Chapter 9

CHAPTER 4 A Drunken Mother’s Circumstances
The_Two_Leading_Roles. 1 In Academy City, one could describe ten PM as relatively late. After all, the last trains and buses here lined up with the final school closing time. Many stores closed at the same time as well, so it always started to feel like only stores geared toward adults were open at this point in the day. Anti-Skill, the city’s peacekeeping force of teachers-slash-police officers, patrolled the streets, so unless you were going out with the expectation of being guided to your destination, regular students would be staying in their dorms. On the other hand, the delinquents were condensed into this time period of Academy City. If a normal student was to go out without taking proper care, they would easily get wrapped up in some “minor trouble.” And through this night echoed the clapping sound of a crutch. It was Accelerator. Great… Thanks to my “overtime,” it’s gotten real late… He wouldn’t be returning to Aiho Yomikawa’s apartment. He also wasn’t going back to a dormitory of Nagatenjouki Academy, despite being a registered student, on paper. Instead, he was headed for a building called by the code name nap room among Group. Still, it wasn’t exactly a rule that Group had. Motoharu Tsuchimikado went to a normal high school and lived in a student dorm, while Awaki Musujime was apparently freeloading at a nosy female teacher’s place. Accelerator didn’t hear much about Mitsuki Unabara, but he’d heard he’d put together a place for himself on his own. It seemed they generally had the freedom to be out and about, just as long as they didn’t make too much of a commotion on the front stage. The higher-ups had never come to Group to complain about their living arrangements. It didn’t matter to Accelerator what the other members were doing or where, and they probably felt the same way toward him. If he was being brutally honest, as long as it didn’t negatively affect him at all, it would be no skin off his back if the organization called Group was destroyed right this moment. That certainly would make things simpler, Accelerator admitted to himself. The times of awkwardly making friends to change things for the better were at an end. “Ugh. Guess I’ll stop by a convenience store and grab a coffee or something…” The can he was currently drinking from was nearly empty. Deciding he’d replace it with a new one, Accelerator slightly altered his course. And then, as he let the fluorescent lights creating Academy City’s motley nightscape guide him toward the convenience store on the first floor of a nearby multipurpose building— “Uh, unh…” —he suddenly heard what sounded like sleep talk from right next to him. But there couldn’t have been anyone there. After all, it was just a red mailbox. Nothing but a metallic mailbox, which he doubted really served any purpose in this age of e-mail. It certainly wasn’t a bed. And yet. “Uh, urgh… I feel sick…” A strange, drunken woman lay there, rubbing her cheek against the mailbox’s pillar, cradling it with both hands like a body pillow. She was probably around college age or so. She wore a simple button-down shirt and slim black slacks…but they were probably somewhat expensive brands. Plus, a small handbag had been dropped a short distance away, which appeared to have had nothing in it but a wallet. Her entire body was almost threatening “Try something if you dare.” She seemed so helpless, it probably made would-be attackers hesitate instead. Deciding to get himself to the store, Accelerator started to pass her by. Hmm? Wait, her face—have I seen it somewhere before…? Accelerator stopped in his tracks. He checked the drunk college student’s face again. Brown shoulder-length hair and a face with pretty features. Her eyes were closed, but he could easily imagine they’d be brimming with energy. Her height and proportions could not be more different, but in them, oddly, he still glimpsed that girl. It couldn’t have been Last Order’s family. Nobody like this existed among the clone espers, either. …Who is she? Is it just coincidence they look so similar…? Letting his curiosity get the better of him, Accelerator went up for a closer look at the woman’s face. “Ahhh… Hello, hello, Misuzu Misaka here…” Suddenly the drunk woman’s eyes blinked open, and then her arms were around Accelerator. Her movements were sluggish, but Accelerator was also on a crutch. They both fell to the dirty road. The woman, who was holding him by the waist, didn’t seem the least bit concerned about how her body was clinging to his. “My hobby is studying number theory, my