“So, what do you think, N’Tem, do you want to go?” Kinn pressed.
Tem looked even more sheepish; he shrank back in his seat and turned to Jom for help. “What the hell is Kinn pressuring me for?” he whispered.
“Oh! Kinn!” Time suddenly shouted, looking up from his phone. Everyone turned to look at him. “Did you watch N’March’s new show?”
I furrowed my brow at the question. Kinn made a puzzled face, looking at Time like he didn’t understand what he was saying. “What are you talking about?” he asked cautiously.
“N’March! He’s in a new drama and he’s the second male lead. Look, he’s so cute!” Time shoved his phone screen at Kinn’s face, which made his expression darken further.
Tay elbowed Time and looked between Kinn and me. “Shit, Time, what are you saying?”
“Ow! I’m talking about N’March! Kinn said he was the best out of all his boytoys!”
I froze at Time’s words. My heart lurched, and a strange feeling welled up within me.
“The fuck, Time?! Stop spouting bullshit and be quiet!” Tay hissed, holding his boyfriend in a headlock and giving him a firm knock on the head.
“Shit, ow! What, I was just scrolling my Facebook feed and saw it!” Time protested loudly.
Kinn took a sip of his drink, acting indifferent. Meanwhile, my mood plummeted. What was wrong with me? Why did I feel so bad? That Tawan guy was still stuck in my thoughts, and now there was March, who was apparently best out of all Kinn’s hookups. Why does it feel like the more I get to know Kinn, the more I get hurt? Pain and tightness twisted together in my chest.
“I’m going to the bathroom,” I said to Tem and Jom, who were eyeing me in concern. I had to get my emotions under control. I didn’t want to accept what I was feeling right now—but deep down, I knew.
I went into the house and headed to my room, making a beeline for the sink to splash water on my face. I couldn’t get Tawan and March out of my head. I was struggling to accept that right now, I liked Kinn. I liked him so much that I was worried I might be in too deep. I’d started to care less about everything else around me and focus more and more on him. The hurt and confusion had begun to fade, replaced with something akin to infatuation. Maybe I was just getting carried away. I didn’t like myself like this—catching feelings for him.
I shouldn’t feel like this, right? How was I supposed to face myself?
“What’s wrong…?”
As soon as I stepped out of my room, I was met with the sound of Kinn’s voice. He’d been waiting for me outside my door, standing with his arms crossed.
“What?” I asked curtly, not meeting his eyes.
“When you’re done in there, I’ll take you out for dinner.” He reached over to hold my head, rocking it from side to side.
“I’m not going.” I twisted away and stared at him unhappily out of the corner of my eye.
“Don’t tell me you’re overthinking what Time said,” Kinn remarked as he tried to put his arms around my neck. I resisted, shaking my head. Kinn was getting more and more brazen with his affection these days. Wasn’t he ashamed to be seen by everyone else in this house?
“I’m not overthinking it. Let go of me,” I said, pushing him off. He pushed back, then bent down and…
Mwah! He kissed my cheek and quickly pulled away. I pushed at his chest and frowned, even though my heart was pounding and my face was heating up. I was surprised he’d dared to do something like that out in the middle of his house. You’re lucky there’s no one around, you jerk!
“The hell are you doing?!” I snapped.
“Apologizing,” he said, grinning.
“The fuck are you apologizing for?!”
“For making you jealous.”
I closed my eyes and sighed, forcing myself to voice my thoughts out loud. “…What are you to me—why would I have any right to be jealous?” Although I knew I felt jealous, how could I admit it? His actions were so obvious. I didn’t know if his apology made me feel any better.
Kinn raised his eyebrows like he hadn’t expected me to say that. Irritated, I purposely bumped into his shoulder as I headed back out into the garden. If he couldn’t say it, then I didn’t want to let him keep playing with my heart anymore.
I went back to my work without saying a word to anyone else, and nobody dared to ask me anything. A while later, Kinn came back to sit in his chair. I wasn’t paying attention to how often he looked at me or what expressions he was making; instead, I kept my head down and focused on getting my work done.
Almost the entire day passed like that, with people making small talk at the table and Pete, Arm, and Pol taking turns coming and going. They alternated between checking in on Tankhun and messing around with us, but I wasn’t in the mood to joke with anyone.
Do you ever feel uncertain like I do, Kinn? Or are you just teasing me, making a fool of me for your own twisted amusement? Fuck!
By the time evening rolled around we’d finished our reports, and Tay invited us all out for dinner. Although Tem whined about not wanting to go, all three of us got dragged along in the end. More importantly, we planned to go drinking after dinner—we all wanted to let loose after all that work.
Of course, when news of our outing reached Tankhun’s ears, he tagged along and brought his gaggle of guards with him. Porchay made a bit of a fuss about wanting to go with us, but he wasn’t old enough to drink, so he got dragged back into the house by Kim.
I’d been seeing Kim a lot recently. I heard him tell my brother that he got a new game, and they both went up to his room to play. While I looked at Kim suspiciously, it was good that the people here were looking out for my brother. I shouldn’t worry so much…