“Training is the key to everything,” I scolded my trembling legs as I somehow managed to get myself to Serafina’s door. Taking a deep breath, I tried to settle my nerves before stepping inside.
Serafina was drawing something on a piece of white paper, but when she saw me, she broke into a big smile and stood up. “Sirius!” She happily called my name, running toward me, her footsteps softly pattering across the floor. From what I could make of her behavior, it didn’t seem like she had any ill feelings toward me, which gave me a comforting sense of reassurance.
That’s fortunate, I thought to myself. It didn’t seem like Serafina wasn’t in her rebellious stage—for the time being, at least. After spending a few moments with her, it seemed like she was acting as she always did. I found myself sighing in genuine relief.
“What’s wrong, Sirius?” Serafina asked me curiously, seemingly aware that I had my guard up.
“What do you mean?”
“I was just wondering why you keep staring at me today.”
Ah, that Serafina. She was a sharp girl.
“I was just worried that one day you’d start refusing to listen to me and start ignoring what I had to say.”
All I’d done was answer honestly, but Serafina suspiciously peered at me. “Are you thinking about that because you did something bad?”
Her outrageous accusation made me throw both hands in the air in complete defeat. “Serafina! I don’t believe I’ve ever done anything bad to you!” I stated confidently. Thinking back on all my actions toward her, I couldn’t find a single one that could be considered a wrongdoing.
But Serafina continued, her eyes still locked on to me. “When my continental common language tutor wanted to increase my homework, I was told that you agreed.”
“That’s not a bad thing. It’s for your own sake.”
Looking like she didn’t buy my logical explanation one bit, Serafina kept on with the accusations, “My ladies-in-waiting say that you never use that handkerchief I made for you.”
“Of course I do! I just don’t bring it with me when I work outside the castle. I mean, the bulk of my duties aren’t done here…”
“That means you’re not using it!” Serafina’s cheeks puffed up indignantly. I tried desperately to think of a retort, but I found myself at a loss for words.
“W-well…” It’s because you sewed candy into it. If I took it out with me on a sunny day, my pocket would end up a sticky mess.
But saying all that would hurt her feelings. Unable to find anything that felt safe enough to say, I ended up falling silent. Unfortunately, this only seemed to provoke more misunderstandings because Serafina gave me a soft smile and said, “There’s no need to pretend, Sirius! I already know that you can be absentminded, and that’s why you always forget to bring it with you.”
Once again, I had no response. She was making it seem like I was the one in the wrong, of all things. I wasn’t exactly thrilled with how this conversation had gone, but I didn’t see any point in discussing the handkerchief any further. I mustered a reluctant nod of agreement before finally broaching the reason I’d come to see her in the first place.
“The reason I came here today was because I want to build up my tolerance. That way I’ll be prepared if that day ever comes.”
“Tolerance?” Serafina cocked her head to the side at the unfamiliar word.
“Experiencing a mock version of the phase beforehand should lessen the shock if I’m ever faced with the real thing. This is part of my training, all right? Whatever I say, you need to respond with ‘no,’ and once I tell you, ‘We’re all done,’ don’t respond at all—just stay quiet.”
“Okay.” Serafina nodded, looking like she didn’t understand what she was agreeing to at all. Perhaps I needed to start with something enticing.
“Serafina, would you like to go into town and eat cake with me?”
“What?! Of course!” Her eyes lit up, and for a moment, she seemed to forget everything she had just promised me. But then, she suddenly remembered that I’d asked her to disagree with everything I said and quickly shook her head. “Oh, is that what you thought I’d say? Actually, I mean ‘no.’”
I felt a wave of relief that hearing her say ‘no’ wasn’t as painful as I’d initially expected.
“I see. Then, how about going to buy some toys? You mentioned wanting a new hair clip, so we could stop by an accessory shop as well.”
“N…”
One look at her face told me she was barely holding herself back.
“Not…going to happen. No.”
Serafina kept her promise and rejected my offer, but her tense expression made it clear that it was forced. Depending on your perspective, it almost seemed like she truly disliked having to answer me.
“…I see.”
It was strange. Even though I knew she was saying no because I told her to, why did that strained expression of hers make hearing those words come as even more of a shock? If I felt this way despite knowing it was merely practice, how would it feel if she turned me down for real?
Just that brief exchange with Serafina made the outcome of this training clear to me. The belief that exposure therapy would ease the shock was a misconception. Instead, being exposed to it any longer would only amplify the damage I took. With this new understanding, I realized that dragging it on any longer was pointless.
I staggered to my feet and offered a word of thanks. “We’re all done now, Serafina. I appreciate you playing along.”
I gave her head a soft pat, but she just stared up at me in silence.
“Serafina, what is it?”
She didn’t offer a single peep in response.
“Want me to buy you some cake? Or maybe a toy? Oh, the hair clip…”
I began listing all the things she usually liked, but she just kept looking at me, not a word escaping her lips. Could it be…? Was this the start of her rebellious phase?
“If you’re upset with me, then…” I started to address my fears, but Serafina clasped both hands to her mouth like she was unable to speak at all. Seeing that gesture reminded me that I’d asked her not to talk once I’d said we were done.
“Oh, that’s right! Serafina, you can talk now. I completely forgot that I told you to keep quiet.”
In the end, being terrified that her rebellious phase had legitimately begun was absurd. But hearing her say “no” or having her ignore what I told her turned out to be harder on me than I had originally imagined. Perhaps the best thing was to follow Deneb’s advice and put an end to my pampering. Still, it’s not like I was spoiling her that much. Maybe I just needed to be a little stricter from now on.
…But I wasn’t really keen on that.
As troubling thoughts swirled in my mind, Serafina released her hands from her lips and dramatically exhaled the breath she had been holding in before staring up at me with flushed cheeks.
“Not talking is really hard! By the way, are we done with the training now? Is it okay to tell you what I think? Sirius, I want cake and a toy…and a hair clip!”
“Now that’s the Serafina I know!”
Serafina was at her most endearing when she was being candid about her heart’s desires. Indeed, there was nothing better than a child expressing themselves honestly. That’s why, when I went out that afternoon, I made sure to buy her everything she wanted.
I returned to the castle laden with bags of cakes, toys, and accessories when I passed by Deneb in the hallway. He glanced at everything I was carrying before noticing that I was headed straight for Serafina’s room. Putting two and two together, he realized that all the gifts were for her. His face took on a disapproving expression, and he stopped in his tracks to offer me a word of warning.
“Today’s not the princess’s birthday, is it? You’re spoiling her too much, and that’s putting it mildly.”
“That is far from the case. I was the reason that her language homework increased, but she still completed all of it. This is a fair reward for all her hard work!”
“…Is that so.”
Deneb didn’t seem like he was convinced, but he hunched over in resignation and walked away.
“Tsk! He doesn’t know a thing about raising children,” I scoffed to no one in particular as I continued toward Serafina’s room, “They can’t just be scolded all the time. You can’t expect anyone to be motivated if you don’t provide them with a little fun. This is the correct approach to education!”
Serafina was beyond delighted when I gave her the bags filled with cakes, toys, and hair accessories I’d bought for her.
“Thanks so much, Sirius,” she squealed, throwing her arms around me, a huge grin on her face. Indeed, being gazed at with a smile was infinitely better than being rejected with a loud “no.”
As I watched her beam, I mused that there were probably children out there who never went through a rebellious phase. I prayed with every fiber of my being that Serafina was one of those children.