“Umm…I’m going to the restroom,” I said, getting no response from him. I just went to splash some water on my face, then went outside to light a cigarette. There was a small smoking area out back, decorated in a way that mimicked the restaurant’s interior. I took a long drag from my cigarette and looked at the array of flowers and Japanese-style flags adorning the area.
A brown corkboard hung on the wall outside, with photos tastefully pinned all over it. It caught my attention, so I checked it out, wondering who was meant to see these pictures.
My eyes swept over each photo; they were mainly shots of restaurant customers. One photo in particular stood out to me.
It was a picture of Kinn, Time, Tay, and Mew smiling cheerfully at the camera. I pursed my lips slightly, annoyed that he looked so happy eating with his friends but scowled when he was with me. Then I saw the photo next to it and frowned.
It was another photo of Kinn, but this time he was with Mek and another man. The other man was more cute than handsome—not just cute, but beautiful. He sat next to Kinn with their bodies leaning into each other, Kinn’s arm around his shoulders. They weren’t looking at the camera; instead, they were gazing at each other with broad smiles.
Something was written on the white border of the photograph. The ink had faded, but I could clearly read “Mek, Kinn, and Tawan.” There was also a drawing of a heart. I looked at the heart curiously and felt empty all of a sudden. The server had mentioned Mr. Tawan—who was he? And what was he to Kinn?
“Mr. Porsche?” One of the waitresses interrupted my thoughts. “Mr. Kinn is asking for you.”
I nodded at her, stubbed out my cigarette in the ashtray, and went back inside. I kept thinking about that picture, wondering who Tawan was.
When I reached our table, Kinn looked just as annoyed as when I’d left. “What took you so long?” he asked.
“I went out for a smoke.”
“Hurry up and finish eating. I want to leave soon,” he groused. His attitude was frustrating—judging by that photo, he was obviously capable of smiling.
“I’m full,” I replied brusquely, crossing my arms. The whole Tawan thing was getting to me. I wanted to ask about him, but I didn’t understand why I was so curious about the guy.
Kinn looked at the leftover food on the table, shook his head slightly, and called to the waitress, “Check, please.”
There wasn’t much food left, but it was still a shame that I no longer had the appetite to finish it.
As I expected, the bill came close to ten thousand baht. After Kinn paid with his credit card, we drove straight home in complete silence. Kinn didn’t even turn on the radio. The tension only made me more anxious, but if he wanted to give me the silent treatment, I could give it right back.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Kinn asked after pulling up at a red light. He sighed and pulled my head over to rest on his chest.
“Argh! Get off me!” I yelped, pushing him off and sitting up rigidly in my seat.
“What’s wrong?” he repeated. This time, he patted my head.
I jerked away from his touch. “What’s wrong with you?!” I yelled, fed up with his shit.
His demeanor turned as icy-cold as it had been in the restaurant. “I was…thinking about something,” he replied flatly.
I turned away from him and looked out the window. “Next time, don’t take me to a restaurant if you don’t want to go,” I said. Everything about him annoyed me—he always pissed me off.
Kinn sighed again and turned on the car’s audio. It connected to his phone and a song began to play. The intro was lively, and Kinn instantly hummed along to the tune. But it did nothing to improve my mood.
The car started moving again. I kept looking ahead at the road in front of me until I felt that the tense atmosphere had dissipated somewhat. Then, Kinn burst out singing the chorus of the song:
“I just have you, and that’s it. I don’t need anyone new. You’ve got me falling forever. Only you can make my life all right. You came in and brightened up my world. It’s better than I could have imagined… I can’t believe it!”20
I glanced over at Kinn. He alternated between looking at me and the road, and I smiled despite myself when his voice went out of tune at the last part of the chorus.
“Your voice is way off-key,” I ribbed him. Kinn just shrugged and started dancing to the “do do doo doo” part of the song.
“It got your attention, though,” he replied flirtatiously. I quickly looked away, blushing slightly. What the hell did he just say?
“Shut the fuck up!” I said, turning off the audio. I lowered my seat and pretended to be asleep. I never knew what to do when he flirted with me.
I heard Kinn chuckle quietly. I tried to control my breathing so I wouldn’t get more anxious, and eventually fell asleep for real.
When we arrived home, Kinn woke me up with a big kiss on my cheek—he loved doing that. I insisted on sleeping in my room tonight. There was no way he could convince me to sleep in his room. He merely smiled back at me, which made me suspicious. I wondered if he had any more dirty plans up his sleeve.
After I showered, I went looking for Chay. He said that he’d be in Tankhun’s room. I ran into Pete on the way, and he asked me to smoke with him in the garden instead.
“I’m telling you, your younger brother has become everyone’s favorite,” Pete said, taking a long drag of his cigarette and smiling at me.
I usually met up with Pete during our mealtimes or my smoke breaks, but we didn’t usually get the chance to talk much.
“Do you think all this is stressing him out?” I asked. “I’m afraid he might be depressed.” I knew how demoralizing it was to spend time with Tankhun.
“It’s better than him spending time with Mr. Kim,” Pete replied. “You don’t need to worry.”
“Should I rent an apartment for my brother? I don’t want him to grow up to be like Tankhun,” I said wearily, blowing cigarette smoke in his direction. Pete almost choked.
“What about you? I haven’t seen you around lately,” he said.
I gulped nervously. “Well, finals are coming up. I gotta study,” I mumbled.
Pete gave me a knowing smile. “Really?”
“Yeah, really! Anyway,” I quickly changed the subject, “I wanted to ask you something.”
“What about?”
“Who are Mek and Tawan? I mean, I know Mek was Kinn’s friend at some point. But what about Tawan? Is he his friend, too? I haven’t heard Kinn talk about him before.”
Pete’s cheerfulness disappeared. “Why do you want to know?”
“I just do,” I said.
Pete sighed. He looked very reluctant to answer. “What got you interested in them?”
“It’s just… I’ve been bumping into Mek a lot lately.”
“Mmm…how do I put this? Promise me that you won’t overthink it,” Pete said in a serious tone.
I frowned at him. “Why would I?”
“Well…you’ll find out eventually. Mr. Mek is Mr. Kinn’s friend. He’s also Mr. Tawan’s younger brother. And Mr. Tawan is…” Pete paused for a moment. I patiently waited for him to continue. “Mr. Tawan is Mr. Kinn’s ex-boyfriend.”
I was stunned.
“I don’t know why they broke up,” Pete continued. “All I know is that it ended badly. I haven’t seen Mr. Kinn enter a serious relationship with anyone since.”
I threw my cigarette into the ashtray. I was utterly shocked and confused.
“Are you all right?” Pete asked when I didn’t say anything.
“Yeah… Why wouldn’t I be?” I replied, trying to look as normal as possible.
“That’s good—”
Bzzzzzzt! The walkie-talkie cut Pete off before he could finish. He huffed and cursed. “That fucker! It hasn’t even been ten minutes!”
“Pete!” Tankhun’s voice came from the radio. “Where the hell are you? I went for a quick shower, and you disappeared. Didn’t I tell you to keep an eye on Porchay? Where is he? Find him for me, now!”
“I gotta go. My shithead boss is calling me,” Pete said, giving me a pat on my shoulder before running back into the house.
I stayed in the garden and thought about what Pete had just told me. I didn’t know what worried me more: that Kinn had an ex-boyfriend, or that Kinn hadn’t been in a serious relationship since.