My heart was broken.
The woman who had broken it was two years older than me—my coworker. Her name was Ms. Gotou.
She was gentle and caring and had been kind to me since I was a trainee. She was an attentive woman with a graceful smile and had been my primary emotional support as I adapted to the life of a corporate drone.
“If she had a boyfriend, she really should’ve led with that…”
I’d lost count of how many beers deep I was. I could only barely make out the silhouette of my colleague Hashimoto sitting in the seat opposite me and laughing at my problems like they were someone else’s.
That’s right. We had gone on a date, Ms. Gotou and me. After five years working together, I had finally asked her out, and when she readily agreed, I was sure I had a chance! My expectations only continued to build as we strolled around the zoo together. To tell the truth, I spent more time gazing at Ms. Gotou’s profile than at the animals. I even stole a couple of sneaky peeks at her chest.
I was really worked up—it was my big chance, and I couldn’t afford to blow it. After we’d finished our tour of the zoo, we went to dinner together at a fancy French restaurant. I don’t even remember how the meal tasted.
I waited for the perfect moment, and then I asked her.
“So, do you want to come over to my place?”
We were both adults. She had to understand what I meant immediately. My gaze, anxious and expectant, met hers, and she gave me a troubled smile.
Then she shook her head.
“I’m keeping it a secret at work, but the truth is I’m seeing someone.”
✦ ✦ ✦
“So why’d she agree to the date, then?!”
“Come on, Yoshida. That’s the sixth time you’ve asked me that.”
“And I’ll ask it another ten thousand times if I need to…”
“I don’t really want to hear the same story ten thousand times, if it’s all the same to you.”
Hashimoto smiled wryly at me as I drained another beer.
“That’s enough for tonight.”
“Come on—I’ve still got a lot of steam to blow off.”
“Getting drunk is only making you angrier. You’ll never cool off at this rate.”
That was easy for him to say. He had no idea how I felt. Today, I had no choice but to drink.
After Ms. Gotou had shot me down, I’d immediately found a bench in a small park and slumped over, head in my hands. I was completely dumbfounded.
It turned out she’d been with her boyfriend for the last five years.
Which meant she had already been with another guy when we met.
“I’ve been acting like such an idiot…”
For five years, I’d been pledging my heart to a woman who was already taken.
“She tricked me…,” I muttered, head down. “I want back all those wasted years…”
I wanted someone to blame for what had happened. Rather than sadness, it was anger I felt boiling up inside me.
When I realized what was happening, I called Hashimoto.
“I was wondering what the big emergency was. You just wanted to complain about getting your heart broken, huh?”
“What’s wrong with that? I always listen to you brag about your wife, don’t I?”
“I don’t brag. I complain.”
“It all sounds the same to me!”
No matter what he said, Hashimoto had still turned up to hear my gripes.
“Agh… I was so sure it was going to work out with her.”
“She’s taken, so it’s over. Five years is a long time.”
“Oh, how I wanted her to stroke me with those soft tits of hers!”
“Keep it down, dummy.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I caught the woman a seat over glancing our way with a strained smile, but what did I care? I’m sure the alcohol was partly to blame, but I could feel my sense of shame diminishing.
“Those gentle hands, always patting my shoulders, and that mouth praising my work… To think some other guy has already used them. It just hurts so much, I could die…”
“This is why you need to keep your fantasies separate from real life.”
“She could’ve at least let me have some before kicking me to the curb.”
“Wouldn’t that have been even worse?”
As we drank and talked, I realized just how dirty my thoughts about Ms. Gotou were. I figured it was only natural, however. At my age, there wasn’t much a man could do to separate the connection between love and lust. That’s just the way we were wired.
“Well,” said Hashimoto, “at least it’s cleared a few things up for me.”
“Like what?”
“I mean, there’s no way someone as hot as Ms. Gotou would still be single. She’s, what, twenty-eight now? That’s around when women start to worry about marriage.”
“Exactly. That’s why I was so sure it’d work… I just didn’t know she was already taken… Hey, Miss! Another beer, please!”
I raised my hand to get the server’s attention and placed my order. Hashimoto sighed.
“I told you that you’ve already had too many. I’m not planning to miss the last train tonight.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know.”
“Feel free to make yourself as sick as you like, but I’m not taking care of you.”
“I’m telling you I’ll be fine.”
I let Hashimoto’s warning go in one ear and out the other while I carried on chugging. It gave me a temporary reprieve from my heartbroken woes.
✦ ✦ ✦
“Ugh… Mngh… Ooh, uggghhh…”
I propped myself up with both hands in front of the gutter along the side of the street as I puked into it.
I had been fine when we left the bar. Hashimoto and I had said good-bye, and I had grabbed a taxi without a problem. But that unmistakable smell in the back seat of the cab got me feeling sick and triggered my nausea from all the drinking.
My stomach emptied itself the moment I fell out of the cab. I saw all the meat and vegetables I’d eaten with my beer.
I managed to stagger a little farther before vomiting again. Nothing but liquid came up this time. It smelled like alcohol.
Then, on a street near my home, I threw up once more. Just yellow liquid. The inside of my mouth tasted bitter.
“Shit… Gotou…”
It was all her fault.
I stumbled to my feet but only traveled a couple of steps before I felt ready to puke again. This time, though, I knew there was nothing left, so I didn’t bother crouching.
As I walked along the street, suppressing my gag reflex, I spotted the telephone pole at the corner of the intersection. Just one right turn from there, and I’d be home.
I stared vacantly at the landmark as I approached. Before long, something started to feel off. Well, not about the pole itself, but what was under it. There was someone there, hunched over near the ground.
…Another drunk?
In the city, it wasn’t unusual to see boozers passed out on the ground near the train station. Even so, this was the first time I’d found one of them so close to my apartment.
As I drew closer, I realized it was a girl—a high schooler from the looks of her. The uniform was a dead giveaway. She wore a navy-blue blazer and a gray checkered skirt. She was sitting with her knees clutched to her chest, which meant the panties under her skirt were on full display. They were black.
…It didn’t look like a costume.
That took only a moment for me to determine. You often saw women dressed as schoolgirls pulling in customers on certain streets, but the uniform the girl under the telephone pole was wearing was far too…plain.
I glanced at my watch—it was already one in the morning. What was some high schooler doing out so late?
“Hey, you over there. Schoolgirl.”
Before I knew what I was doing, I had called out to her.
She lifted her face from where it had been buried between her knees and chest, and she gave me a vacant look.
“What are you doing out this late? Isn’t it about time you headed home?”
The girl blinked at me.
“The trains have stopped running for the night,” she said.
“So you’re just going to sit there until morning?”
“I don’t know. It’s kind of cold out.”
“Then what are you going to do?”
She hummed and tilted her head as if thinking something over.
Upon closer examination, her face was pretty cute. Her hair was chestnut brown—almost black—and she had almond-shaped eyes. Her nose had a lovely curve to it, although it was a little round at the tip. Her face straddled the line between pretty and beautiful. I could see the appeal, but she wasn’t really my type.
The girl straightened up and fixed me with her gaze.
“Let me stay with you, Mister.”
“Mis— Are you kidding?!”
The way she called me Mister combined with her oddly careless attitude pissed me off so much that I raised my voice.