Part 46:
The Lady Knight Has Her Ears Shoveled
UPON RETURNING to the surface, Alan, Lithisia, and Catria arrived at a special concert being held in an open field: the “Founding of the Light Nation Live Concert.”
The Dark Nation, once ruled by the demons, had become the Light Nation. As for why, well, the dark clouds that had covered the land had been blown away by a Wave Motion Shovel Blast. The darkness had literally been wiped away. Extremely literally.
“Everyone! It’s shoveling time!”
Behind Kuronono stood a sweat-covered Odessa. The two of them had formed something of a duo.
“Let’s shing our shonational anthem together!”
“Y-yeah…!”
Although, the whole thing obviously embarrassed Odessa. Shonational anthem? Seriously?
“Shovel, shovel, shovel! We are Shovelia!”
“Sh-Shovelia…”
“Gosh, c’mon, Odessa! Hold your head up high and sing!”
“B-but my bathing suit is going to fall off!”
“Just hide yourself with your shovel! It’ll be okay!”
Nothing about this was okay, but Catria couldn’t find it in herself to interject. She just wasn’t in that state of mind at the moment.
“Gah… Wh-what’s with this song?!” Though Catria plugged her ears, the music found its way deep into her brain. Every time Kuronono said “shovel,” it felt like someone tickled the insides of her ears. This was bad. This song was bad, and Catria could feel that truth in her bones.
Catria dashed out from backstage at full speed and fled into the fields beyond.
“Catria?!”
Alan and Lithisia called out to her, but she ignored them and kept going, running and running.
Eventually, Catria found her way to a meadow where the sun shone up above. At last, she could no longer hear the song. She collapsed onto the grass.
“Haaaah, hah, hah. Wh-what the hell just happened?!”
Her ears still tingled, almost like a busted toothpick was having a party in there. While the sensation was not entirely unpleasant, that only made it seem more dangerous. How odd. Catria had never sensed this level of danger, even from the princess’s prayers.
Did Kuronono’s song carry some kind of magical power?
“Catria, you okay?” Alan asked when he finally caught up to the lady knight.
“Th-there’s something wrong with that song, Alan.”
“Dance notwithstanding, it seemed perfectly normal to me.”
“There’s no way that’s true! It was worse than the princess! It felt like it was hitting my eardrums directly!”
“Hrm, I see. In that case, show(vel) me your ears for a sec—”
As he said that—SHIIIIING!
“AAAAAAAHHHH!” It felt like an electric shock ran from Catria’s ears through her entire body. It left her covered in sweat. “Wh-what’s happening to me?!”
Something was extremely off. Why was she sweating so much?
Meanwhile, Alan took his time inspecting her ears.
“I see now… Catria. It’s not the song that’s weird. It’s your body,” Alan declared, a serious expression on his face.
“Pardon?”
Alan went on to explain that after Catria passed out, Asmodeus had told Alan how the Sacred Scabbard Arcadia worked. According to Asmodeus, if on a given day the scabbard did not receive a certain amount of Anti-Shovel Power, it automatically went into Charging Mode.
“Once in said mode, the scabbard raises the shovel sensitivity of its bearer to increase its charging efficacy.”
In other words, Catria’s body was at present extremely sensitive to shovels. That was why Kuronono’s song and Alan’s use of the word “show(vel)” had such an effect on her.
“Hold on, hold on, hold oooooonnnn!” Tears formed in Catria’s eyes. Nobody had told her anything about this! Wasn’t it all over? She had managed to withstand Alan’s shovel confession in Hell. Wasn’t all this shovel nonsense done with? She wanted to cry.
Of course, in reality, she was already in tears. They fell to the ground in a stream.
“Y-you have to do something, Alan! I can’t take this!” Catria weakly beat on Alan’s chest like a child throwing a tantrum.
But all he could do in response was sadly lower his head. “I’m sorry… I tried a few things, but even I can’t do anything against that scabbard.”
“What?!”
“It’s the source of Anti-Shovel Power. If I took a great deal of time and really dug into it, I might be able to mitigate it a bit, but…”
Even Alan couldn’t fight the scabbard? A wave of despair washed over Catria. How could something defy Alan? The man who made possible everything impossible? If he couldn’t meet this task, no living creature on the planet could hope to do so either.
Then, in the corner of her eye, Catria noticed something long stretching out of the scabbard. Its tip was shovel-shaped, and it glowed: a tentacle.
“No!” She was going to be Shovel-Tickled! Catria quivered with fear and despair as she clung to Alan’s chest. “N-no! Please! Anything but that!”
“Catria…”
Alan began to think. He was indeed powerless against the scabbard, but Catria had sought his aid. In other words, a helpless young woman needed him—the same woman he had promised to mine for all she was worth. He could never abandon her in her time of need; there had to be something he could do.
And so he thought. He thought about how to save Catria with greater and more earnest focus than he had thought about anything during this entire journey.
Her ears were currently extremely sensitive to shovels… Her ears…
“That’s it!” Alan grasped his shovel.
This made Catria tremble in fear. “Hey, Alan… Don’t tell me you’re going to…”
Was he going to shovel her before the tentacle did? Was he going to do as he had declared in Hell? With a shovel that big? No way. This was no good. Catria’s heart let out a warning siren wail. If he digs into me with that, I’m not gonna be me anymore!
Even so, she could not turn away from Alan’s shovel. She could not deny that her body sought the shovel. Yet her mind didn’t want this, even if the alternative meant death.
Catria grit her teeth in an attempt to resist her body’s impulses. “UGH!”
She heard the sound of a shovel cutting through the air, but her eyes remained closed. This was it. Just like all the other women in Alan’s life, she would be shoveled. She would become the Shovel Knight Catrishovel. Or perhaps Shovtria rolled off the tongue better? Not that it really mattered; both were awkward.
Hah, ha ha ha… Maybe that’s fitting for someone like me who lost to the shovel—
“Huh…?”
But the shovel never came.
Confused, Catria opened her eyes to find Alan with a piece of bamboo in his hand. Apparently, this was what she had heard being cut. Even now, Alan moved his shovel at ultra-high speed. Once finished, he tossed the shovel away. In its place he held an extremely small bamboo stick.
To be honest, it was just an earpick.
“Huh…?”
“Catria, I’m going to clean your ears,” Alan declared with an air of stone-cold solemnity.