“Hey. I think I love you.”
“…What?”
The way Ai first confessed to me in junior high was completely out of the blue. My eyes were probably bugging out of my head.
“Wh-when you say love, do you mean like…romantic love?”
Ai’s cheeks were slightly pink as she nodded. Her silky black hair swayed in sync with her movements. “Yeah… And I was hoping we could, you know…be together from now on.”
“Oh…”
My heart hammered like crazy in my chest. I was attracted to Ai, too. I loved the way she wandered around, free as a butterfly.
My throat suddenly went bone-dry, but I somehow managed to push out a reply. “So…should we go out, then?”
Her whole face lit up into a bright smile. “Yeah! I’d love that, Yuzuru!”
I still remember that day like it was yesterday.
“My dad’s job transferred him to Kansai when we were in junior high, but now we’re back here again.”
“Oh.”
“I registered here ’cause it was the closest high school to our new house, but I never thought you’d be going to the same place.”
“Oh… Yeah.”
Ai walked by my side, chatting away happily. As for me, I still wasn’t sure how to respond, so I just kept giving her noncommittal replies.
I hadn’t seen Ai in a long time, and although she seemed a bit different, the way she talked and her lively facial expressions were exactly how I remembered.
All of a sudden, she stopped and peered at my profile. “Is something wrong? Did you not want to see me again or something?”
The moment I saw her eyes waver anxiously, I tore my gaze away. “No, that’s not it…” Even as I spoke, I found myself secretly wondering if maybe she was right. Maybe I didn’t want to see her again.
I’d been dragging around my past all this time, and now it had suddenly appeared right in front of me. I was both confused and afraid. I honestly had no idea what to say to this girl who I had dumped, and yet who was chattering on happily, as if it didn’t bother her in the least.
“Mizuno, do…” But when I was finally able to speak, she suddenly placed her index finger over my lips. My heart skipped a beat.
The way she was always forward and quick to touch remained unchanged, too.
“Stop calling me that. Call me by my first name like you used to.”
“But…”
“It hasn’t been that long. Stop overthinking it,” she said matter-of-factly. But it wasn’t that simple for me.
Ai said that not much time had passed, but that wasn’t the only issue here; our relationship had completely changed. Or at least I thought it had.
And yet she wasn’t acting like that at all. Was I the only one bothered by it? Endless questions swam through my head, so I decided to give in for the time being and nodded.
“Okay…Ai.”
“Heh-heh. Yes?” Ai giggled.
I let out a little sigh and decided to ask her the question that was weighing on my mind the most. “Doesn’t it bother you?”
“What?” She tipped her head to the side, fixing her big round eyes on mine.
“Well, you know…” I trailed off. “The fact that I, um…broke up with you?” I was immediately fed up with myself for making my sentence into a question—sneakily trying to cushion the blow.
Her eyes widened. Then she casually shook her head. “No, it doesn’t bother me at all! I mean, what else could you have done?”
Her answer stunned me. So I was the only one bothered by it. I felt my stomach drop. My past had left huge scars on my heart. Maybe, deep down inside, I’d always hoped that it bothered Ai, too.
I despised my own childishness.
“Oh… Well…that’s good, then,” I said, unsure what exactly was good about it even as the words came out of my mouth. I smiled at her, simultaneously chiding myself and wondering why I was smiling.
“Were you worried about that, Yuzuru? Is that why you’ve been so distant?”
“Yeah, I guess… Yeah.”
“Oh, okay. Well…I’m sorry.”
Her sudden apology caught me off guard. “Wh-why are you apologizing?”
“Because I moved away right after we broke up.”
“That was because of your dad’s job, though.”
“I know, but I could’ve at least told you about it.” For the first time, a sad look crossed her face.
She’d transferred schools immediately after we broke up. Ai never said another word to me after we parted ways; she just disappeared. She’d given me her new contact information, but I had no idea what I was supposed to say to her, so I never even sent a text message.
I heard from our teacher that she was moving because of her dad’s job, but it still left me with a bad feeling.
And yet a small part of me felt relieved that she had moved away. Looking back on it, I was exasperated with the person I was then…the person I still was now.
“I’m sorry. I just didn’t have the courage…,” she murmured.
“Huh?” I looked at her in surprise, but her face immediately changed into a smile.
“Anyway! I’m really glad to see you again!”
“Y-yeah…”
“I hope we can stay close!” Ai said with a cute grin, and then she ran off to the school gates.
Even this lined up perfectly with my memories of her, which only made me sadder.
Moments later, she had disappeared, and I was left standing there alone.
“Close, huh…?” I muttered, then slowly trudged toward the gates. “How are we supposed to do that?”
I doubted we would ever date again.
But could we go back to being friends? I wasn’t sure. The scars I still carried on my heart made me doubtful.
Once again, I grew fed up with myself as those thoughts ran through my head.
The sun had sunk almost completely below the horizon now. I cast it a sidelong glance, and as if to expel all the gloomy thoughts inside my head, I let out a long, deep sigh.