“Wha?!”
“Lithisia and I are going to make a child right now. I can’t break my promise.”
“Wh-what?! What are you saying?! The Sun God will be here in less than three minutes!”
“That’s fine. I’ll finish in one.”
“One?!” Catria and Lithisia shouted simultaneously.
What madness! But considering he could build a whole palace in less than two hours, it didn’t not make sense that he could (insert shovel that shouldn’t be described out loud) in a minute.
Wait, what am I thinking? That’s not the problem here! Catria held her head in her hands. “I-If you go that fast, you’ll break the princess! She’s only a maiden, as surprising as that may sound!”
Wait, no! That’s not the issue either!
“Go?” Alan frowned. “There’s no need for me to go anywhere.”
“Pardon?”
“We don’t have time for this. I’m starting.” Alan held his shovel up above his head.
Wait! The billionth chill ran down Catria’s spine. There was something definitely, definitely wrong about all of this. Why was Alan holding his adamantine shovel (literal)? How would he finish in a minute? Why did he want her to watch?
“I’m borrowing the power of the orbs, Lithisia. I have to make a miracle happen.”
“A…miracle?”
“Exactly. A miracle I can’t create with my power alone.”
RUMBLE!
Light blue flames emerged from Alan’s body, a flickering aura. It flared so hot that it seemed like space itself would burn away. In fact, the Shovel Hell surrounding him did indeed begin to burn away, its “ashes” being absorbed by Alan.
RUUUUUUMBLE!
His aura grew as space itself disintegrated. All this energy gathered above Alan’s head in the shape of a shovel, a massive Shovel Aura that burned more fiercely than the sun.
Alan looked down at Lithisia sprawled out on the bed. This Shovel Princess, beyond Alan’s understanding, was so lovely. He wanted to make all of her his, to take everything he had and give it to her. His feelings were unstoppable.
“LITHISIA!” Alan shouted as he focused all his desires into his shovel. “DIG!”
KA-CHOOOOOOOOM!
The blast pierced both Lithisia and the world itself. The beam was just absurdly massive, engulfing the world in its entirety. The light blue energy even absorbed the moon, the stars, the sun, and space itself. Alan continued to fire this energy from the tip of his shovel as its roar and blast of air filled the ex-throne room.
Space tore apart. The Shovel Hell that had swallowed the world was in turn swallowed by the light and instantly reverted to its original state.
But even then, the beam did not stop. With Lithisia at its center, it continued to fire from Alan’s shovel. This was his super technique, the Wave Motion Shovel Blast.
“GAAAAAAAAHHHH WHAT THE HELL, ALAAAAN?!?!?!” Catria could hold herself back no more.
SHEEEEEEEEEN!
Almost as if in resonance with Catria’s feelings, a white light burst from the Sacred Scabbard Arcadia and obstructed the Wave Motion Shovel Blast. The Anti-Shovel Power managed to stop the Wave Motion Shovel Blast’s light in its tracks.
“Hrm.” Actually, it was more like Alan had stopped in his tracks. He was still in his Wave Motion Shovel Blast stance as he glanced at Catria. He had a look on his face that read like “Why did you get in my way?”
“You…you big…!” Just as Catria tried to play her role, Lithisia swooped in.
“Haaah, haaah, haaah, Sir Miner! What are you doing?!”
Right, the princess! She’s okay? Catria spun, only to find that the princess had not vanished.
Her clothes and the bed had been damaged, yes, but not a single wound marred her beautiful skin. Her remaining clothing did its best to conceal her unmentionables, and her breasts heaved with her every breath. “Um, I, um, what did you do to me?!”
“Huh? I did what you asked. I had my way with you.”
“What I asked? But…”
Shovel, shovel, shovel, shovel (the sound of a shovel clock ticking).
“Ah!”
SHOING (the sound Lithisia made when she came to an unfortunate realization).
“I-I get it! So that’s what this is, shovel!”
“What exactly is this, Your Highness?!”
“Things aren’t necessarily as they appear, Catria.”
“Excuse me, but for the sake of all of humanity, could you please explain?”
“Think about how you pronounce ‘Wave Motion Shovel Blast.’”
“Huh?”
