“I will keep liking you until the day you don’t need me to anymore,” Gu Fei said as he maintained his hold. “I said that, didn’t I?”
“You did,” Jiang Cheng answered.
“Then why’d you say you don’t remember?” Gu Fei asked.
“I was fucking mad,” Jiang Cheng said. “I don’t remember anything when I’m mad. What, you got a problem with that? If you do, keep it to yourself!”
Gu Fei opened his mouth, but nothing came out, so he closed it again.
“That’s how unreasonable I am, and if you can’t accept that, keep that to yourself, too,” Jiang Cheng said with a frown. He was quiet for a while before looking at Gu Fei again. “I thought it was sweet talk at first. It sounded oh-so-charming when I first heard it, but it doesn’t hold up to scrutiny.”
“Hmm?” Gu Fei took his arm off of Jiang Cheng’s neck and leaned down to kiss him.
“In fact, what you meant was, if I ever wanted to break up with you, you’d just accept it, right?” Jiang Cheng said, holding his gaze. “So I hold all the cards.”
Gu Fei didn’t answer, just leaned down and kissed him again.
“On the surface, it looks like the choice is all mine, but you, sir, are not the passive one at all.” Jiang Cheng side-eyed him. “You can just come and go without a care, huh?”
Gu Fei sighed. “If you really don’t want to be with me anymore one day, what’s the point in relentlessly hanging on?”
“That might be the case in theory…” Jiang Cheng reached up and chomped down on Gu Fei’s chin.
“Hey!” Gu Fei was startled, but he didn’t dare move. It was a big, forceful bite. Gu Fei wondered if he’d somehow gotten a chin extension in his sleep at some point, for it to be so easily, precisely, and viciously targeted like this.
Jiang Cheng held on for a whole ten seconds before he finally let go and dropped his head back onto the pillow. “Gu Fei, let me tell you something.”
“Okay.” Gu Fei nodded.
“Maybe I haven’t thought about it as fully as you have—I just want to go one step at a time, dealing with problems as they arise. A guy’s gotta have something to look forward to—in relationships and in life. You gotta have a direction first in order to know what you’re gonna do,” Jiang Cheng said. “That’s how it is for me, at least.”
“Mm.” Gu Fei nodded again.
“When I set out to do something, I don’t like to preemptively label it as impossible right off the bat, you know what I mean?”
Gu Fei looked at him. “I do.”
“I don’t have anything more to say on the subject. Just promise me one thing,” he said, staring into Gu Fei’s eyes.
“Go on.” Gu Fei met his gaze squarely.
“Don’t let go,” Jiang Cheng said. “Don’t just walk away without a second thought as soon as I say ‘Forget it.’ Hang on for a little while longer, okay? What if I change my mind and turn around, but you’re not there anymore?”
Gu Fei suddenly felt a twinge in his nose. He drew in a deep breath and forced down the uncomfortable emotions. He didn’t want to cry in front of Jiang Cheng. “All right,” he said with a nod. “But you also have to promise me something.”
“What?” Jiang Cheng asked.
“I don’t like it when people make sacrifices for me or give something up because of me.” This was probably the most candid thing he could say to Jiang Cheng. “I don’t need it. You walk whatever path you need to. Don’t stop. Do you understand? Sympathy, sacrifice, all of that stuff just puts pressure on me. It’ll make me feel tired.”
“Understood.” Jiang Cheng pinched Gu Fei’s chin. “I won’t be distracted from my goals.”
Gu Fei smiled.
“Do you think you’re really light or something?” Jiang Cheng asked.
“Hm?” Gu Fei blinked, confused.
“Even if you only weigh fifty pounds, have you considered how much a knee weighs when it’s pressed on a human hand? I can do the math for you.”
Laughing, Gu Fei finally moved his leg off of Jiang Cheng’s hand.
“I’m going to get revenge,” Jiang Cheng said.
“Sure,” Gu Fei said. “How? Pin my hand down for five minutes with your fifty-five-pound leg?”
“Fuck you for a whole period.” Jiang Cheng grabbed Gu Fei’s shoulder and rolled himself on top of him. “With my five-foot-eleven Chengcheng Junior.”
“…You got a ruler? I’d like to see if Chengcheng Junior is really five foot eleven.” Gu Fei chuckled.
Jiang Cheng leaned in to whisper in Gu Fei’s ear. “Has your, uh, you-know-what recovered yet?”
“My what?” Gu Fei asked, still laughing.
“Thine ass.” Jiang Cheng clicked his tongue. “Don’t play dumb.”
“Ah.” Gu Fei laughed even harder. “It’s recovered. Would your lordship like to use it?”
“Fucking hell.” Jiang Cheng straddled him and slapped his arm. “You really are begging to be screwed.”
“Hurry up and screw me, then.” Gu Fei thrust his hips. He trailed his fingertip down Jiang Cheng’s abdomen to tug on his waistband. “Do you want me to pass on some wisdom?”
“I’ve always been a quick learner,” Jiang Cheng said as he grabbed Gu Fei’s wrists with one hand and pinned them above his head.
In a relationship, a lot of things could be resolved with sex.
In fact, Jiang Cheng thought their talk today hadn’t actually resolved any real problem. The answer he was after… Hell, he didn’t even remember what kind of answer he was after. And likewise, he suddenly didn’t care that much about the explanations Gu Fei offered him anymore.
On a certain level, he and Gu Fei were actually contradicting each other. But then again, they’d given each other a promise—even if what they promised was at odds with what they’d each asked for.
Perhaps all he’d needed was to vent, to let out some steam mentally and physically. To say, I have some thoughts I need you to know. I have some desires I need you to shoulder.
Of course, Jiang Cheng knew that some things had no solution at this moment, but hey—they were still together.