"What?! Aren't I the strongest?! How could I not eat food here? Yes?" cried Brother Phillippo of the Department of Inquisition, also known as "the round eel."
The van that was stopped outside of the Palazzo Spada was outfitted with a mountain of surveillance equipment. It also was currently carrying four special agents. There was barely room to breathe. Even so, the smallest of them crossed his short legs, taking up enough space for two, as if he had all the authority in the world. Just as he was about to say more, something caught his eye. "Hey! You!"
The special agent was glaring at what had only recently been four pastries but had now been squished into a big ball. He glared at the young corporal in indignation; spit flew from Phillippo's mouth as he raged: "What is this? This is pumpkin pie."
"Yes, that's right. Your Honor told us to go and buy pie." "Idiots! When you're told to buy pie, we always mean eel pie! Cretins! You should know what the chief likes without us having to tell you!"
"I'm sorry. I'll go and buy some more!" "Do it quick! If you make this mistake again, you'll hang for it. Damn, I'm surrounded by idiots." Phillippo continued with the insults as he swallowed the pie whole.
"And why the hell did Paula make us do this boring job? I bet she's just jealous of my ability."
It had been three hours since they had started the watch for the Ministry of Holy Affairs. Phillippo had been sitting down so long that he felt like his butt had worn a groove in the seat. He knew that they were stuck there until the people they were watching made a move.
"Crap, look at that. I'm going to finish this here. When I take that idiot, Petro, down and rise to the head of the department, then I'm going to get that woman back. Mwahaha!"
"Umm. Your Honor?"
While the round eel was still lost in his thoughts of what he would do when he was more powerful than his bosses, someone disturbed him from behind. One of the special agent's face muscles stiffened. He had noticed something in his binoculars.
"There's a car coming out. A black sedan... It's an AX Agent driving!"
"WHAAAT?!" Phillippo grabbed the binoculars off the agent and peered into them. There was indeed a black sedan emerging from the front gate of Palazzo Spada. At the wheel, with a pipe in his mouth, was a middle aged man. In the front passenger seat and backseats were the shadows of other people, one of them smaller.
"Crap! Follow them! Hurry!" Phillippo continued to watch the accelerating sedan drive off. He kicked the driver's seat in his own vehicle. "Mwahahaha! Got you now!" Phillippo let out a shrill laugh and held on tight to prevent himself from being thrown out of his seat as the van raced after the sedan.
The speeding sedan was headed east toward Caelian Hill. Located there was the Lateran Palace—a cathedral that was one of the Vatican's palaces—the very building in which Caterina was incarcerated. Phillippo had no doubt that they were headed to save their leader.
Even so, he had not expected them to act so quickly. They had been waiting for them to try and save her but had thought they might need to push them into acting.
"Hey, hey! This is going to be my moment! The start of my glorious reign!" Phillippo started to gloat and snort in glee. He was certain that now he was going to get a chance to do all those things he had been imagining. He cheered on his staff, the eel pie incident now entirely forgotten. "We're going to get so much credit for this. If you work hard here, then when I'm made Chief, I'll make sure that you all got your dues! Mwahahaha... Harrumph?!" His laughter and celebration was abruptly cut short. The van came to a screeching halt. There was the smell of burning rubber. Phillippo's stumpy body was thrown sharply forward, out of his seat.
"Crap! That hurt! Why the hell did you stop like that?!"
"I'm sorry! They suddenly—
The driver was cut short by Phillippo hitting him over the head, but it was as he had tried to say: the sedan had suddenly pulled to the side of the road. There was still a ways to go to the Lateran Palace, though. Perhaps there was a problem with the engine? The middle-aged man who got out of the sedan seemed calm. He lit up his pipe and then slowly walked over to Phillippo's van.
"Has he noticed us?!" Phillippo ducked his head.
The man who was now standing right next to Phillippo's van casually knocked on the window. "I can see you've been hard at work. Being special agents at the Department of Inquisition must be strenuous. Why don't you come and take some tea with us?"
"TEA?" Phillippo thought this must be a trick. Were they trying to trap him?
However, the fact of the matter was, he had been discovered. Phillippo decided that he needed to find the right moment to make his escape and leave his staff to this. He opened the door.
"Heh heh heh. You are an idiot, Officer." Phillippo smiled, full of confidence. "It is useless to try and save your leader. You are totally surrounded. I suggest you surrender quietly. Yes?" Phillippo tried to maintain the bluff that he was in control of this situation.
"What?" Professor shrugged his shoulders exaggeratedly and looked down at the Inquisition officer as if he had found some mysterious, new creature. "I don't understand. I was just offering you some afternoon tea. Save Duchess of Milan? How would I manage that? By myself?"
"Bwaha! Don't play innocent with me! You're not going to trick me with offers of tea! I know you're all in there!"
"All?" The priest pulled a quizzical face as he looked down at the Inquisition officer. "I really have no idea what you're talking about. Are you talking about her?"
It was at exactly that time that the backdoor of the sedan opened. A small person got out.
"Umm... Professor Wordsworth, is this wig all right?"
Phillippo looked over to see a nun wearing a men's cassock and a wig.
Professor nodded. "You're doing a good job, Sister. Could I ask you to clear away the Doll on the passenger seat?"
"What?"
Phillippo looked on in disbelief as the Doll was taken off the passenger seat and the air let out of it. Professor seemed satisfied when this was done.
"It's one of those new Dolls to discourage thieves. You can never be too careful these days. Why, the other day..."
But Phillippo wasn't listening to the self-satisfied Professor anymore. He grabbed at the wig and saw it was only a cheap costume hair that could have been purchased anywhere. He pursed his lips. "You were a decoy. Damn you!"
He'd been tricked! The round eel went perfectly pale.
Professor smiled gently again. "Oh, my. I don't know what happened, but you shouldn't let it get to you. Are you sure you wouldn't like a cup of tea?"