I spent the next few days finishing my recovery while continually swatting away the saint’s attempts to crawl into my bed at all hours of the day and night. Then, after a brief audience with the pope, we ended our stay in the Holy City of Eldias and began our journey back to Clastreach.
When we left the city, the saint looked reluctant to part ways, but she didn’t ask to come with us. Despite everything, she understood her own position. If she’d actually fallen far enough to try and follow me, I genuinely would’ve had nothing but hatred left for her.
It’s not a sin to seek out love—only to drown oneself in pleasure.
Also, Sister Loria kept an iron grip on the saint’s garb the entire time while glaring at me with a look that screamed, She’s mine, got it?
You don’t have to worry about me taking the saint, okay? I’m the one who almost got taken, and I don’t even want her. So by all means, please keep a tight hold on her. She probably can’t ignore anyone who needs her that badly, anyway.
“Alicia...?”
“Oh— I was just thinking, it’s been a while since we’ve had this much peace and quiet.”
In the aftermath of the pope’s return, there weren’t any other travelers heading out of the Holy City; the gently rocking stagecoach was empty except for me and Cion. It really had been some time since we’d gotten to relax like this. We’d spent the last while dealing with the kids from the orphanage and the devil-touched and so on, and my sickroom had been absolute chaos.
“You all right?” she asked.
“Yes, I’m fully recovered—the very picture of health.”
Cion had been anxious around me ever since that night. Not only had she not been any help at all, she’d been the one attacking me. I’d told her over and over not to worry about it, but it was still weighing on her.
The silence in the stagecoach was oppressive.
“Cion...” I said slowly. “I know I’m a bride, and my role is to support you, but I don’t need you to protect me.”
“Huh?”
My words caught Cion by surprise, and she visibly tensed up with worry. I’d been struggling with myself over whether to tell her, but things had finally calmed down now that our mission was over. Somehow I felt like if I didn’t say it now, I’d never get another chance.
“Wh-What do you mean...?”
“I’m not so weak that I need your protection, nor so conceited as to demand it of you.”
As I spoke, anxiety gradually spread across Cion’s features.
That’s part of what’s so cute about you.
I smiled softly at her and took her hand.
“I want to stand by your side, Cion. Not as a bride of the Gods, serving the Church, but as the bride of the Hero.”
Intentionally or not, the Church had gained the devil-touched mercenaries as a new fighting force. With a new weapon to replace the unruly Hero in the war against the demons, they’d probably start pushing for the Hero’s assassination again sooner or later.
When that happened, I’d finally have to make my choice. The Church, or the Hero—which would I offer myself to?
“Unlike you, I’m afraid I don’t possess any reason to fight—I have nothing to protect, no justice to uphold, not a single thing to take up arms for.”
All I’d ever done was look out for myself. All my life, I’d stained myself with blood solely for my own survival. No matter how I looked at it, it wasn’t a past I could be proud of, and my sins would follow me as long as I lived. I was prepared to carry all those deaths on my shoulders—to carry this world, this hell. I was the one who’d taken their lives, and that was my cross to bear.
“But all the same, Cion, I...”
All the same, as I’d seen the saint standing by Cion’s side, I hadn’t been able to help thinking, Why?
Why wasn’t I the one standing there?
This wasn’t a feeling that a bride of the Gods was permitted to hold. It wasn’t a dream that I was permitted to long for, ever. It was a wish that I needed to reject. But...
“If... If you’ll have me... I—”
My voice trailed off as I noticed the tears welling up in Cion’s eyes. Before I could find the next words to say, she came flying at me.
“Alicia—! I... I—!” she sobbed out.
“Perhaps I went a little too fast there,” I said.
I held the Hero in my arms and gently stroked her hair. Her body really was far younger, far smaller, than a casual glance suggested.
We didn’t have the strength to protect each other. This world was full of schemes and machinations that could tear away even the things we held on to tightest. We were nothing but candles in the wind.
“Let’s face the world together, Cion—even if the Gods themselves stand in our way.”
Cion silently nodded her head. She nodded over and over, cradled into my chest. As she shook and trembled, I wrapped her in my arms and hugged her tight.
She’s supposed to be the Hero, but I think being a heroine suits her better.
I smiled to myself.