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How...? How did it come to this?
I still recalled the day they’d robbed me of my sight. I was trapped in a world of darkness, only able to perceive my surroundings through the sound of bells. Deprived of most of my mana, I was utterly powerless.
But even then, he told me, “We won’t allow you to die.” I was abandoned in the humans’ lands, adding insult to injury. They wanted me to live on, wallowing in my own misery. Such was my punishment for calling myself Queen and attempting to usurp our Lord.
I contemplated debasing myself still further—becoming a prostitute, perhaps, and letting the world do with me what it would.
That was when those filthy bandits came upon me.
No longer able to produce my own mana, I found that my body now constantly demanded food. I’d grown so frail and weak, it was hard to believe this body was even my own.
When they put me in chains and told me they would sell me to a slave trader, it all felt like one grand joke at my expense. The men’s laughter sounded distant in my ears; it was as though all of this were happening to someone else entirely.
I could sense a few other young girls in the cell they threw me into. They’d been robbed of their families, kept alive solely to sustain the men who tormented them, not permitted even to die. Such pitiful children of humankind...
We lived lives lower than cattle, lower even than slaves—the lives of humans denied humanity. But still, for some reason, those girls showed me kindness. They helped me eat; they cleaned my wounds. Perhaps they pitied me—deprived of my sight and unable to move my body as I wished. They were suffering as well, but still they protected me, even letting themselves be tormented in my place.
They truly were pitiful. Perhaps our shared suffering led me to empathize with them. But in my reduced state, I no longer had the power to free them. As I was violated and defiled by the men in turn, the most I could do was shoulder the burden of those girls’ pain for a time.
And so, I prayed. I offered prayers to nonexistent Gods—to those celestial beings who dubbed us vile fiends in the world of humankind.
But by pure happenstance, those prayers allowed me to grasp a sliver of the curious mana that filled this land. Its form was twisted and strange; but at its root, it was mana all the same. I took it in, and with it, I was able to reclaim a small fraction of my former power.
I slaughtered the bandits to the last man. I made them carve into their own bodies and cut the threads of their own lives. I freed the children from the cell and brought them to the nearest village to take shelter in the church.
Our days from then on were meager but peaceful. Our lives weren’t filled with plenty, but they were far from terrible. I experienced the warmth of others, a warmth that I’d formerly only felt through control and manipulation. Feeling the touch of others in ways that differed from my own intentions was bewildering at times...but it certainly wasn’t unpleasant.
I’d lost my power, but perhaps what I’d gained in return was worth it, I thought to myself. I truly did.
At least, until that day came.
One morning, the children were unusually late for breakfast, and so I went to wake them. They’d been up quite late last night, so perhaps they’d overslept. I knocked at their room, but there was no answer. I opened the door, wondering idly if they’d gone out without me noticing... Then, at the smell of blood, I understood exactly what had happened. Even without my sight, I could clearly picture the scene in front of me—the bodies of those children who’d chosen to end their own short lives.
They hadn’t been saved at all.
Later, one of the priests told me about the terrified looks those girls had worn from time to time. They’d been too scared to so much as speak to any of the men in the village, but they’d acted bright and cheerful in front of me, trying not to worry me.
I had never hated my lightless eyes more than I did that day.
Perhaps if they’d been able to forget it all and start new lives, things could have been different. As I stood before their shared grave, I cursed my own foolishness.
I, with all my power... I’d left those girls to die.
And so, I...
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