Bonus Story:
Scheat Declares He’s “Totally Fine” with Women
“YOU’RE ‘TOTALLY FINE’ with women?”
Scheat’s confusing statement caught me off guard, so I stopped mid-bite, unsure of what he meant. I didn’t go to the knight’s personal canteen much, but I was there that day, having lunch. Scheat’s intense expression told me that he was going to start discussing something I didn’t know much about, so I figured I’d better swallow the food in my mouth and prepare to listen closely.
As I desperately started to chew, a torrent of words came pouring out of his mouth, “You heard me! I’m totally fine with women! And next time you have the chance to speak with the members of the Saint Knight Brigade, I’d like you to loudly tell them just that!”
This conversation was triggering something in my mind. I felt like I understood why Scheat was saying this…I just couldn’t recall the exact reason. I was trying to remember as hard as I could when he banged his hands down on the table.
“Can you believe this?! There’s talk among the saints that I have a phobia of women! That’s why they think Miaplacidus and I are so close!! Isn’t that just ludicrous?! That’s what Mirach told me after I mentioned it seemed like the saints were avoiding me recently.”
“Oh…Mirach said that, huh?” Once I heard that name, the pieces all clicked into place.
I knew exactly why the saints were gossiping about Scheat, and also how Mirach found out so much about what they were saying. It had all stemmed from a baseless rumor. In fact, Mirach and I had been at the restaurant right when the saints began adding on embellishments to the story. Still, Mirach must’ve considerably toned down the contents of that rumor for Scheat’s sake—according to the saints, he and Miaplacidus were lovers.
When I had first heard them gossiping, I knew it was completely groundless. I decided I had to help clear up the misunderstanding with the saints at some point.
“They’ve got it completely wrong!” Scheat continued to splutter. “I’m not afraid of women, not one tiny bit! In fact, I’m fine with them! Totally fine!!”
“…Right.” I tentatively reassured him, looking around the cramped room and making eye contact with Canopus and Fackt. Although we were eating at the canteen, it had been deemed “improper” for a princess to be eating in a common area, so we were seated in one of the two small private rooms.
Today my guard detail consisted of three knights: Canopus, Scheat, and Fackt. As I was mentally considering the option of holding a secret meeting between just us to discuss how we could clear up the misunderstanding, I heard movements coming from the room next door.
Listening more closely, I could make out the voices of women. They were giggling loudly, and I couldn’t help but think, Sure sounds like they’re having a good time.
But my thoughts were interrupted by Fackt’s hushed murmur, “Speak of the devil, and he shall appear. It appears the members of the Saint Knight Brigade are using the room next to ours.”
“Hmph! What a carefree bunch they are! All right, I’m going to go over there right now and show them just how totally fine with women I am,” Scheat bravely proclaimed, but at that exact moment, we heard his name being mentioned from the other room.
“Scheat, you say?! He’s being all lovey-dovey with Miaplacidus, as always!”
Scheat paused in his tracks for a moment, then muttered in a somewhat befuddled tone, “Huh? I’m what with Miaplacidus? I must’ve misheard that, right? Hey, Canopus, did you hear that just now?”
“…My hearing’s a little off today, so I couldn’t quite make it out.”
“Liar! You’re someone who can hear even the tiniest creaks coming from the ceiling…” Scheat started to complain, looking like he didn’t buy Canopus’s response at all. But before he could say anything more, he was cut off by Fackt snapping at him.
“Quiet, Scheat! We can’t hear what they’re saying!”
Scheat immediately shut his mouth, and we all focused on the room next door. Since we were only separated by a thin wall, the saints’ jovial conversation reverberated through.
“But get this: Miaplacidus’s perversion knows no bounds! Now he’s set his sights on little girls, two of them at the same time, in fact!”
“No way! What a degenerate! Two little girls? Disgusting! But what’s going to happen with him and Scheat?”
“About that, apparently he met those little girls while on a job that Scheat wasn’t a part of, so he doesn’t know a thing!”
“I feel so bad for poor Scheat! And when you consider that Miaplacidus is the only one that he can turn to for comfort, it’s even more heartbreaking!”
The saints’ lighthearted giggling continued, echoing through the thin wall.
Seeing Scheat frozen in shock, Fackt gave him a firm shove on the shoulder.
“All right, Scheat. Now’s your chance! This is your opportunity to burst into that room and tell those saints exactly how fine you are with women!”
“H-hang on! I’m not sure I’m processing all of this, but far from having a phobia of women, apparently, I’m not even interested in them?! But that’s not true at all!! Where in the world are the saints getting this information from? It’s all lies!”
“Well, they’re not wrong that Mirach’s younger twin sisters took a shine to Miaplacidus. Stories based on half truths are certainly the most troublesome of all.”
But Fackt was quick to sharply dismiss Canopus’s calm observation.
“That’s just what rumors are. Doesn’t matter if they’re true; as long as they make for fun conversation, that’s all that counts.”
I recalled that both he and Mirach had mentioned something similar before.
Fackt glanced back over to Scheat, who was standing as motionless as a statue. “So, you’re not going to go next door?”
“I can’t! By barging in on the saints, all I’ll be doing is adding fuel to the rumor fire. I have no doubt they’ll twist whatever I say into gossip that’s even worse!!”
“But at this rate, new rumors will keep spreading and you’ll continue to be known as someone with a phobia of women,” Fackt pointed out, his expression serious.
“You know what, I welcome those rumors! I want nothing to do with getting close to those saints!” Scheat responded in a fiery tone.
Then, he turned to me. “Princess, I take back what I said about being totally fine with women! In fact, I’m terrified of them!!”
“Okay…” Apparently, his ability to handle women had flipped on a dime. “But…are you still going to be okay protecting me?” I asked hesitantly. I was a girl, after all.
Scheat looked stunned at that question. “What?! You’re my princess! I’ve vowed to serve you with my heart and soul!”
Phew. It looked like his phobia wasn’t applicable to me.
Since Scheat appeared to want to keep the status quo, maybe I didn’t need to step in and stop the saints from gossiping about the knights just yet.
“So, you don’t want me to tell the saints they’re wrong, Scheat?” I asked. “I suppose I should at least set them straight about Miaplacidus.”
“That won’t be necessary! He has those two girls, so it’s not like he needs anyone else!!” Scheat retorted without missing a beat.
I thought about arguing back, but it seemed that Scheat, who’d been the target of countless harsh rumors, didn’t want Miaplacidus to be the only one who had his misunderstanding cleared up. I understood where he was coming from, so I smiled and nodded at Scheat, whose face was set in a stubborn frown.
“…All right!”
But at the same time, I thought in my heart of hearts, I think I get why all those bad rumors about the knights spread. Please stay strong, Miaplacidus!
Of course, Miaplacidus didn’t let those rumors get to him, and so he was just fine.