talent is swimming, and my bust is ninety-one centimeters… Wait, I can’t. I just remembered I’m married. I’d feel bad for my hubby, so quit touching me like we’re buddies!” After saying that, she pushed Accelerator away, then plopped down into a sitting position a few steps away. For a moment, he had the impulse to pump a lead bullet into her head. “Wait… Where’s the Dangai University database center again? You, the boy who’s all white. You have any idea?” The drunk woman, however, was at this point unstoppable. It could have been the General Board chairperson or the president of the United States; she’d blather on drunkenly at this point to anyone. This… This is so dumb, it’s gonna ruin my reputation… I should get to the store, buy a coffee, and go home. Who cares about this woman? Accelerator, using his crutch for support, slowly stood up. After patting the dirt off his pants with his other hand, he sighed, then began to step away. “Hey, wait, don’t be so mean. Stop freaking ignoring me, you colorless runt…” She latched on to his ankles. With a loud grunt, Accelerator fell over again. The strange drunk woman began to climb on top of him. “Look, I’m a bisexual-disaster cougar, let me kiss you…” “You’ve been spouting nonsense this entire time!!” Accelerator shouted reflexively, then realized his mistake. He looked at the drunk woman’s face; now that she finally had someone to talk to, she had a positively awful smile. “I just wanted to know, where’s the Dangai University database center again? Misuzu, you see, she needs to go and study there now. Because she’s got reports to do. Belch.” Accelerator managed to hold back the wave of anger about to escape him in the form of God, you reek!! “I don’t fucking know! Go get a taxi or something!!” “Ah. How do I get a taxi again?” Right on time, fortunately, a taxi passed by. Accelerator, still on the ground and mostly pinned there, got a hand up to wave the vehicle down. The taxi came to a smooth stop, and for some reason, the older man in the driver’s seat burst out of it. “Are…are you all right?! Is this a crime in progress?!” “Anyone else bothers me today, and I’ll kill every last one of you…,” muttered Accelerator in a low voice, shoving the drunk woman leaning against him to the side. Ignoring the strange woman as she said “Wait, hey, the taxi…,” he shouted to the driver, “You’re on your own now!!” and this time, for real, started walking away. He didn’t care about the convenience store or getting another can of coffee anymore. For now, he just wanted to get away from that drunk as soon as possible. Even Academy City’s strongest esper was human, bound to have at least one thing he couldn’t handle. 2 “Well, that’s why I’m saying I think even croquettes should be part of hot pot,” explained Touma Kamijou to Index, who walked next to him. They’d left the sukiyaki restaurant, parted ways with his classmates, and were now going back to the dorm. They’d stopped at a convenience store on the way back, so the other boys living in the same dorm were gone, too—of course, he couldn’t have anyone knowing Index was living with him, so he had needed to stagger their arrival time somehow. “You, like, put a portable stove on the table, then put a pot with oil on it, then put the pre-breaded ingredients into the oil ahead of time. Wouldn’t that taste the best? It would take some time, but you can eat your other add-ins while you wait. Then you’d have ready-fried croquettes waiting for you.” “But I think all foods taste best right when they’re finished.” “I mean, you’re not wrong.” “What?! Wait, in that case, wouldn’t food taste best if you made it in front of me, and then I ate it all?! This… This is a major discovery, Touma!!” “Give me a break!! I wouldn’t get to eat a single bite of it then!!” Kamijou made the argument anyone would make, but all Index (and the calico) did was sulk, complaining (and meowing) about how good the plan was. He wasn’t feeling like cooking, so he decided on an extremely irresponsible counterattack of just eating frozen food for breakfast tomorrow. But then, he suddenly spotted a taxi in their path, parked on the side of the road. Its yellow blinkers were flashing, the back door was wide open, and for some reason, the upper half of a woman who looked college age was hanging out of it. The woman was smooshed onto the road, face-first, and a middle-aged man who appeared to be the driver was arguing with her. “Ma’am, we can’t move if you keep the door open like that.” “What’d you say to me? Are you challenging the all-Japan half-open-door alliance, damn it?!” “Yes, yes, well, I’m