“Heeey, sorry I’m late. I didn’t expect to get so caught up in things…”
By the time Issa’s car finally pulled up in front of us, more than four hours had passed.
We’d arrived in Hokkaido in the early afternoon, and now the sun was already setting.
“We need to make our way to Asahikawa… So it’ll be night by the time we arrive,” Issa said, frowning.
“Is it all right to barge in so late?” I asked. I was starting to worry. It looked as though I was going to meet Sayu’s mother under less than favorable circumstances.
But Issa simply shrugged.
“Our mother doesn’t go to bed until the early hours. It’ll be fine.”
“Right… Well, if you’re sure it won’t be a problem…”
“Don’t concern yourself with the minor details, Mr. Yoshida,” Issa answered with a smile.
Then a look I couldn’t describe passed over his face, and he muttered, “Besides, getting Sayu to come back home is all she thinks about. I doubt she’ll care what time of day it is.”
Neither Sayu nor I knew what to say to that.
“Still,” he continued, “if we stop to eat before we head out, it will be the early hours by the time we get there…”
“Can’t we just grab something from a convenience store?” Sayu suggested.
Her brother nodded, then turned to look at me. “I’m terribly sorry, but would you mind if we went ahead and did that?”
“Of course not. No problem at all.”
“I truly appreciate it. Let’s see if we can find a convenience store nearby, then.”
With the matter settled, we all got into Issa’s car.
Now that we were finally on the road, all that remained was to head for Sayu’s family home.
I tried my best to focus on the scenery passing by outside the window so I wouldn’t notice how nervous I was getting. If I found the situation this nerve-racking, how must Sayu feel?
We caught sight of a convenience store before long and stopped to buy a random selection of food and drinks.
Then we set off once more toward our destination.
Issa sucked on a jellied energy drink while he drove and managed to finish it in a single slurp.
Then, as we waited at a stoplight, he asked Sayu a question.
“Is it really okay for us to head straight home?”
Sayu didn’t answer right away.
I’d assumed that we were all planning on going straight there. I looked at Sayu from the side, unable to gauge her intentions.
After almost a minute of hesitation, she seemed to make up her mind.
“There’s somewhere I want to stop first.”
“Where?” Issa asked as he continued to drive. Once again, Sayu fell silent.
When she finally answered, she seemed to struggle to say the words.
“…My high school.”
Issa let a few moments of meaningful silence pass before he spoke again.
“…That’s where you want to go?” he said, asking for confirmation.
“Yeah,” Sayu responded with a quick nod.
Issa let out a deep sigh. “Fine.”
His response was quiet as his hands clenched tighter around the steering wheel.
I side-eyed Sayu once more.
She hung her head, seemingly lost in thought. But a little while later, she looked up and turned toward the car window. She stopped moving altogether, simply staring out at the view.
What was going through her head right now?
A week earlier, Sayu had told me about her past.
To Sayu, high school wasn’t a place full of happy memories. In fact, it sounded as though she’d had more bad times than good.
But if that was the case, why on earth did she want to go there now, right before returning to the home she’d fought so hard to escape—right before achieving such an important goal…? I couldn’t wrap my head around it.
And yet…
Sayu looked so calm as she stared out the window that I couldn’t bring myself to ask.
The car whizzed down the highway, dyed in the color of the sunset.
The road was almost deserted, and there was hardly any traffic. Besides the occasional stoplight slowing us down, it was a nice, smooth drive.
About twenty minutes after we left the convenience store, there were no longer any tall buildings in sight, and we had a good view of the sprawling Hokkaido countryside.
It was a rural landscape. I’d been living in the city for so long, but seeing it instantly made me feel like I was home.
Then it occurred to me—I was home. After more than six months, I was back in the place I’d been running from.
Just as Mr. Yoshida had pointed out in the café, I felt strangely calm. That didn’t mean my fear was gone, but I’d accepted the reality of it all more calmly than I’d anticipated.
I think I just didn’t have the courage—the courage to take that first step.
The first step toward doing anything requires an immense amount of bravery, but once you get it out of the way, you have no choice but to keep going.
It was just that…while I found it easy to move backward, taking that first step forward had required a lot of time…a lot of time.
I glanced at Mr. Yoshida, who was sitting beside me, and a small sigh escaped my lips.
I was a coward, and it was clear I had him to thank for giving me the courage I’d needed. I’d only managed to squeeze it out because he’d given me that push.
That’s why it was now or never.
I knew I had to settle my past once and for all—for Mr. Yoshida, who’d supported me, and for my own sake, too.
And that wasn’t just a matter of seeing my mother and talking it out.
There was something else I needed to do first. I had to properly reflect on what had happened with my friend—the thing that I had always tried so hard to forget—and make peace with it.
I needed to.
To be honest, I was still terrified to go back there. I didn’t know if I could handle it.
But…I had Mr. Yoshida with me now.
I felt pathetic for always depending on him like this.
Still…I knew I had to go back there, even if I had to lean on him for support.
If I didn’t, then meeting Mr. Yoshida would have been for nothing. I’d have wasted the opportunity he gave me.
As I thought through all this, I stared at the telephone poles flying past as we sped down the highway… And gradually, I felt my consciousness blur as I began to nod off. Eventually, I shut my eyes.