“I’m the one who wished for this Hell. I’m an evil shovel. An evil scoop. I’m the Great Demon King Scoop who deserves to be vanquished and banished from this world. That’s why, Sir Miner, I have one last request of you. Take me, a completely irredeemable scoop…”
The projected Lithisia opened her eyes wide and stared straight at Alan as the tears rolled down her cheeks.
“And shovel (term not appropriate for broadcast) me, please.”
The projection cut out there, and silence washed over the room. All that remained was the sound of Lithisia crying.
Alan sank deep into thought.
Catria had hit the limit on her patience after seeing Lithisia’s “true intentions” laid bare. She could no longer hold back.
“Your Highness.” There was so, so much she wanted to say, but first, she wanted to interject about the most important misunderstanding of all. “When did you hear from Alan that he likes ‘normal’ girls?”
It was clear that this belief was the origin of all the drama. Catria sensed something really off about it. Sure, Princess Lithisia was always kind of off, but this seemed especially contorted.
“I mean, Sir Miner said that Kuronono was perfect for him.”
“Perfect for him how?”
“Ah, I never did tell you, Catria. When I first started this journey with Lithisia, she made me a promise,” Alan said.
Alan and Lithisia made eye contact and nodded to one another, then spoke in tandem.
“She promised to help me find a successor.”
“I promised to birth his child.”
A full ten seconds passed.
Lithisia was the first to react.
“Shovel…?” Lithisia blinked rapidly with all of her strength.
“What are you talking about, Lithisia?” Alan said, bewildered. “You were going to help me search for a successor, weren’t you?”
“Shovel?! Um, er, you mean you want a child, right?!”
“Well, an apprentice. I was willing to take in an orphan too, I suppose.”
“?!?!?!”
Lithisia’s eyes went from being shaped like shovels to being round like circles. They were the eyes of an extremely surprised human maiden.
“You’re a princess, so I thought it’d be easy for you to gather potential apprentices among your citizens.”
“?!?!”
Lithisia’s jaw was on the floor.
“But since Kuronono seemed fairly talented, I was thinking of making her my apprentice.”
“?!?!?!?!?!?!”
Lithisia was so stunned that she was on the verge of losing consciousness. “Um! W-wait just a second, Sir Miner!”
“Sure.”
Lithisia was so panicked that she even forgot to add shovel to the end of her sentence. “You mean you don’t want to do lewd things with Kuronono?!”
“Uh, that’d make me a criminal.” What an incredibly logical response.
“In other words, there was no point in coming up with names for our children?!”
“You did what?!” Catria groaned.
“If it was a boy, I’d name him ‘Shovel,’ and if it was a girl, ‘Wave Motion Shovel Blast’!”
In other words, names that would guarantee their status as enemies of humanity.
“Your naming sense is incredible, Lithisia,” Alan said.
“Ah, I’m h-honored, shovel… Wait, that’s not important right now!” Lithisia shook her head with all of her might, then stared up at Alan once more. “Shovel?!”
Lithisia fought off a wave of confusion the likes of which she’d never felt before. The very concept she’d based everything in her life upon since the moment she met Alan was crumbling to pieces. She hadn’t expected this. She had planned to have Sir Miner’s children. She had done so much shoveling up until now for that very purpose. She had tried her utmost to become a Shovel Princess.
And yet Sir Miner had never intended any of that. She wanted to cry.
“AAAAAAAUUUUUGHHHHHH!” In fact, she bawled. She had to. She had finally realized that her mistake wasn’t just this Shovel Hell. From the very start of this journey, Lithisia’s love had been mistaken. She wanted to dig a hole and bury herself inside of it. She fell to the floor and hugged her knees.
“Lithisia,” Alan said. “I’m so sorry for making you misunderstand.”
“Sir Miner…?”
Alan looked truly apologetic as he frowned down at Lithisia. Sir Miner wasn’t scoopy; he was shovel, like always. But before she could say as much, he spoke again.
“I’m so sorry. I want to make this up to you. I have to take responsibility for my actions.”
“Huh???”
“I’m going to take responsibility, here and now.” Alan gripped his shovel like always. “I’m willing to do anything you ask of me.”
This was the same thing Lithisia had said to him at the start of their quest.
“?!”
Lithisia unconsciously gripped her shovel. Anything. Alan’s version of “anything” was on a whole other level considering he really could do “anything.” Lithisia understood that all too well after all this time traveling together with him. Whether the feat was world domination or Shovel Space Travel, he could make it happen.
But that wasn’t what Lithisia wanted. She desired but a single thing.
“Ah…” Her mouth opened and closed, but her voice went unheard. She couldn’t speak; she hadn’t the courage. She didn’t think she had the right to ask this of him. Lithisia had been wrong about the promise they exchanged when they first met. She had been wrong to try to become a shovel. She had been jealous of Kuronono for no reason. She had been wrong about everything—truly a useless princess. How could she possibly stand next to Alan, who was a perfect shovel in every which way? It was time to give up.
But just as weakness took her heart, she saw the sharp tip of some shining thing.
“Wow…”
It was the head of Alan’s radiant shovel. Then Lithisia remembered the feeling of her lips against that metal head… The Shovel Kiss she exchanged with Alan.
Shovel. Love. An amazing kiss. Her mind filled with this memory. Lithisia’s heart and body were once more overwhelmed with shovels. She couldn’t imagine a future without Alan in her life.
“I…”
Be brave, she repeated to herself. I may have been scoopy, but even now, I can still be shovel.
“I want to…” Lithisia gripped the red shovel she had received from Alan. She was embarrassed, incredibly so.
But she wanted this. She wanted it with every fiber of her being. It was the one thing she wanted over all else, and she had stuck by Alan’s side for that very reason.
And so Lithisia dug out her heart’s desire and yelled it into the air. “I-I want you to have your shovel way with me and make me pregnant!”
Three seconds later, Catria, ignored on the sidelines, interjected in her soul. Wait, Your Highness. You mean like, right now?!