sure you’re the only member of that particular alliance. I’m getting tired of listening to you, so please, get in your seat already.” “What was that?! Now I’m gonna be stubborn and not get back in. Heh-heh.” Kamijou heard a completely nonsensical conversation between the driver and the woman. Yikes, what an awful customer!! Kamijou debated changing their route. That person wasn’t the type who enjoyed conversation; this was the type who enjoyed attention, regardless of who or how. In the unlikely event that Kamijou ended up getting involved, that would without a doubt wrap him up in one troublesome incident after another—all the way until morning came and the woman sobered up. If there was any kind of person Kamijou, who was already drowning in rotten luck on a daily basis, wanted to stay away from, it was her. “Hmm?” The drunk woman’s head flopped over to look his way. Her lower body was still in the taxi, and her upper body was still stuck to the ground. “Ahhh, ahhh! You’re Kamijou, right? Kamijou!!” Kamijou’s shoulders lurched in surprise. How did she know his name?! He looked at her again and realized it was Misuzu Misaka, a woman he’d met during the Daihasei Festival. The mother of Mikoto, that sparky middle school student. “…Well, I guess if it’s her family, I’m not surprised about this.” The comment was rude to everyone involved, but when Misuzu heard it, she simply flashed a slack grin. “Wow, the Earth’s gravity sure is crazy, huh?” “What?” “Feels like Miss Misuzu doesn’t need anything else. She’s going to sleep now, so good night, mnn.” Kamijou heard what honestly sounded like a snore, so he wondered if he should wake her up. But before he could, Misuzu’s eyes shot open. “Whoa, wait. Didn’t stretch or even rub on any lotion! Damn, stop puttin’ in the effort, and your skin’ll feel it, huh? After all, I’m mothering an only child!! Urgh—I think I’m gonna be sick?!” Kamijou swore to himself he’d never give Mikoto any alcohol. Besides, minors were forbidden from imbibing by law. Meanwhile, the taxi driver looked at him with eyes sparkling like diamonds that seemed to say “I’m… I’m saved! The drunk’s guardian has finally shown up!!” but Kamijou couldn’t accept that. Misuzu, for her part, seemed to have shifted her attention from the driver to himself. She remained in her current position, lower half sticking in the car and upper half lying on the road. “Hff, hff. I can’t…can’t stand…” She seemed to be trying to get up, but she wasn’t moving any of the right muscles—actually, she looked just like a fur seal at the aquarium. I don’t want to get close, but can I leave her…? thought Kamijou, carelessly moving to her side. And that was when Misuzu latched on to him with all her might. “Awright!! I caught a younger boy!!” “Gwaaahhh?!” The squeezing might have made his heart skip a beat, but Misuzu didn’t seem like she was the type to skip regular exercise; instead, he heard an odd cracking noise coming from near his spine. “What are you doing out so late? What happened to my little Mikoto anyway? Belch.” “Guah! A breath attack?!” “Huhhh? Isn’t a mom sexy when she smells like alcohol and her eyes are all drowsy?” “None of those are a plus!! H-help me, Index!!” Kamijou immediately requested assistance, but Index just stared at him with incredibly cold eyes for some reason, not bothering to lend him any help at all. The calico in her arms, unable to cope—for once—with the stench of alcohol, was struggling. Misuzu gazed at Index with vapid eyes. “By the way, who was she again? Introduction, pweez!” “H-hmph. I don’t have any name to give to someone like you.” “What’d you say, punk?! Introduce yourself this instant or my fingers are going up your nose!!” “Waaah! Index! My name’s Index!” And thus, even Index, second to none in throwing her weight about, found herself unable to resist the Misuzu typhoon currently tossing her around. “Hey, where’s the Dangai University database center again?” “What?” “You know! The database facility where they gather all that programming-related information, like AI and arithmetic software and stuff.” “N-no, I wasn’t asking for an explanation of the database center. Um, Dangai University? I think it’s…” “Oh, right, want to trade numbers and e-mails?” “That was sudden!” “I bet you already did with my cute Mikoto. Let me be part of the group, too! Anyway, here’s my e-mail…” Misuzu rattled off a series of letters and numbers. The e-mail address that Mikoto had only obtained through copious sweat and tears and a grand plan to upgrade her phone had just been seized by her mother in a mere three minutes.