What the hell is the princess talking about? Catria thought as she tried to wrap her head around this. W A V E M O T I O N S H O V E L B L A S T. What’s the big—
“?!”
A chill. Again. Catria was dizzied by the realization of the stupidest thing in the history of mankind. “No…way…”
The [Way]ve Motion Gun. The pronunciation.
“Ah…”
Catria was assaulted by the urge to flee.
“Ah…”
Catria took deep breaths to somehow maintain her sense of self, but she could not. She couldn’t suppress the urge building inside of her. Now that she understood the truth of things, she couldn’t resist the urge to interject.
“A-L-A-N!” And so the knight threw herself into the most intense interjection she’d made in her entire life. “W-H-Y DOES IT HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS?!”
“Why?” Alan asked, more to himself than anything.
Why did Lithisia want him to “have his way with her = Wave Motion Shovel Blast” and conceive a child? He had briefly considered that she might not be referring to his Wave Motion Shovel Blast but in fact something more adult, but he had quickly rejected the idea.
Lithisia is a girl who goes beyond my understanding. Also, I’m too old for her.
There was no way Lithisia would ever want to do normal, if inappropriate things with him.
“I don’t really know how to answer that question,” Alan said. “But even so, I’m doing what I must.”
Lithisia wanted a child via the Wave Motion Shovel Blast, so Alan agreed to it. No matter how absurd the princess’s requests, Alan had long since committed to seeing them through. And so he would use the power of the orbs to create a miracle and rewrite the logic behind the creation of life itself.
But to what end? Why?
“Because I…” Alan gripped his shovel tightly and yelled out to the heavens. “I love you, Lithisia! Regardless of how shovel you are.”
After a moment’s pause, the width of the Wave Motion Shovel Blast multiplied. Alan’s clothes exploded off of him. The heat of the glimmering Wave Motion Shovel Blast washed the world over with white.
Catria interjected with everything she had. “IF YOU LOVE HER, THEN JUST DO IT LIKE NORMAL!!!!”
She wasn’t wrong.
“ISN’T THAT WHAT YOU WANT TOO, YOUR HIGHNESS?!”
Lithisia twitched in response to Catria’s tearful cries. I… I…
Needless to say, Catria was right. The princess and Alan had once again misunderstood one another. Lithisia wanted him to love her as he would any other woman. The human way. Was this alternative really acceptable? Was she okay with becoming pregnant with his Wave Motion Shovel Blast because of a misunderstanding like this? Going so far as to use the power of the orbs?
Wh-what do I really want? I…!
Lithisia didn’t know. How could she? Alan said he didn’t understand Lithisia’s words, but it wasn’t like she understood her own thoughts any better. Just as she would never have been able to imagine who she would become in the days before she knew of the shovel, the current Lithisia couldn’t imagine who she would be after conceiving via Wave Motion Shovel Blast.
She didn’t want to think anymore. She just wanted to believe in Sir Miner and the shovel and give herself over to them. She wanted her Shovel Body and Shovel Spirit to be laid bare.
But was that really for the best? Was it truly all right for this misunderstanding to continue? Was it at all acceptable for him to go on without knowing that she wanted him in the truest sense? Was this really okay? Moving forward without clearing things up? Would that not be scoopy?
She wanted time to think. I just want a little Shovel Time!
Indeed, Lithisia wished for this. And as she did, the seven colored orbs shone fiercely, and their light was absorbed into Alan’s shovel.
“Hrm, recharge complete.”
The light of the Wave Motion Shovel Blast’s light came together. His Shoveling Power Charge was at 120 percent. The safety was unlocked. No room for Anti-Shovel Barriers. All hands on Shovel Deck.
That’s what the strange announcer’s voice coming from Alan’s shovel said.
Ah… Catria was certain it was all over. The princess would become pregnant via Wave Motion Shovel Blast and the world and humanity itself would come to an end. This tale of the self-proclaimed miner and self-proclaimed princess would meet its Shovel End.
Then, just as the Wave Motion Shovel Blast was fired once again—
“You’ve finally given me the chance to become you!”
Behind Lithisia, who had wished for just a little bit of time, Elise of the Reflection, whom everyone had forgotten about, teleported in.