“Have you been in contact with a bad person lately, Aki? I sense evil pulses emanating from you,” she asked.
“You’ve always been sensitive to that kind of thing. Way more than I am,” I said.
“Of course. As a hero protecting Japan’s peace, I must be keenly aware of the presence of evil so I can protect the weak,” said Hiro, then she nodded deeply.
“Evil,” huh...? The most obvious answer would probably be...Sensei. She was the only one I knew who’d fall under that category. I didn’t really consider her “evil” though; she was more like a “devil.” I could easily picture her usual look where she wryly and unnervingly chuckled as a shadowy aura flared around her. I couldn’t quite think of anything else that could be considered “evil,” but I couldn’t deny the possibility that she was sensing “evil” because I’d been in contact with monsters.
“Anyway, I’ve been meaning to ask. Have you been busy lately?” I said. “You’re never free after school these days.”
“Yeah, kaijins have been more active lately,” said Hiro. “They’ve been up to no good. You saw the news this morning, didn’t you?”
“Oh, yeah.”
A new terrorist organization had blown up a monument in front of a station. It was a common story, really, though I wasn’t sure why they hated symbols of the city like that. This world was full of its own problems it had to deal with, though none of them had to do with a regular nobody like me.
Hiro went on, “Just the other day, the person inside the Meowdine costume was attacked by Snow Crabbigon and King Crabbilas of Seafood Seven. Meowdine will be out of commission for a while.”
“So that’s what happened,” I said ponderingly.
“Yeah.”
Hiro seemed to be dealing with a lot. If I remembered correctly, Meowdine was a cat-themed stuffed animal mascot for her team. They usually helped evacuate civilians to safety or used loudspeakers to cheer on the other members. Wearing that stifling costume was tough in itself, but they also had to watch out for kaijin attacks. Their job must’ve been incredibly difficult. On TV, the subtitles often claimed they were working under the guidance of specialists and that they’d received advanced training, but I doubted that was true.
It was true that attacking the weakest link was a fundamental strategy in combat, but taking out someone who didn’t really make a difference in battle probably wasn’t going to cause any significant damage. What was up with that? I wondered if those kaijins really thought these things through before taking action. They probably didn’t, and that was why they’d been losing time and time again.
Also, there’s no “person inside” Meowdine. Don’t say things like that, Hiro.
“So, is that person okay?” I asked.
“Yeah, just some severe injuries is all,” said Hiro.
“I see. ‘Severe injuries,’ huh? I guess that’s better than being in critical condition— Wait, that doesn’t sound good at all! You make it sound like it’s okay just because they didn’t die.”
I couldn’t hide my resignation at Hiro’s immoral comment. Those “Even if I die, someone else will take my place” types of comments were only fine if you were talking about yourself, and it sounded really bad when you were talking about someone else. In fact, it was probably something a villain would say.
“So, we’re currently recruiting for someone to go in Meowdine. Why don’t you give it a try, Aki? Think of it like a part-time job. You get a decent hourly wage for it too.”
“I don’t want to risk my life for a part-time job,” I said. “Who would say yes after hearing what happened to the last person? It’s way too dangerous. Even factory workers would go pale if they heard about the rate of accidents on the job. Not worth it.”
“Don’t worry, Snow Crabbigon and King Crabbilas have already been defeated,” said Hiro.
“Oh, in that case—still no! That’s only three including Coconut Crabbie Z. There are still four kaijins left in the group, aren’t there?”
“Indeed. There are Don Tuna, Horsehair Crabbian Five, Crawfisher, and Death Lobster. They’re all formidable and surely itching to get revenge.”
“That’s even worse!” I pointed out, but Hiro just nodded to herself.
While the Seafood Seven was a strange group, there was the Meat Four before it, with members that had had incredibly similar and ridiculous names: Hamburg Sensei, Master Steak, Yakiniku Teacher, and Pork Cutlet Sifu. For some reason, this time we had Don Tuna, which was fish themed, with everyone else in the Seafood Seven having crustacean-themed names. And another thing, what was with Horsehair Crabbian Five? The “horse” part made it sound like it wasn’t even seafood related, and it was the only one with a number in its name.
“That reminds me, I heard Horsehair Crabbian Five was defeated,” said Hiro.
“You ‘heard’? Was it the work of some other hero?” I asked.
“Supposedly, some foreign girl with silver hair hit it with such a powerful palm strike that it went flying and exploded into several pieces.”
I fell silent. That sounded awfully familiar. I hadn’t watched it happen from start to finish, but when I’d brought Scrael to this world some time back, there’d been an incident where she’d hit a pervert with an Efflux Wave and blew them up. Maybe that was it.
“And just the other day, we were helped by some hero with dog ears and a tail. I’ve been meaning to thank them if we ever meet again,” Hiro went on.
I still said nothing. That was probably Eldrid, and I hadn’t realized the illusion magic had worn off at that point already. It would’ve been really bad if people hadn’t assumed she was a hero.
Suddenly, Hiro gave me an apologetic look and asked, “Anyway, there’s something I wanted to ask of you.”
“Yeah?” I asked.
“Well, I was hoping you’d...let me see your homework.”
“Whaaat? Again?”
“What am I supposed to do? I’ve been too busy doing hero work.”
“Are you sure it isn’t that you didn’t do it because you just didn’t understand the questions?” I asked.
“O-O-Of course not! Wh-What makes you think a hero protecting Japan would have trouble with mere homework?!” she said in a panic.
“I think you should calm down.”
Hiro was a terrible liar, and it took barely any prodding to get her to slip up. I wondered if she hadn’t expected me to call her out. She really should’ve thought about possible responses ahead of time because she was so bad at this.
“Come on, Aki,” pleaded Hiro. “A hero should always help a friend in need, don’t you think?”
“I don’t remember ever becoming a hero,” I said.
“Oh, but you are. You’ve saved me so many times by showing me your homework in the past. In a way, it’s thanks to you that Japan’s peace has been upheld. So, you can say you’re a hero too.”
“Get out of here with your silly syllogism,” I said. “You’re making words like ‘peace’ and ‘hero’ sound cheap.”
If the world could be saved by doing homework, there’d be peace all the time. After all, there were far more people who did homework than those who didn’t. Maybe that peace was offset by everyone’s sins of cramming all the homework into the last three days of summer break though.
“Well, I guess I don’t mind. Which part did you have trouble with?” I asked.
“Here. The part where you need to write out the kanji,” said Hiro.
“Couldn’t you...just do this yourself?”
“But I don’t know these kanji.”
“I mean, you can just look it up in a dictionary,” I pointed out.
“What are you saying? Looking it up in a dictionary would be dishonest. It’s cheating!” proclaimed Hiro, striking a heroic pose.
“What? You’re supposed to look it up in a dictionary! It’s writing practice to help you learn,” I explained.
“The teacher never said that.”
“That’s because it’s common sense.”
“Really? Ugh, I had no idea...”
“Come on, Hiro.”
Yes, my childhood friend Hiro had a strong sense of justice, but she was a huge numbskull. She hated dishonesty, unfairness, and cheating, so this type of thing happened often. She really should help herself before helping others, if you asked me.
“Here, I’ll lend you my kanji dictionary,” I offered.
“Gah, my head starts to hurt whenever I open it for some reason...”
“It’s just your imagination. You should start working on it when we get to school. I’ll give you emotional support,” I said.
“I want the answers, not emotional support...”
“Don’t give up before putting in any effort,” I said, resigned. Then I took the souvenir I’d brought from Do-Melta out of my bag. “Oh yeah, these are for you.”
“What are these?”
“They’re nuts. Try snacking on them sometime.”