me, I’ll come and find you.”