Gu Fei’s head pitched forward, sending his face smashing solidly onto the keyboard.
“Fuck!” he cursed as a wave of pain surged into his nose. He covered it with one hand and spent a good few minutes reeling.
He never usually got this sleepy editing photos late into the night. It came as a total shock to realize he’d fallen asleep with the mouse in his hand, so completely zonked that he’d smashed his face right into the keyboard.
But it wasn’t the type of drowsiness he usually felt in class, the kind where sleep threatened to overcome him the moment he stopped using his phone. Nor was it the same fatigue he’d get from working all day and then having to skateboard with Gu Miao or fight with his mom.
It was more like the complete relaxation one felt after a much-needed release.
When his nose felt a little better, he smoothed his hand over the keyboard. It was such an upright and handsome nose, he was worried it might break the keyboard.
Today certainly had been a kind of release. It was the first time in all these years that he had told someone his true feelings, and the first time he’d cried in front of another person in such an uninhibited, unreserved way. Even though Jiang Cheng had kind of forced it out of him, he had to admit that he suddenly felt much lighter.
It was just like jumping hurdles, where you didn’t know if you’d make it, whether you’d land on the other side or on the ground, uninjured or with a broken leg—taking those first steps was the hardest part. There was a sudden relief when the jump was over with, and all the anxiety over what might happen afterward would vanish.
Deciding to speak was the hardest part, but once the first words were spoken, nearly all the pressure faded.
The irresolvable problem of his future, and his worries that voicing these troubles would only add to Jiang Cheng’s burden… All that had been cleared away, too.
Tomorrow… Gu Fei picked up his phone, opened the Fourth High forum, hesitated, and then closed it again. He didn’t need to wait until tomorrow. The forum must’ve been exploding since this afternoon.
The students of Fourth High always had far too much time on their hands. Endless discussions and discourse bubbled on the forum day in and day out. There were even posts about the love lives of teachers, including bets on whether their relationships would last and how long they would take to split up. A headline like “Gu Fei the composer” would probably keep them busy a whole week.
After Gu Fei had left the auditorium today, he’d thought about Jiang Cheng’s reaction. He didn’t want to disappoint Jiang Cheng, but while he could ignore the inevitable exclamations in the student forum, all those gazes of shock and amazement were too much for him to bear in person—it was impossible for him to sit still.
I didn’t know Gu Fei could do that! Can you believe Gu Fei’s talent?!
The constant feeling of being reminded was unbearable. Besides, he’d gotten so used to evading other students’ looks all these years that when he heard the words “composition by Gu Fei,” the feeling of being unwittingly exposed again threw him into a sudden panic.
He didn’t have time to think about how Jiang Cheng would feel seeing him leave. He’d practically bolted out of the auditorium like he was running for his life.
Jiang Cheng had spent a long time preparing for this performance and devoted a lot of effort to it—he knew that. He couldn’t bear to imagine just how disappointed Jiang Cheng had been when he saw that empty seat. When Jiang Cheng yelled at him by the river, he wasn’t even a little bit angry or annoyed. All he felt was complete helplessness and heartache.
He ached for Jiang Cheng, who was grabbing for him like he was holding on to the last bit of straw to keep himself from sinking. And even then, Jiang Cheng couldn’t obtain the sense of security he was truly after, the feeling of landing on solid ground.
Gu Fei let out a soft sigh and glanced at the time on his phone. It was past midnight. The overachiever was probably still immersed in the grand endeavor of preparing for his exams. He decided to wait until one a.m. to text him.
He heard the sound of the living room door opening outside—his mom was home. Gu Fei was a little surprised. If his mom wasn’t back by this time of night, she’d usually be spending the night at some boyfriend’s house.
He frowned, put down his phone, and walked out of his room.
His mom was changing her shoes at the door. “You’re not in bed yet?” she said without looking up.
Gu Fei watched her. “Not yet. I didn’t think you’d come back tonight.”
“Where can I go if not back here?!” she said haughtily, then grabbed her bag and stomped toward her bedroom.
Gu Fei swept a glance over her face, then grabbed her arm. “What happened to your face?”
“Nothing,” she said, turning away. “Go back to whatever you were doing.”
Wordlessly, Gu Fei lifted the hair covering her face. “Is this from your boyfriend?”
“Hey!” His mom roughly shook off his hand. Turning around, she walked away and pushed open her bedroom door. “Mind your own business!”
By the time Gu Fei reached her door, she had already shut it. He tried the knob twice, but it didn’t budge.
“Haven’t you had enough,” Gu Fei said in a low voice, “of getting beaten by men?!”
There was no response from inside the room; all was quiet.
“Have you been beaten stupid?!” Gu Fei could not for the life of him describe how he felt right now. “Open up!”
The door opened. His mom stood in the doorway, pointing a finger at him. “Say that one more time!” Her hair was tucked behind her ears now, giving him a much better view of the bruises on her face.
“I asked you, haven’t you had enough of being beaten by men?!” Gu Fei demanded.
She slapped him square on his cheek. “What did you say?!” Gu Fei could’ve dodged it, but he didn’t. The slap landed on his face loud and clear. “What did you say?!” she repeated, tears glistening in her eyes.
“Haven’t you had enough of being beaten by men?” Gu Fei said again. His cheek felt hot, but these trivial sensations were nothing compared to the unforgettable horror of the memories those bruises evoked.
“How was I supposed to know he was going to hit me?!” she exclaimed, bursting into tears. “He was so good to me! How was I supposed to know he’d get violent?!”
“Do you not have eyes? Don’t you know how to read people? Don’t you have any sense of judgment? Do you really need him to beat you to know that he’s not a good person?” Gu Fei questioned her relentlessly, his voice shaking. “How old are you now? You’re not a kid anymore—do you expect to hold on to your naive little fantasy forever? Even teenage girls have better judgment than you do!”
“What’s wrong with acting like a teenage girl?!” She shoved him hard. “What’s wrong with me acting like a teenager?! I was with your father ever since I was a teenager! I’ve never had a chance to act young! He’s dead now! Don’t I get to be a kid?! That’s all I want! I wanna be a teenage girl forever! He’s dead and gone, but who’s going to give me back my lost youth, huh?! Who’s going to pay?!”
Gu Fei watched her in silence.
“I’ve asked you the same thing before, right?” she said, staring back at him. “And you told me to get it back myself, right? So this is me getting it back! Okay? I’m trying to make it up to myself!”
Gu Fei stared at her for a long time, then turned and walked away to his own room.
“Da-Fei…” his mother called after him. “Da-Fei.” He turned around. “Have you had enough of me?” she asked.
“Yes,” Gu Fei replied.
“You would’ve gone and left me behind if it wasn’t for Er-Miao,” she said as she wiped at her tears. “You would’ve left me behind a long time ago. If I don’t have a boyfriend, I’ll be all alone sooner or later, and I’ll die a lonely old hag.”