The Third Order arranged for a carriage to escort Nonna and me home. We’d just gotten through the gates when Bertha rushed over to us.
“Welcome home, Lady Asher! Miss Nonna! Is your work finished now, my lady?”
“I’m back, Bertha. And yes, I’m all finished.”
“And you came back with Miss Nonna! I’m so relieved. The house was so quiet without you two and Lord Asher here. It was like the spark had vanished from it!”
As she spoke in a rush, Bertha looked at my outfit with a puzzled expression on her face. I had so many things on my mind that all I could wonder was why she was staring at me like that.
Nonna, however, was smiling at Bertha as if nothing had happened.
“I’m back, Bertha! I had fun at Uncle’s house, but I like my own house best. Oh!”
“What is it, Nonna?” I asked.
“I got separated from Elizabeth at the festival, and I totally forgot about it!”
“We should contact Elizabeth’s family at once, then.”
“Mom, can you please reach out to Aunt Blythe and Grandmother, too? I’m sure they’re worried.”
“Of course. I’ll write a letter right away.”
Bertha immediately smiled at me. “My lady, I can have Reed handle it. It’s been so long since you were home. Please just rest.”
“It’s all right, Bertha. I can manage a few letters.” I insisted, then wrote a letter thanking my sister-in-law and my mother-in-law for taking such good care of Nonna. I also wrote about how I had finished my assignment, met Nonna in the plaza, and returned home with her.
“Mom, Ash and Berry are still at Uncle’s house. Could you ask Reed to bring them back?”
“Sure. Bertha, will you have Reed take care of this?”
I gave the letter to Bertha, and she said Reed would have it delivered immediately.
I felt a sense of relief being back in my own home, too, just like Nonna. But there was no sign of Jeff here, which was strangely unsettling.
I wondered how he was doing. I desperately hoped the talks with the kingdom of Subartu were going well and they hadn’t escalated into a fight.
“What’s wrong, Mom?”
“I was just wondering how Dad is doing.”
“If you’re worried, why don’t you go check on him?”
Honestly, I’d thought about it several times. And I’d given up on it just as many.
I would cause countless problems if I was to suddenly show up at a diplomatic meeting and expose my face for Jeff’s sake.
“No, that’s not a good idea. I shouldn’t be doing that right now. That would make everything I did in Shen meaningless. Both Subartu and Ashbury have sent thousands of soldiers to the place where they’re negotiating, so what good would it do if I went there alone?”
“That’s true. If we went there, we’d just cause more trouble for Dad.”
“Exactly. You’ve started to come around to that way of thinking, haven’t you? I wanted you to grow up slowly, but you’re maturing so quickly, Nonna. It makes me happy to see, but it’s a little sad at the same time.”
“Why?”
“Because there’s not much time left before you become an adult. Once you get old enough, you’ll eventually leave my side. I want you to take your time growing up.”
“Even when I do that, I’ll still be your daughter, Mom.”
“I know. You will always be my daughter.”
I tightly wrapped my arms around Nonna. She was so delicate and smelled lovely. She made a satisfied sound, and then with a sly smile, she said, “Well, Mom? How long do you plan on staying in that maid’s outfit?”
“Oh, that’s right! I’ve been wearing it for so long, I completely forgot! No wonder Bertha was staring at me. What in the world was I doing?”
“Are you going to return it?”
“Yes. I can’t very well have Reed take it back, though. But the palace must still be in disarray, so I’ll wait until things calm down a bit.”
That night, our chef went all out and served us a feast.
For the first time in a while, I had the opportunity to eat slowly and savor my food. After dinner, I took a long bath, and then Nonna and I went to sleep together. I thought I would fall asleep quickly since I was so tired, but I just couldn’t drift off.
When I slipped out of bed to get a drink of water in the middle of the night, Nonna called out to me. “What’s wrong, Mom? Can’t you sleep?”
“I’m sorry, did I wake you? Yes, I might be too exhausted to nod off, if that makes sense.”
“Hey, Mom? Your job was to pretend to be Princess Delphine, wasn’t it?”
“Nonna, about that…” I tried to interrupt so I could ask her not tell anyone else, but she just grinned.
“My lips are sealed, I swear. Does Dad know what you were doing?”
“Yes, and he was against it. But in the end, he put my feelings first.”
“Hmm. I’d never seen you working before, but I was surprised at how dashing you looked. You were so sharp. Even more dashing than Dell Dolgarr!”
“I suppose I was sort of intense. I didn’t want you to see that side of me.”
“I was able to protect Princess Delphine. Everything I learned in Shen was so helpful.”
There was something else I’d been too scared to ask Nonna yet. I’d been wondering, deep in my heart, if Nonna had taken a life. The next moment, as if she could read my mind, she cheerfully told me, “I haven’t killed anyone. My master always said, ‘Killing should be your last resort. When you take someone’s life, you take away their chance to change.’ Huh? Mom? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“I’ve worried over this for so long, I think all my strength left me at once… It’s my fault I took this job and you got dragged into trouble. And if you ended up taking someone’s life because of me, you would’ve suffered for the rest of your days.”
“Oh, that’s all?” Nonna pressed a hand to her chest and let out a big sigh.
“Why do you look so relieved?” I asked.
“If I had killed the enemy, I would’ve made you suffer for the rest of my days. Fortunately, I just didn’t have it in me to do that because of what my master told me. There was no way I could have taken a life. But now I’m really glad I didn’t. I’m so relieved!”
She gave me a happy smile.
In light of what happened, there was something I had to tell Nonna right this moment. It was now or never.
“Operatives in Hagl were divided between the Special Operations Force and the assassination squad. I was in the Special Operations Force. But obviously, the people who belonged to the assassination squad were tasked with killing. There were some very young operatives, not much older than you, whose job it was to take other people’s lives,” I said.
“Wow.”
“And I watched as little by little, the people on the assassination squad began to lose any emotions they had toward killing people. They crossed the line. They had to stop thinking of murder as something wrong, or their hearts would be destroyed. Those people…”
“What happened to them?”
“Even if those people quit being assassins and came back to the other side, it was too late; once they normalized killing, it was like they left a part of their soul left behind on the other side of that line.”
“Hmm.”
“Nonna, I don’t ever want you to cross that line.”
Once I said that, I suddenly felt very lonely. I missed Jeffrey so much.
I hadn’t been expecting to run into Nonna on my assignment. In the heat of the moment, I’d told my daughter to protect Princess Delphine, but what would Jeff have done? I wanted to know his opinion. I wanted to hear his voice more than anything.
Nonna watched me with concern, probably because I looked so down.
“Mom?”
“I’m fine. I just miss your dad.”
“I’m here for you. I’m sure Dad will come back home safe. But right now, I’m here for you, so please cheer up.”
“Yes, you’re right. Thank you. I’m so glad you’re my daughter.”
“I’m glad, too. I’m so happy to be your daughter, Mom.”
Jeff wouldn’t suddenly come back just because I was in low spirits. I had to pull myself together. Still, I never imagined the day would come so soon when Nonna would be the one comforting me.
As she gently patted my back in bed, fatigue began to take over, and I fell asleep before I knew it.
When I woke up, it was already past seven. It had been two months since I’d rested without being on edge. I wanted to dream of Jeff, but I’d slept so soundly, my night had been dreamless.
What should I do today? I wondered just as a letter from Lady Blythe arrived.
I have something I would like to discuss with you. Please come over whenever you‘re available.
“Nonna, we’re going to Lord Edward’s estate. We need to thank him for everything he’s done for you.”
“All right. I didn’t get the chance to say good-bye to Grandmother, so this is perfect timing.”