Undeterred, the other two unsheathed their swords in what I suppose was an admirable show of courage.
“Y-You, you fuckin’ bitch! What the fuck?!”
“Oh dear, please don’t cause a commotion. Pretty please?” Not that they’d ever be the types to quietly sit and listen to a sermon, but whatever. “Kindly put away your swords. To raise arms against me is an act of open defiance against the Gods.”
I thumped my bible on the bar once more to emphasize my final warning. If they backed down here, that was fine. If they tried to fight, then—
“You think soldiers are gonna let some fuckin’ cunt make a fool of us?!” the lackeys shouted.
No, I suppose I didn’t.
“We’re gonna fuck you till that pretty face is a cryin’, pleadin’ mess, y’hear?!” The man with the broken fingers kept spewing more disgusting threats as he pulled out a knife with his other hand.
Three men ganging up on one woman, and they were getting out weapons? Seemed like a bit much, in my opinion.
I didn’t say that out loud, but it must’ve shown on my face.
“About time you learned, bitch! Out there on the battlefield, don’t matter how much you cry and scream, there ain’t no Gods comin’ to save you! We’re gonna teach you that, good and hard!” Filthy spittle flying as he worked himself into a frenzy, the man charged at me with the knife. The booze was already kicking in, leaving his footsteps shaky and off-balance.
“No, thank you, that’s quite all right.” I quickly closed my bible on the knife, holding it in place like a bookmark, and smiled at him. “The holy pen is mightier than the sword, or something like that?”
With just a quick motion of my wrist, I twisted the bible to snap off the blade. As the man stared dumbfounded, I grabbed the blade and stabbed it into his knee, not bothering to listen to his scream.
“Did you know?” I asked, swinging the bible up to shatter the second man’s jaw. “There are times when the word of the Gods serves not to guide men, but to punish them.” I spun around on my heel, holding the book open to the third man, who’d frozen in place. “That may not put you in a mood for reading, though...” With his vision blocked, I kneed him in the solar plexus. He hunched over, and once his head was in the right spot, I slammed the bible shut hard—right next to his ear.
BANG!
The man whimpered in pain and confusion as the sweet sound reverberated through his head. Foaming at the mouth, he collapsed to the ground, blood leaking out of his ear. The man with the broken jaw and the man with the stabbed knee writhed and groaned next to him.
I sighed. This was genuinely pathetic. “If people could just act their age...”
As I looked around the bar, some of the customers were trying to make a run for it. Others had backed against the walls, clutching their bottles in panic. So these were the fearsome mercenaries of the borderlands, huh? Honestly, part of me just wanted to kick their asses; but even an inquisitor was still a child of the Gods, in the end. I supposed it was part of my duty to shepherd this wayward flock after all.
“All right, all right, it’s fine,” I addressed the crowd. “Everything’s fine. No one’s going to die, so just settle down, everyone.”
Keeping my body language carefully nonthreatening, I knelt beside the three dumbasses and offered up a prayer to the Gods.
The prayer I recited was long, elaborate, and—frankly—a pain in the ass, so I’m skipping over the long bits, but anyway...
“—and so, let your blessings be upon these men who have lost sight of your holy light, that they might find the strength to set forth once again.”
It was a pretty half-assed prayer, all in all; anyone who actually knew their stuff might’ve had a stroke if they’d heard it. But, in the end, the feeling was the important part. It wasn’t the meaning of the words that mattered, it was what you were trying to say.
There weren’t any Gods, after all.
“Holy Prayer.” As I finished praying, little grains of light began to float up out of nowhere. They gently settled onto the three injured men staring dazedly up at me, enveloping their bodies in light and healing their wounds. This miracle granted through devotion to the Gods, Holy Prayer, was really just a technique we called an orison. We of the Church were the only ones able to call upon this “divine grace”; it was all a scam, but those lights always looked beautiful all the same.
“If you bother me again, next time I’ll gouge out your eyes, cut off your ears and noses, and show you the end of days. Shall I do that to help you find your faith in the Gods?” I wasn’t threatening; I was simply offering a proposal.
The three dumbasses, having finally gotten a clue, fervently shook their heads no. Very well. For a large enough donation, anyone could go to the Church and receive a healing orison, but apparently these guys didn’t have that kind of money. They were practically different people from a few minutes ago—now, they looked ready to flee at a moment’s notice.
“Excuse me, please, everyone!” I announced loudly to the room, since this seemed like a good opportunity. “I’ve traveled to this city in search of the Hero! If anyone here can help me find him, please do let me know!”
I could hear the innkeeper chuckling behind the bar. I’d been trying to sound a little cute, but I couldn’t stand being laughed at.
I really wasn’t cut out for this... I grumpily sat back down at the bar, but before long, a commotion started around the entrance. Before I’d even turned to see what was happening, I smelled the scent of blood wafting into the room.
I silently tensed, instinctively preparing to take a combat stance, but then the crowd parted. As I saw the guys who’d been making a racket quietly returning to their seats, I realized who was standing in the middle of them.
“Hmm? What’s going on, boss? Why’s everyone all worked up?”
He was young. So much younger than I’d heard, basically just a kid. He was probably somewhere around my age. Peeking out under his hood was an androgynous face, one you could mistake for a girl’s at first glance. The Hero stepped forward and showed his gear to the innkeeper.
“Sorry, I got it all bloody again. Think it’ll come off okay?”
“If you’re tryin’ to test me out, you’ve picked up a lotta nerve, kid,” the innkeeper replied. “Bring it over later and I’ll take care of it.”
“Thanks.”
The stench of blood emanating from his whole body was thick enough to drown out any lingering traces of the holy ritual I’d just performed. For a moment, it felt as though the boy standing in front of me was death itself.
“Is... Is all of that demon blood?” I asked hesitantly.
“Huh...? Oh, yeah. Y’know. I mean, it’d be creepy if it was human blood, right?”
“Well... I suppose it would be, yes.”
As I gave an awkward nod, a pair of eyes looked me over with the innocent gaze of a wild beast.
“You’re not one of the nuns from in town. Did you wanna talk to me?” he asked.
In any case, I had to say something to keep the conversation going. I bowed my head in greeting. “It’s an honor to meet you, sir. I’ve come here on orders from Cardinal Salamanrius, of the Seven High Cardinals. My name is Alicia Snowell.”
“Alicia... Alicia...” the Hero muttered to himself a few times, confirming that the name didn’t ring any bells, and then held out his right hand.