“She was crouching down on the side of the road. I started lecturing her—who knows who I thought I was—but all she said was…‘If you let me stay over, I’ll let you do me.’”
Issa gulped. Just in case he’d gotten the wrong idea, I made sure to clarify by saying, “Of course, I refused her offer.”
He nodded a few times, then let out a sigh of relief.
“But I…let her stay anyway.”
That’s right. For some reason or other, I’d still brought her home with me.
Back then…I never would have imagined we’d end up living together for so long.
“…I don’t know why. I wonder what got into me.”
One by one, the memories came flooding back.
I’d been drinking, so the images were hazy, but I tried desperately to pull them together.
I could remember the deserted nighttime road and the vague glow of the streetlamp. And crouching beneath it, a high school girl.
Her skirt was a little short, exposing her black panties.
“Hey, you over there. Schoolgirl…”
The girl had cast me a vacant glance when I called out to her.
There had been little warmth in her expression.
I gulped.
“…I guess I really am trash,” I suddenly said to Issa.
He cocked his head in confusion. “What do you mean?”
I forced a smile and replied, “I was just running through that day in my head.”
I’d had my heart broken, got wasted, and with my mind in a muddle, I found Sayu.
“She looked up at me when I called out to her. I just remembered…the look on her face.”
Issa said nothing and listened.
I remembered thinking that if someone caught me chatting with a high school girl, I’d get in trouble.
That, however, was nothing more than an excuse.
I…
“…Her face under the lamplight…was so beautiful,” I said.
Issa sucked in a small breath.
That was only natural. This statement contradicted everything I’d told him up to that point.
Even I was surprised. But that didn’t make it any less true. This was the reality I’d refused to acknowledge for so long.
“I was heartbroken and lonely…and then this beautiful high school girl appeared before my eyes… I let my guard down.”
I’d always had my doubts about that night.
My moral compass should have stopped me from bringing home a high school girl, even if I did happen to be drunk. So why had I done it?
I’d known I was committing a crime, too.
It wasn’t until the next day that I found out about Sayu’s background and started empathizing with her.
That first day, I should’ve had no reason to let her stay with me.
But now I knew. I had been motivated by a simple, stupid, shitty feeling I’d repressed.
“No matter how righteous I pretend to be…I probably let her stay with me because I thought she was cute,” I admitted with a sigh. “Ugh… I really am a piece of shit,” I muttered. Then, for some reason, a laugh escaped my lips.
Issa took in my expression, baffled.
Before I had the chance to think it through, I said, “Now that I’ve figured it out…it’s like a huge weight has lifted.”
Issa stared blankly at me for a few seconds, then burst out laughing.
“Ha-ha!”
“Huh? What’s so funny…?”
After chuckling to himself for a moment, he replied, “It’s just…I can’t believe how honest you are.” He laughed so hard that he had to wipe a few tears from the corners of his eyes. “What kind of person would admit something like that now? As an adult, you must know it will only hurt you.”
His words were accusatory, but they clearly weren’t driven by hate or disgust.
“And yet, you just came out and said it. How ridiculously honest…”
Unsure of how best to reply to this, I simply scratched the back of my neck.
“I think that’s fine,” Issa clarified. “Cute girls are every man’s weakness. Besides, you’re much more likable than the guys who talk big, only to hide what they’re really after. And…”
He paused and looked straight at me.
Our eyes met. After a few seconds, he abruptly smiled and went on.
“You may have taken her in because of those feelings, but you didn’t lay a hand on her. That’s very significant… Even more significant than you think.”
This comment stirred something in the pit of my stomach.
What am I doing?
Is it right?
Those thoughts had been on my mind ever since Sayu moved in with me.
Now, it was as if my decision had been affirmed by someone who’d cared about her since the beginning.
I felt the corners of my eyes grow hot but held back my tears. This was no place to start bawling.
“Heh-heh, I see… So you let her stay with you because she’s cute! Ha-ha-ha.”
Issa chuckled, remembering again what I’d said.
“I guess that makes you a scumbag, too,” he said. The words were an accusation, but his tone made it clear he was just teasing me.
I nodded and started chuckling myself.
“Yeah… No doubt about that.”
“But if she had to meet a scumbag that day, I’m glad it was you, Mr. Yoshida… I mean it.”
He paused, and his face abruptly grew serious.
Then he sucked in a breath, as if he’d made up his mind about something.
“…Ever since Sayu was little, our parents never loved her,” he said, looking me in the eye. This was probably an unspoken show of trust.
He was implying that he was about to disclose a part of Sayu’s past she hadn’t told me.
“…Would you mind telling me a bit more about that?” I asked earnestly, letting him know I understood his intent.
Issa nodded, then slowly began his story.