She began playing the piano again. This time, the piece was Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata.
How long has it been since I was able to idly gaze at the moon and appreciate its beauty? Have I even been in the frame of mind to enjoy such a thing ever since all this horrible killing began?
“That’s just pointless bloodshed,” I said bitterly.
“Massacre is massacre, no matter what. It cannot be categorized as ‘good’ or ‘bad.’”
Samael wasn’t wrong about that. I was always making up reasons to justify the murders I’d committed. But no matter how many ways I tried to spin it, I had still killed people. The fact that I’d taken people’s lives wasn’t going to change.
I had always believed my battles were done for all the right reasons, but that could very well have been a mistake. Regardless of my intentions, I had eventually done as the collective consciousness bade me.
Massacre can’t be called “good” or “bad,” huh? You could say the same about war, too.
“Still, I refuse to surrender myself to the collective,” I declared. “I’m going to stay human, just the way I am now.”
“What a disappointment,” Samael said, her music becoming more plunky and dissonant. “Keep that up and you’re going to break your promise. Yes, the victory you promised the Swarm. Why make such an oath, then? Because you were afraid they’d eat you alive, right? Then you can just give up now. The Swarm is already loyal to you; they won’t oppose you anymore. But you already know that, don’t you?”
“I won’t betray the Swarm. Just as they wouldn’t betray me, I won’t turn my back on them. I’ll keep my promise, but in my own way.”
She was right. I fully understood how loyal they were. Even if I were to ignore my promise and turn a blind eye to the war, or turn up my nose at the deaths of countless Swarms, they would not retaliate.
Regardless, I would remain a woman of my word. I fully planned to grant them the victory they sought. Even if they were grotesque, inhuman monsters, I would make good on the promise I made to them.
“Oh, bother. I can see why Sandalphon’s so taken with you.” Samael lightly pressed a single key in exasperation. “But doing that would be utterly pointless. That whole world is pointless. It’s no different from a dream... No, perhaps that’s going too far. It’s a dream, but it’s also reality.”
She heaved a sigh and flicked her gaze to me.
“I’ll let you in on a little secret. Tell me, are your parents still alive?”
“Of course they are.”
Come to think of it, when was the last time I spoke to Mom and Dad again?
“Oh, now that’s just tragic. In truth, my dear, they’re both dead. And your mother...”
Samael rose from her seat and approached me, fixing me with her piercing gaze.
“Well, she died by your hand.”
As soon as those words left her lips, my mind went blank.
“Excuse me...?”
“You heard me. You killed her, you monster.”
No... but... Mom and Dad should still be alive! I couldn’t have killed them!
“You’re lying!” I shouted.
“No, I’m not. Your memories were just conveniently altered. Go on, look at the audience.” Samael gestured toward the rows of seats.
There sat a doctor, holding some documents and a biometric scanner. He was saying something—something I wasn’t willing to listen to. Deep down, I knew that I absolutely couldn’t let myself hear a word he said.
Yes, I knew that doctor. I knew who he was, despite knowing I’d never seen him before.
A sudden dizziness came over me. The world was swirling and tumbling around, as if I’d suddenly been tossed into a washing machine.
“See, you remember now. You killed your own mother.” Samael sneered at me. “You realize it now, don’t you? You’re a horrible human being, the worst kind of person imaginable. Do you understand how you can resort to murder as easily as you do? It’s because you’re the lowest of the low, a walking piece of human garbage. A natural-born killer.”
I crouched down and plugged my ears, trying to shut out Samael’s mocking words.
You’re wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong! I didn’t kill her. I didn’t, I didn’t!
“You’ve gone far enough, Samael.” A dignified voice echoed throughout the theater.
“Oh, Sandalphon. I’m surprised you found this place.”
“Devils like you are predictable creatures.” She glared at Samael.
“Sandalphon, I... I...” I stammered.
“Listen to me, _________. You did not kill your mother. You mustn’t lend an ear to this devil; she only seeks to fool humans and toy with their souls. Don’t trust a single word that leaves that forked tongue of hers.”
Sandalphon then pulled me into a gentle embrace. I didn’t really know who she was, but her presence was soothing. My heart had been riled up by Samael’s words, but it was now calming down because of Sandalphon’s kindness.
“Excuse me, Sandalphon, but I was merely stating the facts,” Samael said. “She killed her mother.”
“No. She did not,” Sandalphon retorted sharply. “_________, you’ve been leading a respectable life. You never neglect to keep your promises, even when the other party happens to be a legion of grotesque monsters. That’s something you should take pride in. Hang on to that virtue, no matter what malice might come your way.”
“I will.”
I wouldn’t neglect to lead the Swarm to the victory I’d promised them. I had made this vow to countless Swarms, to Sérignan, to Lysa and Roland. I had to fulfill it, even if they weren’t human like I was. If I abandoned them, I had a feeling Isabelle would turn over in her grave. She had hung on to her promise with us monsters to the bitter end, after all.
“No matter what agony may befall you, never forget your human heart. You mustn’t become too emotional. Always stay calm.”
“Yes, I understand.”
I’d lost so many people I cared about, so perhaps I’d become a little unstable as of late. While the emotions were valid, I still needed to get myself under control.
“Then let us meet again soon, _________. I promise I will save you from this devil’s malicious game. I swear it.”
As soon as Sandalphon finished her sentence, I felt myself sinking into darkness.
“But Sandalphon, did I really...”
Did I really not kill my mother?